THE FINAL(S) COUNTDOWN
Whisper it, but in recent years it hasn’t gone unnoticed that the FA Cup has lost its magic. So much so, in fact, that we’ve now reached the stage that not only has asking if the FA Cup has lost its magic lost its magic, but even asking if asking if the FA Cup has lost its magic has lost its magic. A once prestigious seasonal showpiece that used to grip a nation as tightly as Scrooge McDuck might clutch a bag of gold doubloons, the final has now fallen so far down the domestic pecking order that hoisting the famous old trophy is now considered far less impressive or important an achievement than finishing fourth in the league or having what looks on the face of it like a decent transfer window.
At the risk of sounding like a rheumy-eyed old man destined to forever shake a clenched fist at some clouds, back when The Fiver was a lad the FA Cup was a special standalone carnival of colour that marked the end of the season and was played in front of a packed Wembley. For a variety of reasons, ranging from general apathy, the greed of TV networks and the current apparently interminable Marie Celeste of a campaign, it has now sunk so low that Saturday’s final between Leicester and Chelsea doesn’t even mark the end of the day’s schedule of TV games. On the plus side, unlike the largely pointless three Premier League matches, the FA Cup final will at least be played out in front of a crowd. A total of 21,000 lucky fans will be allowed into Wembley, subject to the provision of individual negative lateral flow test results and compliance with the UK government’s Events Research Programme protocols. And to think just two longwinded paragraphs ago we were suggesting the occasion might have lost some of its romance.
Meanwhile in Gothenburg, the players of Chelsea and Barcelona will contest the final of Women’s Big Cup on Sunday night, in a potential classic many enlightened gentlemen on the internet will take great glee in pointing out they wouldn’t bother watching if it was being played in the back garden that their bedroom in mum’s house overlooks. In the final for the first time and up against a team that has won all 26 of their league games this season, Chelsea are slight outsiders but their manager expects them to win. “I really respect Barcelona but I cannot wait to play them,” roared Emma Hayes. “It’s our time and there are so many players in that dressing room that can win the football match for us – we’ve seen it in recent weeks – the amount of players that have popped up all over the pitch to determine the outcome.” Insecure men tired of having women’s football “rammed down our throats” are advised to steer a wide berth of easily avoidable subscription channel BT Sport on Sunday night.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“If you had seen me as a player, what I did out of emotion it was insane … and I’m a completely normal guy” – in trying to play down some Sadio Mané handshake snub business, Jürgen Klopp reveals the current version of himself is shy and retiring compared to the Catherine Wheel of chaos he used to be.
ONE DOOR CLOSES …
16 December 2018: “Playing for Spain is out of the question. I’m fighting to play for France because I’m French. I don’t have dual citizenship and I’m not going to apply for it” – Aymeric Laporte says he will always fly the flag for France even if he’s never selected.
14 May 2021: “Aymeric Laporte is eligible to play for the representative teams of the RFEF Spanish Football Association with immediate effect” – a Fifa suit confirms that, having been granted dual citizenship by the Spanish government, the defender can switch flags in time for Euro Not 2020.
FIVER LETTERS
“I am surprised in all the accounts of match officials (Fiver letters passim) that no Bolton fans have written to praise the modesty of their former international Harold Hassall, who played in the Matthews final of 1953 and for England. His obituary in the Times recorded that in 1951 he went to see his first team, Astley and Tyldesley Collieries, play and was asked to act as a linesman. One of the players objected when Hassall gave him offside and alleged he had never played football. When Hassall said he had played the previous weekend and was asked by said player to name his opponents, he modestly and accurately replied: ‘Argentina’” – Richard Bullock.
“I was managing an U-12 team, we were away from home and 8-0 down. From the sideline, before it got to double figures, I kept asking the ref: ‘Is it over yet?’ After another one of my pleas, this kid in the opposition midfield looked straight at me, then back to the game, won the ball, beat the midfield, left the defenders behind and scored the goal of the day. No celebration, he just ran over to me and said: ‘It is now.’ Long journey home” – Jim Duggan.
“On the assumption that The Fiver is actually making tea in the kettle (Fiver letters passim), surely there is no reason for it to be tepid. It’s a kettle! It is specifically designed for warming liquids” – Mike Anthony.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Richard Bullock.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Gary Neville reckons it’s a damning indictment on the Glazers that Old Trafford resembled Strangeways before Manchester United’s ding-dong defeat by Liverpool. “What we’ve seen on that forecourt before is effectively Man Utd turned into a prison,” he growled.
EFL suits have lashed out at the Premier League’s new domestic TV deal, claiming it will perpetuate unfair parachute payments to relegated clubs and threaten the football pyramid.
The Welsh government will allow 3,000 fans to attend Swansea’s Championship play-off semi-final home leg against Barnsley, with 900 at Newport for their League Two semi against Forest Green.
It could be Frank Lampard’s Crystal Palace next season, but Mr Roy isn’t offering any clues. “I haven’t talked about retirement as yet,” he tooted.
And following some fanciful boasts, you’ll be shocked to learn that Erik Alonso’s proposed takeover of Derby is as dead as his now deleted Social Media Disgrace Twitter account.
STILL WANT MORE?
“She has a skill you can’t buy”: a great read from Suzanne Wrack on the making of Chelsea boss Emma Hayes.
Just your 10 things to look out for in the Premier League and FA Cup final. Clickety click.
How Atlético are being pushed towards glory by fans in a car park. By Sid Lowe.
Trent Alexander-Arnold treating Old Trafford like his playground reminded us why we love football, coos Jonathan Liew.
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