Q: What are some ways to show emotional support and love to children and to have quality time as a family?
A: Receiving love, care and emotional support is vital for children — on Valentine’s Day and every day. This is especially important as we deal with the continuing stress and challenges of the pandemic. Here are several ways to show that you care and to come together as a family:
— Hold time together dear: Mark game nights or other family activities on your calendar so everyone can look forward to enjoying time together. With winter weather and COVID-19 restrictions, use this extra time at home to play together and to connect as a family. Also be sure to carve out one-on-one time with each of your children regularly to do something they enjoy. Put away cellphones, tablets and other devices during these special times and really focus on each other.
— Have heart-to-heart conversations: Ask your child “How was your day?" and actively listen to the answer. If they tell you about a challenge they are facing, let them finish the story before helping them to solve their problem. Many kids are having a tough time as they deal with school closings and time away from friends who might be sick. If you see signs of anxiety or depression, talk with your pediatrician.
— Share your love of reading: Start reading to your child beginning in infancy. Many studies show that reading together strengthens parent-child bonds and promotes positive parenting. Plus, when you read to or with your child, you help them build a foundation for success in school, which is linked to long-term wellness.
— Take a deep breath, then hug: When your child is angry or grouchy, try not to take it personally! Calm your own emotions first, perhaps by taking a deep breath, and then give a hug, pat, or other sign of affection. Once they are also calm and feeling better, consider talking with them about the event and how they might better manage those strong emotions the next time.
— Discipline with love: Use positive, nonviolent discipline. Harsh physical and verbal punishments don't work and can damage long-term physical and mental health. From an early age, lay out clear and consistent rules that your children can understand. Give praise when they follow them — not just punishment when they don't. Calmly explain consequences and follow through right away when rules are broken.
— Choose words with care: Use plenty of positive and encouraging words when talking with your child. Model consideration and gratitude yourself by saying “please” and “thank you.” Skip the sarcasm, mockery and put-downs, even if you are teasing. Children often don't understand your purpose. Even if they do, these messages can harm self-esteem and create negative ways of talking and connecting with each other.
— Let them know you're there: Respond promptly and lovingly to your child's physical and emotional needs. Be available to listen when your child wants to talk, even if it's not the best time for you.
— Forgive mistakes, including your own: If you lose your cool and react harshly to your child, apologize and explain how you will handle the situation in the future. Be sure to keep your promise. Also forgive yourself. No one is perfect. Understanding how to forgive is important for your child to accept their own mistakes, and it builds confidence and resilience.
— Cook and eat together: One of the best ways to teach your children about good food choices and enjoy each other's company is to cook together. Involve them in the entire process, from planning the menus to shopping for ingredients to preparing and serving the meal. Family meals are a great opportunity to talk and connect. Put away any electronic devices, including your own cellphone.
— Foster friendships: Help your child develop positive relationships with friends, siblings and members of the community. Teach them about the value of kindness. Encourage your child to be involved in activities that require teamwork, such as sports. Get to know your child's friends and talk about responsible and respectful relationships.
— Embrace health and safety: Show how much you care by taking your children to the doctor regularly for well-child care visits. Get them caught up on recommended immunizations to protect them against infectious diseases. Teach them how to help avoid injuries, provide a healthy and nutritious diet, and encourage plenty of sleep and exercise to help them grow healthy and strong. A good place to start is by using seat belts or car seats every time you are in a vehicle.
— Share these words without limit: Say “I love you” to your children on Feb. 14 and many more times as they grow up. They are never too old to hear it.
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ABOUT THE WRITER
Dr. Andrew Garner is a Clinical Professor of Pediatrics at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, Ohio. For more information, go to HealthyChildren.org, the website for parents from the American Academy of Pediatrics.
