Dear Mr. Dad: Now that the COVID-19 pandemic seems to be coming to an end, I’m curious about whether it has had much of an impact on family relationships, both between mom and dad and between parents and their children.
A: I hope you’re right about the pandemic coming to an end. More than 100 million Americans have had at least one vaccine shot, and the declining death rate is great news. But more contagious variants of the virus are showing up across the country, the number of COVID-19 cases has been steadily rising, and some health experts are predicting another wave.
Of course, predictions don’t always come true. For example, in the early days of the pandemic, there were dozens of headline-grabbing stories about the huge increase in divorces and relationship breakups in the U.S. and around the world. Google searches for terms like “getting a divorce” were reaching new highs, and websites selling legal forms reported similar spikes in downloads of divorce agreements. But a year later, research is showing that the divorce rate in the U.S. has actually fallen.
Of course, that doesn’t necessarily mean that all couples are doing well. COVID-19, with its lockdowns and financial pressures, put tremendous stress on many relationships. Several studies have shown significant increases in marital and relationship conflict and decreases in intimacy among couples. And tens of thousands of marriages that had been planned for 2020 and 2021 were postponed or canceled. However, dating apps have been reporting increases in users as singles refuse to give up on finding love.
At the same time (and in many of the same new outlets), those “divorce wave” headlines were often accompanied by equally big headlines about expert predictions of a coming baby boom. After all, the stories implied, with all that time together, couples will be looking for ways to burn off their stress, one thing will lead to another, and in nine months we’ll be swamped with babies.
A year — and 180 degrees — later, it’s clear that the baby boom has become a baby bust. Searches for terms like “pregnancy” and “morning sickness” are way down, and the U.S. is on track to have 300,000 to 500,000 fewer births in 2021. That’s pretty much in line with the 9% decrease in births that happened after the 1918 flu pandemic. The numbers in Europe are similar, but China has seen a 15% drop.
Interestingly, there was one segment of the population for which births didn’t decline: Couples who easily transitioned to working at home, spent less time away from each other because of travel restrictions and didn’t see their income drop felt secure enough to expand their family.
Now that people are getting vaccinated and there’s less economic uncertainty, I’m predicting that some of those postponed marriages will be rescheduled, new couples will start meeting (and later procreating) in person, and there could be a big uptick in births starting later in the year and into next.
As far as how COVID-19 has affected parenting and parent-child relationships (including parents who are also caring for their own elderly parents), we won’t see the effects for a while. In the meantime, there are plenty of contradictory studies and theories. Some researchers noted parents’ increased anxiety, depression, frustration and irritability toward their children and predicted an increase in family violence. Others cited the same stressors in children and predicted increased levels of children’s violence against their parents. Right now, though, reports of child maltreatment are actually down.
The bottom line is COVID-19 has been a mixed bag for couples, parents and children. Some have enjoyed the extra time with family, thrived, and have become stronger. Others not so much. As we (hopefully) emerge from the COVID-19 pandemic, if any of your primary relationships (with spouse, partner and/or children) aren’t as strong as you’d like them to be, connect with a therapist and get some help.
