I am 18 and my parents split up recently. This didn’t cause any major grief for me at first; I never really saw them display affection for each other. Dad asked my younger brothers and I if we minded him having another girlfriend, and we said we had no issues with it. Now that she has moved in with us, though, Dad has found his inner lover. Their public displays of affection are constant and I find them disgusting, vulgar, repulsive, etc. I approached my dad about this because I couldn’t stand it. I’m moving out soon and it won’t be my problem any more, although I would rather have left the house on a good note. Did I do the selfish thing? Should I have held my breath until I left?
If your parents split up recently and your father is already moving his new ladylove in when he still has adolescent children, he is clearly not thinking. Not with his brain anyway.
Although the amount of time varies for parents, I think at least a year should pass before attempting to introduce kids to new significant others. It’s inconvenient for parents, sure, and it goes against everything that is telling them to scream their lover’s name from the rooftops. The difference they feel with the new person only seems positive, so it’s understandable how difficult it can be to show restraint for the sake of anyone else.
But when it’s our children, that responsibility is something we signed up for when we made the decision to become a parent. (Even if, ironically, that decision was the result of a lack of restraint.)
Still, I can’t help but notice that the words you choose to describe your father’s displays of affection are a little extreme. Disgusting, vulgar, repulsive? You are certainly entitled to your feelings, but I would encourage you to look at why you would choose such charged language to describe something that is so innocuous.
While your father’s behaviour might be a bit insensitive and annoying, seeing it as anything more gives me the impression that your experience with love might be a little immature. Even though you and your brothers didn’t have a model for what love looks like with your own parents, maybe you can find a way to find the positive in your father falling in love again. Remember that, one day, you’ll be the one wanting to shout your beloved’s name from a rooftop.
• Send your dilemmas about love, family or life in general to askmolly@theguardian.com
