I am 30 and being bullied. It has been going on for two years and I have been ignoring it, not wanting to give my bully the power. This woman makes it her mission to spread rumours and gossip to manipulate our social situation. We are both participants in a hobby that involves a group of mutual friends. Unfortunately, by remaining silent in the face of the rumours, the community has labelled me as guilty. I only know this because good friends have warned me about what is going on. How do I make it stop?
One of those platitudes that we hand down to our children is that bullying ends after school. Sadly, it doesn’t. There are bullies in every walk of life and in every career. In just about any social situation you can think of, you can count on a bully slithering around in the background. You are right about not giving your bully the power, but I know it’s hard.
I had a bully when I was in my 30s. She was a colleague, and if you’ve ever seen the movie All About Eve, you can get a sense of the plot. She wanted my job and made it her mission to discredit me and turn everyone against me. My daughter was two at the time, so when I wasn’t working, I was taking care of her. While I was busy, my colleague spent her time making friends with my co-workers, organising parties to which I was not invited. If her goal was to get my job, her behaviour only strengthened my resolve never to miss a day at work. I fought her puerility with unwavering professionalism. Sure, I could have exercised my power and got her fired, but to me that was an admission that she had real power, and bullies don’t – other than the power we give them. If they did, they wouldn’t resort to bullying behaviour. They gossip and manipulate in order to quieten the voice screaming in their head telling them that they aren’t good enough.
Fortunately, people are bound to figure them out. Eventually, my bully crossed the wrong person and ended up getting herself fired. The last couple of months that I spent with her replacement were lovely.
I suggest ignoring your bully, because it’s a waste of your time and energy. If she lies in front of you, call her out; otherwise, just let her burn herself out.
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