Dear Anna,
I'm having a problem. I get really dry when having sex, and this happens with every partner. I don't enjoy the fact that I always need to use lubricant when I want to enjoy sex. What might be the problem and what can I do to solve it? — Want to End This
Dear WET,
Hormones, in particular decreased amounts of estrogen, are the most common cause for vaginal dryness. You probably would have mentioned if you were menopausal, so I’m going to assume you aren’t, but if this is a persistent problem, you might want to head to the doctor to get your hormone levels checked. A test can tell you if your estrogen levels are out of sorts, or if there’s an underlying medical condition you might not be aware of.
Other reasons you might be experiencing dryness include dehydration, cigarette smoking, depression, stress, certain medications (including birth control), breastfeeding and childbirth. (I’m also assuming we can knock the last two off the list of probable causes for you, but file it under #ThingsToKnow.)
Another cause for dryness might be plain ol’ arousal issues. I’m curious if this is a problem when you masturbate or if you only get dry during penis-in-vagina sex with partners. If you never become wet even during solo play, despite being aroused, I’d say that’s likely a medical issue. But, if it’s the latter, then that could be a real mindfudge (as my very polite friend with children says), because it implies you might not be as turned on or aroused by the sex you’re having as you want to be.
That said, as this has been a problem with every partner, as you say, then we can probably assume you’ve been aroused by at least SOME of them, at SOME point in your life. Are you getting (and if not, are you ASKING for) a lot of foreplay beforehand? Are you receiving oral sex? Are you using vibrators or other toys with partners? If not, then all of these are options to try. They’re also a bit basic, and you may have tried these things already, but it never hurts to cover all the bases.
And, in news you probably don’t want to hear, you might just be a gal who needs lube during PIV sex. Some people just do. Some need toys to get off, or 45 minutes of oral sex first, or a long foot massage followed by hardcore porn involving several bearded gay bears. It takes all kinds! There’s not “one” way to have sex. There are, like, four, at least.
(Kidding. All sex that feels good to you is the “right” way.)
If you’ve ruled out medical conditions, hormone levels, hydration, foreplay, oral and other common remedies for dryness and you find that nothing works, then by jove, LUBE UP. Don’t let anybody knock it, least of all yourself.
