Dear Anna,
Hello, my question is why do I always cover my face with pillows or anything near by when having sex? Is there a way to tell myself not to do this? — Covering Face
Dear CF,
There are lots of potential reasons you might enjoy covering your face during sex.
A few of those include:
Because the sensations are too intense and you’re experiencing a kind of sensory overload. Taking away one sense (vision) alleviates that overwhelm a little bit.
—Because you feel self-conscious or shy about the faces or sounds you make.
—Because it provides a sense of security or comfort (e.g., a security blanket).
—Because you want to freely and loudly vocalize and a pillow dampens the sounds so it’s less likely to be heard by others
—Because you feel too exposed and vulnerable.
—Because you want to think about or fantasize about something or someone other than what or who is currently involved.
—Because you like the mild asphyxiation effect that comes from diminishing the flow of oxygen to the brain, which is, in and of itself, a high, combined with the other high of sexual pleasure.
Any of those gel for you, CF? It might be a combination of things, but I encourage you to ponder them and do a little digging on your own. This will be helpful for you and for your sex partner/s, who might take it personally (even though it’s not) if you can’t offer any insights as to why you cover your face during sex.
Many of us close our eyes while banging — especially when on the verge of orgasm — to concentrate more fully on or magnify what’s happening in our bodies. It could be that your face-covering habit is another version of this concentration. I’m also curious if you’ve tried banging without a covering, even if it’s just sneaking a glimpse occasionally and then putting the pillow back?
If you feel self-conscious about the faces you make, I’d like to take a moment to assure you that we all look goofy during sex. Every damn one of us. But it doesn’t matter. In fact, the faces you make during sex are likely a huge turn-on to your partner/s because it’s confirmation that you’re enjoying yourself.
Do you cover your face when you masturbate also? Even if you don’t, I’d suggest starting there to retrain your brain and body in a different way to experience pleasure. During solo play, notice what feelings come up when you remove the pillow. In small doses, work on experiencing the sensations, pushing past any discomfort, until you can come without it.
There are other workarounds to try, as well, including using a blindfold during sex, which can remove some of the self-consciousness and sensory overload. You could also try having sex in a non-facing position — doggy style, prone bone, spooning, reverse cowgirl. (You could try these with a blindfold, too, if you need it or simply because it’s hot.)
However you go about it, remember not to be too hard on yourself, CF. If using a pillow or covering helps you experience pleasure, then that’s a good thing, and not something you need to change or fix.
