Dear Anna,
I was matched with this girl on a dating app. I met her after a few months of talking/virtual dating and we’ve hung out five times since then. We had a really good time whenever we met and found that she was similar to me in all respects. During one of these meetings, she said that she is currently into her career and not on the dating app anymore. I asked her if we could meet more often and see where things go. She told me that things went really badly with her last relationship and she is still trying to get over it. She also said that she doesn't want to get into a relationship right now and wants to concentrate on her work.
She still keeps in touch — we talk on the phone at least once in a week. I tried to ask her out twice, but sometimes she would be really busy. I don't know what to do now. Should I ask her out again or wait for her to plan for a meet? I really don't know how to take things further. — Career Girl Woes
Dear CGW,
Make like the Frozen girl and “let it go.”
No matter how you slice it, this girl doesn’t want what you want.
Exhibit A: She told you she wants to concentrate on her work and not be in a relationship.
Exhibit B: She’s not over the last person she dated.
Exhibit C: You’ve asked her out twice anyway, and she has said no, because she’s “really busy.”
There’s a small chance this all might be a matter of bad timing. She might be legitimately focused on her career! Or simply not over her ex yet. But you shouldn’t hold your breath on that, CGW.
Don’t put your life on hold for someone who’s telling you she doesn’t want to date you. Feel free to keep your weekly phone call if you can do so strictly as a friend, and it doesn’t drive you bananas or fill you with longing, but also get back on that dating app immediately and start meeting some new people. You owe it to yourself to not waste time on someone whose priorities are elsewhere (that is, not on dating you).
