Dear Anna,
I am curious about this thing I have for my wife's half-frame glasses and beaded chains. The light of the room sparkling in them gets me turned on and I find it quite erotic when they hang across her breasts or she dons the glasses for reading with a nicely made chain of small pearls or purple beads hanging from them. I find myself turned on by any woman who wears these things. Any ideas? — Glasses Half Full
Dear GHF,
There’s a fetish for pretty much anything you can think of, and on the scale of benign (foot fetishes, school girl fantasies) to super-way-out-there (farting on cakes, tied-to-a-spit-and-roasted-like-a-pig fetishes, Christian side hugs, etc.), glasses is pretty common. I’d probably rate it as a 2. The specificity of the half-frame glasses and beaded chain combo is a little less common, but don’t let that stop you from letting your bifocal flag fly!
As to why you might like this combo, I’d venture a guess that a hot lady wearing glasses/chains made an impression on you at some point in your past. Or you might be drawn to women in glasses because glasses-wearers are perceived to be more intelligent, confident, competent and … presidential. (A study in Social Psychology showed that glasses just might help you win an election.)
Assuming your wife is cool with your lens lust, then indulge as much as you want. Just don’t go touching random women’s frames.
Dear Anna,
I have a foot fetish that is so intense that I can't control it. Who do I talk to or what do I do? Is there anyone out there besides me trying to find a girlfriend that is OK with this kink? Or is there a way someone can maybe like force me to smell her feet for a very long period of time to where I'll get sick or tired of feet and I won't like them? Or is there a better way to fix this? — Fetish Extreme Ending Trick
Dear FEET,
To answer your questions in order: There are many, many websites dedicated to foot fetishes — and I’m not just talking about porn, but community forums, educational websites, Q&As, photo swaps and more. If you have an internet connection, which I’m assuming you do, since you emailed me, then you have access to these sites, too. Go to them! Read! Learn! Feel less alone. There’s nothing wrong with liking feet! Yes, a lot of such sites are tailored to gay men, but not all of them. Plenty of straight ladies out there would be happy to indulge your kink, which is, similarly to the above question, pretty tame and not that taxing on a partner. Some straight ladies won’t be into it. (Don’t date those women.) But do talk to your fellow foot enthusiasts. Ask them where they meet ladies (FetLife.com, or a similar kink-aware site, is my guess. Though Feeld, #Open, KinkD and OKCupid are also contenders.)
And no, you can’t (and shouldn’t) “exposure therapy” your way out of a kink. (Similarly, you can’t “cure” someone of their sexual orientation.) But I do think learning to view your foot kink with more of a sense of normalcy might make you feel more okay and less freaked out. Then again, I’m not sure what you mean when you say you can’t “control” it. Are you losing jobs because of it? Housing? Friends? Are you masturbating to the point of causing damage to your genitals? Are you soliciting strangers on the subway? If your quality of life has been greatly diminished by your kink, then reach out to a kink-aware therapist — again, not because liking feet is “wrong” (it’s not), but to deal with the underlying shame and stigma you feel about liking feet.
