Dear Anna,
What is love anyway? — Wondering
Dear Wondering,
Love is all you need. Love is blind. Love is war. Love is peace. Love is what Foreigner wants to know. But Adele thinks it’s a game. Love is patient, love is kind, love hurts, and love will set you free. You’ll only find it when you’re not looking, but it occurs at first sight. You can’t buy love. And it won’t pay your rent. But when you have it, it’s the best damn thing.
Dear Anna,
Is it wrong for women to talk about masturbation? — Jillin It
Dear JI,
It’s never wrong to talk about masturbation openly (in a moral sense, which is what I think you mean), though as with any hot-button topic (pun intended), context matters. For instance, your grandma doesn’t likely want to know about your hand-to-gland combat, particularly not during Mass. A meeting with your boss is also not a great time to discuss the finer points of fobbin’ the knob. But in more casual contexts, with friends, dates or acquaintances you feel comfortable with? Then, yeah. Bring the little man out of the canoe and into the convo.
Dear Anna,
My ex keeps posting not-very-veiled posts on social media about what a bitch I am. How do I learn to not care? — Taking The High Road
Dear TTHR,
It’s not about learning to not care, it’s about learning to not intentionally put yourself in situations that cause you pain. Meaning, unfollow your ex on social media. (Or block, if you prefer.) You can’t control what others do (or post), but you can definitely control the content you consume. There are about 50 million other ways to waste five minutes; pick a better one.
Dear Anna,
I’ve been hooking up with my neighbor for a few months and the sex is great. The problem? I caught feelz. He told me at the beginning he didn’t want a relationship. What do I do now? — Be My Neighbor And Boyfriend
Dear BMNAB,
Good sex and feelz — the ultimate aphrodisiac. You’re gonna have to be honest with him if you want things to change, which it seems like you do. Who knows, maybe his feelings have changed, too. If not, then you’ll have to determine if the sex is great enough to keep doing it, even without the officialness of a “relationship.” For the record, you are in a relationship. A casual one. But a relationship no less. If it hurts though, then stop.
Dear Anna,
I’m 16 and just started having sex. It’s been fine? Not great, but not horrible. Is this all there is? Is it me? My boyfriend? We lost our virginities together so it’s our first time doing everything. — Inexperienced
Dear Inexperienced,
As Dan Savage has said, about young queer lives, but it applies here, too: It gets better. Keep practicing, having fun, trying things and learning what feels good to you and what doesn’t. And if you don’t masturbate, start now. You can talk with JI about it. Just not during Mass.
