Dear Anna,
Why is the queer lady dating pool so small? I downloaded, like, 10 apps and still keep getting matched with my ex, whose face I never want to see again! — Gah
Dear Gah,
I feel you. They say there’s plenty of fish in the sea, but when you’re queer it can feel more like a puddle. Even if you leave town, you still might wind up dating your ex’s exes, or her friends, or her roommate who performed long-distance reiki on your cat. (True stories, all.) An ex of mine lamented for years (I stopped counting after four) that even after I moved across the country, she was still dating people I had dated. What can you do? Laugh it off. Block your ex if/when she shows up on the apps, burn some sage and move on.
Dear Anna,
I'm a straight male, 19, but I have a fetish for men’s used shoes and socks. Sometimes I buy my friends’ socks and shoes to meet this need, but I don’t really have very much money and my friends don’t really like this or want to do it. One friend in particular, who knows about my fetish, is really sick of me asking. What can I do? I don’t want to burden my friends but I don’t know who else to trust with this secret. Thank you. — Stop Offering Creepy Keepsakes
Dear SOCK,
Yeah, you should definitely stop asking your platonic friends to fulfill your sexual desires. It’s not cool, and there’s a whiff (sorry) of the nonconsensual about this — depending on how much you share with them about what you’re doing with their socks and shoes.
Thankfully, you have plenty of other options that don’t involve your besties’ Air Jordans. Some of which, yes, require money. There are plenty of anonymous (anony-mish?) sites that cater to the buying and selling of used clothing items, like panties, socks, jock straps and more. MaleThingsWorn.com is one such site, but do some Googling and you’ll see that there’s A LOT out there. You might also make a profile on kinky dating apps/sites, like KNKI, FetLife, Adult Friend Finder, Feeld, etc. (These are also mostly anonymous and great to practice being open about what you want.)
If you’d rather not go the app route, look for online forums (JustUsBoys.com is one), threads and chat rooms to find folks who might want to offer up their crews to you — or even do a socksy exchange. A caveat: A lot of these sites cater to bi and gay men. So you may have to expand your definition of straightness if you want to get what you want. Then again, some bi and gay men get off on seducing straight guys, so maybe it’ll be a benefit to you. Who nose? (Sorry again.) Also, I’m not gonna be the grumpy queer person to be like, “Maybe spend some time thinking about how you might be a little less straight than you think you are,” but well, maybe do think about that, a little bit.
In short: Find others whose kinks align with yours, and then sniff away!
