Dear Anna,
I love Halloween. It’s my favorite holiday and I love to do all the spooky-related things, including decorating, dressing up, and yes, watching scary movies. My boyfriend, however, hates horror films. Is there anything I can do to change his mind? I want to enjoy the spooky season with him! — Frankly Really Into Ghastly Horror Tropes
Dear FRIGHT,
I’m revealing my bias here, but I also don’t like scary movies and no amount of asking nicely would get me to change my mind. So, if he said no, and especially if he used the word “hate,” then you’ll just have to enjoy the spooks with someone else (or alone). That said, plenty of movies can be scary without the explicit “horror” label. Does he like thrillers? Documentaries about murderers or serial killers? If there’s wiggle room there, then you might be able to strike a compromise that suits both of your tastes. But if not, you’ll have to find a different friend who likes boos to take your boo’s place.
Dear Anna,
I just started casually sexing this guy, and so far it’s great. He’s giving and generous and great at head! The problem is he’s in a sort of emo band (bassist) and well, they’re not very good. Do I tell him this when he shares his music with me or do I just … not? — Could Really Intuit That It’s Crappy
Dear CRITIC,
I’m generally of the mind that one shouldn’t crush the dreams of others — not only out of compassion and goodwill, but also because plenty of “bad” art ends up being commercially viable. You just never know. Better to err on the side of kindness, lest your bad review get turned into a hit song called “Guess Who Was Totally Wrong (Janine)!” Or what have you.
That said, is he asking you for constructive feedback or just, like, sharing his music because he likes you and is proud of his work? If it’s the latter, I’d stick with vaguely uplifting but ultimately meaningless feedback. “You’re really passionate!” “I can tell you worked hard on this.” “What a unique sound!” Et cetera.
P.S. Any creative writing majors in the house? If so, great line breaks!
Dear Anna,
I’ve been with my girlfriend for a year. We’ve been fighting recently, and even though I’m not a fan of snooping, I found out she created a Bumble account, has messaged multiple people and even met up with one for a drink. She swears nothing happened, and that she just needed to “let off steam,” but I’m devastated. What do I do? I don’t want to break up. — Should Not Offend Or Pry
Dear SNOOP,
Yeah, you should probably end it. The fact that she didn’t even cop to cheating (or intending to cheat) and instead gave you a weird line about “letting off steam” is a big red flag, even if the date didn’t lead to anything physical.
Cheating doesn’t have to end a relationship, of course. Plenty of couples can and do recover from infidelities. But not if she can’t be real about it or have the kind of honest, hard conversations that need to happen in order for both of you to move forward. The fact that she’s downplaying what happened and is remorseless leads me to think the chances of it happening again are high.
Save yourself the future heartache and cut your losses now.
