Dear Anna,
I (18, male) share a room with my older brother (21). We’re both adults, but we live in a small house and currently don’t have other living arrangement options. The trouble is he’s started masturbating late at night when he thinks I'm asleep. I am not. I can hear him and it's uncomfortable. I don’t want to shame him or make him feel awkward about it but I don’t know what to do. I don’t think telling our parents would be helpful. So what do I do? — Yielding About Nighttime Karate
Dear YANK,
Yeah, don’t tell your parents. As you say, you’re both adults, and that would make it far, far more awkward. Speaking of adulting, you gotta have a conversation with him. It does not have to be long, involved or explicitly detailed.
“Look, I know sharing a bedroom can be awkward and we both have needs. But when you jerk it late at night and you think I’m sleeping? Well, I’m not. And it’s uncomfortable. Can you take it to the bathroom next time? ‘Preciate it, bro.”
You’re going to encounter many, many uncomfortable situations as you careen into adulthood. Practice having them now. It won’t make them any less awkward but the more you can assert your boundaries, the more you’ll rest easy. Figuratively and literally.
Dear Anna,
I am 17 and new to dating. I also stutter. I’m trying to embrace my stutter instead of hiding it. But I feel so weird. Will this get better as I embrace it and just let it be? Or will it always seem weird to me and people I date? — Understanding Me
Dear UM,
Embrace it and all your glorious you-ness. We all have aspects of ourselves that are considered “undesirable” to someone. (Usually perpetrated by media conglomerates that bank on our crippling insecurities so we’ll buy crap we don’t need.) And since you can’t please everyone, you’d do well to please yourself above all and try your damnednest to not give a f— about other people, particularly those who’d ding you for a speech impediment.
The people who are worth your time are not going to care that you stutter. Indeed, the best ones will find it endearing. I have an incisor that points to Kentucky and literally every partner I’ve had has found it adorable. If you need more backup, the Stuttering Foundation (which I did not know existed until you wrote in) has a list of famous people who stutter, including Ed Sheeran, Marilyn Monroe, Elvis Presley, BB King, Shaquille O’Neal and many, many more. Granted, I do not know the inner workings of these celebrities’ love lives but I can venture a guess that they made out OK. And so will you.
Keep working on that self-acceptance (and maybe consider a career in music). Check out the Stuttering Foundation’s resources section if you need a hand.
Dear Anna,
I’m a 25-year-old straight guy and I’m interested in my stepmother’s niece. My dad remarried when I was in high school. The niece and I are the same age and we hang out once a week. I really like her, but she’s close with my stepsiblings and so am I. How wrong is it to ask her out? — Should This Exercise Precaution
Dear STEP,
You’re not blood-related so there’s nothing incestuous or illegal about your situation, if that’s what you mean by “wrong.” But would dating your stepmom’s niece ruffle some family feathers? Likely. Then again, you’re both adults (a theme for this week’s column!) and can date who you want, regardless of how your families feel about it. (This is assuming she really likes you back, of course.) So the question is: Is the risk worth the reward? If asking out your stepmom’s niece outweighs the potential discomfort, awkwardness and possible reprimands you’ll face from your family, then you have your answer.
