Dear Anna,
Me (21F) and my boyfriend (25M) were out to dinner the other night when someone ordered a strawberry shortcake for dessert. He saw it and, out of nowhere, asked if we could have “fruit sex.” I laughed because I thought he was joking. Also what even is fruit sex? But he was not joking and blew up at me about how I was shaming him for his kink in front of the whole restaurant. It’s been a few days and we haven’t spoken but he keeps texting and emailing. This isn’t the first time he’s thrown a tantrum when he didn’t get his way, but am I being insensitive here? — The Last Straw(berry)
Dear TLS(B),
Your boyfriend’s blowup, regardless of his unusual fetish, speaks volumes about his maturity or lack thereof. Generally speaking, we should all put in good-faith efforts to indulge our partners’ desires, within reason and when it doesn’t provoke, but fruit f—ing falls, for many, outside the bounds of “reason.” Depending on what, exactly, he meant by fruit sex.
Did he clarify? Did he want to use fruit as a masturbation a la "American Pie" or "Call Me By Your Name"? Did he want to incorporate food as foreplay? Did he want you both to rub up against a mango? Because some of those are more a’peeling than others.
(That’s the only fruit joke I’ll make.)
Granted, no one wants to be laughed at after revealing their sexual desires, but when someone confesses a kink in public, with no prior conversation or context, and prompted by the sight of white cake, it’s understandable why you had that reaction. There are good ways and less-than-good ways to reveal an errant sexual desire to a partner, and screaming about it over dessert is one of the not-good ways.
If he had done so in private, with a little vulnerability and graciousness, your reaction would likely have been totally different.
But, he didn’t. And since you say he’s tantrumed before when hearing a no, he’s got a lot of growing up to do when it comes to communicating, sex and boundaries. If that’s something you feel like taking on, then have at it, but a far better option would be to make like a banana and split.
(OK, that was really the last one.)
Dear Anna,
How do I get my friend to fall out of love with me? I don’t want to hurt her but I know how she feels about me and I don’t feel the same. — Boy Friendship Failure
Dear BFF,
In short, you can’t. You can be honest with her, and you can scale way back on the amount of time you spend together, but you can’t change another person’s love feelings. Only she can do that. If you haven’t turned her down (gently), now’s the time to do it, so she can start the process of getting over you, and you can hopefully go back to something approximating platonic friendship.
Dear Anna,
He cheated on me and dumped me. I cried for a month. Now that I’m finally starting to pick my life back up, he’s back and literally banging on my door. What do I do? — Kinda Not Over Curt Kissing
Dear KNOCK,
Don’t answer.
