Dear Anna,
I recently went on a date with a woman. She’s 26, I’m 31. The date lasted for almost eight hours and she told me she’s never been in a relationship before. She also didn’t ask a single question about me the entire time. I brought this up to her at some point in the date, and she essentially ignored me and started talking about herself again. Afterward, she said she thought the date went very well, and wants another one this week. I might give her another shot, if only to see if the initial date issue was because she was nervous. But if not, how do I politely tell her she is the issue? — It’s Not Me, It’s You
Dear INMIY,
Uh yeah, don’t go out with her again. It’s a waste of both of your time. Someone who talks about themselves for eight hours straight — even after being explicitly called out for it, and then CONTINUES to talk about themselves some more — is not a good fit for … well, anyone who wants to date someone who actually listens to them.
While you don’t have to tell her why you’re not going to be having a second date (a simple, “Hey, I don’t think we’re a good match” is sufficient), sometimes imparting some constructive criticism is warranted. Especially if she’s really “never been in a relationship before,” as she said. Ignoring her dates entirely sounds like a big reason why she might not be getting many second chances.
Something along these lines should be fine:
“Hey Sandra. It was nice meeting you the other night. I think we should end things here, however, because on our date you didn’t ask me any questions and talked only about yourself, even after I pointed it out to you. I found that behavior off-putting/disrespectful/unattractive. I wish you the best.”
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Dear Anna,
I want to grow my penis size and make it massive. I have many problems because of the small size. Thank you for your kind support. — Size Matters
Dear SM,
You do have problems, but it’s not because of your small penis. It’s because of your small mind.
Look, I don’t want to go all after-school special on you, but everyone has something(s) they wish they could change about their body. Whether it’s freckles or fat or small calves or enormous calves or meaty forearms or hairy necks or differently pointing nipples or not-pale-enough anuses — we all have parts we wish were different. But some things can’t be changed. And making a small dick into a massive one is one of those things.
What you can change is your belief that you need to change in the first place. (You don’t.) There’s nothing wrong with small penises. Indeed, plenty of people even prefer them to be smaller, especially people who enjoy anal sex. (Studies have shown that partners of men with smaller-than-average penises report more sexual satisfication than bigger-dicked men. Read those studies.)
Your task is to find people to date who either don’t care about size or prefer smaller ones — but not before first learning to accept your body the way it is. I’m not saying you have to love your small penis (or your meaty forearms of not-pale-enough anus or whatever the case may be), but you do have to accept it. Because that’s the reality you live in. And the more time you spend fixated on this thing you wish you could change but can’t, the more time you’re spending NOT living your life and connecting with people who like you and want you just the way you are. Another truth: The size of your penis has no bearing on the pleasure you can feel or the pleasure you can bestow upon others. Also, penetration alone (regardless of size) is not a reliable way to get someone (particularly women) off.
The much harder and far more interesting problem is how are you going to work on accepting yourself as a complex human being and not a sex organ that can send emails? How are you going to learn to not define yourself by what you perceive as a limitation? How are you going to learn to embrace your penis as it is, so that it might be enthusiastically embraced by someone else?
Those are the questions I encourage you to ponder.
