The 15-year-old bamboo in a corner of our garden is out of control. Shoots are appearing all over the lawn, and it has to go. But where do we start?
Cut down all the top growth (maybe start a bamboo cane business?). Buy a mattock, borrow a wrecking bar, bring out any semi-useless old saws (they’ll be heading for the dump after this job), and put on a pair of thick gloves, strong boots and your oldest jeans. Choose a cool day, because this is going to be hot, hard work. Buy some biscuits and cake as an incentive, put the beer in the fridge first thing, decide to order takeaway for supper, call your mates and tell them you’re throwing a bamboo party (and to wear old jeans). If your friends don’t turn up, take the radio out for company.
Also, accept that your lawn will look totally tattered after you’ve dug it all up. You can’t borrow a panda from the zoo, so swear at whoever planted the damned bamboo in the first place, wear safety glasses and get excited about all the things you can plant in the bamboo’s place. Oh, and if it’s huge, hire a skip – cleaning up all the debris can be as demoralising as the job itself.
• Got a question for Alys? Email askalys@theguardian.com
