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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Sport
Simon Burnton at the Kia Oval

Ashes diary: Stokes scorns idea of rest as Gregg Wallace enjoys cricket feast

Ben Stokes reacts after a misfield off David Warner during the first day of the fifth Ashes Test.
Ben Stokes reacts after a misfield off David Warner during the first day of the fifth Ashes Test. Photograph: Tom Jenkins/The Guardian

Supercharged Stokes

The Northern Superchargers may indeed be supercharged in this year’s Hundred, with rumours reaching the Guardian suggesting Ben Stokes intends to join Harry Brook in pulling on the fabled purple jersey next month. Stokes made two appearances in 2021 but sat out last year’s competition to focus on Test cricket (England had three games against South Africa in July and August). He can’t really use that excuse again given his side don’t have another red-ball run-out until January, but was expected to spend August with his feet up – either on a sun lounger or in traction after a possible knee operation. Instead, he is apparently planning to report for duty after taking a short holiday, and while he seeks medical advice about what to do with that troublesome left knee.

Meat of the matter

Gregg Wallace was spotted at the Test on Thursday, alongside the former Ashes ace turned bodybuilder Chris Tremlett. Perhaps someone told him England had made mincemeat of their opponents at Old Trafford last week and he sensed a potentially juicy sequel to his controversial Channel 4 mockumentary The British Miracle Meat. It certainly seemed appropriate that he was sitting next to a beefcake. While not noted for his love of cricket it would be incorrect to say Wallace has no previous association with the game, given that several former cricketers have passed through the MasterChef kitchen under hisWallace’s watch. “Gregg’s a good guy,” said Monty Panesar after his appearance in 2018. “He loved the banter with me and we got along really well. He’s more of a rugby fan but John [Torode] is a cricket fan. I think Gregg ate all the curry.”

Gregg Wallace watches the Ashes at Old Trafford, with Chris Tremlett and Stephen Fry.
The presenter Gregg Wallace watches the Ashes at Old Trafford, with Chris Tremlett and Stephen Fry. Photograph: Paul Childs/Action Images/Reuters

Warner protests too much

Before this Test David Warner said he thought England’s much-trumpeted new approach had largely been a lot of hot air. “I haven’t really seen Bazball yet, to be honest,” he sniffed. Some statistics: before this series Mitchell Starc had never bowled fewer than 18 maidens when playing more than two games in a Test series; one innings into his fourth game here he has six. Josh Hazlewood had never bowled fewer than 15 maidens when playing more than one single game in a series; one innings into his fourth game here he has five. Pat Cummins had never bowled fewer than 26 maidens while playing more than two Tests in a series; one innings into his fifth game here he has eight. Meanwhile, on TMS Andy Zaltzman reached deep into his statistical rucksack and pulled out this one: in the first 10 overs of all Tests played everywhere since 1898 – 2,457 games, so 24,570 overs – only one had been bowled that did not feature a single dot ball. In the first 10 overs of this game, there were two. To reiterate: twice as many as in the entire previous 125 years. These are amazing numbers; 283 all out after losing your last seven wickets for 99, less so.

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