I’ll leave it to David Gower to close down the day: “I thought when we got to lunch at nearly two down we’d done ok, then losing Malan right at the cusp of lunch was a body blow. The other one, just before tea from Jos Buttler, at that stage we just needed to get through and start again after the break. My favourite bowler was Mark Wood, even Warner was playing and missing, Woody looked really dangerous. Jimmy did pitch it up and was clipped for a four and another couple which was the right thing to be doing but Jimmy getting hit for runs ... he hates that. The danger man is Mark Wood, if he gets some luck.”
A big if and a lot of luck needed. Thanks for all the messages and for sticking through the mis-match. I’ll be here tomorrow to pick through the entrails , see you then!
Rob Smyth has rummaged around in the stats bin: here are England’s batting averages since 2012. Root and Cook apart, it’s a sorry old tale.
Tinkered team, same flaws. Another innings of fits and starts, spearheaded, as always, by Joe Root, who played beautifully for his fifty before, in the spirit of the season, giving his wicket away. Stokes too did the hard work, Buttler suffered a monumental flush of blood on the stroke of tea. There wasn’t much left for the doughty Bairstow to work with before he too fell to the upper cut. Late runs with gusto from Robinson and Leach added some cheer but the bowlers weren’t able to capitalise - superbly though Wood bowled. Warner’s wicket was a consolation prize, to be pocketed silently.
Close of play Australia 61-1 trail England (185) by 124 runs
16th over: Australia 61-1 (Harris 20, Lyon 0) The physio manages to stem the flow of blood and Stokes continues his over. One zips past Harris’ outside edge as he prods forward at a full one and the last ball of the day is edged past gully and rolls perkily over the boundary rope for four. Root looks to the heavens and that is that.
Australia stride from the pitch; England shuffle.
Updated
We’re pausing for some repair work to Harris’s finger...
15th over: Australia 57-1 (Harris 16, Lyon 0) Australia send in the nightwatchman as Anderson returns a wicket-maiden and he and Root exchange rare grins at the end of the over. Root appears to be wearing Anderson’s jumper while he’s bowling. England need another in the next ten minutes.
WICKET! Warner c Crawley b Anderson 38 (Australia 57-1)
Root turns to Anderson again and he strikes first ball with a beauty that Warner can just fence at and is sucked up by Crawley at gully. At last, a balm.
14th over: Australia 57-0 (Harris 16, Warner 38) Stokes it is, bowling in his short-sleeved jumper, but full. He tumbles over in his follow through as Harris rises up balletically and drives him for four. Harris pokes forward at Stokes’ next one and is beaten.
Rob Smyth has woken up and his brain has sparked into a cascade of information. “Calendar years in which England have averaged less than 25 runs per wicket: this is their worst year since 1999, and if they work hard in the second innings they can make it the worst since 1950 (I think they’d have to be out for less than 98 though). Plenty of mitigating circumstances with the pitches and quality of the opposition, but still a pretty damning stat - this is only the third time it’s happened in the last 99 years.”
13th over: Australia 53-0 (Harris 12, Warner 38) Warner brings up the fifty with a perky paddle towards midwicket and is looking ominously good. The ball not really doing much for Robinson here. Ah, looks as if Stokes is going to going to get a go, with about 20 minutes left in the day.
12th over: Australia 48-0 (Harris 11, Warner 35) Magnificent from Wood here who careers the ball into Warner’s body again. Warner escapes the heat with a steer through third man. Wood, not a spare bit of flesh on him, flies into Harris who plays and misses.
And some very sad news from South Africa. RIP, great man.
😪😪😪 Such horrible news. Thank you Arch, for everything you did for our country. We will miss you so much. https://t.co/Jy3eMwKiHl
— Firdose Moonda (@FirdoseM) December 26, 2021
11th over: Australia 44-0 (Harris 11, Warner 32) With an ominous slap through midwicket, Warner plunders a four off a short sit-up-and-beg from Robinson. A enthusiastic shout for lbw is turned down, and England decide not to review. Rightly as it turns out, but I can’t help thinking they’re starting to doubt their judgement even with the DRS.
Updated
10th over: Australia 39-0 (Harris 11, Warner 26) Mark Wood hitting the heights, with two balls over 150kph - beats Harris with a beauty, full and fast, but just can’t get the edge. He bleeds effort and exertion.
“Hello Tanya,”Hello Abhi Saxena! “As well as Root is batting, this is not very good captaincy. England need some wickets here and he looks so down already. Now I can completely understand why he is feeling burdened but this ain’t good enough if England wants to even draw a game in this series. Forget about any skills, the team looks so passive and lost on the field. Only Wood seems to have some energy. (Please get him another slip)I feel since other things are not working England should go full out attack. Not with the batting playing weird lofts but with the bowling which is their strong suit.”
9th over: Australia 39-0 (Harris 11, Warner 26) Robinson takes over from Anderson and immediately gets one to nip back on Harris. Warner then nips in for a quick three with a cover-drive, and Harris drives another for a couple. Runs-a-flowing.
“Don Easter said he was sipping wine,” writes Robert Wong. “I’m drinking wine too but with my dinner, not in celebration!”
8th over: Australia 33-0 (Harris 8, Warner 23) Wood beats Warner for pace, he tries to pull but is hit in the guts. The next ball he chops over gully for four, but the last is brutish and Warner is lucky to edge through the slips for fo.
7th over: Australia 25-0 (Harris 8, Warner 15) Eyeing up a mince pie and wondering if watching England burns calories through nervous exhaustion? Anderson rolls through another over, length generally more pleasing to Root I’d think, and Harris pulls a short one dangerously.
An email arrives from Peter Salmon, “Just woke to this horror. Would it be quicker and easier to just fill in the scorecard without having to go through the motions? Haseeb a duck, Zak something between 0 and 15, Malan slightly better than the others except Root, Root a classy half century but no ton, Stokes 20-odd mostly blocking but then has to accelerate and get out, Bairstow looking quite good but no hope of a big score, Buttler doing something stupid because Test cricket is a mystery to him. Perhaps one should at least admire their consistency, but struggling with that right now.”
6th over: Australia 24-0 (Harris 8, Warner 14) Wood replaces Robinson after two overs. He glides in and with his third ball beats Warner at 147mph, Warner’s mouth makes a perfect “o” as the ball slides past the outside edge. Warner takes three from a pull. The camera pans to Root who has his hands on his hips and is wearing his troubles heavily.
5th over: Australia 21-0 (Harris 8, Warner 11) The sun has whipped off its veil now and bakes down on England’s bowlers. Anderson sends down a wide one and Warner shrugs on his matador cloak and carves into a square drive for four.
4th over: Australia 16-0 (Harris 8, Warner 6) Warner upper-cuts Robinson for four over the slips. He’s just laughing at England now. Harris pops an inside edge into the air but there is no fielder to greet it. There are just under 60,000 people watching the great capitulaiton at the MCG today.
@tjaldred - It's a shame Gary Kirstin didn't know how to put together a PowerPoint Presentation..
— Martin (@martin_laidler) December 26, 2021
Boom-boom.
Updated
3rd over: Australia 11-0 (Harris 8, Warner 2) Tip and run from Australia as Anderson steams in, no swing to be seen yet.
Writes Harry Laing: “Stuffing in the turkey yesterday, felt stuffed once the final cheese board had been dispatched and now watching what can only have been ordained as an inevitable Third Test stuffing by Australia. At least this Ashes is now absolutely over rather than ‘on a knife edge’, ‘Australia’s to lose’ or (even worse) a ‘long shot for England’.
“It’s done, dusted and expired. The performances have been so poor, at least we’ll now get the required, significant and long overdue changes. As much as I like Buttler the man, I’ve always felt for Foakes – who has been rated by everyone for ages and yet hasn’t had the chance to shine. Unlike Bairstow (many) and Buttler (too many).
“Thanks for keeping us in the loop as the goose cooks.”
2nd over: Australia 8-0 (Harris 7, Warner 0) Ah, its not Wood with the new ball, but Robinson. Blots his copy book with a pick-me ball outside leg stump and an early no- ball. He’s been put together in the same way as Angus Fraser, only with a chirpier disposition.
Updated
Australia's innings
1st over: Australia 5-0 (Harris 5, Warner 0) Anderson gets the new cherry, carrying the resentment of the bowlers’ union on his shoulders. He pitches full from the start, till Harris get off the mark with a four from a half volley through the onside.
“Good evening,” Hello Glenn Houlihan!
“It’s still Christmas Day in Cheyenne, Wyoming and somehow I’m watching Robinson and Anderson swatting at Lyon before 11pm. I shouldn’t be surprised, but these dismals have been diabolical beyond belief. Nutcrackers would offer more than England’s current top six.
“To make things worse, Boxing Day doesn’t even exist here and the USA v Ireland ODI has been postponed due to COVID. Holiday spirit well and truly crushed.”
Updated
England all out 185
This is the 13th time (in 28 innings) that England have been out for under 200 for in Test cricket in 2021 (thank you, Tim Wigmore). With a squint, I can look at 185 and think it could have been worse - in the way a hostage eyes up a jam sandwich. Australia were excellent. England’s batting was a dog’s breakfast of attack and defence - the frustration that Root, Bairstow and Stokes all got in before getting themselves out. Oh god, and Warner and Harris are already out there swinging their bats. Allez Mark Wood!
WICKET! Robinson c Boland b Lyon 22 (England 185 all out)
A fling too far as Robinson goes large, and the ball soars high and into the hands of the retreating deep midwicket. That’s three for Lyon, three for Cummins and two for Starc. Australia’s big names doing the business, England’s not so much.
Updated
65th over: England 185-9 ( Anderson 0, Robinson 22) This is Robinson’s boldest (and most amusing) performance with the bat since his debut for England. Starc gets a disdainful full-blooded slap to the mid-wicket rope. A dirty squirt down to third man for four more. A hoik towards mid-on. A bouncer. A single and Anderson survives the last ball. Can they squeeze another 20 from Australia?
64th over: England 176-9 ( Anderson 0, Robinson 12) Nicely done by Lyon. Time for Robinson to attempt a final-heave ho as Anderson walks to the crease.
“I’m sitting sipping wine at a Boxing Day long lunch,” taps Don Easter. “One of the guests is a dental hygienist and people are talking about pulling teeth. It’s a small step away from the cricket.”
WICKET! Leach c Smith b Lyon 13 (England 176-9)
Leach pushes carefully forward at Lyon but is flummoxed by the turn and spin and pouched by Smith at slip.
Updated
63rd over: England 175-8 ( Leach 13, Robinson 12) Leach tickles Starc behind square for a couple then plays out the rest of the over like a child pushing unwanted sprouts around a Christmas plate.
“Good morning Tanya,” hello Kim Thonger!
“I awake to discover it’s entirely appropriate that we’re having a duck for Boxing Day lunch, but the way England are batting I feel I should have ordered a grouse as well, and possibly baked some humble pie for afters. This feels like the end of the Silverwood era, Root’s captaincy, and Buttler’s wicketkeeping too. I have indigestion before I’ve even had a morning cuppa.”
62nd over: England 173-8 ( Leach 11, Robinson 12) Glasses twinkling through the helmet bars, Jack Leach strides towards Nathan Lyon and bats him down the ground, for six. The next pings through covers as he ruins Lyon for 11 from the over.
Writes Jaakko from Queanbeyan. “Regarding Stokes, I’d forget the stats and just ask an Aussie which English batter they fear the most. Always a great relief to see the back of him.”
61st over: England 162-8 ( Leach 0, Robinson 12) A couple of leg byes to put in the basket from Starc. To be honest, Robinson doesn’t look the worst bet for a quick 35.
60th over: England 159-8 ( Leach 0, Robinson 12) If England can make it to 200...
59th over: England 159-8 ( Leach 0, Robinson 11) First riches - an on-drive for three from Robinson, a crunchy Bairstow off-drive full of promise - then rags: a fitting illustration of where England’s innings has ended up.
Updated
WICKET! Bairstow c Green b Starc 35 (England 159-8)
Ah, darn it. Bairstow gets cramped by Starc as the attempted upper-cut brings another victim. He slips inelegantly, drops onto his bum and the ball loops into the hands of the balletic diving Green at gully.
Updated
58th over: England 152-7 (Bairstow 31, Robinson 8) Dapper from Robinson, an off-drive straight to the boundary, followed by a flamingo flick off the hips for three off Boland.
@tjaldred Can you explain to those of use in New Zealand what a Christmas Matchmaker is? It it something that’s thin?
— Bill Bennett (@billbennettnz) December 26, 2021
Of course! They’re very thin, twig-like chocolates, which, at least in the late 80s, were a popular Christmas gift between teenage girls. Group them with jellied fruits and After Eights.
57th over: England 142-7 (Bairstow 29, Robinson 0) Bairstow plays an immaculate defensive block to Cummins, then hauls him square but can only pick up the single. Robinson is greeted with a bouncer but sees out the over with competence.
“Good morning.” Hello Damian Clarke.
“I’ve always been sceptical of the ‘coffee on my keyboard’ trope, but Mr Kimber’s ‘leg hump’ phrase has taught this old dog a new trick.Not impressed”
Outside, the dawn chorus is starting.
56th over: England 141-7 (Bairstow 28, Robinson 0) A first Test wicket for Boland, who is engulfed by his teammates and roared down to the rope as he takes his place on the boundary at the end of his over, pulling his baggy green into place.
A cruel take from Richard Williams:“Not so much thought as a suggestion, perhaps all those English batsmen who have got out playing daft shots should be subject to the worst kind of Boxing Day tea break... Having to eat their own bodyweight in bubble and squeak. At this point I’m struggling to think of any better coaching ideas.”
Updated
WICKET! Wood lbw Boland 6 (England 141-7)
Wood stops to give Ollie Robinson some advice on the long walk back to the pavilion. Ball hits pad fractionally before bat and it’s a great decision by Paul Reiffel.
Updated
REVIEW! Wood lbw Boland 6
Looks pretty out from the sofa...
Updated
55th over: England 140-6 (Bairstow 27, Wood 6) Wood plays out a Cummins over, pulling his last ball for a sprightly two.
54th over: England 138-6 (Bairstow 27, Wood 4) Bairstow picks up a Christmas present of a boundary from an inside-edge that air-kisses the bails. Jonny grins, and Boland’s first Test wicket remains elusive.
“So, Joe Root, it’s the bowlers that are responsible for England’s woes? Pull the other one,” rattles Darryl Accone.
“And surely adieu now to the hopeless Buttler. Foakes will not only score more runs batting steadily but also save a lot more by taking both the regulation catches Buttler can’t and the spectacular ones that Buttler occasionally can - and with less ostentation, in the best keeping tradition. Rusticate Buttler, send him down to the ODIs and the even more brutish T20 arena where he belongs.”
“What the lamentable schoolboys’ standard of the English batting shows is that the flat-track bullying that is now one-day cricket does not work in the rarefied, more demanding and subtle Test arena.”
53rd over: England 134-6 (Bairstow 23, Wood 4) The wind has picked up and pushes back at Cummins shirt as he walks back to his mark. A beauty dips in and thwacks Wood on the pad - a huge appeal but they don’t review ... and it was probably just too high. And, with a sigh, WinVIz shows England with a 17 per cent chance of a win just after tea on the first day.
“Stokes may not be a great batter” writes Tom Kirkpatrick, “but I wonder what his career would look like if he usually walked to the crease with England 250-4 instead of 50 or 80 odd. Same for Buttler and Bairstow. I think England have wasted a generation of brilliant middle-order batters because they are nearly always needed to make the whole total, rather than turn up and pile runs on top of a total.” There is a thesis to be written on this!
Evening session
52nd over: England 132-6 (Bairstow 22, Wood 3) Wood is handed the poisoned chalice, but gets off the mark with a perky shovel through point off Lyon.
From Australia, Robert Moore thunders: “The top order is gone, so Ben Stokes thinks “I’ll just chip this bouncy big guy over slips. What could possibly go wrong?” The team’s now in real trouble so Jos Buttler thinks, “It’s five minutes before tea, so I’ll hoist their best spinner over that big guy at midwicket. What could possibly go wrong?” Personal responsibility fails again, as does discretion. And I disagree, Tanya, Buttler’s shot was awful, but Stokes’ was worse.”
I stand corrected.
Is all hope now gone? Does Bairstow glance at the tail and now throw the bat? Is Cameron Green going to be leading Australia in ten year’s time?
For those who wanted England to attack more with the bat, I present you Joe Root's dangle, Ben Stokes half cut and Jos Buttler's leg hump.
— Jarrod Kimber (@ajarrodkimber) December 26, 2021
TEA
52nd over: England 128-6 (Bairstow 21) It’s a difficult one to judge but I think that wins the prize for worst shot of the tour. England’s senior batsmen seem to have come into this match with intent to attack, but without the necessary judgement. Time for another coffee - ping me your thoughts.
WICKET! Buttler c Boland b Lyon 3 (England 128-6)
Oh. Buttler charges down the pitch to Lyon and throws the bat extravagantly but succeeds only in skitting the ball straight to Boland at deep midwicket. Buttler drops his head as he realises where the ball is going. He’s had a shocker. And they take tea.
Updated
51st over: England 128-5 (Bairstow 21, Buttler 3) Cummins’ over is interrupted by a pitch invader - so the television runs through the England wickets to fall today - Root and Stokes’s shots were certainly the most culpable. Ooof, Bairstow raises his bat extravagantly to leave Cummins’ last ball - a stroke to induce palpatations - and the ball keeps low. Five minutes till tea.
A graphic of woe:
England's runs this year. pic.twitter.com/DKmRPWh4PQ
— Jarrod Kimber (@ajarrodkimber) December 26, 2021
50th over: England 128-5 (Bairstow 21, Buttler 3) Bairstow plays out four dots from Starc before upper-cutting (grimace emoji) ,but successfully over the slips.
This is nicely put. Stokes is definitely more than the sum of his parts, but the parts individually wouldn’t get him in the team. Put together though, he’s got magic in his fingertips.
100% … Can be world beating but I feel like overall he falls into that “not quite in your best 6 batter or best 4 bowlers” category.
— parklanedriving (@parklanedriving) December 26, 2021
49th over: England 125-5 (Bairstow 17, Buttler 3) A breeze ruffles Cummins’ shirt as he accelerates in. Buttler is off the mark with a waft through mid-wicket. He leaves the last ball elegantly - there’s been so much emphasis on it since the last Test that every England lead feels rather like performance art.
Brian Withington writes:
“Since you asked, we are off to my brother’s (he of OBO cocktail fame) for a veritable feast. A few years ago we hit upon the perfect festive lunch arrangement which guarantees that our Goodmans goose is cooked to perfection with the minimum culinary effort. We buy it online, collect it from the farm in deepest Worcestershire on or around the 23rd and drop it off at brother John’s on the way home. Then just turn back up a couple of days later and hey presto it’s cooked, sliced and served with all the trimmings (and no washing up). Seriously recommended.”
“Did I mention I had a good feeling about this Buttler/Bairstow partnership?” Alas.
48th over: England 121-5 (Bairstow 17, Buttler 0) Starc again, and YJB swivels round and pulls him for four behind the slips - he didn’t get the full bat on it - but enough. Martin asks:
@tjaldred At what do we realise that Ben Stokes is just an average batsmen who very occasionally does something special. 25 and out pretty typical unfortunately
— Martin (@martin_laidler) December 26, 2021
47th over: England 115-5 (Bairstow 11, Buttler 0) The -increasingly magnificent Green greets Buttler with a beauty that squeezes between bat and pad and misses the stump by the width of a Christmas Matchmaker. A wicket maiden and this really is the last knockings of England’s batsmen.
WICKET! Stokes c Lyon b Green 25 (England 115-5)
“Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear,” says David Gower. Some extra bounce from Green as Stokes tries again to upper-cut and only manages to loop the ball to gully.
Updated
46th over: England 115-4 (Stokes 25, Bairstow 11 ) The sun has made an appearance, Lyon’s shadow sprouting out to his left as he approaches the wicket. He pulls at the cuffs of his long-sleeved shirt before starting his run-up. A maiden - and the scoring has slowed down a bit in recent overs.
45th over: England 115-4 (Stokes 25, Bairstow 11 ) Naughty Ben! He slops a foot down the pitch and has a wild swish outside off. Great bowling from Green to pull him in.
44th over: England 114-4 (Stokes 25, Bairstow 11 ) Lyon turns the screw, and Bairstow can’t get past Labuschagne crouching under the helmet at short leg. Next to me on the sofa, the dog snores. Anyone got catering plans for today beyond leftovers? What’s in your MCG picnic?
43rd over: England 114-4 (Stokes 24, Bairstow 11 ) Cameron Green, perfect casting if anyone is looking to make a film of the BFG, wheels in. A better over, good lengths mixed up with a bouncer, that Jonny ducks. The beard, btw, is back.
42nd over: England 113-4 (Stokes 23, Bairstow 11 ) Bairstow is hit on the pad attempting the sweep, picks a single off the next ball. I don’t want to put the mockers on him, but there seems more solidity to Stokes-Bairstow than Stokes-Pope. Brian Withington agrees.
“Morning Tanya and a Happy Boxing Day.” Coming right back at you!
“Whisper it very quietly, but (despite all indications to the contrary) I have got a sneakingly good feeling about another meaningful Stokes and Bairstow partnership here.
Meanwhile, what a relief to listen to a Warne less TV broadcast - as a commentator he really does remain a great bowler.”
41st over: England 111-4 (Stokes 22, Bairstow 10 ) Cameron Green picks up after the drinks - his radar a little wonky. Stokes leans back crab-like and tries to upper cut him but just slices thin air.
Some Root stats for you - no sign of him yet on the TV cameras since he marched off in a fury wit himself.
Root now has 23 100s & 53 50s. Not quite in the same non-conversion league as the great Stephen Fleming, who was 9/46. https://t.co/EfR6BOJ8QK
— Michael Appleton (@michelappleton) December 26, 2021
40th over: England 110-4 (Stokes 22, Bairstow 10 ) Oh Stokesy baby, down the pitch ands slams the ball straight into the lower tier of the stand. Bairstow had already crunched Lyon to the brink of the boundary for three and there’s suddenly some intent from England. Perhaps inevitably, they pause for DRINKS.
Updated
39th over: England 101-4 (Stokes 16, Bairstow 7 ) There’s no sun to be seen in the MCG sky and both Stokes and Bairstow are in short sleeved woolies, with a black armband in honour of Ray Illingworth, whose death was announced yesterday . Stokes dabbles a loose one from Starc past fine leg for four to bring up the hundred. Baby steps . He then carves into an off-drive straight to the fielder and is visibly irritated.
“Ahhh, 3am dirty-wet Manchester, that brings back memories,” writes Andrew Cooper. “I’m 18 years in New York now, and I miss Manchester drizzle. English collapses bring back memories too...”
38th over: England 96-4 (Stokes 12, Bairstow 6) Cummins shuffles his pack and comes up with Lyon, who races through an accurate over - his sixth of the day - in the time it takes to pour a coffee. Enough turn to raise a quarter of an eyebrow.
37th over: England 95-4 (Stokes 12, Bairstow 5) A one-handed cover drive by Stokes to start the over, fetched with tail-wagging enthusiasm by Labuschagne just before the rope. YJB has a somewhat dicey throw of the bat up and over the slips for a couple more. Starc looks unimpressed.
36th over: England 89-4 (Stokes 9, Bairstow 2) Boland, on his Test debut, accelerates into the crease, all bustle and Darren Gough-like broad backside. Fielders surround Bairstow like locusts, but they scamper through for a couple of singles. Rapid running between the wicket could be their secret weapon - if Stokes’ body is up for it.
35th over: England 87-4 (Stokes 8, Bairstow 1) Thank you Jonathan, great stuff and good morning from 3am dirty-wet Manchester. I paused in the kitchen for a Boxing day spoonful of trifle just as Joe Root went fishing outside off stump - I don’t think there’s a link. Anyway, here we are again: Stokes improves the addition slightly by pulling Starc for four off the last ball of the over.
Updated
34th over: England 82-4 (Stokes 4, Bairstow 0) Stokes continues to wander down the pitch to bowlers who seem to relish the prospect. Boland is the paceman on this occasion who roars an appeal for leg before with Stokes in no-man’s land. England in quicksand.
And with that, I shall hand you over to Tanya Aldred. Catch you here tomorrow!
😡#Ashes pic.twitter.com/OLNcN67bKC
— cricket.com.au (@cricketcomau) December 26, 2021
“Greetings from dark and cold -9 degree Berlin,” begins Richard Williams. “Have tried to explain cricket to my German guests but to be honest they have quickly given up asking about the rules and are more intrigued as to why I would subject myself to staying up all night to watch an inevitable defeat. I’ve got nothing... At least you’re getting paid for this.”
I think their line of enquiry is the more interesting of the two conversations. Cricket is an inherently silly game, one that would never be invented today. However, why we remain fixated by it, and waste hours arguing over its eccentricities (especially in support of a hapless side), can reveal much about the human condition.
WICKET! Root c Carey b Starc 50 (England 82-4)
You know the script by now. Root passes 50 but fails to make a ton. This time he chases a Starc length delivery angling across him into Carey’s gloves. He needn’t have played at it. Australia cock-a-hoop.
33rd over: England 82-4 (Stokes 4)
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50 to Joe Root
32nd over: England 82-3 (Root 50, Stokes 4) Beauty from Boland to herald the start of his eighth over, beating Root on the outside with a delivery that kissed the deck and snuck from its expected trajectory by a fraction. The bowler loses his line soon afterwards though, and Root milks the single down to fine-leg for his 53rd 50 in 112 Tests. This one has been industrious and effortless so far, in the face of some excellent bowling, and no shortage of failure at the non-striker’s end.
31st over: England 81-3 (Root 49, Stokes 4) Starc, bowling in a sleeveless sweater, over-pitches to Stokes who leans into an off drive that again has to be run for three - the outfield still feeling the effects of the morning drizzle. Starc continues to search for line and length on a frustrating day for the big quick, leaking a couple of deliveries down the leg side and scrunching his face up in puzzlement at his absence of rhythm.
30th over: England 77-3 (Root 48, Stokes 1) Boland’s seventh over begins with a short and wide loosener and Root is ruthless, carving it behind point for four. He makes it back-to-back boundaries with a controlled thick-edge along the ground through the cordon. It’s almost three in the over, but a square drive to a full delivery holds up in the slow outfield and he has to settle for two. Typical Root, almost 50, at a handy strike-rate, with the minimum of fuss.
29th over: England 67-3 (Root 38, Stokes 1) Now thee’s a sight, the lesser spotted Mitchell Starc is handed the ball for the first time since the fifth over, and he begins his spell replacing Cummins with his two best deliveries of the day - straight to Root, just short of a good length. He then over-pitches and Root is onto it in a flash, driving for a handsome three. Stokes again finds himself fending with a gloved hand at ball that gets big on him.
This tweet does not reflect well on the English system.
Averages of England batters to debut in men's Test cricket in the last six years:
— Yas Rana (@Yas_Wisden) December 26, 2021
Foakes: 31.53
Burns: 30.92
Malan: 30.35
Pope: 29.79
Denly: 29.53
Sibley: 28.94
Hales: 28.26
Hameed: 27.80
Crawley: 27.74
Stoneman: 27.68
Lawrence: 27.23
Jennings: 25.19
Vince: 24.90
Westley: 24.12
28th over: England 64-3 (Root 35, Stokes 1) Boland has been selected to complement his skipper after lunch, which means Mitchell Starc, who bowled only three poor overs with the new ball, remains on ice. Stokes, who hinted, unwisely, at walking at Cummins, does follow through against Boland, and is immediately rapped on the gloves from a length delivery. Back to the drawing board. Boland then gifts Stokes a single to get off the mark into the on-side. Root meanwhile continues to rotate the strike and accumulate steadily.
27th over: England 61-3 (Root 33, Stokes 0) Cummins completes the 27th over that was curtailed after three deliveries and the wicket of Malan. He sends down three more balls to Stokes, the second of which was a ripsnorter that lifted off a length and whistled past the startled batter.
And we’re back after lunch...
Quite incredible session from Pat Cummins: bowled 10 of the 27 overs, picking up three wickets. Just a wonderful bowler.
— Will Macpherson (@willis_macp) December 26, 2021
Lunch: England 60-3
That was two hours of high-class nip-and-tuck Test cricket on the opening morning at the MCG. But it could all be distilled into two words: Pat Cummins. The Australian skipper won the toss then ripped out England’s top three before lunch to guide his side into a strong position at the interval.
WICKET! Malan c Warner b Cummins 14 (England 60-3)
Cummins is really pushing hard in this spell and again he finds an extra ounce of energy to make the ball lift and seam off a length, beating an unnecessary fish from Root. The follow-up jags back in towards Root’s personal pipe but he manages to squirt his way off strike with a single. And then Cummins is rewarded. Masterful bowling. The same line and length to Malan as the previous over, this time the edge carries straight to Warner at first slip. Massive moment as the players walk off for lunch. Pat Cummins, take a bow.
27th over: England 60-3 (Root 32)
26th over: England 60-2 (Malan 14, Root 32) Lyon moves around the wicket to Root to cut off the release single through midwicket. The batter responds by dropping deep in his crease and milking a run through gully. Lunch is imminent.
25th over: England 59-2 (Malan 14, Root 31) More excellent Test cricket. Full and wide and fast from Cummins for three deliveries, then a bumper at Root’s helmet that the England skipper pulls cleanly for a single. Cummins then draws a healthy outside edge but Malan played with a dead bat from the crease and the ball died long before it reached second slip. When Cummins bowls there’s always something happening.
24th over: England 58-2 (Malan 14, Root 30) A lovely over of cat-and-mouse between Lyon and Root. The field is set to entice Root into going over the top, the ball is offered up outside off, but the England skipper is not biting. Eventually he exchanges leg-side nurdles with Malan to keep England rolling. Root has skipped to 30 relatively drama-free and the best batting of the day remains ahead of him.
Lots of talk about how Joe Root was going to change his method to try and play at the ball a bit less. He's played a shot at 42 of his first 43 balls
— Ben Jones (@benjonescricket) December 26, 2021
23rd over: England 55-2 (Malan 15, Root 28) Almost everything has been full this morning, so when Cummins bends his back and drops one short Malan isn’t quick to sway out of the way. The leftie keeps his composure, continues to play languidly from the crease, and earns a couple with a checked drive through the covers. Not for the first time this series, this partnership has stabilised England’s innings and kept Australia honest.
Joe Root into the top three for runs in a calendar year now. Overtakes Graeme Smith, only Viv and Yousuf ahead of him https://t.co/iyTcmvXEFx
— Will Macpherson (@willis_macp) December 26, 2021
Updated
22nd over: England 53-2 (Malan 11, Root 28) Root works Lyon away for a single to move up to third on the all-time list for runs in a calendar year. He remains a chance to knock off Viv Richards and then Mohammad Yousuf before the Test is over. Malan copies his skipper, getting down to the non-striker’s end and denying Lyon the opportunity to bed in.
Tom Newman has emailed in suggesting Scott Boland, Australia’s debutant, resembles Benedict Cumberbatch.
21st over: England 51-2 (Malan 10, Root 27) Green did well in his holding role (four overs 0/6) but captain Cummins has decided he needs to break this vital England partnership. He begins his second spell over-pitching and Root elegantly strokes the ball down the ground for three. Malan then follows suit, although with less elegance, but it’s not how, it’s how many, right? Three more singles keep the scoreboard moving in a veritable avalanche of runs for England.
20th over: England 42-2 (Malan 6, Root 22) Malan is getting bogged down out there (six from 50), and he does not look happy facing Lyon. The bowler definitely has the upper hand, dictating whether the batter moves forward or back. He even gets away with a long-hop that Malan can only carve to point. Good signs for Australia with Lyon in the mix so early.
19th over: England 42-2 (Malan 6, Root 22) Green is straight to Root, too straight, according to Ricky Ponting. But the batsman will not have appreciated another blow to his midriff. The deflection earned a leg-bye, preceding a handsome drive from Malan for one - courtesy of some superb point fielding from Lyon, then a neatly clipped off drive for a couple from Root. This is tight nip-and-tuck Test cricket, but there has been nothing to demonstrate this was an automatic bowl-first surface. Australia have been disciplined but only Cummins has looked inspired.
“What, please, is a heavy ball?” asks Ross McGillivray, not unreasonably. “I thought they all weighed pretty much the same, as stipulated the the laws of the game.” Try this excellent recent piece from Cricinfo, for an answer.
18th over: England 38-2 (Malan 5, Root 20) Nathan Lyon is introduced early to probe the outside edge of Malan’s bat. There’s bounce on offer (as usual for a bowler who generates so much overspin) and some turn too, albeit slow off the grassy surface. Malan sees off a maiden from deep in his crease.
17th over: England 38-2 (Malan 5, Root 20) Green finally gets a look at Root, and it’s an even contest with the bowler’s heavy balls being resisted by the batter hanging on his back foot. A neat backfoot drive square adds a couple to the total.
16th over: England 36-2 (Malan 5, Root 18) Boland continues to blow in, putting heart and soul into every delivery. Malan is reed-like, allowing each gust to blow through him while he remains patient.
Stephen Herzenberg is making the case for Liam Livingstone to open the batting, and become England’s frontline spinner: “... with Crawley (or Bairstow). And Liam should also be the spinner so they don’t need Leach/Bess. His bowling figures (FC, T20, less so list A) compare favourably with Moeen Ali’s and are comparable with Adil Rashid’s.”
What I like about an approach like that is England seem continually to reject selections that may provide some impetus at the top of the order. Instead of “taking the shine off the new ball” why not find the next Trescothick and adopt a David Warner approach to put the pressure on the new ball bowlers? The Jason Roy experiment didn’t work, but surely a side so powerful in white-ball cricket can find a dasher that can come off one in every three or four knocks, and sell the message of such a that trade off?
15th over: England 36-2 (Malan 5, Root 18) A second over on the trot from Green to Malan, this one ending with a single off the hip. It was an over dominated by the bowler though, including a cross-seamer that held its line from around the wicket to beat the outside edge. There is something Flintoff 2005 about Green. Great physique, high arm, heavy ball, ability to bowl from around the wicket to left-hand batters. Serious all-round talent.
14th over: England 35-2 (Malan 4, Root 18) Boland does indeed replace Cummins, and his first delivery after drinks is edged along the ground through gully for four by Joe Root. The next five balls are a splendid tussle between bowler and batter with Root eager to get off strike and Boland varying his length to deny his foe any control of timing. The ball really does seem to hit the bat hard from Boland’s deliveries, despite the mid-130kph speed gun.
“It’ll be interesting to see how England react to being under the cosh in Australia, seeing as they’ve never been in this position before. Eh? EH??” Thanks Simon McMahon.
13th over: England 31-2 (Malan 4, Root 14) Boland is off - presumably to swap ends and replace Cummins - which means Cameron Green, Joe Root’s tormenter in chief this series, is into the attack. Green has Malan on strike to begin with though, and batter and bowler are happy to play out a maiden of rangefinders.
Drinks.
12th over: England 31-2 (Malan 4, Root 14) The England skipper looks to have his eye in now and his hands are feet are moving in sync, getting in line with the ball and always probing for runs. A couple arrive through the on-side during a high-class duel with his Australian counterpart, one that ends with the ball arcing away from the bat and into the wicketkeeper’s gloves. The Aussie skipper’s new-ball spell stands at 2-14 from six overs. Outstanding.
“Is there any point in thinking that England might make a match of it,” emails Trevor Tutu.
Joe Root is quickly finding out what every net session looks like facing @sboland24 … inner thigh pad, box, thigh pad all get a thorough workout 🤕
— Glenn Maxwell (@Gmaxi_32) December 26, 2021
11th over: England 29-2 (Malan 4, Root 12) Another couple to Root at the start of Boland’s third over, but he doesn’t look totally at ease against the debutant. After rotating strike Malan finds the third-man boundary with that trademark angled thick-edge of his down through the gully region.
“Whatever your opinion on Joe Root the captain, whenever he goes out to bat, he is always, always, smiling. The pressure he must be feeling, yet somehow he can compartmentalise and keep on smiling - bravo Joe.” Hear hear Sam Johnson.
10th over: England 22-2 (Malan 0, Root 9) More brilliance from Cummins, bruising that perfect line and length repeatedly, squaring-up Root and almost inducing an edge. Again Root replies by calmly rotating the strike, this time working three wide of midwicket.
@JPHowcroft Audio balance on BT Sport is awful, can hardly hear the commentators over the crowd.
— geoffbakingblog (@gwcprague) December 26, 2021
The G can do that. The acoustics are very echoey, tinny, and loud. If it sounds off right now, just wait until after tea when the cheap seats are lubricated.
9th over: England 19-2 (Malan 0, Root 6) Boland strays onto Root’s pads so the No 2 ranked batter in the world clips the ball away to the square-leg fence for the first boundary of the day. Lovely follow-up from the Victorian though, getting some movement off a length to beat Root’s forward prod twice in a row. On both occasions the ball strikes Root near his Adelaide Oval unmentionables. And a third! This time repelled by a combination of splice and glove. Excellent bowling. Cummins honours the endeavour with a short-leg. Root responds with a clear head, rotating the strike with a nudge into the covers.
Joe Root has played 27 Test innings this year - he's arrived at the crease in the first 10 overs in 14 of those innings. #Ashes
— The CricViz Analyst (@cricvizanalyst) December 26, 2021
8th over: England 14-2 (Malan 0, Root 1) Root’s off the mark first ball with some tip and run. Not for the first time this series he and Malan are in the middle much earlier than they would have preferred. If they fail to dovetail for an hour or so, this Test could be all-but over by lunch.
“Jono, Here we go again,” begins David Griffiths. “It’s always a delicate choice, whether to dare to hope, or whether to just enjoy wallowing in the self-loathing & recriminations of yet another England Ashes defeat. For me, it all started going pear-shaped when TV cameras showed Root sprinting up the tunnel, presumably to get his pads on in time to bat. (Probably, an easy canter would have just about sufficed).”
David, if you haven’t already, engage self-loathing mode. Check back after lunch for further instructions.
WICKET! Crawley c Green b Cummins 12 (England 13-2)
Pat Cummins is brilliant. He’s been full all morning but just bent his back a fraction more early in his fourth over and the extra zip and bounce squares Crawley up, finds the shoulder of the bat, and Green does the rest at point. Crawley looked in decent nick but such is the lot of the opening bat that occasionally the new ball bowler can make something happen.
Updated
7th over: England 13-1 (Crawley 12, Malan 0) Starc has been hooked after three disappointing overs, which means a huge moment for Scott Boland, the Victorian coming on to bowl his first over in Test cricket, and at his home ground too. For those unfamiliar, Boland is a strong, barrel-chested seam bowler who sends down a very heavy ball. Not dissimilar to peak Tim Bresnan. He’s been taking Sheffield Shield wickets for fun in recent seasons. He quickly settles into a nice fifth-stump line to Crawley, but he’s yet to nail his length, although he’s erring on the side of full, which is encouraging. A tip-and-run single keeps the scoreboard moving.
6th over: England 12-1 (Crawley 11, Malan 0) More runs to Crawley, this time driving a couple through the covers, then clipping three off his pads, profiting from Cummins over-pitching in search of the fuller length this surface demands. There are no demons in this pitch, nor is there an abundance of movement in the air. As tends to be the case here, the toss should not prove pivotal.
5th over: England 7-1 (Crawley 6, Malan 0) Starc still hasn’t adjusted his line and length. He’s getting no swing into the right-handed batters and he’s wasting the new ball giving Crawley plenty of sighters. But on the final delivery of the over Crawley gets a healthy slice of luck, aiming to tuck away a rare delivery on his pads into the leg-side, but instead getting a leading edge that flies harmlessly over cover.
“Hi Jonathan,” hi Des Platt. “Apart from last year’s lockdown it’s the first year for years that my local pub hasn’t been open on Christmas night and I’ve usually enjoyed watching the first couple of hours of the Melbourne Test whoever Australia’s opponents are. Many years I would’ve been disappointed not to be able to watch but I have to say that this year I really can’t be bothered. I don’t really care whether England win or not anymore. Apart from the scrambled thinking by the coach and captain, I really find it difficult to support any cause the ECB might support. They will probably commission a special report directed to find it’s all the fault of stick-in-the-mud county members and recommend abolishing the counties and playing all franchise pub cricket. Sorry to be so gloomy but I really can’t see it any other way.”
4th over: England 4-1 (Crawley 3, Malan 0) Cummins is bowling beautifully, moving the ball off the seam at serious pace, befuddling Dawid Malan. There’s a hint of shape into the left-handed batter from the right-arm over bowler too, which makes the job of gauging line and length even more perilous.
3rd over: England 4-1 (Crawley 3, Malan 0) Starc has not looked anywhere near as dangerous as his skipper, continuing to bowl both too short and too wide with the new ball. There are ‘oohs’ when Crawley throws his hands at a wide one - and misses - but there’s no rhythm at the moment from the big leftie.
Replays of Hameed’s dismissal do not bode well for his Test future - trapped on the crease to a stock new ball delivery, pushing forward with his hands away from his body after taking a big step backwards.
It's Hameed's fourth in six Tests back in the side, and second in a row. And the 14th duck by an England opener this year. https://t.co/rFsHLEgxqb
— Will Macpherson (@willis_macp) December 26, 2021
Haseeb Hameed is now averaging 19.80 in the 10 innings since his recall, scoring at 1.9rpo. #Ashes
— The CricViz Analyst (@cricvizanalyst) December 26, 2021
2nd over: England 4-1 (Crawley 3, Malan 0) Cummins completes his successful first over by ripping a jaffa just past the shoulder of Malan’s bat. He’s already just about justified his decision at the toss.
WICKET! Hameed c Carey b Cummins 0 (England 4-1)
Beautiful start to the Boxing Day Test for Zak Crawley, presenting the full face of the bat to a half-volley from Pat Cummins that would be four most days here, but because of the early rain it holds up in the outfield. The Australian skipper responds by landing a textbook delivery in the corridor of uncertainty that Hameed nicks behind.
@JPHowcroft Convinced we'll get rolled before Tea.
— Dave Loren (@Dave_Loren) December 25, 2021
Trying to picture a trip to the MCG for an Aus fan today... Are they expecting a slaughter, or reasoning that we can't possibly be *that* shit all the time?
I think for most fans it’s a day out over Christmas, like a family trip to the panto or a Boxing Day football match in England. But slaughter, always slaughter.
1st over: England 1-0 (Hameed 0, Crawley 0) Mitchell Starc begins the Boxing Day Test with a huge no-ball, coming over the wicket to the right-handed Hameed. It’s the only run from an over Hameed watches through to Carey’s gloves. Starc’s length is just short of good, but his line is wayward, starting outside off and slanting the ball further away. He straightens later in the over, but Hameed can then leave on length. All a bit anticlimactic.
2-0 up in a series and you win the toss, you have to bat @JPHowcroft. Pitch reading is alchemy so never trust it. If Aus finished today still batting, surely the Ashes would have been done.
— Gary Naylor (@garynaylor999) December 25, 2021
Perhaps, but I think Cummins has taken away England’s only sniff of a possible advantage.
Australia are out taking their fielding positions. Haseeb Hameed and Zak Crawley are in the middle. It’s a short-sleeve sweater day. Game on.
Anthems done, Welcome to Country observed, half-an-hour later than planned we are ready to go.
“Having read Robert Wilson’s email, I now have to live with the knowledge that I’m the sort of person that would read Richard Hadlee’s righteous condemnation of the Lee/Morgan video and then click to watch it anyway. I’ll try to be a better person next year.” Me too Tom Hopkins, me too.
Anyone visiting the MCG during this Test, be sure to check out the superb library. The librarians are always helpful to show a newcomer around and explain some of the fascinating items in the collection.
One of the great underrated services - the @MCC_Members library. Another fantastic Boxing Day offering. pic.twitter.com/1eD8CJ13FG
— Chris (@cweaver1983) December 25, 2021
@JPHowcroft first time tuner-in but how has Steve Smith making his way back into the captaincy group gone under the radar? Farcical circumstances I feel given what's gone on
— Jagtar Bhogal (@4mula_jag) December 25, 2021
Interesting Tweet. I think Smith and Australia benefited from how last-minute and hurried it all was, as well as there being no shortage of other issues to discuss. Winning always helps too. One for readers to chew over...
After Andy Flintoff (not that one) we have now been contacted by Mark Lathwall (not that one either!).
“Too many people focus on the extent to which project Universe Jos has sacrificed the talents of Jonny Bairstow and Ben Foakes, when perhaps the true victim has been the last English batsman to average over 40: Sussex’s Ben Brown. I sometimes feel that if he and Foakes didn’t keep wicket they’d have played more tests by virtue of not getting dragged into Buttler’s ever-collapsing star.”
The art/science of selection is fascinating, isn’t it? Some players are picked, some pick themselves, others just don’t fit the fashion, for whatever reason.
The revised schedule:
Lunch 1-1.40pm
Tea 3.40-4pm
Official stumps 6pm with an extra 30 minutes possible.
“I managed to convince my very heavily pregnant wife to allow me to spend a day at the MCG today based on my argument that it was halfway to the Royal Women’s Hospital should there be any movement,” emails Vincent. “I’m hoping for no movement today, as much as the English batting order are.” Fingers crossed for you and your wife. My progeny is now six, and I can recall the hours either side of him busting out vividly. In hindsight, I’d have preferred to have been at the G.
Joe Root didn’t seem overly bullish at the toss - presumably gutted he wasn’t bowling first on an overcast day, on a strip with plenty of grass coverage - but he was on the front foot earlier this week.
Ashes XIs
A reminder of the changes made my both sides coming into this clash.
Australia David Warner, Marcus Harris, Marnus Labuschagne, Steve Smith, Travis Head, Cameron Green, Alex Carey (wk), Pat Cummins (c), Mitchell Starc, Nathan Lyon, Scott Boland.
England Zak Crawley, Haseeb Hameed, Dawid Malan, Joe Root (c), Ben Stokes, Jonny Bairstow, Jos Buttler (wk), Ollie Robinson, Mark Wood, Jack Leach, Jimmy Anderson.
Joe Root: “We probably would have done the same (bowled first), to be perfectly honest. You speak to a lot of local guys who played a lot of Shield cricket recently when the wicket looked like this it was a reasonable place to bat. The first hour is crucial as always. An opportunity to put runs on the board early... We are a better side than what we have played so far and this is a great opportunity to show even that we are just that.”
Pat Cummins: “Feels like a bowling day. There is good grass coverage on the wicket. Doesn’t mean we are going to bowl them out, but we think we are well suited to bowl.”
On Scott Boland: “He has been a seasoned performer. He plays on this wicket very, very well. We earmarked him and a few injuries that made the decision easier. He is a great option for us. We are lucky to have him.”
Australia win the toss and field
Joe Root called heads, the coin landed tails, England are padding up.
Theo in Colchester is up late, and he has used his time well. “With a delayed toss I think it’s time to share my theory about this Aussie team’s likability, which has been percolating since the World Cup. As an England fan, it’s impossible not to notice that the current crop of Aussie fast bowlers are all troublingly likeable: Cummins, Starc and Hazlewood seem consistently delightful, and Richardson, Neser & now Boland have all come across very well. The batters, on the other hand, are essentially a list of people I’d love to see taken down a few pegs. Smith & Warner obviously, Labuschagne probably just because he’s a bit too good. And the ODI team brings more examples, Finch in particular. So the question is, where does that leave us with Nathan Lyon? I can’t quite work out where spinners fit.”
Some thoughts of my own. Isn’t this true the world over? Seam bowlers are better, nicer, more handsome, erudite, charming, honest, and brave than batters*. I’m surprised you dislike Aaron Finch, I thought he always came across well to non-Aussies. Nathan Lyon... try this on for size.
*I may have been a bowler / No 11 in a former life.
“Dear Jonathan, Merry Christmas, girls and boys.” Seasons greetings to you too Robert WIlson.
“I see you popped the Brett Lee v Piers Morgan vid in our stockings for good measure. A nice opportunity for me to come over all Bah Humbug and go full Scrooge. Like everyone else, I laughed myself sick at it at the time (even Piers’ mum must struggle with her gag reflex when he comes looming in under the mistletoe). Then I read what the real Gandalf, Richard Hadlee, had to say about it and I burned and twisted in an agony of shame. Hadlee’s sense of humour failure was total and glorious. Armoured in virile probity, he made me (and ol’ Brett) look like horrid little squits. To the White Kiwi wizard, it was a vile dereliction for an elite athlete to risk the health of a middle-aged amateur however obnoxious. I hadn’t been shown so comprehensively the difference between a man and a boy since I was about six. I recommend his text. It will make your nads retract right back in. That said, if anyone has a video of them peeing in his coffee, I’m up for that.”
Here is Sir Richard, in all his glory:
30 minute delay. Toss at 10.30am, play to begin at 11am.
England entered the Melbourne Test 2-0 down during the 1998-99 Ashes tour and managed to pull off one of the most satisfying victories in Mark Ramprakash’s career.
What England need at this point is for some players to find that inner steel. I do believe they have it in them. The squad contains some strong personalities – Ben Stokes, Root, Dawid Malan – who are perfectly capable of imposing themselves as Stewart did in 1998. On paper the gap between the sides is not so big, but if England don’t find the inner strength to come out and compete the Aussies will continue to steamroller them.
On the subject of England recovering from 2-0 down with three to play, senior players made the right noises pre-Test.
Brollies down, covers coming off. We might have a toss soon.
“Festive greetings, Jonathan,” and to you Andrew Benton.
“As Elton John once sang, ‘It’s a sad, sad situation, and it’s getting more and more absurd’. It would be a fair miracle if England were to regain the urn, the change in attitude and aptitude needed to win three in a row is surely beyond them. If miracles are going to happen, there are many far more worthy causes to which they should be applied. Fielding mistakes and giving away wickets should have been ironed out in the summer, and it will be interesting to see if the pressure applied by management over the past few days has any result. At least some learning could then be legitimately be said to be happening.”
All relevant points. However, I think the most salient is simple one: that this cohort of Australians are better at cricket than their English rivals. This is magnified in Australian conditions. Exacerbated further by injuries and lack of preparation to the tourists. I feel like much of the “Root must to do this” analysis, and heated discussions about application or concentration are mostly performative and largely empty. What really needs resolving is the problem of why this England side is so poorly equipped for this challenge; repeatedly. Until then, the incidental gripes around fielding and captaincy will be little more than piddling into the wind.
Pass the time while the drizzle hangs around with Simon Burton’s look at Boxing Day Tests of yore.
The Boxing Day Test has become, in the words of Mark Butcher, “a major part of cricketing folklore”, but it was a surprisingly recent addition to the calendar. England and Australia first met on that date in 1950, when the second Test resumed on 26 December after two days off. The following year, West Indies played Test cricket on Christmas Day itself, which one tourist declared “sacrilegious” and was not much more popular with the home side. “I have never played on Christmas Day before in my life and don’t like having to do so now,” an unnamed Australian said.
Here is the cut strip that won’t be used for a while yet.
.@bowlologist says he'd love to have a bowl on this MCG pitch 👀 #Ashes pic.twitter.com/iz5cUM7jXG
— 7Cricket (@7Cricket) December 25, 2021
Confirmation the toss has been delayed.
Here we go then @JPHowcroft. 4 changes, part in hope, perhaps in desperation. My twin brother Dave is in the ground for 2 days, copping it from the locals. With drizzle in the air, if you won the toss, you'd bowl, SURELY? I think Wood may have a lot to say here. I hope so.
— Guy Hornsby (@GuyHornsby) December 25, 2021
Good luck to Dave. By midway through the afternoon session, being in the outer at the G is not always the most relaxing place for an Englishman. (I speak from personal experience.)
As for the toss. Yes, you’d reckon it’s a bowl-first, but a wet outfield may force some second-guessing. I’m not sure it matters much for Cummins, but Root really has to attack, and with such a weak batting order around him, making early inroads with the new ball may be his only route to victory.
There’s been plenty of talk about the pitch here at the MCG, but - Melbourne being Melbourne - the start of play is under threat from drizzle. Just ten minutes out from the toss, the pitch is under cover as some rain drifts across the arena. It’s been midsummer beautiful in Victoria for a week or so, but conditions today are cool, there’s a blanket of cloud swaddling the CBD, and some of it is heavy enough to reach ground level.
Some sad news to begin with following the announcement of the death of former England allrounder, captain, coach, selector, and self-appointed supremo, Ray Illingworth.
Preamble
Hello everybody and welcome to live over-by-over coverage of the Boxing Day Ashes Test. We’re underway at the Melbourne Cricket Ground at 10.30am local time (11.30pm UK).
I hope you’re all well-fed, well-rested, and ready for one of the landmark days on the sporting calendar. As Cliff Richard sang, it’s a time for giving (your wicket away reverse-sweeping to point during a blockathon) a time for getting (dropped), a time for forgiving (Jos Buttler) and a time for forgetting (Joe Root winning the toss in Brisbane). Now let’s rejoice in the good that we see.
That good includes the selection of Scott Boland, only the second Indigenous Australian man to be awarded a baggy green, as well as the prospect of 70,000 or so fans inside the MCG, providing one of sport’s most incredible audiences. There’s England’s final chance to right some wrongs in the battle to regain the Ashes. Pat Cummins is back. So is Jonny Bairstow. And Zak Crawley. So put the wrapping paper in the recycling, lay out your selection box on the table, and settle in for one of the best days (or nights) of sport of the year.
I’ll be back with more shortly, but if you would like to join in, you can reach me by email or Twitter (@JPHowcroft).
