Barney Ronay's analysis
Vic Marks' day one report
That was an enjoyable day’s play. The recalled Mitch Marsh was the star, with four for 35, while Jos Buttler top-scored with a breezy unbeaten 64. Australia would have expected to bowl England out after putting in, but they are still in front on what looks a pretty good pitch. Thanks for your company, night!
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Stumps
82nd over: England 271-8 (Buttler 64, Leach 10) A short ball from Hazlewood hits Leach on the arm guard and loops to gully. Australia go up for a catch off the glove, but Marais Erasmus correctly says not out. He is such a good umpire. And Leach is a pretty good No10; he survives the remainder of the over and will return tomorrow with his great mate Jos Buttler.
81st over: England 271-8 (Buttler 64, Leach 10) Pat Cummins is going to take the second new ball. Buttler chips just short of mid-on, misses a zesty smear across the line and is beaten by the last delivery. A maiden, which means Australia have the chance to start an over at Jack Leach. It should be the last of the day.
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80th over: England 269-8 (Buttler 62, Leach 10) Mitch Marsh returns to the attack after suffering with cramp half an hour ago. Groundhog over: Buttler keeps the strike, this time with a single off the fourth ball. The new ball is due, though Australia’s quicks look so shattered that they might save it until the morning. There are nine minutes’ play remaining.
“I saw a lot of Sylvester Clarke at the Oval and can confirm that he really did like to bend his back when the opposition had a West Indian overseas player in their ranks,” says Ian Burch. “It might have had something to do with him being banned by the West Indies for going on a rebel tour to South Africa or possibly some inter Island rivalry or more than likely both, but I can remember him giving Clive Lloyd a torrid time in a country match. Bearing in mind the other bowlers who were playing county cricket at this time, Sylvester Clarke was the most terrifying of them all. Happy days.”
79th over: England 268-8 (Buttler 61, Leach 10) Cummins for Hazlewood. Buttler steals a single off the last delivery, again. This partnership, 41 in 8.1 overs, has been too easy for England.
“I was so glad of your hope-filled response to Ian Mott (over 74) as you reeled off names of possible practitioners of the art of doing batting,” says Ian Copestake. “However, I realised that the inmates have taken over my particular prison as all I could think of at the prospect of placing hope in newbies was the plight of poor Haseeb Hameed.”
Oh I’m not giving up on him. But it’s too soon to discuss it in public.
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78th over: England 265-8 (Buttler 58, Leach 10) The over-rate has again been abysmal. Teams are supposed to lose two Test championship points for every over they fall short, though this hasn’t happened yet. If it does, England will be on 0 at the end of the series.
Labuschagne comes on to replace Pat Cummins, and Buttler reverse sweeps firmly for four. For the first time in the entire series, I reckon he’s enjoying his batting. Labuschagne drops an almost impossible return chance, which almost takes his thumb off, and then Buttler takes a single off the penultimate delivery.
“England’s problems are nearly all due to that insane partnership between Bairstow and Stokes in South Africa,” says Ben Skelton, “which created the misleading impression that they had invented a new cricket paradigm when it was really a bizarre one-off.”
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77th over: England 260-8 (Buttler 53, Leach 10) Buttler pulls Hazlewood flat and hard into the crowd. That’s his third six, and it brings up a two-paced fifty: 20 from the first 44 balls, 32 from the next 16. It’s his first half-century in 10 Ashes Tests. He keeps the strike with a single off the penultimate delivery.
“You say that Viv had a poor record against Marshall/Garner/Clarke & Daniel...” says Jon Akers. “A poor record compared to who?”
A poor record compared to everyone who averaged more than 27.31 against Barbados in the same period.
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76th over: England 251-8 (Buttler 44, Leach 10) Leach takes a single off Cummins, which gives Buttler three deliveries to get creative. He settles for a single off the second of those to keep the strike, and then Leach thick edges along the ground for four.
“September 12, eh?” says Simon McMahon. “‘Twas also the day, in 1885, when Arbroath beat Bon Accord 36-0, still a record in professional football. Had either of these teams been playing it would probably have been 36-2.”
75th over: England 245-8 (Buttler 43, Leach 5) Buttler v Hazlewood, round 2... is postponed, because Leach faces all six deliveries. He even takes a single off the last delivery to keep the strike. When he drove Hazlewood he thought there would be two available.
“Anxious moments for David Warner,” says Brian Withington, “as both game and clock tick slowly towards an over facing Broad before stumps ...”
Australia in nightwatchman-opener-disgrace-shocker.
74th over: England 244-8 (Buttler 43, Leach 4) “Hi Rob,” says Iain Mott. “There must be, surely, some batsmen in the counties who are better than this. Time’s up for the one-day specialists currently in the side. Is there anyone out there who follows the county game able to suggest some names?”
If Ollie Pope doesn’t get a run at No5 or 6 in the next year, I’ll be displeased. I’m sure Dominic Sibley and/or Zak Crawley, two young openers, will go on the winter tour. Pope’s the most exciting prospect, though. In his short career, he averages over 70 in first-class cricket for Surrey.
73.1 overs: England 243-8 (Buttler 43, Leach 3) Mitch Marsh, having outSiddled Siddle all day, replaces Siddle. And now he’s gone! Marsh, that is. After one delivery he pulls up twice with cramp, to the amusement of everyone on the ground, Marsh included. Pat Cummins will finish the over.
73rd over: England 243-8 (Buttler 43, Leach 3) Buttler takes a shortcut to T20 mode, clouting Hazlewood’s first ball back over his head for six. Hazlewood smiles, kinda. Buttler belts the next ball even further down the ground for six more. Hazlewood doesn’t smile. An unsuccessful ramp from the third ball elicits a few words from Hazlewood, who has more to say when the fourth delivery is hacked behind square for a single.
“A bunch of white-ball cricketers trying to play Test cricket,” writes Dominic Si- sorry, David Malcolm. “The solution of the ECB to the low standard of batting is to introduce even more white-ball cricket next season with the garbage Hundred tournament. Brilliant.”
At least you’ll be able to hatewatch it on free-to-air.
72nd over: England 229-8 (Buttler 30, Leach 2) If the ball swings as much tomorrow as it has today, England are well in this game. If not, that’s 27 Test hundreds for the remarkable Steven Smith.
“Everyone always said that Sylvester Clarke would bend his back a little more vs Somerset and Viv,” says Patrick Blewer. “Think Botham tried to smash him one night on the booze to avoid having to bat against him. Think about some of the attacks that Viv would have had to play against in the old Shell Shield - Barbados would have been Marshall / Garner / Sylvester and Daniel.”
Viv’s record against Barbados was poor, I think. I’d love to research a longread on some of those battles, both in the Shell Shield and the County Championship. That Botham story is true, and very funny. In fact – shameless plug alert – it’s told in Robin Smith’s new autobiography, which has an average rating of 4.8 on Amazon. Out of five.
71st over: England 226-8 (Buttler 29, Leach 0) The new batsman is Chris Rogers. Incidentally, Buttler got lucky earlier in that Hazlewood over with consecutive edges for four. The first was safe enough; the second bounced this far in front of Warner at first slip.
“Hmmm,” says Matt Dony. “Did someone say ‘400’ earlier?”
That’s why they pay me the small bucks.
Wicket! England 226-8 (Archer c Paine b Hazlewood 9)
Too easy. Archer edges a channel delivery from Hazlewood straight to Tim Paine, who takes an easy catch.
70th over: England 217-7 (Buttler 20, Archer 9) Siddle replaces Marsh, who won’t be getting his five-for just yet, and Buttler steals a quick single. It’s too late for this series, and maybe for his Test career, but he’s played well in the last couple of games. Maybe, just as you can apparently drink yourself sober, it is possible to tire yourself fresh.
69th over: England 216-7 (Buttler 19, Archer 9) Archer pulls Hazlewood brusquely for four. His batting has been a disappointment in his short international career, but there have been a few signs, like that, of his ability. He gets another boundary off the penultimate delivery, gloving an attempted pull just wide of the diving Paine.
“The way Root got out to Cummins today and in the last Test is eerily reminiscent of the way Michael Vaughan used to get bowled,” writes
Dale Steyn
Tom King. “Stuck on the crease, no forward movement, often done by balls holding their line or even going under the bat. Then that familiar confused look, sometimes blaming the pitch. If he’d got a stride in to either delivery, he might have nicked off. But a top four batsman in Tests shouldn’t be getting bowled by these.”
Yes, that’s an excellent comparison. In Root’s defence, they have bowled exceptionally well to him - not just this summer but in 2017-18 as well - and the captaincy is palpably affecting his batting. I’d love for him to go back in the ranks and start enjoying his cricket again.
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68th over: England 208-7 (Buttler 19, Archer 1) Mitch Marsh is one away from his maiden Test five-for. He’ll have to wait for now; Archer survives the over and takes a single off the last ball.
67th over: England 207-7 (Buttler 19, Archer 0) Buttler gets in a tangle with Hazlewood’s short ball, which hits him on the chest and deflects up onto the grille. No need for a concussion check, but there is time for a drinks break.
“Is it just me (probably) that thinks Root keeps making deliveries look a lot better than they are?” says Al Taylor. “Not saying it was a bad nut from Cummins, but more than once this series he’s stood in Gattingesque disbelief when dismissed. I just don’t see a peak 2015 Root getting out like he has done in the last few innings and it looks to me like he’s trapped on the crease, something I feel the Aussies have definitely noticed as well.”
I think you’re right. At least twice in this series, possibly more, I’ve wrongly assumed he was undone by uneven bounce. That’s because he’s on the crease and groping at the ball, which means he ends up looking hunched. It was still a cracking delivery.
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66th over: England 205-7 (Buttler 17, Archer 0) Woakes didn’t take that LBW decision upstairs; had he done so, England would have lost their last review. Marsh has knifed through England’s middle order: 14-4-33-4.
WICKET! England 205-7 (Woakes LBW b Marsh 2)
That’s four for Mitchell Marsh! Woakes, anticipating the usual short stuff, is trapped in front by another gorgeous yorker from Mitchell Marsh. He’s having a stormer!
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65th over: England 203-6 (Buttler 17, Woakes 0) Hazlewood replaces Cummins, which is like being tortured by a cheese grater rather than a cattle prod. Buttler wriggles free to clout a lovely cover drive for four.
“Is it just me who thinks that ball tracking has got that Bairstow dismissal very wrong?” says John Withington. “That was late inswing and would have continued to swing the further the ball travelled, and increasingly so in an arc. Looks to me like tracker took a very conservative view of swing from the point of contact.”
It’s quite possible. I’ll never fully trust ball-tracking after it got that Stokes LBW wrong at Headingley. I think Bairstow’s was hitting either way, but it might have been umpire’s call rather then three reds. Still an entitled review, though. (In my opinion; this is a live blog, not a judicial review, etc.)
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64th over: England 199-6 (Buttler 13, Woakes 0) “Hi England, just properly chill out at tea, yeah?” says Felix Wood. “No need to focus afterwards. You’ve done the hard work.”
In defence of Root and Bairstow, they were defending. I thought their focus was beyond reproach after tea, and they both fell to very good pieces of bowling. Curran had a dash but I don’t blame him in the circumstances.
WICKET! England 199-6 (Curran c Smith b Marsh 15)
Three for Mitchell Marsh! Sam Curran’s frisky counter-attack of 15 from 13 balls ends when he edges a fast-handed drive to Smith in the slips. On a good pitch, England are in a deal of bother.
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63rd over: England 193-5 (Buttler 12, Curran 10) Much better from Curran, who stands up to punch Cummins down the ground for three. He’s going to counter-attack, this being a cricket match. Buttler, who is playing watchfully by comparison, thick edges a very full delivery for four.
“Watching that brilliant ball from Cummins to dismiss Joe Root, I fell to reflecting what Steve Smith would have made of it?” says Brian Withington. “With his exaggerated early move to the offside, the eye of a brain surgeon and the timing of a concert pianist I’m guessing it would have been tucked to midwicket without fuss, or at worst a leading edge to extra cover. One run in either case.”
As with Viv and the West Indies bowlers in the 1980s, I’d love to see the Aussie attack bowl at Smith. Trouble is, unlike Viv, most of them are on his side in domestic cricket as well.
62nd over: England 186-5 (Buttler 8, Curran 7) Marsh has a huge LBW appeal against Buttler turned down by Marais Erasmus. It was the inswinger again, but this time it did too much. Marsh is having an excellent day: 12-4-25-2. When you see him bowl with such craft, or thump 181 at Perth, it’s hard to understand his modest Test career. Maybe they should just wheel him out against England
“I was wondering if the Australian runs per over would be higher or lower during the time when Smith was not at the crease,” says Phil Russell. “Then I realised the sample size would be so small it would be statistically unreliable anyway.”
61st over: England 186-5 (Buttler 8, Curran 7) That was a thrilling and eventful over. Curran hooked his second ball over long leg, a stirring response to the inevitable intimidation. But he started moving too far across, expecting more short stuff, and Cummins trapped him in front with a much fuller delivery. Thankfully for England, it was a no-ball. That, as Nasser and Athers observe on Sky, should be a lesson for Curran not to get too far across his stumps. The fact he’s almost bowled behind his legs next ball suggests he’s yet to absorb it.
“I have two positive memories from 12 September 2005,” says my erstwhile colleague Andy Butland. “One was being at the ground, having made the best £10 investment of my life on a ticket six months earlier (obviously with the expectation of a 4-0 scoreline and/or a match already finished). And the second one was not being in the office and having to spend the day in a dark room rebooting the server running the C4 cricket site, that clearly had been massively under-specced for the popularity!”
We were all so clueless about the internet back then. Bliss it was.
SAM CURRAN IS LBW OFF A NO-BALL!
Oh I say. Cummins pins Curran in front with a beauty, two balls after being hooked for six, but replays show he has overstepped.
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60th over: England 179-5 (Buttler 8, Curran 1) When Bairstow was given out he walked down the wicket for a chat with Buttler, who I suspect said it was out. Bairstow reviewed anyway, and England have lost that review because it was hitting leg stump on the full. That’s yet another in his line of indulgent and/or stupid reviews. But that shouldn’t obscure a brilliant piece of bowling from Marsh - not just the delivery itself up but also the extended set-up. Before that, according to CricViz, he had bowled 12 outswingers in a row to Bairstow.
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WICKET! England 176-5 (Bairstow LBW b Marsh 22)
It was a sizzling delivery from Marsh, an inswinging yorker that hit Bairstow on the front foot. And it’s out!
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WICKET (probably)! England 176-5 (Bairstow LBW b Marsh 22) Don’t review it Jonny, don’t review it. He’s bloody reviewed it. This is plumb.
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59th over: England 175-4 (Bairstow 22, Buttler 5) Bairstow is beaten by a ferocious delivery from Cummins which then wobbles late to give Tim Paine a bit of nominative determinism. He’s beaten again later in the over, driving loosely outside off stump. This is yet another majestic spell from Cummins, the best flat-track bully in the world.
58th over: England 175-4 (Bairstow 22, Buttler 5) Buttler clumps a full outswinger from Marsh through extra cover for four before producing another excellent, courageous leave to a ball that would have hit a fourth stump.
“What a day that was!” says Dave Voss of 12/09/2005. “If you could relive one over surely it’d be that one where Pietersen took Lee on and took him on the hook for 6,6,4 (or similar). I think Tait got a hand to one of them and palmed it over the rope didn’t he? Just imagine if he’d taken that; Gilo would have had the opportunity to score KPs runs and make his century.”
From memory it was 644 in the 43rd over, the second of which was dropped for four by Tait, though I’d have to check.
Or perhaps not. It missed the bat and glove by miles, and the noise was ball on hip. Buttler is not out.
Oof, I think this might out.
Australia review for caught behind against Buttler. There was a noise, but nobody knows anything.
57th over: England 171-4 (Bairstow 22, Buttler 1) Mikey Holding makes the point that Root’s front foot didn’t go anywhere. That much is true, but it was still a beautiful delivery from a quite awesome bowler. Buttler leaves his first two deliveries, which takes a degree of courage given his dismissal on the last day at Old Trafford. He inside-edges the last ball for a single, the first run off Cummins in this session.
Yet another unconverted fifty for Root, but he’s pretty blameless here. It was a brilliant delivery from Cummins: full, angled in and straightening just enough to beat the bat and bother the off stump.
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WICKET! England 170-4 (Root b Cummins 57)
Ashes to Ashes, dust to dust, if Hazlewood don’t get ya, Cummins must.
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56th over: England 170-3 (Root 57, Bairstow 22) A leg bye off Marsh is England’s first run of the session. Their batting approach has definitely changed since the 67 all out at Headingley. There have still been some awful shots, it’s true, but they have been less reluctant to do the hard yards. This little spell is a good example of that - Root and Bairstow, two of the more attacking players, have not taking any liberties against some accurate bowling.
55th over: England 169-3 (Root 57, Bairstow 22) Bairstow wants the first run of the session and is wisely sent back by Root. Another maiden, the third in a row. Australia’s ability to control the scoreboard has been so important in this series - England have scored at 2.86 per over, Australia at 3.61.
54th over: England 169-3 (Root 57, Bairstow 22) A double bowling change, with Mitchell Marsh replacing Lyon. He continues to swing the old ball - orthodox, not reverse - and it’s another maiden.
There weren’t many maidens once Kevin Pietersen got to work on this ground 14 years ago. If I could relive one day, 12 September 2005 would be pretty high on the list. And I sure as hell wouldn’t go straight home after work. What was I thinking.
53rd over: England 169-3 (Root 57, Bairstow 22) Pat Cummins returns to bowl his 178th over of the series; only Nathan Lyon has bowled more. Australia know that two quick wickets here would make them massive favourites. He starts with a tidy maiden, respectfully played by Bairstow.
You have one job
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Tea
52nd over: England 169-3 (Root 57, Bairstow 22) Bairstow, pushing forward with stiff wrists, inside-edges Lyon not far wide of Labuschagne at short leg. Root then survives an appeal for a catch down the leg side; it was smartly taken by Paine but he had no interest in a review.
That’s tea. The afternoon session was fairly even: 83 runs and two wickets from 27 overs. See you in 15 minutes for the extended evening session.
51st over: England 166-3 (Root 57, Bairstow 19) This is Root’s Test record against Australia. His last century was that carefree romp at Trent Bridge in 2015, when the world - ours and certainly his - was a simpler place. He’s having to work pretty hard for his runs today, and there are none on offer in that over from Hazlewood. His sixth maiden of the day gives him figures of 13-6-29-1.
50th over: England 166-3 (Root 57, Bairstow 19) Lyon goes around the wicket to good effect, beating both batsmen with deliveries angled across them. He’s struggling with his spinning finger, but there’s no reserve slow bowler in this squad so he was always going to play.
“Admittedly I wrote this before Burns and Stokes spooned up catches,” says Gary Naylor, “but here’s Tim Paine’s thinking. England declare at tea on Friday on 551-6. Australia then bat out the draw, 863-7, Steven Smith 502 not out, Peter Siddle 5 not out (180 balls) #Ashes #HolliesAvenged”
What are those number signs for?
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49th over: England 164-3 (Root 56, Bairstow 18) Hazlewood replaces the disappointing Siddle and slides a good one past Root’s outside edge. A maiden. This is an important spell, given Hazlewood’s record against Root and the flatness of the pitch. If England get through this, they’ll have an incredible opportunity to reach the magic figure of 200.
“If England decide to take the captaincy away from Root, surely it should go to Burns?” says Keith Smith. “Burns may have only spent a year playing Test cricket, but he has actual experience as a first-class captain. He’s skippered Surrey for two full seasons and parts of a third, including winning the County Championship in 2018. He seems to have the right temperament for it too, coming across as calm and thoughtful, and doesn’t appear fazed by pressure situations. Burns’ place in the Test team is among the most secure of the current crop of batsmen. He’d be a much better option than Broad, Stokes or Buttler. They’ll probably stick with Root though.”
I’d be happy enough with that, even if it feels slightly early for him. I’m 99.94 per cent sure they’ll stick with Root. England don’t sack Test captains any more, unless they’re Kevin Pietersen.
48th over: England 164-3 (Root 56, Bairstow 18) Lyon replaces Mitch Marsh, who bowled a fine old-ball spell of 7-1-17-1. Root and Bairstow do some effective milking. These look like the friendliest batting conditions of the series for England.
“Surely,” says John Starbuck, “the explanation for Marsh bowling better in England than elsewhere is the Duke ball?”
Case closed, Columbo.
47th over: England 157-3 (Root 53, Bairstow 16) There hasn’t been a drawn Ashes series since 1972, which is a pretty weird stat when you think about it, and I’ve done little else these past few days. Root drives Siddle for three to continue England’s promising start, and then Bairstow works two off the pads - his 3,999th and 4,000th in Tests. He’s come a long way since we all had our heart broken at Lord’s in 2012.
“If Marcus Smith (over 42) is correct,” says Simon Ebbett, “England will be all out for 4049, soundly beating the 1185 I once got on Brian Lara Cricket. At its easiest setting. Against Zimbabwe.”
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46th over: England 152-3 (Root 50, Bairstow 14) Marsh tries to tempt Bairstow with some seductive outswingers. Bairstow leaves a couple and then thumps the final delivery through point for four. Shot! He’s started his innings superbly.
45th over: England 148-3 (Root 50, Bairstow 10) Root scampers back for two to reach a charmed fifty from 105 balls. He will be desperate to make a century, having failed to convert his last eight fifties in Ashes Tests.
“Didn’t England get 400 in the first innings at Melbourne in the last Ashes?” says Mark Hutchinson. “Or was that still 2017? Anyway, I’m sure I read that since the start of the last Ashes tour, England have made 400 runs more times in ODIs (twice) than they have in the first innings of Test matches (once), which is impressive in some ways.”
In some ways. Yep, that was 2017, and that stat is correct. I still think the trade was worth it, to win the World Cup, but now’s the time for English cricket to return to its first love, Test cricket.
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44th over: England 146-3 (Root 48, Bairstow 10) This has been a good spell from Marsh, who has got the old ball to move in the air. He tends to bowl well over here. In his short Test career, he averages 18 with the ball in England as compared to 51 everywhere else.
“Would it be right or wrong,” says Geoff Wignall, “to think that England’s short-, medium- and long-term prospects are best served by another Aussie victory here followed by a proper overhaul and reset?”
I suspect there will be no overhaul, whatever the result. It’ll be an interesting few weeks. I would omit Bairstow and possibly Buttler from the New Zealand tour, and change the captain, but there’s no way that’s going to happen.
43rd over: England 145-3 (Root 47, Bairstow 10) Siddle replaces Cummins, and Bairstow greets him with emphatic boundaries off the first two balls - a thumping straight drive followed by a brusque cut stroke. Superb batting.
“There is a lot of talk, TMS in particular, criticising Tim Paine’s decision to bowl,” says Damian Kemp. “It would have been a decision by leadership team and backroom staff. Remembering that backroom staff would include the likes of Langer and Steve Waugh and medical staff with a view on player fitness. No offence to experts with zero skin in this game, I will go with their judgement.”
Even they are allowed to get things wrong, which I also think they did here. It’s certainly not a shocker to compare with Brisbane 2002 and Edgbaston 2005, and had they caught Root the decision might have been completely vindicated. But I’m still struggling to see the logic, unless Nathan Lyon is really struggling, in which case he probably shouldn’t be playing.
42nd over: England 137-3 (Root 47, Bairstow 2) “With the England wickets falling at 27, 103 and 130,” says Marcus Smith, “I predict the next will fall at 233. The Fibonacci Sequence says so.”
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41st over: England 137-3 (Root 45, Bairstow 2) Root pushes Cummins pleasantly through the covers for three. His intent has been good today, even if he has had all kinds of fortune. Bairstow, whose intent is sometimes too good for his own good, gets off the mark with a bread-and-butter flick for two. This is a big innings for Bairstow, who needs a score to guarantee his place for the New Zealand tour. Him and a few others.
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40th over: England 130-3 (Root 42, Bairstow 0) Here’s Jonny Bairstow, the brains of the operation.
WICKET! England 130-3 (Stokes c Lyon b Marsh 20)
Mitch Marsh swings one back into Stokes that rams him in the box and knocks him off his feet. Get ready for a broken effing box, etc. Or, perhaps, for a hideous shot two balls later. Stokes tries to pull, hopelessly mistimes the stroke and top-edges it miles in the air to Lyon at point.
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Thanks Adam, afternoon everyone. The sun’s out, the pitch is flat, the luck is going Joe Root’s way. If England aren’t careful, they could end up making 400 in the first innings of a Test for the first time since 2017.
39th over: England 130-2 (Root 42, Stokes 20) The final over of today’s third hour courtesy of Pat Cummins, dealt with conservatively by Root before pushing the last ball to cover for two.
A long email from Boris Starling to read while the players take a drink. After the breather, it’ll be Rob Smyth with you for the second half of the day. Thanks for your great company. Bye for now.
“Seeing the wrath of AB referenced reminds me of a line in Ian Healy’s very entertaining autobiography, ‘Hands and Heals’. I can’t remember what prompted the incident, but Heals recalls: ‘no sooner I was on the outer than AB was into me.’ I loved this line because it seemed like something from an Australian-English GCSE translation paper, to which the answer would have been ‘I had barely left the field of play before Allan Border was expressing his displeasure.’
There were many such examples in the book. I don’t have it to hand, but off the top of my head I can remember: ‘Warney’s ripped one and I’ve worn it.’ Trans: ‘Shane Warne has achieved turn so prodigious I failed to react in time and received a blow to the face.’ ‘I was real dirty about it.’ Trans: ‘I was exceedingly displeased.’
Was always a big fan of Healy: a proper keeper in every respect (exceptionally skilled and very mouthy), and I can’t help feeling he’s slightly underrated by many people, if only because he gave way to the force majeure that was Adam Gilchrist.”
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38th over: England 128-2 (Root 40, Stokes 20) Mitchell Marsh, do have yourself another trundle, young man. He’s getting a bit of hoop to Stokes as well, England’s new No4 playing watchfully through the over before taking a couple off his pads to finish.
“Regarding Root’s captaincy and whatnot, the clear way forward for England and to prevent all this moaning and what-iffing is to let the all-knowing public decide,” suggests Ian Copestake. “Referemdum the arse off anything remotely tricky seeming.” Something, something, that time Farage got invited onto TMS, something.
37th over: England 126-2 (Root 40, Stokes 18) Cummins back and that has liberated Stokes it seems: four, four. The first of those was a nice drive with the full face of the back down the ground, the second behind point via a thickish edge. Even so, he’s into double figures.
“If Stuart Broad were captain, both England’s reviews would be used in his first over,” says Dale Sellers. I’d certainly hope so. Cricket’s first full-time stand-up comic, big Disco Stu. May he thrive forever.
36th over: England 115-2 (Root 39, Stokes 8) Another shout for lbw, another inside edge. Siddle has found that part of Root’s blade routinely so far in this session. He goes short in an effort to break Stokes’ concentration but he doesn’t work, the new man pulling a couple before flicking a single fine to finish. That might be it for Siddle for the time being, Lyon warming up in front of us.
35th over: England 111-2 (Root 38, Stokes 5) Stokes takes two when Hazlewood is on the stumps but other than that, they are happy playing a cat and mouse game in the channel outside off for now.
“Did you catch the absolute worst case of commentator’s curse on TMS for Burns’ wicket?” asks Simon Davies on twitter. I did not; please continue. “Simon Mann just said Burns was looking good and that it was fine to say so because he doesn’t believe in the curse. Burns out literally next ball.”
As I’ve said before, I’m now banned from commentating on Mitch Marsh as the main reason why his Test batting average is what it is.
34th over: England 108-2 (Root 37, Stokes 3) Siddle continues his work from the Vauxhall End, dotting Root up in the channel before bringing one back to find the inside egde but not quite the timber. Stokes plays him out watchfully, his job here to bat for a long time.
33rd over: England 107-2 (Root 36, Stokes 3) Hazlewood is letting Stokes make the running here early on, hanging it out there on a fifth/sixth stump line for the bulk of this over. He leaves it be.
“Australia shouldn’t be too disheartened,” observes Paul Edwards. “Two more wickets and they are into England’s tail.”
And this from Richard McConnell on Root’s leadership. “The question of captaincy could be the most telling decision of the coming 6 months. A positive change could put England on a different path, but I worry about the propensity to opt for the conservative choice. I guess my main question is why does the star player have to be the captain? Lara wasn’t a great captain, but was a brilliant and consistent Test batsman. Give it to Broad for two year and tell him he will only play Test cricket from now on. Emulate what worked for the ODI team.”
Oh, if fast bowlers were eligible, by all means. But we all know if somebody bowls quick then they are not allowed. THE RULES.
32nd over: England 105-2 (Root 36, Stokes 1) Nice again from Siddle, jagging back at Root to begin, prompting an appeal. Doing too much. “He looks a different bowler since lunch,” acknowledges Warne on the telly. He then beats Stokes with a jaffa from around the wicket. Much fuller and much better. Stokes clips a yorker for one to finish.
“Afternoon Adam.” Brian Withington, always a pleasure. “Before his inevitable century later today, I just wanted to place on the record that in my book Joe Root is still a bloody fine batsman in all formats. His captaincy is nowhere near as poor as is made out by the detractors. And as you point out, there are no obvious alternatives anyway. Talk of Morgan doing the job in Tests is somewhere between risible and laughable.”
31st over: England 103-2 (Root 35, Stokes 0) The vice-captain joins the skipper, leaving the one ball he has to look at here from Hazlewood. A wicket maiden for him at an important time.
Breakthrough for Australia!
— Sky Sports Cricket (@SkyCricket) September 12, 2019
Extra bounce from Hazlewood is too much for Burns and he falls for a well played 47
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WICKET! Burns c Marsh b Hazlewood 47 (England 103-2)
Oh dear, what’s he gone and done that for? Hazlewood has worked Burns over with the short one, a leading edge landing with Marsh at midwicket. He did so well to avoid anything like that before lunch.
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30th over: England 103-1 (Burns 47, Root 35) There’s the England 100, raised with a Burns’ second boundary off Siddle in the over. After getting right back into the scrap after lunch, that’s a poor set from the veteran, giving the left-hander a chance to twice punish him through cover - one of those coming off a no-ball, too.
Robert McLiam Wilson has some thoughts on play being stopped for movement behind the bowlers’ arm. I’ll publish them in full. “All very well Vish distracting Burns but it’s LOLs ‘cos they’re mates and alWay back, I once got a flea in my ear for getting on Allan Border’s wick at the beginning of an over. Apart from the lasting shame, my chief memories are of his remarkable vocal projection (what a very real loss he was to Shakespearian theatre) and that I had never heard the three-syllable version of ‘**** ing’ before that. I’d grown up in the midst of a civil war but nothing quite gave me the nightsweats like Al’s terse summation of my general utility. Do I hear right that you are having a baby? A million congratulations. Now get you hair cut.”
Border v Paris Bob. Yes please. And yes, good news travels fast - very grown-up. My hair is a fraction less Moz-like now though; got barbered me (too) short between Tests. Vish and I will visit soon.
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29th over: England 97-1 (Burns 42, Root 35) In that over, Root has gone past Bradman’s 6996 and on to 7000 career runs with a classy square drive for four off Hazlewood to finish their best over since the break. He’s the third youngest to that mark. Smith is 130 away from 7000 as well, so he’ll probably join him there at about 5pm Friday.
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28th over: England 91-1 (Burns 42, Root 31) Another solid over from Siddle to Burns, working his way into a much better spell.
“Speaking of Andy Zaltzman,” says Joe Cross, “he had some telling stats about Root’s form as captain, in particular hinging on THAT Headingley test against the Windies in 2017. Something like in 43 matches prior he averaged 78 in the first innings - one of the best in the world - and in 27 matches since averages 26 in the first innings.”
Joe Grant has a Root take too: “Becoming abundantly clear the Aussie’s are dropping Root in the hope he posts a decent score and hangs onto the captaincy. Short term damage, long term gains.”
Unless they turn to Stokes (seems unlikely, doesn’t it?) then it probably will be Root when they next play Australia. Who else?
27th over: England 89-1 (Burns 42, Root 31) Hazlewood finds the inside edge too with his first ball after lunch, Root then getting on top of his forward defensive. But another loose shot later in the over, lashing and missing at a ball well outside his off-stump. Hmm.
“When Root’s inevitable hundred is followed by the inevitable email response,” emails Damian Ainsworth, “can it also be pointed out that it’s his luckiest ever century?” It’ll all be coming, I’m sure. Speaking of luck, Sky says that Siddle has now had five catches put down off his bowling in the series. His lot in life, much like Broad.
26th over: England 89-1 (Burns 42, Root 31) Better from Siddle, so close to nipping under Root’s bat with the second delivery of the session. A big inside edge saves him. A nice length to follow, too, Root leaving close to the off-stump, then defending from that line. Much, much, much better. THEN SMITH DROPS ROOT! He does well to reach it on the dive across from second slip with no third catcher in position. But he did get both hands to it. Three chances for Root.
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A prediction from Boris Starling as the players return to the field. “Smith to score 328 as Australia power to an absurdly large score. This would let him overtake Bradman’s 974 but leave him on 999 for the series, which would be doubly appropriate as (a) it would be his own yes-I-am-mortal equivalent of the Don’s 99.94 (b) it’s the telephone number England have needed to call for most of the summer when he’s been batting.” And a duck in the second dig? Being The Oval and all, that’ll work perfectly.
Righto, Siddle to Root. PLAY!
“Loving the coverage as usual.” Thank you, Ben Garbutt. “Your comment about Vish Ethantharajah being good mates with Rory Burns (over 22) got me thinking. Any potential conflict of interest declarations to make yourself, or on behalf of other OBOers? Not that I’m casting aspertions, just looking for transparency! Alright, alright, maybe I’m a little bit jealous too.”
That’s a rich vein! Well, Nathan Lyon was my club captain ten years ago; I’m never shy about that. Nor the fact that in a rep game when we were 15, Sidds took 3/0 in the final over when we needed two to win. That hurt. He doesn’t remember it but I do. To be honest, it’s part of the job to maintain friendships around the place. Nothing wrong with that considering how much time we all spend together.
“Love your work on the OBO and the pod.” Thank you Quentin Seik. “Thought you should know that Channel 9 at flogging their usual offical memorabilia for the Ashes series... this ones entitled ‘Mission Accomplished’. The ad they’re running clearly shows the result of this test as being an Australian victory printed on the bottom of the picture! As that’s all settled you may as well take the afternoon off.”
Brilliant. Screenshot that, please. Whatever would Tony Greig think?
“We’ll have a bowl.” says Gary Naylor. I’ll just leave this here. Funny you mention the Sion Mills game. There is a fundraising drive going on at the moment to help rebuild the club after the club was trashed by vandals earlier this week.
With about ten minutes up our sleeve until the re-start, that is more than enough time to sign yourself up to The Spin. A weekly gem. The podcast is pretty neat too. I joined Emma after the Manchester Test along with Vish and Steen, an old teammate of Dave Warner’s.
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A poor session from Australia. Electing to bowl first on a nice day, wickets need to come early for the fielding team or it can get ugly and fast. To be fair, they should have Root, a couple of times, but he was put down at long leg by Siddle and then by Paine in Cummins’ next over. Justin Langer will be giving them a serve at lunch, make no mistake. Speaking of, I’m going to grab a plate of food myself. Back with some of your excellent emails in about 15 minutes. For now, if you like Andy Zaltzman’s stylings on TMS, Geoff Lemon and I had him on our pod overnight. Very sharp.
LUNCH: England 86-1
25th over: England 86-1 (Burns 42, Root 28) Short from Cummins to Burns but I don’t think he’s so much as considered a horizontal bat shot from the bouncer since the first dig at Leeds. He shuts up shop entirely from the last few balls, knowing that he’s made it to lunch. And made it nicely, as well. The local lad has earned this sandwich.
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24th over: England 86-1 (Burns 42, Root 28) Nathan Lyon is coming on for what will probably be a one over spell before lunch. Sure enough, in keeping with the theme of the last 20 minutes, another misfield - from the man least likely, Cummins, allowing Root to get a couple from a push behind point. He pats the rest on the head. Lunch awaits for the skipper. Surely, surely he goes large today.
23rd over: England 84-1 (Burns 42, Root 26) Root dropped again! Was Paine overcompensating for not diving in front of Warner last week? This time, the edge was going straight to first slip but the ‘keeper went at it with a diving right glove and couldn’t pull it down. Dropped twice off Cummins in two overs. The camera pans to Justin Langer, who is chewing his gum with real aggression. Burns makes it hurt that little bit more, driving nicely through cover for four more. Nearing lunch, what a poor morning this has been for the visitors.
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22nd over: England 79-1 (Burns 38, Root 25) Vish stops play! Rory Burns was facing up to start the new over from Siddle but pulled out because Vish Ehantharajah, formerly of this parish (and the OBO family), didn’t get back to his seat in time and was moving behind the arm. It’s happened to all of us in the press box (myself included, to the annoyance of Nathan Lyon); very much an occupational hazard. Better still, Vish is good mates with Burns - that will make for some fun Whatsapps later. Right, back on, the left-hander clips Siddle to fine leg to begin, Root then adding a leg bye from another misdirected ball. He just can’t find his line today. Burns keeps the pressure on, two more to cover before leaving the rest alone.
21st over: England 75-1 (Burns 35, Root 25) DROPPED CATCH! Siddle is having one of those mornings, putting Root down at fine leg. “What a let off!” says Atherton on TV and indeed it is. Cummins won the top edge from a hooked bumper, the straightforward chance sailing straight to Siddle. But he snatched at it with his hands pointed to the ground and it didn’t stick. Just when Root has been looking the part, to make matters so much worse. He knows it too. Burns finishes the over with a nicely-clipped three past square leg.
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20th over: England 71-1 (Burns 32, Root 24) Siddle gets enough chance and is closer to where he needs to be, beating Root on the inside edge then winning a false stroke from Burns. He beats the left-hander with his last ball, missing a full-blooded cover drive.
19th over: England 68-1 (Burns 30, Root 24) Oooh, Cummins is through Root, cutting him in half with a ball that just clears the middle stump. Fine bowling. To reinforce how talented he is, he backs it up with the outswinger, perfectly positioned and beating the outside of the bat. Fair play to Root, he is on the front foot by the end of the over, stroking through along the carpet - again to point. Burns has one ball to see off and parries a couple behind square. Needless to say, Australian Cricket Twitter is collectively very cross at Tim Paine for bowling first here. Then again, Lord’s started like this too.
Want your fill from the shires? Tanya Aldred has your back.
18th over: England 63-1 (Burns 28, Root 21) Siddle won’t be feeling the pinch quite yet - he has been around long enough to know that one bad session does not have to define a Test - but he’s not at his best. He gets past Root’s inside edge to begin but overcorrects well outside off, the captain helping himself to three out past point without much risk at all. Burns is untroubled in defence thereafter.
“Tim Paine would never have been forgiven if Bradman’s 1930 total had been overtaken,” theorises Tom Carver. “He had no choice but to field first.” A bit like Tubby Taylor declaring on 334? Let’s hope not.
17th over: England 60-1 (Burns 28, Root 18) It’s Cummins on for Hazlewood; his second spell today from the pavilion end. He has 25 wickets in this series, adding one to that so far this morning, Broad next on that list with 19. But Root is a different proposition when set at the crease than he was last Saturday night, pushing nicely off the back foot early in the over to get off strike. Cummins is into the short stuff at Burns, who wants nothing to do with it and rightly so.
“Looking forward to Joe Root scoring a century here to be closely followed by the inevitable emails declaring he can only do it when it doesn’t matter,” writes Damian Ainsworth. Nothing more certain.
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16th over: England 59-1 (Burns 28, Root 17) Shot. For the second time this morning, Burns is able to learn onto the front foot and on-drive for four. A most attractive stroke. There was a school of thought when Burns reached three figures at Edgbaston that he would never do so again; that it was the luckiest Test innings ever played and he would be dumped very soon. Five weeks on, he’s the man most likely - apart from the leadership duo - to be there this winter.
“Has anyone asked the ECB why county championship games in September start at 10:30 but tests start at 11:00?” emails Chris Parker. I am fairly sure it has to do with the host broadcaster. As it is often observed, Tests in 2005 started at 10:30am as it meant the then-TV hosts were able to get to The Simpsons at 6pm. Related: this is the latest in the year a Test has started in England.
15th over: England 53-1 (Burns 23, Root 16) Hazlewood’s sixth over of the morning, again trying to get Root playing throughout from the line of the stumps. It’s a good contest, the No3 collecting two to square leg when there’s enough room for him to do so. Perhaps Siddle to follow from that end? They need to manage Hazlewood.
Here is the TMS overseas link. For those who are struggling to find it day to day, it is on the same page from when they go on air - here.
14th over: England 51-1 (Burns 23, Root 14) Mitch Marsh, always a popular inclusion, replaces Siddle after the drinks break. He bowled nicely here four years ago. If I recall correctly, I think he picked up Root both times? Anyway, he’s in the team, for the most part, to help out Cummins and Hazlewood with some usefully timed spells - much like this one. Of course, it is heresy to say any positive about Mitch’s prospects, so that’s where I’ll leave it. He’s in at Burns’ stumps to begin, the opener turning a single to square leg - England’s 50th run of the morning. Not a bad start. Root pushes one to point straight away - good, positive batting. He’s in good shape here.
On Smith’s catch, a note from an emailer by the name of Yum. Just Yum. “You could see right after he took the catch by the expression on his face, that in his mind’s eye he was reliving the horror of dropping it as if that is what really happened. That’s why he keeps getting better.”
For me, the main disappointment about Australia putting England in is that the chances of Smith having enough time in the Test to make 304 runs - and overtake Bradman in 1930 - are diminished quite a bit.
13th over: England 49-1 (Burns 22, Root 13) Hazlewood with the final over of the first hour and it is a good one to Root, forced to use his bat throughout. The big quick nearly gets through that defence with the final delivery, offering a few words as they break for drinks.
I enjoyed the bit before between Nasser and Ponting when he put to him whether batting first might have been a better idea this morning. “We both have history with this.” #Ashes #Bantz
“England’s longest tail?” writes Matthew Doherty. “How about Tuffnell, Mullally and Malcolm?” Good point. And Ian Truman, also on the England changes. “I agree with you on Curran. Whilst its far from England’s greatest selection crime this series, I can’t fathom what allowed Overton to leapfrog Curran in the pecking order last test. Overton “looks” more a test bowler, but all evidence (test wickets) suggests the opposite. The kid can play Test cricket, something I’d say a lot of others have yet to prove.”
12th over: England 49-1 (Burns 22, Root 13) Siddle isn’t going well here but he isn’t helped by Marcus Harris, who lets a ball through his legs at gully to concede a boundary to finish from a lovely delivery in the channel that finds the edge. Earlier in the over, Root had enough time to again get on the balls of his feet to punch square of the wicket - his most productive shot when on song. Siddle also beat him, when the England skipper had a dash one he should have left. This reminds me of how Siddle went in his first spell at Lord’s. Of course, be bounced back brilliantly later that day. We’ll see.
11th over: England 42-1 (Burns 18, Root 10) Hazlewood is swung around to have a dart from Cummins’ pavilion end. Burns is looking pretty well set though, leaving nicely until he gets a ball on his pads, which is tucks around for three. Root grabs one behind square to finish, keeping the strike for Siddle’s next over.
10th over: England 38-1 (Burns 15, Root 9) Siddle to Root, who watches a couple before having a pop at a ball outside the off-stump, crashing it away to the point rope in front of the Peter May Stand. Too short. “Positive intent,” says Nasser. Siddle bounces back with his best ball so far, beating the England skipper with one that skips nicely off the seam and past the outside edge. Root goes again to finish, this time a fraction behind point, for four more. That is the shot he played so well a few years back when he was right alongside Smith, Kohli and Williamson as the best Test batsman in the world.
Back to the pre-game discussion, here is John Starbuck. “Kim Thonger’s information takes me back to the 90s, when I was very much involved with helping to fix the Millennium Bug. Thanks to clear planning, hard work and judicious advertising we got it done, only for people to protest there was never anything wrong in the first place and the bonus I got was a cheat. Such an attitude also reflects selectors’ behaviour, wanting the problem to go away without having to engage properly. You can never win in those situations.”
We have only TWO international players left who were bashing around for their before the Millenium Bug (from memory): Chris Gayle and Shoaib Malik. Assuming the latter is still playing T20Is.
9th over: England 30-1 (Burns 15, Root 1) Root is off the mark second ball, tucking Cummins to midwicket. Burns then pushes a couple to mid-off to end the successful over. A lot of work ahead for these two.
WICKET
— Sky Sports Cricket (@SkyCricket) September 12, 2019
Joe Denly plays at one outside his off stump and Steve Smith takes the catch... Just!
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WICKET! Denly c Smith b Cummins 14 (England 27-1)
Cummins gets the breakthrough, juggled by Smith at second slip at the second attempt. A tad fuller, Denly can’t help himself. Poor shot.
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8th over: England 27-0 (Burns 13, Denly 14) Siddle into the attack from the Vauxhall End, his fourth Test Match at The Oval. Quite the achievement for an Australian. He has Denly ripping his bottom hand off the bat to begin with a ball that bites but the opener makes the most of a ropey ball to finish, slapping three down the ground.
7th over: England 24-0 (Burns 13, Denly 11) Cummins beats Burns for the fourth time so far, with another he had to play at early in the set. But he sticks to the task, taking a ball of his hip away to the rope behind square. I get the feeling he might be out there for a while.
“Morning.” Hi , Jonathan Taylor. “Is this Englands longest ever Tail? While Curran & Woakes are both excellent no. 9 batsmen, at 8 Woakes can only be deemed as alright & coming in at 7 Curran is not exactly inspiring – even less so below the current top 6, Archer is again 1 place too high at 9. Likewise the out of form Buttler at 6 similarly the double-barrelled Bairstow-Bowled coming in at 5 whose current technique of leaving the gate open seems to have us on an endless loop: pitch it up and through it goes.”
Yep, that isn’t ideal but I still can’t work out how it has taken until now to find a way for Sam Curran to get a run in this series.
6th over: England 20-0 (Burns 9, Denly 11) That’ll do, shot of the morning so far from Burns, driving Hazlewood down the ground for four. Sure enough, the big quick is straight back on it finding his inside edge - top bowling. Denly’s turn, edging through the cordon for four more. That’s not far away at all from the four catchers.
“Is it possible the captaincy affected Steve Smith’s batting, but because the numbers were so good, nobody noticed?” poses Nick Donovan. “I expect his average to be North of 70 - a conservative prediction - by the time the Ashes in 2021 roll around.”
Well, Smith averages 75 since his breakthrough ton here in 2013, which is 99 innings ago. If he does go at 75 through to 2021 - 60-odd hits? - that should have him comfortably into the 70s. Extraordinary.
5th over: England 11-0 (Burns 4, Denly 7) Another big lbw shout, this time Cummins v Denly. It’s turned down by Umpire Dharmasena. It looks like an inside edge, so they don’t review. The bowler remains right on top, winning a bottom edge that runs away for four - his first boundary. Ooh, then he nearly loses his wicket from a ball that beats him on the inside of the bat but somehow doesn’t clip the off-stump on the way through. Classy bowling but he survives.
“I see that Marsh has a ‘Mitchell’ printed on the back of his shirt along with his surname,” notes Abhijato Sensarma. “First time an individual’s full name has been printed on a Test jersey?” Yep, a nice obscure one to get us going. I used to get a real kick out of the small ‘Mark’ and ‘Steve’ on the Waugh brothers’ ODI kits as a kid.
4th over: England 7-0 (Burns 4, Denly 3) Watching the replay back a few times, I can see why Erasmus gave it out, hitting on the back leg deep in the crease, albeit with the thigh pad. Burns keeps his cool after the close call, leaving the last couple. What an nice story he is this week, by the way. The Surrey captain has played all over the world since making his debut the Test after this one in 2019 and now, at last, he gets to turn out on his home ground. One of the few batsmen with their reputation enhanced through this series.
NOT OUT! Pitching and hitting in line too but going over the top of the off-stump. Excellent bowling from Hazlewood but not to be.
IS BURNS OUT LBW TO HAZLEWOOD? He’s given but going straight upstairs. Stand by.
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3rd over: England 7-0 (Burns 4, Denly 3) The sun is bright now; those thick clouds won’t be around for long. That is, assuming clouds do get burned through by the sun? We always say it, but surely that’s not a real thing - or is it? Denly has his first look at Cummins and does it well, playing with soft hands behind point for a couple.
2nd over: England 5-0 (Burns 4, Denly 1) Denly pushes his first ball to square leg and tries to leave the second but it bounces a fraction more, deflecting off his blade. Hazlewood then aims for his hip but the Kent veteran is up to the task, pushing the first run of the match behind square. I’m Team Joe Denly, by the way. I should declare that before we go much further. Burns’ turn against the Bendemeer Bullet, copping a whack on the thigh pad but responding with a lovely square drive, racing away across the practice pitches for four to the Harleyford Road side of the ground. That’ll feel good. Cue every commentator discussing the value you get square of the wicket here at The Oval - wouldn’t have it any other way. Droll, Vish.
1st over: England 0-0 (Burns 0, Denly 0) Burns is beaten to begin, Cummins angling nicely away from the home ground boy. Ohh, he does it again with his third offering, an absolute gem that swings in before jagging away. Nobody is hitting that. There is that scrambled seam we keep hearing so much about. Burns gets bat on ball to midwicket then leaves to finish. An excellent maiden to kick us off.
Thank you, JP. We’ve had the toss and Jerusalem, now it is time for the teams. Here they are, running down the stairs of the Bedser Stand. The cloud is thick, the grass is visible. This should be fun. Burns is taking the first ball, Denly up the other end. Cummins is bowling the first over, running in from the pavilion end. PLAY!
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Thank you all, as ever, for your contributions. The OBO is a pleasure on mornings like this - which have been common during this series.
Now it’s time for me to hand the keyboard to Adam Collins who is primed and ready to go at the Oval. Send your tweets to @collinsadam and emails to adam.collins.casual@theguardian.com
I’ll be back again tomorrow. See you then.
Andy Burridge hits the nail on the head. “Some talk over the past few days of people, including Graeme Swann, suggesting Root give up the captaincy to focus on his batting. I just wondered if not him, then who? Jos is surely far too out of form and Broad is probably the next senior player but seems a bit too reckless for the role. I’d rather we make a call now to give the person time to settle into the role before the next series but we seem very light on candidates?” I haven’t seen or heard anyone suggesting anybody other than Broad as a realistic alternative, but then at his stage of his career, he’s hardly a guarantee to front up to every series is he?
“I am wondering why Joe Root is allowed, by the England cricket management, to play in every cricket match/format?” asks Arthur Graves. “If they really are management then isn’t their job to manage? Which includes protecting players from themselves.”
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David Horn has sent in an excellent email. “I’m always surprised by how openly the captain who loses the toss tells the world what s/he would have done had they won. It seems that there is no advantage to letting it be known one way or another, and something to be lost in saying so. It can reveal a defensive / attacking mindset approaching a game, or give food for thought over whether the captain backs his bowlers over his batters in different conditions (and vice versa). Surely saying ‘it doesn’t matter what we’d have done’ is perfectly adequate and gives nothing away. I tell you, when I’m England captain, this will all change.”
“Personally I’d have thought it more accurate to say England had an outside chance of winning one rain affected match, and were fortunate to win the other solely because the officiating umpire was blind to perhaps the most obviously plumb LBW of the series,” emails John Phaceas, in response to Simon Yates. “Truth be told, the scoreline should be 3-0 heading into today’s match.”
Phil Hall is straight in with the upside of Tim Paine’s call at the toss. “The good news is that England won’t be following on.”
Dylan Pugh with a neat stat. “If Cummins keeps up his six wickets a match average from the series, without taking a five-fer, it’ll be a record for the most wickets in a series without having taken a Michelle. Shane Warne currently has the record with 29, in the ‘93 Ashes. Cummins on 24.”
Simon Yates has set you all off hasn’t he? Steve Smith’s excellence this series is being compared to: Wayne Gretzky (nominated by Jonathan Oliver), Jonah Lomu (thanks Simon Platt), and, magnificently, Ian Bell. “In the 2013 Ashes, definitely Maradona-esque in his influence on that series and I don’t understand why Theresa did not give him a knighthood.” Thanks Tom Banks.
Jeremy Yapp has made a thoughtful contribution on the Boycott saga. “I am sure you don’t want an inbox full of Boycott emails, but I can report that something good came out of the knighthood announcement. It prompted a terrific breakfast table conversation between me and my two young sons (nine and ten), first some stuff about domestic violence that they knew already (phew!) but then about South Africa, racism and the effect the Rebel tours had on the black and anti-Apartheid campaigners, especially how those tours set back the struggle for equal rights in South Africa. We finished the discussion by agreeing that, also, if most of your conversation consists of anecdotes about yourself then it’s good to have a few self-deprecating stories on hand. Otherwise you can come across as a bit of a tosser.”
Still surprised at Tim Paine’s decision at the toss. There’s some grass on the pitch and a bit of cloud around, but it’s a very un-Australian call. Perhaps they don’t see the surface deteriorating too much in favour of Nathan Lyon, making the opening couple of sessions bets for bowling?
England XI
England have made just the two changes despite around half-a-dozen spots being up for grabs at the fag end of a disappointing series. Unsurprisingly, Chris Woakes returns in place of Craig Overton in the attack, while further up the batting order patience with Jason Roy has finally run out. His replacement, however, is not like-for-like with Sam Curran selected, in part to cover the overs lost as a consequence of Ben Stokes’s injured shoulder.
The upshot of all that is Joe Denly has another chance to stake his claim as an opener, Ben Stokes will come out at four as a specialist batsman, Jonny Bairstow moves up to five, and Jos Buttler to six, the latter two under considerable scrutiny.
England: Burns, Denly, Root ©, Stokes, Bairstow (wk), Buttler, Curran, Woakes, Archer, Leach, Broad
Australia XI
Australia have made two changes to their line-up as they look to avoid any complacency and wrap up a series victory. The most interesting switch sees all-rounder Mitchell Marsh come in for his first Test of the series, replacing Travis Head. It’s been a steep decline over the course of the series for Head, beginning the tour a fixture in the middle-order and one of Australia’s vice-captains, and ending it overtaken convincingly by Marnus Labushagne with selectors favouring both Marsh and Matthew Wade in much tighter decisions. Elsewhere, Peter Siddle’s control replaces Mitchell Starc’s aggression in the bowling attack.
Australia: Warner, Harris, Labuschagne, Smith, Marsh, Wade, Paine (c) (wk), Cummins, Siddle, Hazlewood, Lyon
Australia win the toss and field
Ok, so this has thrown me. Tim Paine has won the toss and he’s decided to bowl first. There’s a bit of cloud cover this morning and there’s some grass on the pitch, but I did not see this coming.
Andy Bull has contemplated the lot of Joe Root, a victim of his own excellence.
You may have missed it in between his being lbw to Josh Hazlewood for 71 and being bowled by Pat Cummins for a duck, but Root actually reached a century at Old Trafford last week. The second day of the fourth Test was the 100th day in the last 365 that Root has spent playing cricket for England, Yorkshire and the Sydney Thunder. Most of the rest were spent on planning meetings, press conferences, gym and net sessions and all that travel, around and across England, Sri Lanka, Australia and the West Indies.
Simon Yates would like the record to reflect the gap between these two sides has not been a chasm, but a shape matching the outline of Steve Smith. “They have had one batsman performing at a truly incredible level, and that’s won them the series (and fair enough). For sure Cummins and Hazlewood have been terrific - but so have Broad and Archer. The Aussie pair’s numbers are a bit better, but of course they are as they haven’t had to bowl at Smith. In truth it’s been two desperately mediocre batting units facing two strong attacks, but with the Aussies having one absolute all time great playing at his very peak to give them the win. We were denied a win by the rain in the match where Smith could only bat once, and won the game when he couldn’t bat at all. But we were heavily beaten in the games where he was fit throughout. It’s all been about Smith. Hard to think of another case in a team sport of one person being so ridiculously, completely ahead of all the others on his own and other teams. Maradona in the 1986 World Cup maybe?”
Hard to disagree, and an excellent OBO conversation starter.
I saw Hashim Amla make 311 not out here in 2012 and batting conditions look equally benign @JPHowcroft. If, as averages suggest, Steve Smith is a 38% more productive batsman than Amla, never mind Bradman, Lara is in his sights #hyperbole.
— Gary Naylor (@garynaylor999) September 12, 2019
It would be a fitting end to the series. Operation Yolohammer: Paine win’s the toss, Smith opens, bats for nearly three days, in so doing plunging Australia into a period of mass anxiety at the realisation the conversation over The Don’s untouchable status will finally have to be aired.
Kim Thonger has logged on, and he’s taken the opportunity to throw a dead cat on the table to contextualise any England fans mourning the failure to regain the Ashes. “Now that we’ve failed to retain the urn I’ve turned my attention to other worrying matters, and have come across something called the Year 2038 problem, which will mean rather a large proportion of computers and devices cannot encode times after 03:14:07 UTC on 19 January 2038. I’m actually not making this up, it’s a thing, and I’d just like to give a heads up to scorers and statisticians so they can start planning their response and/or saving for whizzy new devices configured to not go wonky. 64bit architecture is good apparently. It’s only 19 years away after all. Steve Smith will likely still be batting.”
We probably have to mention Sir Geoffrey Boycott, don’t we?
Marina Hyde has got involved, which is never a bad thing.
A recap of the facts: in 1998, Boycott was convicted by a French court of assaulting his then‑girlfriend, a verdict off which he continues to smash soundbites with outrageous abandon. Those who regard no morning as complete if they haven’t lost their shit with Radio 4’s Today programme were certainly given what they wanted on Tuesday, as Boycott was interviewed on the news of his knighthood. “I don’t give a toss about her, love,” was his retort to Martha Kearney’s mention that the chief executive of Woman’s Aid had called his knighthood “extremely disappointing”.
Matthew Engel shares his many years of experience reporting on the former England opener.
He was always a divisive figure. There was his batting, notable for its skill and tenacity but also for its turgidity and self-absorption, tending towards selfishness.
The captains have had their say.
Joe Root, unsurprisingly, is focussed on the future.
Build towards winning in Australia and use the next two years to focus on putting in a winning tour Down Under. That’s a real incentive for everyone: to be part of something special down there.
Tim Paine is revelling in the here and now.
We’re very hungry. Last week’s result at Old Trafford was brilliant but all the guys know this is bigger, this is our Grand Final. We want this Test just as much as any other in this series.
James Robinson is in the live rubber camp. “The Aussies have been much the better team and deserve to win the series,” he emails, “so to draw it would be particularly beautiful.” Without projecting my views too strongly on others, in a summer that has contained a World Cup victory - and not just any World Cup victory, THAT World Cup victory - snatching a late draw in a home series that doesn’t recapture the Ashes all feels a bit, meh. That notwithstanding, I am still looking forward to the cricket for cricket’s sake.
Your reading list for this unit is, as ever, topped by Vic Marks. And he does a finer job than I of making the case for this Test to not be regarded as a dead rubber.
The Ashes may be gone but the notion of a dead rubber seldom applies when England meet Australia. A Test match between these two nations has a life of its own. There is now the added incentive of points in the Test Championship (no irony intended here, let’s give it a go) and a drawn series would be a welcome rarity in Ashes cricket.
There’s still a good 40 minutes or so before the toss, plenty of time to get in and out of a Spin.
If you enjoy this latest episode (featuring David Gower) you should check out the back catalogue, and subscribe for future episodes.
Preamble
Hello everybody and welcome to live OBO coverage of the opening day of the fifth and final Test of the Ashes from the Oval.
This is technically not a dead rubber, but it could be euphemistically described as resting. The destination of the Ashes has already been decided, and Australia celebrated the retention of the urn at Old Trafford like schoolkids on the last day of term, complete with drinking on a playing field and mocking some kid with glasses. Meanwhile England have been putting the right words in the right order to make it appear they are desperate to win at the Oval to draw the series, but there’s been a distinct lack of oomph to the platitudes, like that time Celine Dion covered ACDC. England’s selectors could have done more to heighten anticipation by selecting a couple of greenhorns in advance of overseas tours, but they’ve stuck with the same bunch that have largely failed to capture the imagination, relying on flashes of individual brilliance from a small number of performers to even make a contest out of a series played mostly on Australia’s terms.
Nonetheless, the weather is set fair for five days, there’s not a spare seat in the house, and we should all be cherishing the opportunity to witness Steve Smith bat in such groundbreaking form. Now the Ashes have been resolved and the boos silenced, let’s celebrate the greatness in our midst.
I’ll be around for the next hour or so before Adam Collins takes you through the morning session of play. If you want to be a part of the action you can drop me a line on Twitter or you can send me an email.
