Oh, and like Columbo, one last thing...
Massive congratulations to the Australians for taking this into the third day. A proud nation salutes you
— Peter Miller (@TheCricketGeek) August 7, 2015
England require three wickets to regain the Ashes
So there it is. At one stage it looked on that England could win match and series inside two days, but they’ll have to settle for three. Which still isn’t too bad at all.
Cheers for reading - that’s your lot for today. Join us tomorrow for the last rites, with your old pal Rob Smyth in to take England home. Unless something utterly implausible happens, of course...
Stumps - 63.2 overs: Australia 241-7 (Voges 48, Starc 0)
Broad is beat, so here’s Mark Wood for a last burst. Voges, for reasons passing understanding, tries a pull at one that loops up in the air, but drops short of the men coming in from fine leg and deep backward square. Wood then sends one down the leg side that swings a long way after passing the batsman.
Then the umpires get together and decide the light isn’t good enough, even with the floodlights on, and they go off. Given that it’s 6.27pm BST they won’t be back tonight, so that’s stumps.
62nd over: Australia 236-7 (Voges 47, Starc 0)
Starc’s the new man, and he leaves the rest of the over well alone.
England's fourth seamer: 5-35 Australia's fourth seamer: Dropped to protect the captain.
— Dave Tickner (@tickerscricket) August 7, 2015
WICKET! Johnson c Cook b Stokes 5 (Australia 236-7)
What. A. Ball. Stokes sends down a full, away hooper that Johnson drives at but can’t do anything except edge it to Cook, who takes a comfortable catch.
Updated
61st over: Australia 235-6 (Voges 46, Johnson 5)
Broad’s round the wicket to Johnson and sends him a ball that is so much of a jaffa there’s a years-long debate about whether it’s a cake or a biscuit. A proper close your eyes, hope you don’t nick it job, that. Then there’s another, this one closer to the stumps and was a coat of varnish from taking the off bail. Exceptional bowling late doors here. However, Johnson finally connects with one and lifts one right over Broad’s head for four.
60th over: Australia 231-6 (Voges 46, Johnson 1)
Voges pulls a single out to deep mid-wicket, giving Stokes a few balls at Johnson. One of them is turned off his thigh for a single just behind square, before Stokes loses the thread of what was presumably supposed to be an inswinging yorker, and it’s so high it’s nearly a no ball.
59th over: Australia 229-6 (Voges 45, Johnson 0)
Just a leg-bye from the over, as Broad only gets a couple of balls at Mitchy.
58th over: Australia 228-6 (Voges 45, Johnson 0)
Here’s Mitch. Stokes greets him with an absolutely vas hooping yorker, but it swung far too much and it flicks off the pads for four leg-byes. England have their breakthrough, though.
WICKET! Nevill lbw Stokes 17 (Australia 224-6)
...and that was dead. Could we still finish tonight?
Updated
Review!
England really do fancy getting Nevill down the leg side. They had a leg slip in for him earlier, and every now and then they throw in a short one vaguely at the ribs. Nevill gets out the road of that one, but then shoulders arms to an in-dipper from Stokes. The umpire says lbw...but it’s reviewed...
57th over: Australia 224-5 (Voges 45, Nevill 17)
Broad pitches a couple right up to Voges, double-daring him to drive, which he does but along the ground, straight to some fielders. Voges then opens the face to a length ball and collects three through gully. One more single from Nevill to end the over.
56th over: Australia 220-5 (Voges 42, Nevill 16)
Either the pitch is deadening or England aren’t bowling with the same pace as before, the ball getting to Buttler at around ankle height. Stokes goes wide on the crease and gets one to shape away from Nevill, making him play and miss, then drops one short that is pulled in front of square, but a combination of handy fielding and shoddy running keeps them to two. He then goes for the big yorker, but gets both line and length wrong and Nevill fine glances a leg stump full-toss for four.
55th over: Australia 214-5 (Voges 42, Nevill 10)
Double change in the bowling attack, as Stuey Stuey Stu Stu Broad comes back. Another maiden, bat barely laid on ball.
Graham Samuel-Gibbon is on the wind-up. I hope: “A spinner bowling dross, a keeper who cannot catch, fielders spilling the ball, combined with an opener who cannot open. How exactly is this going well?”
54th over: Australia 214-5 (Voges 42, Nevill 10)
Stokes is back to give it a bit of humpty in the closing stages, sending down a couple of bouncers to get the juices/blood flowing. A maiden.
John Davis is playing a game of the old How Many Australians Would Get In The England Team? “Lyon would improve our spinning options but would weaken our batting, especially on these pitches. Ali has batted well. You’d take one of the openers to replace Lyth - not sure which. I’d like Warner’s attitude, following an earlier email, but Rogers is just so damn English. I wouldn’t make a single change otherwise - even Smith over Bell, if this series were to be replayed in England.”
Hmmmm. Not sure about Bell over Smith, and you’d probably still want one of the lefty quicks, even if they have been erratic. Not sure for who, mind.
53rd over: Australia 214-5 (Voges 42, Nevill 10)
Yeah, probably best for England to go in now and come back after some rest tomorrow. Moeen slips down leg, so far that Buttler misses it and it skips away for four byes, Nevill takes a single, everyone looks a bit tired.
52nd over: Australia 209-5 (Voges 42, Nevill 9)
Ach, Finn drops short - a long-hop, in fact - which Voges helps around the corner and to the fine leg fence. Looking a little weary now, is Finn. Ah, but he gets Voges to flash a drive that flies just above fourth slip’s head, and Lyth maybe gets a fingertip to it but nothing more. Four runs, and the umpires have the light meters out, displaying those numbers that absolutely nobody understands.
51st over: Australia 201-5 (Voges 34, Nevill 9)
Hmmm, not getting much from Mo here. Voges drives him through the covers for four, then tucks for a single to square leg, before Nevill slaps a long-hop to the point boundary. Ah, but there’s an edge there - a feather that flicks Buttler’s gloves and trundles away for two. And a play/miss off the last ball. Got much better as it went on, did that over.
50th over: Australia 190-5 (Voges 29, Nevill 3)
Lovely bowling this from Finn. He gets Voges groping outside off, after which he pulls the bat away in that ‘trying to style out tripping over a paving slab’ manner that doesn’t fool anyone. Just a leg-bye from the over.
49th over: Australia 189-5 (Voges 29, Nevill 3)
Some spin, and Mo’s back. Voges welcomes him with a fine drive through the covers and to the fence. Mo doesn’t quite have it and they milk him for a selection of singles from the rest of the over.
48th over: Australia 182-5 (Voges 24, Nevill 2)
So, we’ve got another 20 overs in the day, plus a potential extra half an hour. And that’s out! Neville edges Finn to Cook at first sl...oh, but it’s a no ball. Silly Steve. Silly, silly Steve.
47th over: Australia 181-5 (Voges 24, Nevill 2)
Stokes is back on the field, so presumably it was just cramp rather than a bout of hamstring oof. Nevill finally gets off the mark from his 20th ball faced with a tuck off his hips, then Buttler claims a catch off Voges down the leg side, but that wasn’t near nuffink. A leg-bye and another single from the over.
Updated
46th over: Australia 178-5 (Voges 23, Nevill 0)
Finn beats Voges with one of those away-nippers that he plays at, then just has to hope he doesn’t catch the edge. Which, in good news for him, he doesn’t. Voges tries to leave the last ball of the over but it thuds into his gloves and dribbles to the slips.
Robert Wilson has some thoughts on Joe Root. In summary, he’s good: “Given all the eccentricities of this definitively weird game (random 8-fers, Aussies playing exactly the same shots that got them out first innings, David Warner generally being David Warner), how good does this make Root’s innings now look? Amidst all the English Broad-worship and Warne-mocking, you could just see a little uncomfortable awe in the reaction to Root. Admittedly, he had the best of the conditions but he was seeing it like it was a beachball and playing like some idealized computer game version of Sobers, Bradman and Ramprakash combined. He looked like an adult playing with children. Seriously, how good is he now?”
45th over: Australia 178-5 (Voges 23, Nevill 0)
Decent over from Wood, just a single coming from it via a thickish Voges edge into the covers. One wayward delivery is saved with a marvellous diving catch from Buttler, down leg side.
44th over: Australia 177-5 (Voges 22, Nevill 0)
Lovely over from Finn, missing Nevill’s edge (which sounds like it should be a peak in Nevada somewhere) by a whisker. One leg-bye from the over.
A poser from Matt: “Bit of a weird one, but something worth thinking about now that England are (effectively) reclaimed the ashes: who’s been the best Australian player this ashes? Who has underperformed the least?
“I reckon Lyon’s in with a shout; thinking particularly of that period at Edgbaston where he was taking a wicket every over. But yeah, thoughts?”
Lyon’s a reasonable shout, as is maybe Warner who has a 50 in each Test. When Starc’s been good he’s been very very good, but when he’s bad he’s been horrid. Any advance?
43rd over: Australia 176-5 (Voges 22, Nevill 0)
It’s possible that Wood can hear the commentators discuss how it should be him, rather than Finn who drops out when Jimmy Anderson is fit again, because he sends down an absolute zooter of an over, beating the edge and getting Nevill on the shoulder with a nasty lifter. Just a single from the over.
42nd over: Australia 175-5 (Voges 21, Nevill 0)
Finn gets Voges flashing outside off, and not in a good way, then a single brings Nevill to strike, and he plays out the rest of the over with extreme caution.
Ouch...
The crowd start chanting "sacked in the morning" as Clarke walks off the field. They're probably right.
— ByTheMin Cricket (@ByTheMinCricket) August 7, 2015
41st over: Australia 174-5 (Voges 20, Nevill 0)
Nevill’s the new man, and he watches one outside off.
In other news, Giles Clarke is a cartoon...
As a release day treat, here's a little taster of Giles Clarke from our off-cuts #changecricket pic.twitter.com/Ze2MturEdI
— Death of a Gentleman (@DOAGfilm) August 7, 2015
WICKET! Clarke c Bell b Wood 13 (Australia 174-5)
Wood bowls a bouncer that is so bouncy it’s called a high wide, then Clarke gets one of the least convincing fours you’ll ever see, trying to pull his bat away but it clips it through the slips. More pertinently, Stokes pulls up trying to chase the thing, and immediately goes off the field limping. He jogged off, so the chances of it being a proper hammy twang are minimal, but it’s a concern nonetheless.
However, England aren’t fretting for long, as Clarke once again plays one of those groping, uncertain drives to a wide ball, nicks it to Cook at first slip who juggles, palms the thing up in the air and Bell is there to swoop in and gather the catch. Will that be the last time we see Pup in a live Ashes match?
Updated
40th over: Australia 169-4 (Voges 20, Clarke 9)
Finn gets a couple spot on just outside Clarke’s off stump, causing the skipper to uncertainly play and miss. Clarke tucks the last ball of the over down to fine leg for a single.
I *think* this is banter, from Paul Griffin: “I’m sure the lads don’t need more of an incentive to wrap up the tail tonight, but it’s Electric Funeral Metal night at the Old Angel Inn in Nottingham tonight. Somebody called DJ Entropy is featured. However, MC Learn To Bat Properly is not on the list, so the Australians top order would get less value out of the evening, and should probably stay in with a protein shake and a coaching manual.”
39th over: Australia 168-4 (Voges 20, Clarke 8)
Wood has the ball now, and Voges slaps his loosener off the back foot, through the covers for four. The next one is a similar shot, but he gets a thick edge that bounces just shy of the slips, going through them as they take two runs.
Seems like an opportune time to plug this, the Guardian’s Cricket Pitch – Ashes Special at the Oval on Tuesday 18 August.
The UK’s only cricket-comedy-music-chat show returns with our Ashes Specials, in association with Kia. Hosted by The Observer’s Emma John, and comedian Andy Zaltzman, with former international, Gladstone Small and England women’s team captain Charlotte Edwards, The Last Leg’s Adam Hills and McBusted’s Harry Judd!
Details are here.
Updated
38th over: Australia 162-4 (Voges 14, Clarke 8)
Just the one single from Finn’s over, Voges snaffling it.
Not gone brilliantly this, has it Devereux?
37th over: Australia 161-4 (Voges 13, Clarke 8)
Broad’s getting some in-dip and some out-dip, but struggling to control either as he’d like at present. Voges tucks a single off his pads, and that’s yer lot from the over.
By the by, this was the last two-day Test, as Dan Lucas points out, when Andy Caddick turned into Malcolm Marshall for a glorious evening at Headingley.
Peter Jackson (presumably neither the director nor the former Huddersfield manager) has news for us: “According to Wikipedia (as all knowledgeable men begin their comments), the all-time series wins record currently stands at England: 31, Australia: 32. We could be about to see The Ashes drawn level over all time!
“I had a lucky escape yesterday, me and four other blokes were stuck in a lift at 10.50 am in the Radcliffe Road stand, almost missed the start! How gutted would I have been?!”
36th over: Australia 160-4 (Voges 12, Clarke 8)
The physio is on to have a word with Stokes, and at first glance it seems to be about that hamstring, but as it turns out he was merely delivering a banana. Anyway, Finn’s back into the attack, and he bowls a maiden that’s less eventful than your average Spiritualised gig.
Steve Hughes, whose other thoughts you can enjoy from the start of this innings, has been back on: “I would just like to reiterate my earlier comments about Cook’s declaration; it was innovative, courageous, and the timing was masterful, putting all of the pressure on the Oz boys, to which they inevitably succumbed. Batting beyond lunch would have achieved nothing, so kudos to captain Cook for his foresight and vision.
“Incidentally, I noted that the content of my previous mails was tampered with, and they were posted in a manner which suggested that I was not in favor of the declaration. I have to say I find this manipulation and misrepresentation of my comments disappointing.
“Outraged of Oswestry.”
35th over: Australia 160-4 (Voges 12, Clarke 8)
They keep cutting to Stuart Broad’s ladypartner in the crowd, which leads to the inevitable wolf-whistles from the well-oiled wazzocks in the crowd - come on, everyone, we can all do better than this. Including Broad himself, who floats a lovely leg stump half-volley to Voges, who jumps on it and flicks it to the mid-wicket fence. Three more runs from the over.
Updated
34th over: Australia 153-4 (Voges 6, Clarke 7)
Clarke airily wafts his bat at one outside off as if he’s a jaded magician waving his wand half-heartedly over a top hat. Probably isn’t even a rabbit in there. Clarke is in and around (Clive) that front pad again, this time working the ball just past mid-on and they dash through for three runs.
Janet Stevens has an answer to the question posed by Johnny Cleary in over 32, and it’s one she’s clearly put a huge amount of thought into and weighed up all the pros and cons of the argument before coming to the following learned conclusion:
“Yes.”
33rd over: Australia 150-4 (Voges 6, Clarke 4)
Prediction; if/when Clarke is out, it’ll be lbw - he’s playing around his pad a hell of a lot, flicking a single down to fine leg after riding a bit of in swing from Broad. 150 up for Australia, but they’re not exactly cracking out the bunting for that milestone.
32nd over: Australia 149-4 (Voges 6, Clarke 3)
Stokes sends down a few relatively uneventful numbers, with Clarke taking a single down to fine leg. A few balls haven’t really carried through properly, while others have taken off. Variable bounce isn’t, to say the least, what Australia want to see here.
Shots fired/boot in from Johnny Cleary here: “Given the Lords pitch was a featherbed and should be ignored, Smith has been bloody hopeless here!
“Is he another Aussie flat track bully?”
31st over: Australia 148-4 (Voges 6, Clarke 2)
Broad continues, and Voges...well, we’ll be generous and say he opens the face and gets a thick edge down to third man for four.
“Very heartening to see Stuart Broad overtake Fred Truman in the list of English Test wicket takers,” writes Andrew Pack. “Do you think there’s any remote chance of Stuart taking up Fred’s other mantle, of presenting a revived format of the Wheeltappers and Shunters Social Club? And yes, that is a set-up for you to put in a link to possibly the oddest TV series ever made (other than those Yugoslavian cartoons that sometimes used to be shown on BBC2 just before the Great Egg Race.)”
Sithee later, Andrew.
30th over: Australia 144-4 (Voges 2, Clarke 2)
Clarke *really* reaches for the first ball after tea, his eyes looking towards point but the drive heading off the inside part of the bat to just past mid-off, and they take two. Stokes feels his left hamstring, which isn’t massively promising, but he looks OK in the end, getting one to absolutely hoop from outside off, so far that it might’ve missed a second set down leg. Then Stokes sends down a bouncer that Buttler can only tip over the bar and it’s four byes.
“How much are you loving your job right now?” asks Sarah Morriss.
This much, Sarah.
That’s a lot. Loads. Plenty.
We’re back out for what could be the last session of the Test.
“Any chance of a plug?” writes George Browne. Happy to oblige, George. Take it away.
“I was just wondering if you fellows would be kind enough to give a little plug to the six-a-side tournament my cricket clubs is hosting next Sunday 16th August? The day should appeal to those who are enjoying this new, shorter form of the game. Entry is free, and play runs all day from 9am. There will be 15 fixures in total, with a two-group round robin stage followed by semi-finals and finals.
“The Hampshire Hogs, the club in question, is one of the oldest ‘Jazz Hat’ sides in the land and we are fortunate enough to play at a glorious village ground in Warnford, Hants.
“We’d be thrilled to welcome any OBO readers who fancy a day out. There’ll be local ale, Pimm’s and homemade cake, plus some top-notch pyjama cricket. Details are here.
“Did I mention that entry is free?”
It’s on. It’s bloody well on. Six wickets tonight to, with apologies to the two remaining Australians reading, reclaim the most marvellous prize in sport.
Nick Miller here to take you, this match and possibly the series home. Getcher emails to Nick.Miller@theGuardian.com or tweets to @NickMiller79, like Kenny MacLeod has:
“Do you think that the Aussies just want to go home? They could have made a game of this and they’re just wasting everyone’s time. Could they not have found a towel in the dressing room?”
Updated
Tea
So at the tea break Australia are four down, still 193 runs in arrears. Nick Miller is going to helm the evening session and I’d be surprised if he didn’t bring you news of England reclaiming the Ashes.
Cheers for all your emails and tweets. Sorry I couldn’t use them all. I’ll leave you with the only Fear you’ll need this evening.
29th over: Australia 138-4 (Voges 2, Clarke 0) This is great captaincy from Cook – he’d put Stokes there for that exact shot. Broad goes past Fred Trueman’s record to become England’s fourth highest Test wicket taker with 308. Only Anderson, Botham and Willis lie ahead. Voges is the new man and there’s a shout for a run out against him straight away as Stokes gets in a good throw from deep. They check, but Voges was well home. That’s tea.
Shannon Leaman, I love you so much: “Hello, Dan! I’m writing from the US. My husband is Australian and I can’t resist rubbing it in when the Aussies perform so terribly. On the way home from work yesterday I stopped at a bakery and bought a cake for my husband to cheer him up, but I had the baker write “Congratulations ‘Extras,’ Australian Top Score” on it in glorious green and gold.”
Wicket! Smith c Stokes b Broad 5
The plan works! Smith drives at a wide one and it flies low, straight to Stokes at short cover point.
Updated
28th over: Australia 136-3 (Smith 5, Clarke 0) Stokes is coming round the wicket to Shaun “Lousy Smarsh weather” Marsh. I know Australia are in trouble in this Test match, but the signs were there: you’re probably in trouble if you’re having to pick Shaun Marsh in your Test side. Anyway, appeal for a catch down the leg side gets turned down, rightly so, I think as it clipped the pocket. Before that, Marsh had got underway with a push to mid off for two. Oh wait, that’s his innings done. Thanks for coming, Shaun.
Wicket! Marsh c Root b Stokes 2
This is poor. Just as in the first innings, Marsh pushes at one that’s well wide of his off stump and moving away. It takes a thick outside edge and that’s not exactly difficult difficult lemon difficult for Root.
Updated
27th over: Australia 134-2 (Smith 5, Marsh 0) With two new batsmen at the crease, Broad returns. He starts with a very wide one outside Smith’s off stump and the world’s number one batsman drills him through cover for four. Broad’s sticking with a very, very wide line to Smith, but he resists temptation for the time being.
26th over: Australia 130-2 (Smith 1, Marsh 0) On Sky they’re showing a replay of all the Mark Wood deliveries where he’s pushed it with the popping crease and not been called for a no ball. Some of those are pretty clear no balls, too. That said, I feel bad for Wood now as Stokes, for the second time in consecutive overs, gets a wicket with a ball identical to one that Wood bowled in the preceding over.
“And I was just thinking that perhaps Jimmy’s place for the Fifth Test is safe after all,” writes Janet Stevens. “I thought he looked a bit worried as he applauded his mates back to the pavilion yesterday morning. Good that other people are getting a chance, though, he and Broad can’t go on for ever.”
Well he’s got more than 400 Test wickets; they’re going to pick him if he’s fit.
Updated
Wicket! Warner c Broad b Stokes 64
Again Warner tries to flick it round the corner and again he gets a top edge. This time it loops up to mid on and, after seemingly spending an age in the air, the ball plops down into the hands of Stuart Broad.
Updated
25th over: Australia 128-1 (Smith 0, Warner 63) That’s a half century for Warner, just brushing the ball with his bat as he flicks it round the corner and down to fine leg for a couple. And then more bad luck for Wood as he sends down a bumper, Warner looks to paddle it round the corner, it gets a top edge and flies all the way over Finn at long leg for as flukey a six as you’ll see. Another leg side ball and four more, flicked round the corner.
“One more and we’re in to the tail,” says Chris Allison, unkindly but not unfairly.
24th over: Australia 113-1 (Smith 0, Warner 48) Warner goes after Stokes with the hook shot, but doesn’t quite get hold of it and it’s fielded on the bounce by the man at deep square leg – Wood, I think. Just the one, then the same to Rogers flicking round the corner off his ankles. A leg bye, that I miss while checking my tweets, then a wicket! And it is – just – a legal delivery!
I was just thinking this.
@DanLucas86 Bit like this at The Oval back in '05. Hayden/Langer off to a 90+ flyer, before the Harm/Hogg/Flin/King of Spain thing did 'em
— AJDE (@ErnestWTwining) August 7, 2015
Wicket! Rogers c Root b Stokes 52
There we go. It’s almost identical to the non-wicket before as Stokes shapes it away, on a length from round the wicket. Rogers drives hard, hands away from the body and the ball flies to the left of Root at third slip; the Yorkshireman flings himself left and takes a heck of a catch.
Updated
23rd over: Australia 110-0 (Rogers 51, Warner 47) Four byes to begin with as Wood whangs a bouncer hundreds of miles over his head. That’s the hundred up. Four actual runs follow as Rogers tickles one off his knees, round the corner and down to fine leg. Then he’s gone! Edged to gully where Root takes a very good catch... oh no but it turns out he’s overstepped and it’s a no ball! He’s only a fraction over the line, but it’s a reprieve for Chris Rogers. He has a waft at the very next ball though, England go up and celebrate, but the umpire shakes his head... it’s a weird one, because there was a noise, but the bat was a good three feet away from the ball! The fifth ball is short and Rogers gets a thick top edge over the slips and away for four. That’s his 50.
What a weird over.
22nd over: Australia 97-0 (Rogers 43, Warner 47) Another maiden from Ben Stokes, his second in five overs today. He has bowled absolutely beautifully without reward in this innings.
Happy first birthday to Eleanor, whose dad Doug asks for a shout out. He doesn’t give a last name though.
I get a few of those, requests for happy birthdays. I’m still not sure whom I’m supposed to wish happy birthday from: is it from me, or is it from the person asking for the shout out?
21st over: Australia 97-0 (Rogers 43, Warner 47) A change of tack, as Ben Wyatt Mark Wood returns. Not much of a threat it seems and Rogers easily punches a cut out to deep cover point for a couple when he tries a bouncer. Nowt else happens in that over, though.
Meanwhile Henry Hempstead is a popular man! “Can you reassure Henry Hempstead that I am within 200 miles of Lyon and also have the fear?” writes the mysteriously named GM. “I wonder if any other readers are also within 200 miles of Lyon and have the fear?”
And Luke Williams adds: “Please reassure Mr Hempstead that I am share his Fear and am, at 275 driving kilometers from Lyon, well within his 200 miles. In a different country, though.”
20th over: Australia 95-0 (Rogers 41, Warner 47) Four more runs for Warner, via a thick outside edge that shoots along the ground and through third man. Back-to-back lbw appeals follow though as Stokes pings Davey on the pads with a pair of straight ones, but both were going to miss leg stump and the second by some way.
Alex Studholme pleads, “Don’t replace Nick Miller’s use of Nirvana with this.”
Meanwhile it’s time to play matchmaker, as Sarah Morriss writes in response to Henry Hempstead (18th over): “Henry is welcome to dash to Paris. He, me and the vin can share the Fear.”
19th over: Australia 91-0 (Rogers 41, Warner 43) A paddle sweep just round the corner gives Warner a run, then Rogers leans back and slaps a cut past Broad at backward point and away for four runs. Another boundary two balls later as Buck dismissively whips another too-full on through extra cover. Soft runs these, against Moeen.
18th over: Australia 82-0 (Rogers 33, Warner 42) An absolute beauty from Stokes, who is hooping it round corners here; pitched up on off stump from round the wicket and swinging away from Rogers’ drive. A bouncer, a couple of balls later, has the batsman looking to sway and ending up on his arse.
“Okay I most certainly have The Fear now,” writes Henry Hempstead. “I’m following the OBO from an apartment in Lyon. Nobody within approx. 200 miles cares about what’s happening in Nottingham, which means the inevitable Australian victory will have to be coped with by just me and, what do they call it here, ah yes, ‘vin’.”
17th over: Australia 82-0 (Rogers 33, Warner 42) Ta, Nick. What the bloody hell was that, Australia? You were meant to collapse spinelessly, not bring back The Fear for English fans as this extremely confident start is doing. Moeen tosses one up a bit too full and Rogers drills him nicely through extra cover for four. So Moeen goes a bit shorter and gets cut behind point for one.
That’s drinks, and I’ll hand back to Dan Lucas for the hour before tea. Email him on Dan.Lucas@theGuardian.com or tweet @DanLucas86.
Updated
16th over: Australia 77-0 (Rogers 28, Warner 42)
Bit of swing from Stokes, coming round the wicket and getting a few to duck into Warner, the second of which is a bit full and he pushes it down the ground and to the fence. He then semi-drives at a wider, full one that goes through point for a couple, then another drop! A tough chance, but Warner misjudges an in-ducker, edges right in the middle of first and second slip, Bell dives to his right and gets a good hand on it, but it pops in then out again.
Meanwhile - history!
Another update - the millionth legal delivery in Test cricket in England will be the second delivery of the 16th over of Australia's innings
— Benedict Bermange (@Benedict_B) August 7, 2015
Updated
15th over: Australia 71-0 (Rogers 28, Warner 36)
Hey, look at that - spin! Mo’s on, and Warner pushes his first ball to mid-on for a rapid single. That’s all from the over, as Rogers prods rather uncertainly at deliveries that aren’t really spinning.
14th over: Australia 70-0 (Rogers 28, Warner 35)
Hmmmm. That old thing luck is going for Australia today. Warner plays one of those weird flap pull shots that he pulls out of halfway through, the ball balloons off a top edge and flies over the slips for four. The next one is just short of a length but keeps low, causing Warner to look most vexed, before he collects a more deliberate boundary with a nice drive through the covers.
Steve Hughes again: “Thank you for your kind words Boris; I doubt that I have ever worn a more nauseating smirk of self-satisfaction than I am right now, in this moment of glorious vindication. Incidentally, if we had not declared, we would now be 482/9, and Broad would have reached his century.
“However, Australia are now mincing along merrily at 61/0, so we have effectively forfeited 152 runs. My startling prediction of humiliating defeat for the spineless Poms now seems inevitable, although it sits easily with my new found allegiance.”
13th over: Australia 61-0 (Rogers 28, Warner 26)
A change in the bowling, and Broad takes a rest for the first time in the Test, Ben Stokes taking the ball from the Pavilion End. He starts with a whiffy half-volley outside leg that Rogers reaches for and gets a tickle on, flicking it for four. Cheers go up as Australia pass their first innings target. See - alls they had to do was not get out all the time. You wonder why they didn’t think of that before.
Alex Studholme writes: “I wonder if Kieron Shaw also noted that England’s lead into the second innings of the original Ashes was 38. Which is slightly less of an advantage than 331. BUZZ BACK ON.”
12th over: Australia 57-0 (Rogers 24, Warner 26)
Oooh, lovely shot that from Rogers, driving a full one through mid-off and to the boundary. Finn’s not been quite at it so far - not exactly bowling nonsense, but the Aussies have nonetheless taken a liking to him. A couple more singles from the over.
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11th over: Australia 51-0 (Rogers 19, Warner 25)
Rogers gloves one down the leg side that trundles out towards fine leg, and they take two. Then he’s lucky to survive after driving without taking the standard precaution of footwork, inside edging just past his stumps and they take a single. Another quick one is pushed into the covers, and Australia are working their way to a big lead now.
Kieron Shaw is on buzz-harshing duty: “Is it worth remembering how this ‘Ashes’ business began – with Australia all out for 63 in the first innings at the Oval in August 1882, before coming back in the second innings and winning the match? RIP English cricket and all that.
“Six years later, at Lord’s in 1888, was actually the only other time (before yesterday) that Australia found themselves all out for exactly 60 in an innings. They won that match too, by 61 runs.”
Updated stat: David Warner averages 19.50 in the first innings of Ashes Tests and 70.60 in the second.
— 100 Ashes Quotes (@100ashesquotes) August 7, 2015
10th over: Australia 47-0 (Rogers 16, Warner 24)
Here’s big Stevie Finn with the ball. Rogers gets a single into the covers, then Warner is winded by a riser that tucks him up and thuds into his stomach. However, he regains his breath in time to play a delicious drive through mid-off and to the boundary, before getting another four with a little flick off his thigh that beats the dive of Moeen on the fence, and then six! Finn tries a shorter one but Warner, the blood flowing now, pulls with a flourish and a pirouette over deep backward square and into the crowd.
Meanwhile, nightmarish stuff from Vish here:
#OhMyBroad pic.twitter.com/sn1OJH3emI
— Vithushan (@Vitu_E) August 7, 2015
9th over: Australia 32-0 (Rogers 15, Warner 10)
Drop! Everyone was already celebrating after the familiar sight of Broad inducing an edge from an Australian batsman, but Cook - diving to his left but not that far and at around stomach height, grasses the thing and Warner is reprieved.
From an argument, springs admiration. Here’s Boris Starling again, on Steve Hughes: “‘At least I will be correct, which is the most important thing.’ It is this exact attitude which guides my every action. Mr Hughes, I salute you.”
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8th over: Australia 32-0 (Rogers 15, Warner 10)
Rogers flings everything at a Wood short ball so wide that he nearly put his back out reaching for it. No dice there, and he’ll be pretty glad about that, for it would’ve been a particularly embarrassing way to go. Just a no ball from the over.
7th over: Australia 31-0 (Rogers 15, Warner 10)
Broad takes an uncharacteristic detour into ‘filth’ territory, and Warner slaps the ensuing wide half-volley through the covers and to the fence. That’s all from the over, as Warner leaves the rest outside off.
Steve Hughes is back: “Now I have lost my sense of identity; Australia will score 501, leaving a tricky run chase of 170. However, we will be dismissed for 156, leaving us a tantalizing 14 runs short of victory. Cook, despite having carried his bat throughout, will be the last man out, retired hurt, attempting a Dilshan scoop, but mis-timing it, and directing the ball with great velocity into his nether regions. There will be outrage, heads will roll, Downton, Moores, KP will be re-instated. But at least I will be correct, which is the most important thing.”
Incidentally, if England are to stuff this one up, it would represent the biggest first innings lead that a side has ever lost after, beating the current ‘record’ held by Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon, against Australia in 1992.
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6th over: Australia 27-0 (Rogers 15, Warner 6)
Couple o’ runs for Rogers, clipping them neatly off his pads out to fine leg. He flashes at the last ball of the over and gets a thick, wild edge that eludes a flying, twisting Lyth at fourth slip. If Stokes and Smith’s catches in this Test were incredible, that one would’ve been miraculous.
David Hopkins sniffs, possibly from the scruffy bit of the East Midlands: “Tim Hill has some nerve claiming Brian Clough Way as an example of Nottingham naming its streets after sporting heroes, when the road actually links Nottingham and Derby, a city with equal claim to the great man. Poor form also in his eschewing a cheap gag about Broad Street perhaps referring to the presence of ladies of easy virtue.”
England inexplicably deviating from their first-innings strategy of taking a wicket every 11 balls. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
— Dave Tickner (@tickerscricket) August 7, 2015
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5th over: Australia 21-0 (Rogers 9, Warner 6)
Broad’s in, and Buttler takes a catch down leg that he seems pretty confident came via bat, but at best that clipped Rogers’ thigh pad. A jaffa beats the Rogers groping outside edge, then he shoves a single into the covers.
4th over: Australia 20-0 (Rogers 8, Warner 6)
Before that review, Davie Warner gets off his pair with two, via a misfield in the covers, then with four from a slightly uppish cut through point.
Alan Smith (again, not the Alan Smith who works here, or any of the professional footballers) writes: “Don’t really get this talk of Aussies not knowing how to face a laterally moving ball. It’s often overcast & humid in Australia, particularly in the north. One of next Ashes venues is hot, humid Brisbane where the ball will move. Also, the ball seams whatever the overhead conditions. They were out for 60 only partly due to the moving ball; it was mainly due to their testosterone-fuelled, front-foot, hard-handed attack frenzy. That thrashing will jolt them to re-learn the skills of defending and playing late ..... possibly as early as the next innings!”
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Not out!
Lordy that was a bad review. It was pretty full but it pitched just outside leg and was heading a fair way down, having swung with gusto in the air.
Review!
Toe-crusher from Wood to Warner, the umpire says not out...
They’re back out. Cricket is imminent.
Boris Starling is straight on Steve Hughes: “I don’t wish to be a pedant*, but re Steve Hughes’ views on the declaration: the 14 runs Warner and Rogers scored before lunch they would presumably have scored anyway no matter when they went in, so they can hardly be counted as runs off our overall lead.”
*I always wish to be a pedant.
“Tim Hill fails to declare his interest in landmarks being named after people,” j’accuses Matt Farrow, “because there was of course that time they named that grassy bit outside Wimbledon as Henman Hill in his honour.”
Laughed far more at that than I really should have.
Yep, we’ve found one - an Englishman who has found something to be downbeat about this whole affair. Steve Hughes chuckles:
“I don’t understand the praise for the declaration; it was just dumb. An early declaration only makes sense if there are time constraints, which there clearly are not; over three and a half days to go.
“If Aussies bat well for two days, we could be chasing an awkward target, and Cook has just thrown away a potentially useful 30, 40, 50 runs or more from the last pair. So we just forfeited, say, 30 runs in that period, and conceded 14 before lunch; minus 44 runs from our potential lead. Trying to be seen to innovative and aggressive, but really not a smart move.”
Steve does not approve of the funk.
“I moved to Nottingham eight years ago,” writes Tim Hill, but not the Tim Hill I went to school with just outside Nottingham or the one that works at the Guardian, who as it happens are the same person, “and for the entire period have been mildly irked by the name of its actually-rather-narrow Broad Street. Given the city’s propensity for renaming its roads after local sporting legends (Brian Clough Way, anyone?), I’m hoping we can convince the council to expand this to Stuart Broad Street and kill the two birds of pedantry and celebration with one nomenclatural stone. Anyone with me on this?”
Afternoon, Nick Miller here. Life is sweet. My lunchtime jacket potato was just so, I’ve just seen a bloke wearing genuine, full-blown bell-bottoms and England could regain the Ashes by this evening. Two days! Imagine that. They could well win the last two Tests in the time it should take to win one. What a time to be alive.
But, of course, this liveblog is probably being read in Australia too, so let’s take a moment to think of those from down under who might be suffering.
Good, right, glad that’s done with. Send your thoughts to Nick.Miller@theGuardian.com or tweet @NickMiller79.
Also, there’s essential lunchtime reading. Tanya Aldred writes about everyone’s favourite holiday pastime: beach cricket.
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Lunch
So Australia are 14-0 at the end of the first session, 317 runs behind. They got five English wickets, but the batsmen played with freedom and joyful abandon, adding 117 runs in no time at all and declaring, just for the giggles really. It gave Australia a tough three overs to survive and they just about managed it, with Broad giving Warner a hell of a grilling in that last one before lunch.
Nick Miller is your man after the break. Send all your musings his way for the next hour and a half or so.
3rd over: Australia 14-0 (Rogers 8, Warner 0) Rogers’ time wasting tactics are a miserable failure, as Aleen Dar decides we’ve got time for another over before lunch. The crowd are happy with that, but Warner won’t be as a couple of Broad lifters just nudge away off the pitch and barely miss the shoulder of the bat. Then a slightly fuller one zips past the inside edge! This is so, so good to watch. Warner finally lays bat on one with a forward defensive, then Broad beats him yet again with one that moves away off the pitch. One last ball for Warner to survive before lunch... and it’s slightly anticlimactic as it goes round to long leg for a leg bye. That’s lunch.
2nd over: Australia 13-0 (Rogers 8, Warner 0) At the other end it’ll be Wood v Warner. It was a pretty comfortable victory for the bowler in the first innings – Warner was one of the batsman to escape blame for the debacle as it was a peach that did for him. A leg bye, then Rogers shamelessly wastes time in checking his guard to boos from the crowd. He gets a couple of very nice boundaries after that though, whipping one that’s too straight through midwicket and leaning into one across him, easing it through extra cover.
Does anyone else think Wood looks like that guy out of Parks and Recreation?
1st over: Australia 4-0 (Rogers 0, Warner 0) Four slips and a backward point in place for Rogers. Broad has the new ball, but I feel like I didn’t need to tell you that, and he’s coming round the wicket. He begins with a lifter, that Rogers defends well enough on the back foot. Australia, but not Rogers, are off the mark with four leg byes off the hip, down to fine leg, but then Broad is very, very interested in one that wobbles around teh seam, beats the inside edge and strikes Rogers high on the leg. No review, as it hit him outside the line though.
“I don’t know too much about Kiekegaard’s existentialism,” writes John Starbuck, “but I do know most English people pronounce his name wrongly: ‘Sir-en Keer - for’ was what I was taught. Any arguments with that?”
I’ll leave that to my smarter readers, such as Ian Copestake, who writes: “I feel bad having unleashed the exactitudes of German grammar on what was meant to be a relaxing morning of Aussie baiting. But I need to say that Adorno was renowned for losing his own grammatical hold on the language he loved once someone got him excited. Passion can overcome reason (thus avoiding the drift towards fascism) which is what Adorno and his Frankfurt crew were dedicated to proving.”
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Same again please, Stuart.
I do like this from Cook. Keeping the foot on the throat by effectively saying “We can win this inside two days”.
England declare with a lead of 331
86th over: England 391-9d (Broad 24, Finn 0) Amusing bit on Sky where they replay a bit from before the start of play, in which Ricky Ponting explains how to bat in swinging conditions as Mitchell Marsh loses his middle stump in the nets behind him. Back in the present, Broad is beaten all ends up by a slower one but then bloody hell! Cook has called them in! We’re going to have a tricky 10 minutes for Australia to face before lunch.
85th over: England 391-9 (Broad 24, Finn 0) One more for Broad, guiding Starc down to third man and bringing Finn on strike. He’s leaving almost everything on length here, which is a shame. Oh no there we go, he tries to hit this next one to Leicester and doesn’t even get close; smiles all round on the field, which is nice.
Thanks to James Thomas, who notes that Ian Botham played in five winning Ashes series. Fine company for Bell to be in.
84th over: England 390-9 (Broad 23, Finn 0) The hundred is up for Mitchell Johnson off the first ball of his return, as he goes full and wide and Moeen absolutely murders it over backward point for four. He goes next ball though, for a fine 24-ball 38 and Johnson gets his first wicket of the Test. That was all about Steve Smith though, a really really sharp catch. There’s half a shout for lbw against Finn, first ball, but it’s pitched outside leg I think and was missing it in any case.
“England should declare, rather than risk Broad and Finn against the new ball,” reckons Simon Eckford. “The extra runs are irrelevant and Australia’s only hope is if England lose one or two of their front line bowlers.”
I agree that England probably have enough, but: (a) this is embarrassing for Australia and certainly demoralising them and (b) this is really, really fun.
Meanwhile, Paul Foley asks: “Is scoring one third of the other team’s score in one over the highest ever in test cricket?” As we have an Australia office, I’m totally not laughing.
Wicket! Moeen c Smith b Johnson 38
Catch! Moeen pushes at one and it takes the edge. It looks to be going down to third man, but Smith flings himself to his left, Stokes-like, and grabs on to it one handed at slip.
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83rd over: England 386-8 (Broad 23, Moeen 34) A couple more to Moeen as he swishes Starc off the pads. Mitch S is still bowling in the high 80s, but he must be getting a bit tired by now, having bowled unchanged today. He then mistimes a drive, getting it up and over cover and off to that beloved boundary. That’s 53 from 42 balls for the partnership. One more as Moeen guides it down to third man for a single.
82nd over: England 379-8 (Broad 23, Moeen 27) Hazlewood shares the new ball and, with a big wide flung outside off, sends the lead to 300 and England’s score to six (!!!) times that of Australia’s. Moeen then moves to 22 – all in boundaries – with a lovely timed shot straight back down the ground, and follows that by working it wide of mid on for four more. But then the run comes to an end, as he mistimes a cut at a short, wide one and just gets the one, er, run. Broad then gets in on the act, smashing one up and over mid off for four more! A bouncer follows and that’s hooked over square leg for six! 20 from the first five balls, then a near-wide to finish brings a blessed dot.
“Scheiss, on the other hand, is masculine,” notes Scott Poynton. I did email him back saying he was wrong, but he isn’t. Sorry man.
This is an excellent question:
@DanLucas86 On another note, if this series goes as we now hope, will Bell be the only living Englishman to have been in 5 winning Ashes'?
— Ravi Nair (@palfreyman1414) August 7, 2015
81st over: England 359-8 (Broad 13, Moeen 18) The new ball is available, but Starc has no interest in it just yet. Broad stands tall to his second ball and drives sweetly on the up, through extra cover for four, so Starc develops a sudden interest in the new ball and takes it. Two more from the last ball, full and clipped off the legs.
Paul Ewart’s back. “Pah! Whilst Mapleston’s linguistic erudition is commendable his reading of Søren Aabye Kierkegaard’s existentialist philosophy leaves a lot to be desired. Kierkegaard’s existence was defined by not doing sh*t. Thus it would follow that the correct translation is ‘lad os ikke gøre det lort og beklagelse om evigt mere’”
80th over: England 353-8 (Broad 7, Moeen 18) Perhaps we will see the new ball next up? Nathan Lyon’s on to bowl what might well be a token over of spin, anyway. Broad nudges him away for two into the on side, but then gets hit in front. It’s close, but given not out, so Australia review... it’s not out! He was trying to sweep and missed it; the ball was hitting halfway up off, but the impact was only a fraction in line, so it’s umpire’s call. Broad celebrates with a single, then Moeen shows him how to properly celebrate with a mighty straight drive into the stands!
Not out
Nope, impact is umpire’s call, which is a nonsense as there’s no predictive element there.
Review! Broad lbw b Lyon 6
This is given not out on the field, but looks mighty close to me...
79th over: England 344-8 (Broad 4, Moeen 12) We’re back underway with a glorious shot from Moeen, who leans into a full, wide one outside his off stump and caresses it out of the middle of the bat and through cover for four. Back-to-back boundaries, in fact, as the next delivery is too straight and gets clipped up and over square leg to the rope.
78th over: England 335-8 (Broad 3, Moeen 4) A thick outside edge from Broad brings cries of “catch!”, but they die down quickly enough as it transpires that the ball is going nowhere near a fielder, but rather flying out to deep point for a single. England lead by 275 at drinks.
“You’re all wrong,” reckons Dave in Vienna. “None of them would have said ‘dieses Scheiße’ because Scheiße is feminine (please don’t read too much into that, so’s work) so it would have been ‘diese Scheiße’.” This is correct.
77th over: England 334-8 (Broad 2, Moeen 4) Starc looks so threatening here – can he match Broad’s eight? He comes close to number seven with a yorker that tails into Broad very late, but the greatest living Englishman keeps it out well enough. Given how much Starc is getting this to move, will Clarke take the new ball when it’s available in three overs’ time? I’d wager not. Another yorker is dug out to finish the over, and England sprint a sharp single.
“This worries me, English batsmen not dealing with what little swing the Australian bowlers can muster. What on earth is going to happen when we bat again?” asks Michael Gaff.
Personally, I don’t think we will bat again.
76th over: England 333-8 (Broad 1, Moeen 4) A couple of you have emailed in about the prospects of Starc taking in all 10 wickets. In my opinion, it’s a stretch as Hazlewood got Bairstow out yesterday. That same bowler finds Stokes’ edge here, but it stays low and goes wide of gully, running away for four more. And indeed that’s as many as Stokes will get as Hazlewood grabs his second. Runs straight away for Broad, via an inside edge out to long leg.
“If you’d offered Cook the Aussies all out for 60 and England 324 -7 in reply, I reckon he’d have taken it,” reckons Andy Brittain. Take my job, Andy, just take it.
Wicket! Stokes c Nevill b Hazlewood 5
A nothing wicket this. Full and swinging down the leg side, but Stokes gets the tiniest inside edge as he looks to flick it round the corner and Nevill holds it. Time for a 60-ball Broad hundred, yeah?
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75th over: England 328-7 (Stokes 1, Moeen 4) Runs, at last, for Stokes, as he turns a straight one down to fine leg for one but then Buttler goes for a flashy, but not brilliant 12. Rather hilariously, Moeen Ali strolls out at number nine and is greeted by an inswinger that goes all wrong and flies down the leg side for four byes. This is wonderful bowling from Starc, who is on for his best ever Test figures, but the final ball of his over is a bit too full and worked through midwicket for four.
“Just to point out that Ewart and Copestake both got it wrong,” points out Peter Maplestone. “The words were ‘Lass uns dieses Scheisse machen.’ Unfortunately, I am not in a position to say if it was Adorno or Benjamin. Actually, my money would be on Kierkegaard. But he being Danish would more likely have said ‘Lad os gøre dette lort.’”
Indeed. I don’t remember the quote, but my German degree tells me this one makes a lot more sense.
Wicket! Buttler b Starc 12
This is wonderful bowling. On a length and swinging back in late, the ball flies through a big gate as Buttler tries to drive and crashes into middle and off.
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74th over: England 319-6 (Stokes 0, Buttler 12) A change of bowling as Johnson, who has been pretty ordinary – to use the Australian parlance – is replaced by Hazlewood. His first ball cannons away off Stokes’ boot and they jog through for a leg bye. A few balls later, the right armer overpitches outside off and Buttler crunches it very nicely through extra cover for four, before punching another down to straight mid on for his third boundary.
73rd over: England 310-6 (Stokes 0, Buttler 4) Jos Buttler really could do with some runs in this series, but for the first time now he has a tailor-made situation to bat in: 246 ahead and with a similarly positive Ben Stokes at the crease with him. I suppose it’s not quite ideal, as he is facing Mitchell Starc in the middle of a quite gorgeous spell of seam bowling. Buttler is off the mark with a push down the ground for four to long off.
Wicket! Wood b Starc 28
Oof. A lovely in-dpping yorker from Starc gives him a Michelle, ends Wood’s fun and rips leg stump out the ground.
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72nd over: England 306-5 (Stokes 0, Wood 28) Johnson goes back over the wicket, whangs down a full and wide one that Wood drives at hard, getting a big thick edge that brushes the leaping Clarke’s fingers on its way down to third man for four. That takes England to five times Australia’s score. And then SHOT! Identikit ball follows and Wood thumps it aerially, but safely, through extra cover for a rocket of a four! Finally Johnson pulls his length back, but he’s still bowling way outside off and Wood misses out when he bottom edges a pull. There’s a shout for lbw shortly after, but it’s missing leg by a fair old distance. A big thrash gets an inside edge down to fine leg for a single off the final ball.
71st over: England 297-5 (Stokes 0, Wood 19) Starc beats Root again with an outswinger that evades the right-hander’s attempted cover drive. This is a nice little spell from Starc and it pays off, bringing Ben Stokes to the crease. Stokes gets a cracking yorker straight away and does well to dig it out with a nice straight bat. A wicket maiden.
Wicket! Root c Nevill b Starc 130
On a length, just outside off and nipping away a touch; Root goes for the big drive and feathers it behind to the keeper, who takes it easily. Standing ovation for Root.
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70th over: England 297-4 (Root 130, Wood 19) One more to Root, who rolls the first ball off his ankles and out to deep square leg. Wood then brings out the shot of the day, leaning into a full, wide one and lacing it through cover, right out the middle of the bat and whistling away for four. Johnson continues to bowl full and Wood turns the next one out to mid on for two more. This is utter dross, yet another one pitched up and Wood pushes him straight back down the ground for a couple more. Nine off that over.
Do you think County Cricket is better than this Test nonsense? Would you rather read about that? Here you go then!
69th over: England 288-4 (Root 129, Wood 11) Short and on the hips from Starc and Root turns him round the corner for a single, then MIRTH as Johnson fumbles the return throw. Wood sees off the rest of the over with little difficulty.
Patrick Foyle writes: “The boss and I have agreed; we need to inflict complete humiliation upon our Antipodean guests over the course of today, ideally via a Ben Stokes smashathon before more high quality pace bowling. What could be more fun?
“Another reason to mail – and I assume you get a lot of these – would you be willing to post a link to a cycle ride I start next week?” Ah-ha! “It’s just the 800km in a week along with 20km of vertical ascent through the Pyrenees to worry about, but I am raising money for Mind at the same time so any small contribution will help propel me up the hills / mountains / vertical horrors.”
Not at all.
68th over: England 287-4 (Root 128, Wood 11) Filth from Johnson: a short, wide nothing ball that Wood guides effortlessly through backward point for the first four of the day. He follows that immediately with the second, driving a half volley uppishly over extra cover and to the fence. You’d expect the bouncers to come flying in now, especially as Johnson goes round the wicket, but he continues to pitch it up. No more runs from the over though.
Paul Ewart is in the mood for a fight, er, I think: “That numskull Copestake has got it all wrong! Adorno lamented the commodification of contemporary cricket demanding the return of free-to-air viewing and insisting twenty twenty be cast to the wind. Walter Benjamin, however, celebrated the radical potential of Sky TV and the shorter, more popular and reproducible format. It was he who said: ‘las uns dieses Schiesse machen’. I demand a retraction!”
67th over: England 279-4 (Root 128, Wood 3) The odd moment of excellence on the first day, but a lot of stupid stuff too and seemingly losing his head at one point, on comes Mitchell “Ned” Starc(k). Root tucks his first ball off the pads to deep midwicket for a couple, then gets one more with another nudge into the on side. Wood then gets right back off strike by dropping it into the off side and setting off for what should be a very tight single, but Lyon fumbles at mid off and the run out opportunity goes begging. A play and miss at the final ball from Root, driving airily outside off and being beaten by the late away swing.
66th over: England 275-4 (Root 125, Wood 2) It’ll be Johnson to begin with, on a slightly breezy, slightly overcast morning at Trent Bridge. “An ordinary day for Australia,” is Shane Warne’s opinion on yesterday. Imagine what a bad day must look like! Root looks to push a wide bumper down to the unguarded third man region, but is foiled by a good diving stop at gully by Smarsh. An inside edge just past the stumps to square leg gets the first run of the morning, before Wood keeps out a full inswinger comfortably.
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Before we get underway in a moment, happy birthday for yesterday to Malcolm Conn. Hope he had a good one.
Every Australian batsman #Ashes2015 pic.twitter.com/1JSFHE2qw4
— Matt (@MatthewHewitt) August 6, 2015
And Paul Foley has a question. “Getting ahead of the game a touch but I wonder have there been any occasions where a night watchman gets more runs than an entire opposition’s innings?”
Yesterday’s hero was not Joe Root, nor Stuart Broad. At least according to Robert Wilson:
“Dear Dan,
“I’m not even faintly Australian and I know he will never be troubling the Nobel Committee but I thought David Warner was immense yesterday. After his dismissal, he was straight out onto that balcony with his Clint Eastwood face on, invitiing and defying the camera’s scrutiny. When fielding, he attacked the ball like it had insulted his mother. He bowled the world’s highest, silliest bouncer and sledged it up loads while bowling at 70mph.
“Yes, the fake accidental shoulder-bump is the toddler’s version of machismo. But how mature can machismo ever be? And what purpose does mongrel defiance serve in such purposes? What can it matter in the midst of such humiliation? Well, I can’t help feeling that when it is all that is left to you, it matters very much. He stood right up to it. And he ended up looking like the least humiliated guy in the ground.
“He gained an admirer.”
Yep I’m a big fan too. His refusal to accept that anything he ever does is less than brilliant I guess makes him Australia’s Stuart Broad, and therefore gloriously entertaining and never more so than in defeat.
Some more emails. The first comes from super smart Ian Copestake: “My background reading on the context of Adorno’s writing of “The Dialectic of Enlightenment” is having to come to a halt because of the greater importance of watching England not relinguish their throat hold on the Aussies. So as Adorno might have said ‘las uns dieses Schiesse machen’ [let’s do this].”
“Is your Granddad really called Alan Partridge?” Yes, Charles Horwood, he is. “That is excellent. I remember the BBC did a piece once about a guy in Scotland called Donald Duck who was named before the cartoon existed. He was a doctor and said one of his patients was nearly sectioned after insisting his GP was Donald Duck.”
“Purrrrleeeease, I’m literally begging you, stop talking about this match already being won. It’s almost like you’ve never seen England play cricket before.” Toby Bruce there, is wrong about me, but is probably a wise man.
Finally an Australian view, from Brendan Jones: “No two ways about it, yesterday morning was the most disgraceful and spineless effort I have ever seen from the Australian cricket team. But there is hope. In Birmingham in 1922, Hampshire scored 15 in its first innings. Warwickshire came out and scored 223 - a pretty handy reply you’d think. Hampshire responded with 521 then bowled Warwickshire out for 158, Hampshire winning by 155 runs.
Also, Australia holds the Test record of victory after conceding the largest first innings deficit, defeating Sri Lanka in 1992 after conceding a first innings lead of 291. England should have The Fear.
Actually scratch that. There is no hope. England has regained the Ashes - congratulations, and we’ll see you in Brisbane in November 2017.”
That’s a fair point. I actually got a gloating tweet the other day when Northants were 19-6, having earlier been 0-3 off three balls against Worcestershire. My heroic, beleaguered hometown team still won the match by 21 runs.
With 20 minutes to go, why not enjoy this unaired 1986 episode of The Office, starring Sir Ian Botham? My personal favourite bit is where, four seconds in, he responds to a question about sexism with “look love”.
“So, Trent Bridge, first day, no Jimmy - this is going to be tough, isn’t it? By the way, I had a great dream last night...”
You’ve been having my dreams, Paul Mitchell. Get out of my head!
OBOs in history: this from Rob Smyth, 10 years ago today.
Now, I understand that with our Australian readers, we should be objective, even with the giddiness of yesterday. But what good is there to say about Australia yesterday? They scored their 60 runs at a decent enough rate and played positive, bad cricket? I was in the pub talking to people about whether we could find parallels between this match and any other in the Ashes and we were struggling to think of any – even Melbourne 2010. Is this going to be England’s best ever win? What can Australia, realistically do to salvage pride, if not the match?
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“Can you make sure th Guardian produces the inevitable 60 t-shirt so I can buy one for my son who’s flying to Oz in 10 days time?” asks Cliff Challenger, who either stole my pseudonym or has the best name of anyone who isn’t my granddad (Alan Partridge, since you didn’t ask).
“Morning Dan.” Morning, Jonathan Day. “Apropos of nothing I took it upon myself to find a Bible passage relevant to yesterday’s magnificent events, with Chapter and Verse corresponding to Broady’s figures. Accordingly I give you Isaiah Chapter 8, Verse 15: “And many among them shall stumble, and fall, and be broken, and be snared, and be taken.” Which happily sums up the Aussie innings rather well.”
Away from the Ashes, this is also pretty amazing. Because it’s Chris Gayle, so of course it is.
I think this comment sums up how a lot of England fans felt yesterday:
Glorious comment pic.twitter.com/pBRXnRqUbQ
— Dan Lucas (@DanLucas86) August 7, 2015
Preamble
Morning folks. Some great news from yesterday: Larry David has a notebook full of ideas for a ninth season of Curb Your Enthusiasm! Personally I couldn’t be happier, one of the funniest sitcoms ever making a return, it puts me in the mood to revisit the classics. Palestinian Chicken, The Doll, The Table Read – there are few funnier half hours of TV than these. It’s not just Larry, the social assassin either, but the supporting characters: Jeff and Susie, Marty Funkhouser, Ted Danson …
OK, I’m filling space, but that’s because this Test match, and indeed this series, are done. With good weather forecast for the remaining four days, Australia are already 214 runs behind, England have six wickets in hand and Moeen Ali is due to come in at number bloody nine. Never in Ashes history have Australia overturned such a first-innings deficit and this is not a classic Australian batting line-up. They are cooked.
Yesterday was extraordinary. I had several friends who don’t follow cricket texting, messaging, tweeting me to ask what was going on and why England were doing so well. I genuinely have no idea; “Stuart Broad is in one of his moods,” was all I had for the first innings, while “Jonny Bairstow might be better than I’ve made out” was there for the second.
Had this innings been the first of the match, you’d be pleased enough with it if you’re an England fan. After the carnage of the first hour and 20 minutes though … well, what’s the best day of your life?
England should just bat as long as they can today, there’s no need for thoughts of a declaration. Another hundred-odd runs would do just nicely though and probably ensure that England won’t have to bat again. This cakewalk gets under way at 11 BST.
As for the view from Australia …
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