Right, that’s it from me. Stick around to see if Mike Selvey, Vic Marks and Ali Martin can make any sense of that shambles from England. And be sure to join us again tomorrow for day three. But for now, cheerio!
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What a bizarre day of cricket. And what a bizarre series this has been.
STUMPS
England 107-8, trailing by 374. Seven wickets fell for 77 runs in that evening session. Pick the bones out of that, then …
No, me neither.
40th over: England 107-8 (Wood 8, Moeen 8)
Siddle – bowling a gem of a spell – beats Moeen with another beauty that zips past the outside edge but the next is pushed down the leg side and flicked to fine leg for four. Moeen blocks and leaves the rest.
And that will be stumps, the end of another crazy day of Ashes cricket.
39th over: England 103-8 (Wood 8, Moeen 4)
A maximum of three overs remain in the day. Marsh will bowl the first of them. Moeen leaves alone outside off then clips a single to square leg.
38th over: England 102-8 (Wood 8, Moeen 3)
Wood plays and misses at Siddle outside off. And the next is short of a length and moves away like a leg break. The last nibbles back in but misses the edge once more.
Here’s Steve Sumner, coming in off his long run:
Despite the undeniable joy of victory in the series, I think this must be the most dismal Ashes I have ever seen as neither side has shown any sort of grit or resilience - instead both teams have lurched from the first successful blow landed by the other side and then collapsed in a pitiful fashion.
Obviously an England win is great but this sort of topsy turvy nonsense could be the death knell for Test cricket - there is no longer a an element of test here - instead pampered players, protected from the daily rigour of county cricket are lauded for coming in, smacking the ball about a bit and then heading back to the hutch.
I remember the glory days of English test cricket, when my mother had the time to chase the late, lamented Richie Benaud around the Oval in a forlorn hope of an autograph whilst the batsmen dashed and slashed their way to 1.33 runs an over - ok maybe that’s too much the other way but there’s got to be a happy balance somewhere
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37th over: England 101-8 (Wood 8, Moeen 3)
Wood dangles his bat outside off and gets enough on it to loop the ball over Warner in the gully. Four runs. From the next, though, Marsh has his man, tempting the drive and finding an edge through to first slip where Voges takes the catch. As Wood walks off, though, the umpires check the no ball … and it’s a huge one from Marsh. Almost as big as Finn’s effort at Smith was earlier. Dear me, what a mess. Wood celebrates the reprieve by poking another through the gully area for four to bring up the England 100.
36th over: England 92-8 (Wood 0, Moeen 3)
Siddle returns with the express purpose of polishing this England innings off before the close. Moeen has another nibble outside off, the ball missing the outside edge by a whisker. And Siddle repeats the trick with the next. And with the next. The last of the over does find the edge, but it drops just short of first slip. A simply brilliant over from Siddle, a minor masterpiece.
“I’ve purchased tickets for the final three days of all this summer’s Tests, bar Lords,” writes Mark Carrington. “At lunch today, I was confident of doubling my time spent at The Ashes 2015 (approx 2 1/2 days), so far. Not now.”
Australia's tactic of batting as badly as possible on the first day of Tests 3 and 4 is now looking questionable.
— Andy Zaltzman (@ZaltzCricket) August 21, 2015
35th over: England 92-8 (Wood 0, Moeen 3)
A double wicket maiden for Marsh, who has bowled beautifully here. Figures of 5-2-8-3 don’t flatter.
WICKET! Broad c Voges b Marcsh 0 (England 92-8)
Edge! Safe! Broad almost falls to Marsh from his third ball, but the edge drops just short of Clarke at second slip. But from the next ball he’s out, another nibble, another edge, and this time it flies to Voges at first slip.
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WICKET! Stokes c Neville b Marsh 15 (England 92-7)
My word. Stokes tries to hammer a pull shot into the Thames but skews it straight into the south London sky. Neville waits … waits … waits … and takes the catch.
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34th over: England 92-6 (Stokes 15, Moeen 3)
Four singles off the first four balls of Lyon’s latest. Followed by two dots.
33rd over: England 88-6 (Stokes 13, Moeen 1)
Another furious bouncer from Johnson rears up at Stokes like an angry bear. Stokes does well to sway out of the way. And the batsman fights back well from the next, punching through cover point for two.
32nd over: England 86-6 (Stokes 11, Moeen 1)
Stokes latches onto a short one from Lyon and cuts hard, but picks up just a single thanks to the sweeper out on the cover boundary.
31st over: England 85-6 (Stokes 10, Moeen 1)
A Johnson bouncer crashes into Moeen’s helmet. The batsman – who had got himself into a right old tangle – is fine and it’s good to see a fielder hop in to check he’s OK.
“We’re teasing them aren’t we?” writes Derek Fordham. “It is like the end of an edition of Bullseye - let’s have a look at what you could have won.”
30th over: England 85-6 (Stokes 10, Moeen 1)
A cracking ball from Lyon does for Buttler, tossed up outside off and ripping back through the gate (although the gate was hanging off its hinges) as Buttler pushed forward. This is heading towards bizarro Ashes territory.
WICKET! Buttler b Lyon 1 (England 84-6)
Go home Ashes. You’re drunk.
29th over: England 84-5 (Stokes 10, Buttler 1)
So an under-pressure Jos Buttler strides to the crease. I don’t think he’s under pressure for his place, as such, but speaking to him between Tests he was very aware of his failure to contribute meaningfully with the bat in this series so far.
He gets off the mark immediately with an inside edge that skitters away to third man off the pad. Stokes wafts at the next outside off and he dangles his bat rather aimlessly at the last.
WICKET! Bairstow c Lyon b Johnson 13 (England 83-5)
Mitchell Johnson returns for one last blast before the close. And he does for Bairstow! It’s another soft dismissal. Johnson bangs one in, Bairstow loses control of his pull shot and picks out Lyon in the deep.
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28th over: England 82-4 (Stokes 9, Bairstow 13)
Nathan Lyon returns to the attack. Bairstow immediately pounces on a half volley and thunks down the ground for four, then tickles round the corner for one. This pair have the potential to be a seriously thrilling sight … but they’ve got some tough work to do first. Stokes edges wide of Clarke at slip for four. Twelve from the over, but despite that not a bad one from the bowler.
27th over: England 70-4 (Stokes 4, Bairstow 6)
Stokes gets off the mark with an economical punch down the ground off Marsh – four runs, fine shot. The bowler pushes the ball wider as a result and Stokes leaves, leaves and leaves again.
26th over: England 66-4 (Stokes 0, Bairstow 6)
Siddle, who has two for 12 on his return to the side, continues. Bairstow whips another ball arrowing in on the stumps into the leg side for a couple.
25th over: England 64-4 (Stokes 0, Bairstow 4)
That was coming. Root never looked comfortable. The highlight of that wicket, though, was a superb replay as five Australian fielders called on Clarke, who was stock still and clearly didn’t much fancy it, to go for the review.
WICKET! Root c Neville b Marsh 6 (England 64-4)
Marsh drifts a little straight looking for the lbw and Bairstow shovels through midwicket for three. And there’s more surprise bounce for th bowler, jamming Root’s fingers against the bat handle. Root jousts at the next and there’s a definite noise as ball passes bat. The appeal is a little delayed … Dharmasena says no … but Australia opt to review. There’s nothing on HotSpot but a small spike on Snicko. I think this is out … and it is. It’s enough for the third umpire to overrule the decision.
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24th over: England 61-3 (Root 6, Bairstow 1)
Never heard of this guy who's bowling for Australia at the moment. Some guy called Siddle. He looks really good! 🐰
— Kevin Pietersen (@KP24) August 21, 2015
Bairstow gets off the mark with a little push through the covers for one.
WICKET! Bell b Siddle 10 (England 60-3)
This is a ripsnorter from Siddle. Fizzing in on leg, seaming away to flick the top of the bails. Bell had no chance and England are in a bit of toruble.
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23rd over: England 60-2 (Root 6, Bell 10)
Marsh, who given his batting struggles could really do with a cheeky little five-for, charges in again. Bell tucks one round the corner to move into double figures.
Umps do not call tight no balls because they do not want to get it wrong the other way round ie give not out on no ball when out.
— mike selvey (@selvecricket) August 21, 2015
22nd over: England 59-2 (Root 6, Bell 9)
Siddle continues into his fifth over. He finds Root’s edge – it was a matter of time – but the England No4 plays with soft hands and the ball drops a good yard short of first slip. The last ball of the over crashes into the thigh pad, bringing brief appeals and an even briefer consideration about a review.
21st over: England 59-2 (Root 6, Bell 9)
Mitchell Marsh is given the ball for the first time today. He wobbles one past another grope from Root, who is finding life very difficult out there at the moment. A leg bye adds one to the total.
Apparently eight no-balls this innings haven't been called. On the plus side, Salman Butt will find modern cricket much harder.
— Geoff Lemon Sport (@GeoffLemonSport) August 21, 2015
20th over: England 58-2 (Root 6, Bell 9)
A delightful bit of bowling from Siddle, who sends down a ball angled in on Root’s off stump, drawing the shot and then seaming away past the outside edge. Root escapes to the non-strikers’ end thanks to a bye after Siddle gets another ball to swing to first slip’s right.
19th over: England 54-2 (Root 4, Bell 9)
Johnson gets through his third maiden at Root. And Sky show a highlights package showing eight – EIGHT! – no balls from Johnson in this innings so far, none of which have been called by umpire Dharmasena.
18th over: England 54-2 (Root 4, Bell 9)
28. 29. 30. Siddle continues and England Dig In. 31.
“If the selectors are looking at Hales, is it worth taking another look at little James Taylor while they’re in Notts?” writes James Blanchard. “He seems to be doing as well as ever on the county circuit and hardly got a fair chance from those two tests a while ago.” Taylor should never be too far from their thoughts really but I’m not sure he’s an opener.
32.
And from the final ball of the over, Siddle overpitches and Bell breaks the streak by unfurling a glorious full-fat drive that whistles away through the covers for four.
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17th over: England 50-2 (Root 4, Bell 5)
21 dots in succession lead into this latest over from Johnson. 22. 23. Johnson bangs one into the ribs, but Root rides it well. 24. And then the batsman ducks underneath a bouncer. 25. 26. The last is yards outside off and left alone. 27. Four maidens on the bounce.
16th over: England 50-2 (Root 4, Bell 5)
Siddle sends down a jaffa at Bell, one that Bell does well to miss. It’s hard work for the batsmen out there at the moment. Another maiden.
15th over: England 50-2 (Root 4, Bell 5)
Clarke turns to Mitchell Johnson in an attempt to unsettle Joe Root early on. Three warning shots … then down comes the bouncer. Root ducks underneath it while hopping, which is quite a feat. And from the very next ball he has a bit of an airy push outside off and the ball zips past the edge.
14th over: England 50-2 (Root 4, Bell 5)
“Looks like Hales better check his passport and get his cricket coffin out of the attic, he’s off to the UAE,” reckons Andy English. It’s probably doing him no harm that he’s 175 not out for Notts today. But I wouldn’t be surprised if we see Moeen opening in against Pakistan – it’ll certainly make it easier to select a second spinner.
Lyon sends down a maiden at Bell.
13th over: England 50-2 (Root 4, Bell 5)
Hmm. I don’t think we’ll be seeing Adam Lyth opening in the UAE. It’s just not happened for him. Root gets up on his tip-toes and cuts over point for four but is whacked on the pad by the next from Siddle, who took the wicket of Lyth with his second ball of the series. And, as we’re speaking of Peter Siddle, here’s Barney Ronay’s classic piece on him from 2009:
WICKET! Lyth c Starc b Siddle 19 (England 46-2)
Bleurgh! Urgh! Yuck! A hideous, hideous dismissal. Lyth toe-ends a half-tracker up into the air and into the hands of the man at midwicket.
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12th over: England 45-1 (Lyth 19, Bell 4)
Another juicy four ball from Lyon, and another cut for four from Lyth. Though the bowler beats him all ends up from the next, Lyth groping with the grace and style of Frankenstein’s monster outside off and fortunate to see the ball miss the edge. The last ball of the over does find the edge, but it drops just short of Michael Clarke at slip.
11th over: England 40-1 (Lyth 15, Bell 4)
Starc finds a little extra bounce, getting one to lift off a length and slam into Bell’s fingers. The ball flies up but there’s no one in catching on the leg side. Lyth does well to dig out a yorker screaming in on off stump. Good, testing over from the left-armer.
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10th over: England 37-1 (Lyth 13, Bell 2)
Lyon sends down a maiden at Lyth.
9th over: England 37-1 (Lyth 13, Bell 2)
Starc continues after the break. A bit of nudge and nurdle adds two to the tally.
Crumb of comfort for Cook - it's the first time he has ever scored at better than a run a ball in a Test innings
— Benedict Bermange (@Benedict_B) August 21, 2015
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8th over: England 35-1 (Lyth 12, Bell 1)
Lyon picks up where he left off before tea, finding an eye-catching amount of turn. But he drops too short to Lyth and finds himself cut through point for four.
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Hello all. So 34.5 overs remain in the day and for once we might just get them all in.
TEA: England 30-1, trail by 451
England took two wickets in the over before lunch, Australia one just before tea. The players seem particularly grub-distracted today. John Ashdown will be back to take you through to stumps – send him your thoughts here, if you’d be so kind.
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WICKET! Cook b Lyon 22 (England 30-1)
That’s a fine delivery from Lyon, who prematurely ends the session with his first ball of the over by turning the ball back past Cook’s bat and clipping the top of off stump!
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7th over: England 30-0 (Lyth 8, Cook 22)
Starc continues, and he’s absolutely all over the place, bowling wide dross to both sides of the wicket. The final ball of the over is decent, forcing Lyth to at least look sharp, but it’s easy enough to leave.
6th over: England 30-0 (Lyth 8, Cook 22)
Talking of not messing around, here’s Lyon, five overs into the innings. After three balls Australia bring out another helmet, and insert a silly point to go with their short leg and slip. Cook waits until the final ball of the over before making any real attempt to score runs, boshing wide of point, and he gets four for his troubles.
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5th over: England 26-0 (Lyth 8, Cook 18)
After five overs yesterday morning Australia had scored eight runs, and they didn’t reach 25 until over No15. New-look England of course have no time for that kind of go-slow nonsense, and Cook starts Starc’s third over by outside-edging past the slips for four. A single brings Lyth on strike and a comedy lbw appeal, with the ball hitting Lyth on the thigh pad even though he was jumping, and about a foot in the air. It would have missed the stumps by two feet.
4th over: England 21-0 (Lyth 8, Cook 13)
Cook motors to double figures, tickling the ball to long leg, where it’s fielded on the rope, for a couple, and then hooking handsomely for four. Cook’s troubled by the next, mainly because at the very moment that Johnson was preparing to deliver the ball, a pigeon flies past the crease, distracting the batsman. His focus, though, isn’t gone for long, and the next is worked through midwicket, where it too is fielded a foot from the boundary. Lyth shows him how it’s done next ball, flicking off his stumps, and this time there’s no catching it. With eight runs, Lyth has already improved upon four of his 11 previous Test innings.
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3rd over: England 8-0 (Lyth 4, Cook 4)
A maiden from Starc to Lyth, who, understandably in the circumstances, is in no hurry to go anywhere. “It seems that this is the first Ashes test when two lefty opening bats faced two lefty opening bowlers,” notes John Starbuck. “You have to feel sorry for left-handers – always being picked on by statisticians.”
2nd over: England 8-0 (Lyth 4, Cook 4)
Mitchell Johnson starts with a ball that leaves Cook squared up and squirming, and he edges it away for four. It was a massive no-ball, as it happens – not that it was spotted by the on-field umpires – so he couldn’t have got out.
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1st over: England 4-0 (Lyth 4, Cook 0)
Starc takes the new ball, and immediately bangs it in halfway down the track, the ball bouncing past a discomfited Lyth just under neck-height. A couple of balls later he diverts the ball between slips and gully for four. Given that he’s got a series average of 12.85, that’s a third of a standard Lyth innings right there.
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Out come the players. A big innings for Adam Lyth coming up. “Am I right in thinking that Lyth has scored less runs in 5 tests than Ballance managed in just two before being dropped?” asks Tom van der Gucht. “He needs to bosh out some runs today to repay the faith, not to mention the fact that Hales is coming back into form with another championship century as opener …” He does, indeed, need to bosh out some runs.
Innings break
A telling contribution from Starc, whose 52-ball 58 pushed Australia’s total from the merely very good to the rather intimidating.
@Simon_Burnton Early-summer Me looks at Me today (win-spoiled & bemoaning the fading chance to win 4-1) and despairs at what I've become.
— paul (@pfon73) August 21, 2015
WICKET! Siddle c Lyth b Finn 1 (Australia 481 all out)
And it’s all over! Siddle gets a thick edge to Finn’s delivery, and Lyth takes a fine catch at gully, diving to his right.
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125th over: Australia 481-9 (Siddle 1, Lyon 5)
Stokes bowls, and Lyon looks all kinds of uncomfortable about it, at least until the final delivery, which he pushes past mid-off, where there’s absolutely no sign of a fielder, for four.
Starc lbw is 2nd decision overturned in 33 reviews this series. Warner lbw at Cardiff was the other. 27 turned down between Warner & Starc.
— Andrew Samson (@AWSStats) August 21, 2015
124th over: Australia 477-9 (Siddle 1, Lyon 1)
Obscure OBO Youtube link dept: There’s a classic of Yiddish cinema (really, it’s a thing), filmed in 1936, just before everything that was about to happen, called Yidl Mitn Fidl. For purely rhyming reasons, as in all other ways he couldn’t have less to do with it, Peter Siddle has always reminded me of that film. Anyway, Siddle gets a single here, though it wasn’t a very clever one, and he would have been out by a distance had Bairstow hit the stumps from midwicket. He didn’t, as you can probably tell, though there wasn’t much in it.
123rd over: Australia 475-9 (Siddle 0, Lyon 0)
Hello again! So the wicket came from the final ball of the over, which had also featured another Starc boundary, an edge that flew wide of the slips for four.
WICKET! Starc lbw b Stokes (Australia 475-9)
And a very good decision it was too! Presumably, everyone thought the ball had clipped the bat on its way into the pad, because it always seemed to be wicketbound. Anyway, it didn’t, and an excellent and important innings is over.
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REVIEW! England want Starc to be out lbw!
Strange one, this. There wasn’t much of an appeal, but Stokes seemed keen, and the captain’s chanced his arm.
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122nd over: Australia 467-8 (Siddle 0, Starc 50)
I’m torn about that Smith innings. You can’t score a scrappy, scratchy 143 really, can you? Can you?
Anyway, to answer that question and many more, here’s Simon Burnton, who’ll be taking you through to tea.
WICKET! Smith b Finn 143 (Australia 467-8)
A pretty grim end to a fine innings. Smith chops the first ball of Finn’s over onto his stumps.
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121st over: Australia 467-7 (Smith 143, Starc 50)
Stokes, The Rage beginning to steadily course through him like the pink river of ooze in Ghostbusters II, steams in to Smith who – not for the first time – plays a ludicrously late dabbed cut for four, in doing so putting Stokes at risk of going full Vigo the Carpathian.
“Regarding fancy dress, I am disappointed to see that apparently nobody has tried the best idea I’ve seen in the last several days – getting 18 of your friends together and going as everybody in the Warne mural,” writes Erik Petersen. “(I should note that this is not my idea, but A Thing I Saw On the Twitter.) Granted, your Jack Nicholson might have to hand over to the stewards his case of VB, and said stewards might also want a quiet word with Angelina-Jolie-In-A-Towel. But still. Can’t miss idea.”
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120th over: Australia 462-7 (Smith 138, Starc 50)
Joe Root once more. Smith again tickles for one, sits back and waits for the fireworks. Slightly disappointingly there’s just a nudge for a single from Starc, though it’s a run that takes him to his sixth Test 50, this one off just 45 balls.
STAT ALERT: Starc the 4th player to make two 50s batting 9 or lower in an Ashes (after Swann in 2009, Lindwall in 1953, AE Trott in 1894-95)
— Andy Zaltzman (@ZaltzCricket) August 21, 2015
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119th over: Australia 457-7 (Smith 134, Starc 49)
Stokes continues and he has Starc in trouble once more. The edge, though, flies wide of the slip cordon and down to third man for four more. He leans into the next and flicks through midwicket in Dhoni-esque style. Four more.
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118th over: Australia 446-7 (Smith 133, Starc 40)
Joe Root replaces the struggling Moeen. It can’t be too often in Test history that the No1 batsman in Test cricket has bowled at the No2. Smith takes a single. Starc, though, looks to plant Root over the stands and into the latte of an unsuspecting pavement luncher on the south London streets. He makes no contact, the ball ripping past the outside edge. And from the next, Starc is dropped! Wood can’t hold on at backward square leg as Starc clips the ball low in his direction.
117th over: Australia 439-7 (Smith 132, Starc 38)
Starc fends off a Stokes bouncer and is a little fortunate to see the ball from safe of short cover. This pair have put on 63 in the blink of an eye. Or 68 balls if you prefer a little accuracy.
116th over: Australia 435-7 (Smith 130, Starc 36)
Starc plants his foot down the track and plants Moeen into the stands at long on. Six! And he tries the shot again from the next ball, not quite getting all of it but getting enough to beat mid on and pick up four more. From the last, though, Moeen almost has his revenge, an inside edge onto the boot just beating Bairstow at short leg.
115th over: Australia 423-7 (Smith 128, Starc 26)
Ben Stokes replaces Mark Wood. A Smith single off the first brings Starc into the firing line but he’s up to the challenge, confidently stroking through the covers for three. Smith sends a late cut – so late he actually played the shot tomorrow – wide of Cook at Smith and down to the rope at third man. Ten from the over.
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114th over: Australia 413-7 (Smith 121, Starc 23)
Smith seems happy to keep his powder dry while Starc plays his shots at the other end. And he’s being allowed to by some Fairly Ordinary Stuff from Moeen, who drags the last ball of the over horribly short and is deservedly cut through point for four for his troubles.
113th over: Australia 408-7 (Smith 120, Starc 19)
Wood sends down his 13th and 14th deliveries since lunch without conceding a run but the streak is broken from the 15th with Starc climbing into a thunking drive through the covers. Woods responds well, beating the outside edge with the next. And the last is a huge inswinger that slaps the pad but has done far too much.
112th over: Australia 404-7 (Smith 120, Starc 15)
Starc rattles along to 15 from 18 deliveries after clipping Moeen away for three more. All 15 of those runs have come from the 12 balls he’s faced to the spinner. Smith clips the last ball of his pads away to backward square leg, where Broad can’t quite save the boundary despite his dive.
111th over: Australia 395-7 (Smith 116, Starc 12)
Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot … dot. Back-to-back maidens for Wood since lunch, the first at Starc, this one at Smith.
Earlier this week, my colleague Emma John hosted a special edition of the Cricket Pitch down at the Oval. Here’s a taster:
110th over: Australia 395-7 (Smith 116, Starc 12)
Moeen floats it up once more and Smith gently drives for a single. That brings Starc on strike and he’s playing a shot a ball at the moment – he drives his first through the covers for four, then steers into the leg side for a single. A single for Smith draws him level with Chris Rogers as Australia’s leading runscorer in the series.
109th over: Australia 388-7 (Smith 114, Starc 7)
Wood keeps his line tourniquet-tight to Starc outside off and the batsman can’t get him away. And in fact it’s a maiden.
108th over: Australia 388-7 (Smith 114, Starc 7)
Starc flicks Moeen for two through backward square to get himself off the mark, then chops through point for four more. And he nabs a single from the last to keep the strike.
107th over: Australia 381-7 (Smith 114, Starc 0)
Mark Wood returns to the fray. His first is a bit of a loosener that Smith pulls for four to midwicket, casual as you like.
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106th over: Australia 376-7 (Smith 110, Starc 0)
Moeen sends down the final ball of his unfinished pre-lunch over and Starc blocks.
He’s being a bit harsh on Bananaman I reckon. There must be more underwhelming superheroes. Super Ted for a start …
Our very own Barry Glendenning (who, believe it or not, once did a stint on the OBO) is down at The Oval today.
At the cricket with @James_Dart. Underwhelming superhero Bananaman also here sitting nearby pic.twitter.com/qjWQXFjOBE
— Barry Glendenning (@bglendenning) August 21, 2015
Hello all. The game had been shuffling along for three and three-quarter-sessions but it took a giant stride forward in the half hour before lunch. At midday Australia were eyeing up 500-plus – now 400 is not guaranteed.
LUNCH
An excellent end to the session for England. Smith, who might have been out a dozen times while accumulating his latest century, remains at the crease, but he’s suddenly running out of team-mates. Anyway, it’s been a blast. John Ashdown will be here very shortly to take you through the next chunk of action. Email him here, if you would. Bye for now!
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105.5 overs: Australia 376-7 (Smith 110)
Moeen bowls and Nevill edges, but the ball flies way past the solitary slip and away for four. No matter, he’s out next ball, Johnson follows two balls later, and England’s lunch will taste considerably better now.
@Simon_Burnton Odds on Steve Smith's second first innings at The Oval finishing 138* ?
— Chris Langmead (@chrislangmead) August 21, 2015
Shortening rapidly …
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WICKET! Johnson b Moeen Ali 0 (Australia 376-7)
That’s a beauty! Moeen Ali bowls into Mitchel Johnson, the ball straightens and clatters off stump! That’ll be the final ball of the session, and what an end to it for England!
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WICKET! Nevill c Buttler b Moeen Ali 18 (Australia 376-6)
It’s been a good 10 minutes or so for Buttler, faultless behind the stumps to the spinners, and when Nevill tries to pull the ball away but only gloves it through, he makes the catch look easy.
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105th over: Australia 372-5 (Smith 110, Nevill 14)
Spin from both ends now, as Root comes on. Nevill watches a couple, and then slams the ball through midwicket for four.
104th over: Australia 367-5 (Smith 110, Nevill 8)
Moeen continues, despite that massive Smith six, and this time Smith gets four, just beating Broad at backward square leg, who chases after it half-heartedly before trying to stop the ball with his foot as it hits the rope, and failing to prevent it doing so. Unusual fielding, and not very effective either. “Joe Jackson is Post Punk’s Laureate. I shall brook no argument on this,” writes Nick Lewis, apropos Husker Du and stuff. “Remember how we all loved him? Night and Day; amazing balls, or whatever it is they say. He still works. He still brill. Night and Day 2; nobody bought it, really, I don’t think. Beautiful, ethereal, other worldly augmented and diminished and 7th and 9th piano chords. New York chords. Mixed with Portsmouth Punk Poetry. Like George Gershwin meets John Cooper Clarke, if JCC came from Pompey, like. A work of transcendent magnificence. I’m really quite evangelical about it.” Yes, so it seems.
103rd over: Australia 363-5 (Smith 106, Nevill 8)
Stokes bangs one in short, and it rises, keeps rising, and then rises a little bit more. Buttler just gets a fingertip on it, which is all that stops it flying away to the rope. Talking of that Steve Smith first-innings ton in 2013 (in the second innings then he scored seven), here’s another stat:
Most 1st innings 100s without a 2nd innings 100 in Tests: 11 Tom Graveney, Ashwell Prince & Steve Smith.
— Andrew Samson (@AWSStats) August 21, 2015
102nd over: Australia 358-5 (Smith 106, Nevill 6)
Moeen Ali comes on, England hoping to tempt Smith into something he’ll regret while he’s stuck on 99. Instead he reaches triple figures straight away courtesy of a misfield, and smashes the next ball he faces down the ground for six. So, that work so well, then. This is Smith’s second first-innings knock on this ground – in the first he scored 138 not out.
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101st over: Australia 350-5 (Smith 99, Nevill 5)
Smith takes a little step closer to his century with a single, and then Nevill gets off the mark by turning a pretty feeble delivery that was floating down leg around the corner for four. Another single, Smith takes one more little step closer to the century. He now cannot get any closer without actually reaching it. The final delivery rears up and jags into Nevill, damn nearly performing a bellybuttonectomy on the poor lad.
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100th over: Australia 343-5 (Smith 97, Nevill 0)
Nevill plays around Finn’s third delivery, which passes inside his bat but well wide of the stumps, and retreats into his shell for the remainder of the over. Maiden. And here’s some day one reaction:
99th over: Australia 343-5 (Smith 97, Nevill 0)
Smith, now just a single stroke from a century, is made to wait by Stokes and also by Root at cover, who does well to stop the ball as it bounces past him. Frustrated, Smith wafts his bat at the final ball of the over and is lucky to miss it.
@Simon_Burnton maybe Sam Warren planted a seed of doubt "Maybe I'm not playing today? Maybe I've been dropped mid-match"
— Keith Duncan (@DuncanKlf) August 21, 2015
Not just mid-match but mid-over. It must have been a very confusing time for him.
98th over: Australia 343-5 (Smith 97, Nevill 0)
Ooooh! Finn bowls the bowl of the day so far (though they didn’t check where his feet landed), the ball coming into Marsh, moving away a fraction and just evading the edge. The very next ball brings a very thick edge, and Marsh is on his way.
WICKET! Marsh c Bell b Finn 3 (Australia 343-5)
That’s Finn’s 100th wicket! Marsh was so nearly out a ball earlier, and this time there’s no doubt about it, as he sends an edge high to Bell at third slip.
WICKET: That will feel good for @finnysteve. M. Marsh edges to Bell for 3 and the big man has 100 Test wickets #getin pic.twitter.com/bFStSpgKGQ
— England Cricket (@englandcricket) August 21, 2015
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97th over: Australia 342-4 (Smith 97, Marsh 3)
Stokes bowls very wide to Smith, and Smith stretches to smack it past cover. So he bowls even wider to Smith, and this time Smith can’t reach it, and it’s a wide. “I was halfway through a missive about Australian batsmen digging in and how that’d at least give me a chance of seeing some cricket on the 5th as I have tickets for it. But now I’ve got a face on because we could’ve had Clarke’s team on the rack but for ANOTHER no-ball chalking off a wicket,” rages Guy Hornsby. “For a mere casual like me I don’t see how players consistently no-ball when so much is at stake. It seems even more perverse that umpires seem to let them get away with it save for wickets. That only exacerbates the issue. Basically, I’m bloody fuming here. And I love Steve Finn. So conflicted.”
96th over: Australia 336-4 (Smith 92, Marsh 3)
Finn bowls a maiden. Steve Harmison is in attendance, and the TV cameras occasionally pick him out in the crowd – pretty much every half-hour so far. He’s always holding a full pint, dewed with condensation. “Not surprised by that no ball,” writes Paul Griffin. “Finn has looked discombobulated all morning, like a man unexpectedly harassed on his way to work.” Sam Warren, what have you done? “Btw, post-punk’s apogee is The Go-Betweens, lovelier than a Gower cover drive on a summer morning.”
95th over: Australia 336-4 (Smith 92, Marsh 3)
Stokes bowls, and Marsh gets off the mark with two, and then another one. The last ball passes down the leg side and Smith has a swish, prompting a very optimistic appeal for nothing very much. Michael Hann’s back on the line: “If you’re looking for a song to encapsulate the summer, go for the excellent Tears of Happiness by Steven James Adams, with a line that captures what the England bowlers have been up to:
I’ve been preying on the weak and the lame / And I spend my time with people who do the same.
94th over: Australia 333-4 (Smith 92, Marsh 0)
Smith was almost out about three times in that over, waving his bat around cluelessly. Nervous 90s indeed. But frustrating as that Finn no ball undoubtedly was, actually retiring from cricket seems a bit of an over-reaction.
And the next chapter begins...#newchallenges pic.twitter.com/Sbv3FlxuwU
— Chris Tremlett (@ChrisTremlett33) August 21, 2015
WICKET! Smith c Buttler b Finn 91 – but wait! It's a no ball!
Smith chases after a wide one and top-edges through to Buttler, but the umpires check the delivery and it’s a massive no-ball. He’s a good eight inches past the line there. Not even close. Gah.
That's twice now that Finn has thought he has taken his 100th Test wicket - only to have overstepped.
— John Etheridge (@JohnSunCricket) August 21, 2015
93rd over: Australia 332-4 (Smith 91, Marsh 0)
Two balls into Stokes’ over, there’s a large outbreak of background laughter in Sky’s commentary box. Atherton, in particular, can be heard guffawing for ages. They decide not to share the joke with the rest of the class, though. Three balls later they’re still laughing, while Michael Holding monotonously describes the latest field-tweaks. And then Voges gets out, and now we’ll never know what was so funny.
WICKET! Voges lbw b Stokes 76 (Australia 332-4)
There was nothing good about that review. It wasn’t even close to not being out for any reason. And England have their breakthrough!
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REVIEW! Is Voges out lbw here?
England think so. The on-field umpire thinks so. Australia would like them to change their minds.
92nd over: Australia 330-3 (Smith 91, Voges 74)
Smith smashes through the off side for four and moves into the 90s. It’s really been feast or famine for him recently, with scores since Cardiff of 215, 58, 7, 8, 6, 5, and now this. Basically, and in summary, he likes London. “Hüsker Dü fans are advised to seek out Bob Mould’s autobiography, See a Little Light,” writes Michael Hann, The Guardian’s OBO-perusing music editor. “Rarely has a man managed to come across as more humourless: he even manages to make an amusing anecdote about a dildo and a hotel room read like a complaint about the late running of the No 47 bus over three consecutive days. And nothing is his fault. It’s his dad, or his bandmates, or his manager, or his friends, or his lover. Always their fault. In fact, anyone who has ever read any of Geoffrey Boycott’s books will feel right at home with See a Little Light (the publishers can have that line for the back cover).”
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91st over: Australia 325-3 (Smith 87, Voges 74)
And Stokes completes the double-change, replacing Broad. Eleven overs in now, the new ball has not engendered any kind of momentum-shift. Voges, who has made all the most handsome shots of the day so far, smashes a wide ball past point for four.
90th over: Australia 317-3 (Smith 84, Voges 69)
Finn returns, perhaps still coming to terms with his earlier encounter with Sam Warren (see entry shortly before start of play), and Voges flicks the ball off his ankles and through midwicket for four. “Sam Warren may have found ‘Does this tube stop at Dollis Hill?’ a more meaningful question given the circumstances,” suggests Nigel Steel.
89th over: Australia 313-3 (Smith 84, Voges 65)
Four more runs off Broad’s 20th over of the innings, all of them singles.
@Simon_Burnton Much as I love post punk, you can't compete with this https://t.co/Qz5YfA8nEf
— Dan Lucas (@DanLucas86) August 21, 2015
Bah! In many ways Squeeze are the opposite of Husker Du, both bands bridging the 1970s and the 1980s in completely contrasting ways. They are, in essence, Husker Don’t. Anyway, anything they can do I can do, well, equally well.
88th over: Australia 309-3 (Smith 82, Voges 63)
Wood bowls shortish, and Voges pulls nicely to the deep square leg boundary. “It looks like Australia have remembered that they are the second-best test team in the world and therefore decided to play Test cricket,” writes Harvey Lock. “There’s been quite a bit or surmise about what would happen if both teams played well in the same game. Hopefully we’re going to find out here culminating in a nailbitingly close finish in the last two sessions of day five.”
87th over: Australia 305-3 (Smith 82, Voges 59)
Ooooh! Voges inside-edges the ball into the ground and over the stumps, very, very close to being totally, totally out. That Smith boundary in the 86th over took him to 447 runs in this series, more than any Englishman in this series (though fewer than Chris Rogers’ 480).
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86th over: Australia 300-3 (Smith 82, Voges 54)
For the first time today, a bowler other than Stuart Broad concedes a run. And then four more runs, as Smith drives a wide delivery through cover and takes Australia to 300. “Let them bat for five days if they want to,” writes Jonathan Wilton of Australia. “God knows, they need the practice.”
85th over: Australia 295-3 (Smith 78, Voges 53)
Runs! Voges diverts Broad’s second delivery past point for four and raises his bat to celebrate a half-century. Peregrin Hodgkinson, meanwhile, is in pessimistic mood (either that or he just likes Joy Division):
@Simon_Burnton how long before this becomes the theme of the Test: https://t.co/3InS0TdtGb? #Ashes2015
— Peregrin Hodgkinson (@Fnordmeister) August 21, 2015
84th over: Australia 290-3 (Smith 78, Voges 48)
Another maiden from Wood. The first four overs of the innings brought seven runs, and the first four with the second new ball have brought three. All part of Australia’s new go-slow, don’t-lose-all-your-wickets-in-an-hour mentality.
83rd over: Australia 290-3 (Smith 78, Voges 48)
Broad continues. It’s decent, disciplined but not enormously encouraging from England’s perspective, and yields a leg bye and a lot of leaving.
82nd over: Australia 289-3 (Smith 78, Voges 48)
Mark Wood bowls, and there’s a little hint of movement there for him, particularly with a yorker that moves away from Voges a touch. Maiden.
81st over: Australia 289-3 (Smith 78, Voges 48)
A strangled lbw appeal briefly sounds as Voges inside-edges the ball into his pads. Later, Broad significantly oversteps and Australia get a bonus run. “Wow, didn’t turn on OBO expecting to see a Husker Du clip this morning,” writes Huw Neill. “England could learn a lot from Messrs Hart & Mould today – the bowlers should be ‘Dead Set on Destruction’ and make this a ‘Celebrated Summer’, making the Aussies hit it ‘Up in the Air’ and hopefully they can ‘Turn it Around’ otherwise they’ll ‘Keep Hanging On’ for the rest of the ‘Game(s)’. Too much?” Definitely enough now – it’s not funny anymore*.
* For people who don’t know much Husker Du, that’s another Husker Du song-title reference. But really, enough**.
** That one’s not a Husker Du song-title reference, just a statement of fact.
80th over: Australia 287-3 (Smith 78, Voges 47)
Finn completes the 80th over, nothing happens, and England immediately take the new ball.
Right then, cricket. Out come the umpires, under grey skies once again (though no rain is forecast).
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“I saw Steven Finn on the Jubilee Line at London Bridge this morning,” writes Sam Warren. “Wasn’t really expecting to see the big man so the best I could muster was ‘are you playing today?’ (a question I already knew the answer to) and ‘good luck’. A day of regret awaits that I didn’t ask him something more meaningful … Also I’m surprised (maybe wrongly) test cricketers are riding the tube on game day – do they not have a team bus or the like?”
I, too, am surprised. I’d expect the team to stay in a team hotel, eat a team breakfast and then travel to the ground on a team bus. But then, maybe there’s a reason why they might want to stay at home.
So far in this series there has been a 75% toss-to-victory conversion ratio (something of an anomaly – in all history Australia have avoided defeat in 67% of matches in England when they’ve lost the toss). But already Australia, having lost the toss, are in a position from which defeat appears unlikely, if far from impossible (indeed, they’re now odds-on to win this match with most bookmakers). This is a big session, one in which England will want to provoke some significant wicket-tumblage to keep their hopes of 4-1 burning strongly.
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Hello world!
A new dawn, a dew day, a new ball two balls away.
Good morning. Simon will be here soon enough. While you wait, here is Mike Selvey’s match report from yesterday to keep you entertained.
An abnormal series that at times has scaled the peaks of absurdity finally reverted to normality in south London. This was tough Test cricket on a surface that offered some early help to the bowlers but nothing extravagant, demanded caution and solid technique and rewarded diligence.
There was an opening partnership that effectively blunted the new ball, tight attritional cricket at the start, cat-and-mouse stuff as the England bowlers probed and the openers resisted temptation and later, as the bowling strayed from line and length, some sublime stroke-making.
By the time bad light ended play 20 minutes early Australia, put in by Alastair Cook, had reached 287 for three from 79.4 overs, a solid position thanks to an excellent innings of 85 from David Warner, restrained and selective in his strokemaking until winkled out by Moeen Ali, and later – as the afternoon unfolded, the ball became softer and the bowlers tired – an unbeaten 78 from Steve Smith. The captain-elect made his maiden Test century in the equivalent match on this ground two years ago and has so far contributed to an unbroken fourth-wicket stand of 101 with Adam Voges, 47 not out.
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