So the wait for Alastair Cook’s first home Ashes hundred goes on.
What a way to go – to part-time leg-spin, just 13 balls before the close. Whether he was motivated by that milestone or the prospect of tomorrow’s rain, he played a near-perfect hand, just as he did at Lord’s.
Ah well, to day four it is. England trail by 129 and Australia need four more wickets for a consolation win. BYES!
79th over: England 203-6 (Buttler 33, Wood 0)
Wood plays and misses at a few before keeping out a searing yorker: “getting the drawbridge down” as Athers says, while getting his feet out of the way. He walks away safe as Starc has a shy at the stumps through to Nevill and that is STUMPS.
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78th over: England 203-6 (Buttler 33, Wood 0)
England bring out Mark Wood ahead of Moeen Ali, but it’s Buttler on strike for this over. After five dots, Buttler uses his feet superbly to pierce the leg-side field for four!
Imagine losing to a side that sends out a nightwatchman to protect a number-eight batsman in a dead rubber. Australia's humiliation complete
— Dave Tickner (@tickerscricket) August 22, 2015
77th over: England 199-6 (Buttler 29)
STEVE SMITH IS ON TO BOWL! It’s what we’ve all been waiting for. Let’s see what dross he has for us...
77.1: Nicely flighted just outside off stump and Buttler blocks in front of cover.
77.2: Rubbish full toss, slapped to the point fence for four.
77.3: Better ball, rubbish fielding this time, as cover allows the ball to pass under him for a single.
77.4: Cook defends back to the bowler.
77.5: Another rubbish full toss but Cook can’t beat the man stationed on the leg-side fence so it’s just two.
77.6: Bugger it.
WICKET! Cook c Voges b Smith 85 (England 199-6)
Cook lunges forward and gets a slight inside edge and Voges at bat-pad takes the catch.
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76th over: England 192-5 (Cook 83, Buttler 24)
Lyon goes loopy, flighted, flat, slower, quicker and stock. Cook goes defend, leave, defend, defend, tickle for two, defend.
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75th over: England 190-5 (Cook 81, Buttler 24)
Bit of late movement into Cook from Starc, but he’s been in long enough to go with it and gets a single into the leg side. Signs of Buttler giving in to temptation as he plays and miss at another full ball outside off stump. A fine-tickle races away to the boundary, only for Marsh to make a good diving stop and throw into Nevill from on his knees. The OCS stand behind him offer a round of applause.
74th over: England 187-5 (Cook 80, Buttler 22)
Another cut, another single to Cook. Buttler gets one that bounces a bit but he follows the path of the ball well to ensure he turns it well behind bat-pad. The final ball of the over takes a similar path and Buttler just wears it.
73rd over: England 186-5 (Buttler 22, Cook 79)
Two for Buttler at the start of this Starc over, as he watches an inswinger right onto he middle of his bat and pushes it through the leg-side. Another couple around the corner as Starc strays onto leg-stump. Maybe his luck is turning: an edge then falls well short of Michael Clarke in the slips. Lyon back on...
72nd over: England 182-5 (Cook 79, Buttler 18)
The slower pace and wide berth offered by Mitch Marsh tempts Cook into a loose drive outside off stump. Wider next time – wided for four, actually – as the ball swings past the batsman and in front of first slip, bouncing short and running away to the boundary. Cook climbs into the penultimate ball but only finds point as he cuts.
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71st over: England 177-5 (Cook 79, Buttler 18)
Starc’s over the wicket to Cook. Field suggests it’s just going to be full and quick. Still, Cook finds a single to long-leg. He might have more luck with Buttler, who’s displayed a big a gate as any between bat and pad this series. However, just as I type that, he is right forward with and defending back past Starc for a couple.
70th over: England 174-5 (Cook 78, Buttler 16)
Mitchell Marsh comes on to give Lyon a bit of a break and is on the money straightaway. Buttler’s in leaving mood but has to play at a couple that come for his stumps. Mitchell Starc replaces Johnson at the other end...
Ian Copestake e-mails in: “Having just shouted encouragement to our battling, mentally confused wicketkeeper, I merely managed to sound like a scene from On the Buses. This I think goes to the heart of Jos’ problems.”
69th over: England 174-5 (Cook 78, Buttler 16)
Johnson gets to have a decent go at Buttler and seems to be making it count: averaging 88mph in this particular set, he takes a couple away from Buttler before tailing one in which is left safely, as it happens. Straighter and Buttler has two into mid-wicket. Great comeback from Johnson – 89mph – and lifting to beat Buttler on the outside edge. Thick inside edge gives Buttler another run to keep the strike.
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68th over: England 171-5 (Cook 78, Buttler 13)
Cook’s beaten on his outside edge by a big turner from Lyon. But he follows it by beating the sweeper at deep point by waiting on the back foot and forcing this particular cut shot straighter for four. Big cheers from the crowd, who are subsisting on a gentle hum with 45 minutes of play left.
67th over: England 167-5 (Cook 74, Buttler 13)
The first sign of a bit of restlessness from the England skipper as he tries to force a pull to a short-ball that doesn’t get up as much as he expected. Any extravagant bounce seems to have gone from this pitch so it’s probably all on Lyon to finish this off ASAP. Just one off the over, to Cook.
66th over: England 166-5 (Cook 73, Buttler 13)
Cook’s wagon wheel pops up and it’s a thing of beauty. Nothing down the ground or behind him. Streams through cover point, one full toss through midwicket. The first four balls from Lyon are dots, the fifth punched through cover point for a single.
65th over: England 165-5 (Cook 72, Buttler 13)
Johnson on for Siddle as Warne spends the first part of the over – a dot, single for Cook and a leave outside off – to spy on Aleem Dar in the hope he does another little jig. He does, but only to remove some debris from the crease so that he can make out the crease. Three more dots and he finally stops talking.
64th over: England 164-5 (Cook 71, Buttler 13)
Lyon around the wicket to Cook, who uses Aleem Dar as a shield to get a single. He punches off the back foot and Dar, who can’t bothered to do square leg to square leg for the right and left handers, neatly back peddles to ensure David Warner can’t do the fielding from gully.
63rd over: England 163-5 (Cook 70, Buttler 13) Buttler is hit on the pad, falling over a very full delivery from Siddle that would just have gone down the leg side. Australia’s LBW shout was caught in the throat. That’s it from me; Vish will keep you abreast of events for the last hour.
“Hiya, Rob, you can tell Mike Collier that there’s a really excellent Sisters of Mercy site out there which has transcribed an interview that sounds like the one he recalls. Nothing on Brearley I could see, but his ‘inability to wield a cricket bat’ is mentioned.”
62nd over: England 163-5 (Cook 70, Buttler 13) Cook is playing a different game to the other batsmen, stockpiling runs with almost complete comfort. I can’t remember his last false stroke. There are no guarantees in this thing of ours, but at the moment he looks like he’s on the way to his first Ashes hundred at home.
“Mike Collier’s interesting reminiscence is, like most narratives, constructed around gaps,” says Ian Copestake. “In his case the key gap is the now forgotten phrase, ‘Here, Mike, have a toke on this’.”
61st over: England 161-5 (Cook 69, Buttler 12) I wonder if Siddle ever gets bored of his own accuracy. He has exceptional self-discipline, just hammering away at a length, and that’s another maiden. Though he is not at the same level, watching Siddle brings to mind this immaculate over from Glenn McGrath.
60th over: England 161-5 (Cook 69, Buttler 12) Three from Lyon’s over. Deal with it.
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59th over: England 158-5 (Cook 69, Buttler 9) Siddle is back, and you’d fancy him to home in on Buttler’s outside edge. For the time being he is bowling to Cook. Bowling dry x batting time = four dot balls, and then Cook works two off the pads.
“Off topic, but this has been gnawing away at me for 25 years+ and with Ashes drawing to a close this could be my last chance,” says Mike Collier. “Around 1988/9 I recall seeing an article in Melody Maker (or possibly NME) in which indie darlings of the day named their heroes. In amongst them was Andrew Eldritch of The Sisters of Mercy who named Mike Brearley as his hero. The phrases “philosopher king of English cricket” and “my own inability to wield the willow” remain indelibly etched on my memory. Only trouble is no-one I have ever met recalls seeing the same thing and I am starting to wonder if I dreamed the whole thing. It does sound unlikely, I admit. If just one person out there in OBO land can confirm this peculiar homage I will sleep easy for the next 25 years.”
Anyone? Anyone? Eldritch?
58th over: England 153-5 (Cook 66, Buttler 7) At 177 balls, Cook’s is now the fifth longest innings of the series, which tells a story. Buttler gets down to lap his burgeoning nemesis, Lyon, for a couple. Lyon has got Buttler four times in the series.
57th over: England 153-5 (Cook 66, Buttler 7) Buttler, reaching well wide of off stump with his feet in cement, edges Starc just wide of the diving gully for four. He’ll be glad to get this series over and move onto the one-day stuff.
Nine of the 15 English wickets to fall so far here at the Oval have come against bowlers in the first over of a new spell. #ashes
— Jesse Hogan (@Jesse_Hogan) August 22, 2015
“Batting time is one of the most wonderful things about Test cricket for me, and I was so enjoying the Cook led engagement with that most abstract of values,” says Ian Copestake. “Now I fear he will have no partners to dance with him in the floating ether of time’s seductive rhythms.” Ah, but if that’s the case it would mean the sight of something even more beautiful: someone carrying the bat. The last Englishman to do so was Mike Atherton in 1997.
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56th over: England 149-5 (Cook 66, Buttler 3) Cook, who is playing beautifully, clips Lyon through midwicket for four to move to 66. He has never made an Ashes hundred at home. This is a good spot from Mikey Holding on Sky – Bairstow should have been given not out, because it hit the grille of Voges’s helmet. Bizarrely, that also happened to Bairstow in India in 2012-13; again he was given out when it should have been called a dead ball because it hit Gautam Gambhir’s helmet. What a strange coincidence.
“Whether it’s Old Brand of Cricket or New Brand of Cricket or New Brand of Old Cricket, every team needs to pick a Brand of Cricket and stick to it,” says Mac Millings. “At least then my old enemies, Uncertainty and her terrifying cousin, Surprise, can largely be avoided. That way, like I say to Mrs. Millings every time I’m about to receive my one birthday treat, ‘It may not be pretty, and it may be unsatisfactory, but at least you know what you’re getting.’ Adaptability is overrated. I approach every situation with a combination of incomprehension and dismay, and look how I’ve turned out.”
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55th over: England 145-5 (Cook 62, Buttler 3) The Sky commentators are discussing who should be the Man of the Series. It’s between Root and Broad, presumably. I would go for Root because of the manner and timing of his runs, particularly at Cardiff. That was unquestionably one of the great tone-setting innings in an Ashes series. Who would you pick? And who would you pick as Australia’s Man of the Series? I’d go for Rogers probably.
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54th over: England 141-5 (Cook 61, Buttler 0) Cook continues to bat in his bubble, oblivious to extraneous concerns like the match situation and whether Mary Berry should be named a dame, and plays out a maiden from Lyon. He has 61 from 164 balls, a superb exhibition from the dying art of batting time.
53rd over: England 141-5 (Cook 61, Buttler 0) Jos Buttler might be guiltily glad of Adam Lyth’s struggles, because they have diverted attention from his own poor form. With some players you might worry whether they have been found out but Buttler, surely, is just too good not to make it at Test level. He could do with a score, though. He almost gets a score of nought when Starc swings a jaffa between bat and pad and just over the stumps.
“Re: Siddle,” says Phil Sawyer. “The Parsimonious Vegan is the worst pub you’ve spent an evening in in Brighton.” No no, you’re confusing it with the Metronomic Banana Eater.
52nd over: England 140-5 (Cook 60, Buttler 0) That is Stokes’s third duck of the series, and his sixth in just nine home Tests. He is a streaky cricketer, hot and cold, and in his last five innings he has made just 20 runs.
WICKET! England 140-5 (Stokes c Clarke b Lyon 0)
Ben Stokes makes yet another duck in a home Test. Lyon seduced him into the drive with a lovely bit of flight, and Stokes edged it straight to slip. That’s beautiful bowling really, though it wasn’t a great shot to play on nought.
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WICKET! England 140-4 (Bairstow c Voges b Lyon 26)
Nathan Lyon strikes in his first over! Bairstow pushed forward with hard hands at a nice off break that took a thick inside edge and flew towards Voges at short leg. It hit him in the chest, but he was sufficiently alert to take the catch at the second attempt. Excellent work.
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51st over: England 139-3 (Cook 59, Bairstow 26) The parsimonious vegan is replaced by Mitchell Starc, which should liven things up one way or the other. Cook works an errant delivery to fine leg for a single.
@100ashesquotes Siddle's got a way to go to match the most economical spell of all time.. [32-27-5-0] http://t.co/h2D7EaMmci
— Matt Emerson (@Mattemerson) August 22, 2015
50th over: England 137-3 (Cook 58, Bairstow 26) “So Rob, given that this series has largely shown the folly of teams adopting an overly attacking mentality and we’re now hoping that England will now dig in and grind out a resolute draw, is Old Brand Of Cricket the New New Brand Of Cricket?” says Phil Sawyer. “I’m a bit confused by it all.”
Yep, the backlash against Brand of Cricket starts here. To misquote Roy Keane, you can stick your brand of cricket up your b- [that’ll do - imaginary ed]. But yes, it does feel like sport is damagingly susceptible to fashion. It’s almost as if everyone is making it up as they go along!
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49th over: England 133-3 (Cook 58, Bairstow 26) Siddle is haemorrhaging runs, relatively speaking: he has gone for a single, worked off the hip by Cook, and then Bairstow thick edges four to third man. That’s the first boundary off Siddle in this innings, from the last ball of his 13th over.
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48th over: England 128-3 (Cook 57, Bairstow 22) Mitchell Marsh replaces Lyon and starts with a maiden to Jonny Bairstow. The match is drifting a bit, which has not something that has happened often in this breakneck series.
Feels a bit like the Third Place Playoff in the World Cup here. It's more than a friendly, but less than a "live" match @100ashesquotes
— Gary Naylor (@garynaylor999) August 22, 2015
47th over: England 128-3 (Cook 57, Bairstow 22) Siddle continues to join the dots, almost sneaking one behind Cook’s pads with the fifth ball of the over. Yet another maiden from Siddle (12-8-7-1).
46th over: England 128-3 (Cook 57, Bairstow 22) Nothing to see here.
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45th over: England 125-3 (Cook 55, Bairstow 21) Siddle zips a length delivery past the outside edge of Bairstow, who snaps his head round to follow the ball in a manner that usually suggests an edge. Not this time. A maiden from Siddle, who has the kind of figures usually seen next to the name C. E. L. Ambrose: 11-7-7-1.
“I know his season has been average, but is there no chance of Compton going on tour?” says Tom Bowtell. “He was proper gutsy in India, and he and Cook are still one of the most prolific opening pairs in the last 3 years (and he brought out good form in Cook who averages 54 odd batting with him).” I agree, I’d be very tempted to go with him or Carberry in the short term, with a view to Hales coming in over the next 12-18 months. But I doubt it’ll happen. If Hales has a good ODI series against Australia I suspect they will pick him in the Test squad to play Pakistan.
44th over: England 125-3 (Cook 55, Bairstow 21) Nathan Lyon starts the evening session. He is bowling to Cook, who needs 46 to equal Kumar Sangakkara’s record for most centuries in the second innings of a Test. Make that 45, after a cut for one. That shot has got Cook in trouble against Lyon in the past, and this one was in the air for a while.
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Hello, Rob here, on a dark day for those whose name ends in -yth. We have a longish evening session to come, with 36 overs still to bowl. England are 209 behind but still have a chance of saving this game. Their two main hopes are Alastair Cook and the little rain symbol evident on most weather forecasts for tomorrow and Monday.
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43rd over: England 123-3 (Cook 54, Bairstow 20)
Mitchell Marsh replaces Johnson after an expensive over. After Cook starts with a single, Bairstow gets in and behind the rest of the ones at his stumps and leaves a couple, too.
That’s tea – England trailing by 209 runs.
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42nd over: England 122-3 (Cook 53, Bairstow 20)
Siddle showing the odd sign of frustration in the heat as singles come a little easier off his bowling as his length wavers. Cook frustrates him the most by working a ball on off stump towards midwicket
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41st over: England 119-3 (Cook 51, Bairstow 19)
Two consecutive fours from Bairstow to start this Johnson over. Neither were convincing, both scuffed through the cordon but with soft hands. Ah OK, we’ll give you that, Johnny. The over finishes with an aerial scuff this time, high over the heads of the slips for the third four. Johnson scratches his head, Bairstow just squits.
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40th over: England 107-3 (Cook 51, Bairstow 7)
Cook drops the ball in front of midwicket and takes a single, before Bairstow works Siddle behind square on the leg-side for another.
39th over: England 105-3 (Cook 50, Bairstow 6)
Not the most promising start from Bairstow as he flays at a ball that is past him in a flash. Later, he bunts aerially down the ground, as Johnson sticks out his right hand in an attempt to take what would have been a stunning caught and bowler. Four to Johnny.
38th over: England 99-3 (Cook 50, Bairstow 0)
Siddle bowling to Cook. What do you think?
Maiden.
37th over: England 99-3 (Cook 50, Bairstow 0)
Fifty for Alastair Cook, off 119 balls. It’s his 44th in Tests and has featured nine fours. He has a little wave at the crowd, as Nasser reminds us all that he’s still yet to score an Ashes hundred at home. Short and wide from Johnson then allows Root to cut hard in front of backward point for four! And then a silly hook to get out. Silly Joe...
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WICKET! c Starc b Johnson 11 (England 99-3)
Root top-edges a hook off new bowler Johnson, straight into the hands of Starc at long leg, who takes a smart catch just in front of the sponge.
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36th over: England 94-2 (Cook 49, Root 6)
Singles to Cook and Root start the Lyon over. The odd bits of spit of the pitch but nothing too threatening. Johnson back at the other end – perhaps a change of ends for Siddle?
35th over: England 91-2 (Cook 48, Root 5)
A very Siddle over full of tight lines, nagging lengths and some close-ups of his gums. Just one from it, to Cook.
34th over: England 90-2 (Cook 47, Root 5)
After staying in his crease for the first three balls from Lyon, Root skips down and works him through midwicket for a single. Cook then takes the single on offer to the off side boundary, as Peter Siddle prepares to replace Starc...
Siddle’s current second innings figures are 6-5-1-1...
33rd over: England 88-2 (Cook 46, Root 4)
Cook going through the gears one – the low ones you’re milking during your third driving lesson. A tuck off the legs for two is followed by a punch drive for four. Very well timed, very odd to watch but very effective.
Cook's straight-arm-check-prod-drive legit in my top 10 favourite cricket shots.
— Dave Tickner (@tickerscricket) August 22, 2015
32nd over: England 82-2 (Cook 40, Root 4)
My word – turn AND bounce. Lyon pitches leg stump, kicks off the surface and misses Cook’s outside edge, taking a feather form the keeper’s left glove, meaning Clarke has to fetch and a bye is taken. Cook retains the strike with a dab into the leg-side.
31st over: England 79-2 (Cook 39, Root 3)
15 balls it’s taken for Root to get off the mark. He does so with a three, as Shaun Marsh does the unthinkable and successfully retrieves a ball running across the squares at the Oval. Starc yorks Cook, who has the awareness to clamp his bat down for a single into the leg side. Meaning...
This is now Cook's highest-scoring home Ashes series http://t.co/wibl99MiH8 #ashes2015
— Andrew McGlashan (@andymcg_cricket) August 22, 2015
30th over: England 75-2 (Cook 38, Root 0)
Finally, some intent. Marsh is still doing his job, but Cook has managed to thread a couple of drives through the cover field, both for four. Clarke applauds Marsh’s persistence with the full ball. Naturally, he finishes with a short ball that Cook thumps through extra-cover for four.
29th over: England 63-2 (Cook 26, Root 0)
Good stuff from Athers on Sky: he’s noticed that Starc is swinging some and reversing others. Evidently, Starc is unsure where it’s going. Neither does Root. He’s still there, for now.
28th over: England 63-2 (Cook 28, Root 0)
Marsh excellent, again. Cook’s given nothing to work with and then, final ball, a ball is sent across him that he cannot resist, throwing a loose drive its way and finding nothing but air.
On Bell’s poor series – 215 runs at 26.87 – this is quite telling (I know, I know, Twitter...).
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27th over: England 63-2 (Cook, Root 26)
Mitchell Johnson’s first post-lunch spell comes to an end and Starc will take over left-arm duties. He’s getting the ball to move both ways, but hasn’t been able to get things quite right, sending one past Root’s edge but following up with an inswinger that passes harmlessly down the leg side.
26th over: England 62-2 (Cook 26, Root 0)
Slack from Bell as he pulls firmly but uppishly to Chris Rogers, diving to his right, who’s unable to take what would have been a very good catch. There’s a slight delay as Rogers is forced to leave the field and it works in Marsh’s favour, as he hits the pitch hard to sting the fingers of Bell and send him on his way. A modest series comes to the end for England’s most lavish accessory. Immediately Marsh is at Root, beating the outside edge.
WICKET! Bell c Clarke b Marsh 13 (England 62-2)
Absurd innings from Bell ends: the ball after he pierces the hands of midwicket, he takes one on the glove which balloons up to Clarke at slip, who makes amends for his drop a few moments ago.
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25th over: England 58-1 (Cook 26, Bell 9)
Johnson continuing. The pace is still up there but the radar is starting to show signs of weariness. The first ball is sent down leg before a wider ball is played with soft hands by Cook between the slips for another four.
24th over: England 54-1 (Cook 22, Bell 9)
More indecision from Bell on his off-stump. He gets four, but he won’t like it: attempting to retract his bat and offering up the face for the ball to kiss off and run through a vacant gully for four. Clarke’s doing well to ensure Bell is stuck on strike, with two on the leg side to stop that dab into that region. Marsh toys with his position at the crease and finishes tight to the stumps, as Bell creams one, finally, but straight to the man at cover.
23rd over: England 50-1 (Cook 22, Bell 5)
Cook very quick to pick up a short ball from Johnson and hammer to the square leg fence for four. Good follow-up ball has Cook with both his shoulders facing down the pitch. The edge is found, but it skates wide of the slips.
22nd over: England 42-1 (Cook 14, Bell 5)
Mitchell Marsh replacing Nathan Lyon and he squares Bell up, just missing the edge and off stump. Bell then flashes at a drive ball that he edges high through to Clarke... who shells it! It was fast but he’s taken those this series. Seemed to react late, throwing his hands up so quickly that he took himself off his feet. It’s no great pace, just some low 80s, dandy seam stuff. But he’s keeping Bell in check. Just a two, mid-over, past point from the over.
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21st over: England 40-1 (Cook 14, Bell 3)
Johnson goes at Bell, who gets pinned on the arm and adds four to the score as he was taken evasive action. Same again the next ball – short, up at his arm-pit – and there’s bat this time, but to a safe are between bat-pad and the man out at deep fine leg. Cook gets an easier ride, as Johnson searches for his edge with some balls in his half.
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20th over: England 35-1 (Cook 14, Bell 2)
Cook is given one to the man at deep point, rocking back and cutting to bring Bell on strike. Muted appeal as Bell goes to work one behind square, with Lyon coming over the wicket. Nevill with a good take, but no bat. Maybe worth chucking a leg-slip in? Bell’s fallen foul of a man around the corner before. Single off the penultimate ball and Cook lunges forward in defence to see out the over.
I'm sitting 75 yards from the middle with 52 year-old eyes and even I could see that came off the arm. Absurd stuff from Aus @Vitu_E
— Gary Naylor (@garynaylor999) August 22, 2015
19th over: England 33-1 (Cook 13, Bell 1)
Mitchell Johnson zings a couple wide of Bell’s off stump and then bowls a marginally slower one that arcs in but wide and short enough for Bell to leave comfortably. One shorter and across him – 88.2mph – and the next ball is deflected through to Voges, low at first slip. The catch is taken, a huge appeal goes up, Dar and Bell are unmoved and there’s a review from Michael Clarke... and it’s shoulder of the Bell rather than the bat.
18th over: England 33-1 (Cook 13, Bell 1)
“Tidy start from Lyon,” says Warne. Words, Warnie. A few getting the batsmen forward, a few letting them push back. A couple of tucks around the corner – one for each – and hint of a change-up.
Play about to resume at the Kia Oval...
Only a fool like me would choose to follow so immediately after Rob Smyth with this OBO. It’s all disappointment from now until tea, when he’ll return. Ah well, at least it’s sunny out.
Nathan Lyon resuming after lunch...
Lunch: England 31-1 (trail by 301)
A pretty somnolent morning session ends with England where they were at the start of the day: in the malodorous stuff, and needing a new opener. It’s still a good batting pitch, so there is scope to lose the match with dignity, or save it with rain. Thanks for your company; Vithushan Ehantharajah will be with you after lunch.
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17th over: England 31-1 (Cook 11, Bell 0) Siddle finally concedes a run, from his 35th delivery. Nothing else happens, and that’s lunch!
“So you don’t think Hales is capable of dealing with the harder series then, Rob?” says Michael Drinkwater. “ That’s not much of a recommendation, is it? Surely if he is good enough, he should be tried now. Reckon he’d be a good person to have in South Africa. As for the dilemma that is Moeen, for a start this series he should have been ahead of Buttler, but his bowling - or his control anyway, seems to have gone in reverse. He should be in the UAE though and so should Rashid. If its just one series, and the selectors want to squeeze in Rashid too, then why not open with Bell and have Moeen at 3?”
Has Bell ever opened in first-class cricket? I’d rather make one change than two, personally. Hales might be fine, but the combination of a really tough winter, and how good he could be if he cracks Test cricket, means I would ease him in in the gentlest circumstances possible. Giving a player his debut at the wrong time can set in motion a series of events that ultimately ruin that player’s Test career: Ravi Bopara is a great example of that. At the moment I’m not sure anyone – not even Hales – knows whether he will crack it at Test level or not.
16th over: England 30-1 (Cook 11, Bell 0) Lyon starts around the wicket to Bell, an angle from which he has dismissed him a few times. The first ball turns down the leg side for four byes, and the Sky commentators note with surprise the lack of a leg slip. Bell has been dismissed turning Lyon round the corner in the past.
Adam Lyth is the first player in Test history to make 5 consecutive scores between 10 & 20 whilst opening the batting pic.twitter.com/HBBLKLd9c6
— Test Match Special (@bbctms) August 22, 2015
15th over: England 26-1 (Cook 11, Bell 0) Bowling dry has gone out of fashion in the last year or so; Siddle is demonstrating the ridiculousness of that situation. He is supremely accurate, and has a strangled LBW shout against Cook from a ball that pitched just outside leg. It’s another maiden, so Siddle’s figures are now 5-5-0-1.
“Only one choice for your movie tonight,” says Niall Mullen. Oh my. That looks heroically diabolical.
14th over: England 26-1 (Cook 11, Bell 0) Cook cuts another boundary when Lyon drops short. So, who would you open with this winter? I would leave Hales until next summer, because it’s such a tricky winter and it could finish him before he has started. Moeen in the UAE is an option, though not in South Africa. They could almost do with a short-term patsy to do the hard work this winter and then allow Hales to come in when it’s theoretically easier next summer. The other problem with Moeen opening in the UAE is that he’s such a good player of spin, so why take him out of the middle order? It’s a big problem; I’ve no idea what they should do.
13th over: England 19-1 (Cook 4, Bell 0) With every passing over, the omission of Siddle for the first four Tests seems less an oddity and more a downright scandal. Another fine delivery draws an edge from Bell that falls this far short of Clarke at second slip. Siddle’s figures are now 4-4-0-1.
“Film tonight,” says Dan Lucas. “Go with Galaxy Quest. Because you could do with a hilarious farce.”
WICKET! England 19-1 (Lyth c Clarke b Siddle 10)
Adam Lyth’s Test career comes to an end. Probably. It was a good delivery from Siddle – an immaculate line and length, which meant that Lyth felt he had to play. He pushed defensively and edged low to second slip, where Clarke took the catch. Lyth ends the series with 115 runs at 12.77, and the summer with 265 at 20.38. He was worked over beautifully by Siddle there.
One summer, seven Tests, one century: Sam Robson in 2014, Adam Lyth in 2015 @100ashesquotes
— Gary Naylor (@garynaylor999) August 22, 2015
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12th over: England 19-0 (Lyth 10, Cook 4) I have nothing to declare except another maiden, the fourth in a row. Cook has four from 41 balls. “Good morning Rob, I have an interview on Tuesday,” says Jeremy Bunting. “I have so much preparation to do and my concern yesterday morning was this would play through days 4 & 5. That would totally screw up my chances.”
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11th over: England 19-0 (Lyth 10, Cook 4) An airy-fairy drive from Lyth meets only fresh air. “Oooh dear,” says David Gower. When even David Gower bemoans an airy-fairy drive from a left-hander, it’s safe to say it wasn’t a good shot. Lyth is beaten twice more in the over by gorgeous leg-cutters from the excellent Siddle. He is going at just two an over in this match, with combined figures of 16-8-32-2. When they reflect, I suspect Australia will regret following fashion and omitting Siddle so often over the last 18 months.
Follow-ons enforced by recent Australian captains: Clarke 1/5 (had 5 chances to do so); Ponting 4/13, S Waugh 8/8, Mark Taylor 3/5
— S Rajesh (@rajeshstats) August 22, 2015
10th over: England 19-0 (Lyth 10, Cook 4) I missed that over because I was trying to decide what film to watch tonight. It was – horror, shock – another maiden, this time from Lyon to Cook. England trail by 313.
9th over: England 19-0 (Lyth 10, Cook 4) Siddle beats Lyth with a beauty that pitches outside leg and jags past the outside edge. There’s a break in play while Siddle changes his shoes. “Is that one of them Fokkers?” says Bumble as a plane flies over the ground. Another maiden, the fifth of the innings.
“I dont think Moeen is an opener either,” says Phil White. “But he is wasted at 8. On Ashes form he should be in the top six. A positive approach to this match would have been to drop Buttler, put Bairstow at 7, and bring in Rashid at 8. Arguably a stronger batting line-up, and who knows what Rashid’s bowling might have achieved?”
I reckon dropping Buttler would have been daft. No point risking the damage to his confidence, not with such a rare talent. It would have been nice to get Rashid in, though. Moeen is too good to bat No8 but I’m not certain he’s a Test No6. England have three No 6.5s, for want of a less pretentious phrase.
It is a bit of an odd situation, though, picking a No8 whose strongest suit is his batting. I suspect it’ll come to a head over the winter, though goodness knows who might replace him. Rashid won’t make it. Monty’s situation is worth keeping an eye on. He’s still the best spinner in England by a decent distance.
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8th over: England 19-0 (Lyth 10, Cook 4) Cook started the series by shimmying down the pitch to Lyon. He is ending it by staying firmly in his crease, defending watchfully. He is waiting for a bad ball, and when it eventually comes he cuts crisply for four to get off the mark from his 27th delivery.
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7th over: England 15-0 (Lyth 10, Cook 0) Clarke continues to tinker, replacing Johnson with Peter Siddle. He starts with a maiden, including a good short ball that Lyth fends to gully on the bounce. It’s pretty quiet around the ground. Sometimes that low hum signifies high tension; this is not one of those times. Lyth actually isn’t England’s lowest-scoring batsman in this series; he has 115 runs to Jos Buttler’s 80. “If we’re handing out insults for not scoring runs, let’s have a go at him!”
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6th over: England 15-0 (Lyth 10, Cook 0) Michael Clarke plays a bit of slap-bass in his final innings as captain, bringing Nathan Lyon into the attack after only five overs. Cook defends solidly and now has nought from 23 balls. There’s your brand of cricket.
5th over: England 15-0 (Lyth 10, Cook 0) This is probably the last time we’ll see Mitchell Johnson bowl in an Ashes Test. The bald statistics – 19 matches, 86 wickets at 25.41 – don’t even hint at one of the better stories in 21st century sport: a tale of songs, schadenfreude, redemption, nasty surprises, moustaches and murderous bloody lifters. Lyth uppercuts him confidently for four, and then deflects one off the elbow to fine leg for four leg-byes. A pristine cover drive makes it 12 from three balls.
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4th over: England 3-0 (Lyth 2, Cook 0) Kumar Dharmasena calls a no-ball from Starc, prompting a few sarcastic cheers. How did people manage to get by before banter was invented? Not much is happening; the new ball is swinging, but thus far Starc in particular hasn’t made the batsmen play enough.
3rd over: England 1-0 (Lyth 1, Cook 0) Lyth works Johnson off the hip to get off the mark. To repeat, the forecast for tomorrow and Monday is pretty poor, so this match is saveable. Cook, attempting a dainty flap-hook, is beaten for a pace by Johnson’s bouncer.
“Would suggest Moeen is different class to Peter Taylor, and it has been seriously proposed that he should open, in the UAE,” says Phil White. “(This should ensure Lyth now gets his hundred.)” Oh I agree, I just meant the tactic of putting someone straight back in when you follow on because they batted well in the first innings. He probably will open in the UAE but it’s not a sustainable strategy, and it means potentially weakening what is already the weakest part of the side.
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2nd over: England 0-0 (Lyth 0, Cook 0) Alastair Cook has promised more than he has paid in this series: 245 runs at 30.62. There are mitigating circumstances – a couple of serious jaffas, that freak catch at short leg – but it’s unusual to see Cook in decent form make so many nothing scores. He ignores a series of deliveries outside off stump in Mitchell Starc’s first over, so it’s a maiden.
@100ashesquotes Gooch was under quite a lot of pressure going into the Oval Test in 85. He got 196
— Tom Davies (@tomdaviesE17) August 22, 2015
1st over: England 0-0 (Lyth 0, Cook 0) Lyth ignores the hat-trick ball, a full awayswinger. I bet his heart is playing a drum-and-bass track right now. He does really well to get on top of an excellent lifter and steer it on the bounce to gully, but then has little option but to wears a beautiful short ball that hits him on the glove and body. A maiden.
“England should have opened the second innings with Moeen,” says Phil White. “He’s got his eye in and been batting well.” Ah, the old Peter Taylor tactic. I love stuff like that. Batting orders should be much more fluid.
Mitchell Johnson, who is on a hat-trick, is going to take the new ball.
As Adam Lyth trots out, thoughts turn to some of the great career-saving innings: Mark Taylor in 1997, Andrew Strauss in 2008, and of course Alastair Cook on this ground in 2010. I suppose that was place-saving more than career-saving, but even so.
An email Interesting to compare Moeen’s figures to those of our main spinner in last four home Ashes series,” says Tom Bowtell. “Take the Swann-friendly 2013 pitches out of it and he’s right up there., basically the same as Swann in 2009.
Giles 2005: 155 runs at 19.37, 10 wickets at 57.8
Swann 2009: 249 @ 35.57 and 14 @ 40.50
Swann 2013: 126 @ 25.20 and 26 @ 29.03
Moeen 2015: 250 @ 41.66 and 12 wickets @ 45.50.”
That’s a good spot. I’m surprised Swann’s figures were so modest in 2009, though I suppose Cardiff did a lot of damage. I do think those figures flatter Moeen though; he hasn’t bowled anywhere near as well as he did against India last summer.
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WICKET! England 149 all out (Moeen Ali c Nevill b Johnson 30)
Mitchell Johnson finishes the innings with two wickets in two balls. Moeen feels indeterminately outside off stump and edges low to Nevill. England are 332 behind, and Australia have enforced the follow on. That’s the first time Michael Clarke has done so in a Test, and it might just be the last.
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WICKET! England 149-9 (Wood c Starc b Johnson 24)
Mitchell Johnson strikes with his third ball. Wood, beaten for pace, miscues a pull straight to Starc at midwicket. That was another breezy little innings from Wood, 24 from 41 balls with six fours.
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48th over: England 149-8 (Ali 30, Wood 24) Lyon replaces Siddle. I used to think he was the most underrated player in world cricket, but I reckon he falls foul of the Denis Irwin rule: once a certain percentage of people say you are underrated, you are no longer underrated. Moeen Ali plays him better and more aggressively than most England players, and drives smoothly over mid-on for four to bring up the fifty partnership. The next ball is clouted disdainfully back over Lyon’s head for a one-bounce four. England have hit seven boundaries in the last three overs. It’s a whole new brand of cricket!
In other news this, from Mike Jakeman on home domination in recent Test cricket, is very good.
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47th over: England 141-8 (Ali 22, Wood 24) Wood chases a very wide delivery from Marsh. Fresh air roars through cover for four; the ball ends in the hands of Peter Nevill. The runs are starting to come quickly now, with Wood hitting consecutive boundaries off Marsh. The first was a forcing shot past backward point, the second a storming cut stroke.
“My friend Mel is there today (I’m in Leeds, what was I thinking?) as I chose day five instead,” says Guy Hornsby. “I’m looking about as foolish as Finn did yesterday when Steve Smith nicked it. Still, how we perform today could go a long way towards the UAE, so here’s hoping for 320-1 at the close. Allow me some misplaced optimism at least. Hope is already in the pub.” Hope’s already in the clink after throwing hands at the bar when it realised there was no chance of rain today.
46th over: England 133-8 (Ali 22, Wood 16) Moeen, driving expansively, edges Siddle through the legs of Warner at gully and away for four. A softer edge next ball sneaks past Warner for another boundary. He makes it three fours in the over with a pleasant drive through mid-off. Actually it was better than pleasant; David Gower would have been proud of that shot.
One of the less remarked influences of T20 is people applauding the edge that goes for four - like the batsman meant it @100ashesquotes
— Gary Naylor (@garynaylor999) August 22, 2015
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45th over: England 121-8 (Ali 10, Wood 16) One Mitchell replaces another, Marsh coming on for Starc. He looks a really good fifth bowler; as Nasser Hussain on Sky, a lot better than most of us thought he was. After an era of six batsmen, a keeper and four bowlers, the fifth bowlers is having a bit of a renaissance, perhaps a consequence of the workload on the main bowlers these days. If Marsh looks a good fifth bowler, then Wood looks a seriously good No10 batsman; he punches another lovely drive for four, this time through mid-off.
“If Australia can win this Test, then in these last three Ashes series that have been played in an almost back-to-back fashion, it will give Australia an aggregate victory of 7-6 – despite the fact that 10 of the 15 matches were played in England. Despite not retaining the ashes at the end of this series, I consider that a moral victory and is perhaps the best indicator of which team is stronger. Agree or disagree?” It’s a no from me. Mind you it’s interesting that, although England have won five of the last seven Ashes series, Australia have won more Tests in that time: 14-13.
44th over: England 117-8 (Ali 10, Wood 12) Wood is averaging 40 with the bat in this series, second only to Joe Root among Englishmen. Moeen is just below him, averaging 39, and works Siddle off the hip for a couple. That aside there is nothing to work with. Siddle bowls a lovely, challenging length.
43rd over: England 115-8 (Ali 8, Wood 12) More ominous inswing for Starc to Wood. I’m not sure anyone in world cricket has a higher jaffa-ratio than Starc, though mercifully for batsmen he bowls a fair bit of filth as well. Such as a very wide half-volley that Wood can’t quite reach with a flail outside off stump. You would expect Starc to tighten up as he plays more Test cricket, and heaven help everyone when he does. Wood gets the first runs off the bat this morning with a flowing cover drive for four. Shot!
“England’s strategy from here,” begins Matthew Tom. “Follow on, get to 61 ahead in their second innings, declare and give the ball to Broad.” Tbf that would be well banter.
42nd over: England 111-8 (Ali 8, Wood 8) Peter Siddle, the man who should have been brought in after Cardiff to sex down the Australian attack, starts from the other end to Moeen. He hits his optimum length straight away, just full of good, and it’s a maiden.
“Oh my!” says Steve Hudson. “Which bit of that Beefy video is funniest?? ‘You change nappies if you want to live, it’s a free country. That’s why my dad fought in the war’. ‘There are more deer now that in the time of Henry XIII. Fact.’”
The bit about chasing the dragon is pretty good too. Even the West Indies’ four horsemen of the apocalypse didn’t give Beefy such a fierce working-over. You got one four-ball a session from Joel Garner and Malcolm Marshall. Those kids gave Beefy nothing.
41st over: England 111-8 (Ali 8, Wood 8) Mitchell Starc, Australia’s leading wicket-taker in the series with 18, gets things going. The bad news for England is that it’s swinging – or, as David Brent might say, I think there’s been some shape out there! The first ball is an inswinger that deflects off Mark Wood’s left leg for four leg-byes. Wood does well to clear his feet and dig out a yorker before being beaten by three consecutive deliveries outside off stump. This won’t take long.
The players are out. It’s a pretty damn gorgeous morning in south London. Normally you would say it looks like a perfect day for batting but, well, you know.
Cricket United today at The Oval, wear Blue if you can! Have a fun day. https://t.co/iMJVbNBmU1
— Stuart Broad (@StuartBroad8) August 22, 2015
“I was just listening to TMS as I pootled around the flat getting a few things done when I could swear I suddenly heard in the background the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme tune,” says Phil Sawyer. “Did any other OBOers hear this or did I hallucinate it? I mean, I realise as a soundtrack to England’s batting yesterday it’s pretty apt but it seems the unlikeliest of venues to hear it.”
Larry David really should have batted No6 for England in the 1980s.
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Want to buy a funny, insightful, definitive history of the Ashes that contains a soupçon of concupiscent mischief? Good luck with that. But you can buy this if you like.
Gentlemen and Sledgers: A History of the Ashes in Quotations and Confrontations is available now. http://t.co/Z2jttd804k
— 100 Ashes Quotes (@100ashesquotes) August 8, 2015
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The Sky chaps are talking about this no-ball business, which is all a bit strange. Some of those no-balls yesterday were huge. There’s clearly only one solution: make Walter Sobchak an umpire. (NB: Video contains lively language from the start.)
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The follow on
There is some talk that Michael Clarke will not enforce the follow on so that he can bat again. In fact he might not want another innings; when a man is weary he just wants to sleep. Either way, he’ll surely do what’s best for the team. In a post-Kolkata world that normally means batting again, but because this is a dead game I suspect the let’s-get-this-done vibe will override any fear of losing the match. There’s a forecast for rain tomorrow as well. So I reckon Clarke will do the right thing and enforce the follow on to ensure I get a day off tomorrow.
“I think you’re missing the whole context, love”
I am a bit late to this, as I believe it was doing the rounds on the social media last week. But for those who haven’t seen it, it’s a comic treat.
An OBO isn’t an OBO until we’ve heard from Gary Naylor.
@100ashesquotes We picked Lyth in an odd year instead of an even - http://t.co/h6i3gc3wFI
— Gary Naylor (@garynaylor999) August 22, 2015
I see he averages 159 in the UAE. *taps nose*
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Sad news from Australia: Arthur Morris has died at the age of 93. He was probably Australia’s second greatest opener, after Victor Trumper, and was the leading scorer when the Invincibles hammered England 4-0 in 1948. In the final Test, at the Oval, he played an innings that was completely overshadowed by Donald Bradman’s duck. “I was there,” Morris would say when the subject of Bradman’s final innings came up. “Oh, did you play?” someone would ask. “Yes, I got 196.”
Vale Arthur Morris, an Invincible and rated the greatest left-hander by Bradman. An obituary: http://t.co/nj28vrzGGM pic.twitter.com/mkkaBtGboA
— cricket.com.au (@CricketAus) August 21, 2015
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Preamble
Morning. The 2015 Ashes would have tested even Kipling’s equilibrium. Triumph and disaster aren’t impostors; they’re the only friends we’ve got, the only friends who can help us process this unnervingly weird Ashes. Usually such knee-jerkism is the preserve of the risible football, but this series has been so daft as to make extreme reactions almost irresistible.
So it is that, on Thursday morning, England were an intrepid bunch of rare talents embarking on a journey towards world domination; today they are a flaky bunch of underachieving talents who can only win on doctored greentops. You don’t need me to tell you that the truth is somewhere inbetween, so that’s precisely what I’m going to do: the truth is somewhere inbetween.
It’s hard to know how to feel about last night, when England – as only they can – contrived to rain on their own parade. In one sense it doesn’t matter; in another it means more than a dead rubber normally would. If the rest of the match plays out as you would expect, and England are hammered, it will change how history records this Ashes series. It will also change how many perceive the England team and, perhaps, how they perceive themselves.
At the moment, old-fashioned Scoreboard Pressure is Kryptonite to England’s hip young hero, Brand Of Cricket, so they need to develop the confidence and method to score runs when they are batting second and the opposition have posted something a bit more challenging than 60 all out, especially with Pakistan and South Africa to play this winter. The best place to start is now, by getting 400 second time round and securing a vaguely honourable eight-wicket defeat. (Or a 150-run defeat if Michael Clarke doesn’t enforce the follow-on.)
England will resume on 107 for eight, a deficit of 374. The glittering prize of averting embarrassment, and being able to look people in the eye when the urn is lifted, can be still be claimed. But with the way this series has gone, they will probably get bowled out for 59 in their second innings.
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