DAMNED IF YOU ROO …
There’ll always be an England, sang Vera Lynn, and there’ll always be Wayne Rooney, added Mr Roy. As permanent as the White Cliffs of Dover and nearly as mobile, Rooney seems certain to start England’s Euro 2016 campaign even if Mr Roy has to raze the rest of the country’s natural resources to create a space into which to plonk him. That made for an appalling eyesore at Wembley last night but Mr Roy has to look at the bigger picture: imagine how much explaining he’d have had to do if he’d chosen a better squad and brought an abrupt and unceremonious end to the career of England’s record goalscorer. Far better to let the Special One do that next season.
But let’s not call including Rooney an easy option. After all, countless Russian, Slovakian and Welsh folk have spent months trying in vain to figure out how to disrupt the fastest, slickest and boldest forwards that England have had in a generation. Only Mr Roy has found a way. Crowbar a member of a bygone generation into the starting lineup and, hey presto, Harry Kane, Jamie Vardy and Dele Alli are neutralised! That’s no small feat, and it has taken Mr Roy four years to get to this point.
It is indeed remarkable that a supposedly conservative and predictable manager has contrived to reach the eve of his third major tournament without anyone having any clear idea of how his team is going to play. In these times when talk of philosophies and projects are all the rage, it’s somehow heartening to know that some managers still convey the impression that they’re totally and utterly winging it (even when their teams have no real width). Yes, there’ll always be an England.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“That’s hard to explain. I started crying when Lucas Vazquez calmly scored his kick with extreme confidence. I got emotional and I felt we were not going to lose. It all started when Sergio [Ramos] told us we were going to use the goal in front of our fans for the shootout” - Pepe, who has become such a good actor that he doesn’t even know if his own tears are real, tries and fails to explain why he started crying at the end of the Champions League.
FIVER LETTERS
“So if Bale is meant to be the Welsh Him, shouldn’t he be known from now on as Ef?”– Kristian Boyce.
“I recently signed up for the free and funny Fiver emails. The free email has been arriving in my inbox with semi-impressive regularity. Please send the funny one at your earliest convenience” – Steve Wilson.
“Reading yesterday’s Fiver and having grown tired of endless letters on the selectorial process for letter o’ the day, I skimmed down to Bits and Bobs. When I read that it had been a bumper day for managerial Championship news my heart skipped a beat. I looked in vain for any news of Charlton. Then I remembered that we have just been relegated to League One. I checked the fans website. We remain managerless but we still have the same useless owners. This is a never-ending nightmare. I am thinking of going to Soulmates with the view to hooking up with a Blackpool fan so we can cry on each other’s shoulders” – Robert Darby.
“Now that Thelonius is in charge and he seems a nice guy perhaps you could lay off the ‘Nasty’ label. After all which club has done more than enough to inherit the label of ‘Nasty’ more so than Golivan and Brady, I therefore nominate the ‘Nasty’ Taxpayer FC” – James Johnson.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Mike Wilner.
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RECOMMENDED VIEWING
Aca Pavlovic is one of the forgotten victims of last November’s attacks at the Stade de France when three suicide bombers blew themselves up outside the arena. Pavlovic, a scarf seller, and his wife were badly wounded in the third explosion. Here he revisits the arena and recalls the events of that night which would change his life forever …
BITS AND BOBS
Another day, another accusation of those in charge of the world’s most popular sport trousering tens of millions of pounds. Fifa lawyers have said that former suits Sepp Blatter, Jerome Valcke and Markus Kattner awarded themselves pay rises and bonuses worth £55m over five years.
Former European Cup winners Aston Villa and Roberto Di Matteo have decided to get together and pool their regret at how life turned out.
For their latest trick, Leicester City’s scouting team have discovered … Ron-Robert Zieler. The German international goalkeeper has joined on a four-year deal from Hannover 96.
Paris Saint-Germain’s chairman says “big changes could happen” after a disappointing season in which they did the domestic Treble for the second year in a row.
STILL WANT MORE?
In a special report, Dominic Fifield visits Saint-Denis, a fragile area still scarred by last year’s terrorist attacks but hopeful that Euro 2016 - which starts there a week today - can mark a new beginning.
Cartoon-scrawling genius David Squires considers … the Copa America in the US.
It’s the 100th anniversary of the Copa America! Jonathan Wilson, who has seen every match in that time, previews this year’s tournament.
Things we learned from Barry Glendenning’s profile of Chris Smalling: one of them admits to being “horrible and aggressive” in their day job.
And our Euro 2016 Experts’ Network includes a salmagundi of information about Russia and Switzerland, as well as Daniel Taylor on England’s tactics.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.
