ANFIELD: ANOTHER PLACE
Last week in Camp Nou, little Leo Messi whacked a free-kick into the top corner then wheeled off in celebration, ending up sat on the turf, arms wide and legs akimbo, soaking up the adulation, the king of All Football and master of his domain. Spool forward six days, and there he is, prone on the grass again, only this time he’s being clipped round the lug by Andy Robertson, like a misbehaving four-year-old, a confused and disoriented look on his grid that could best be described as glaikit. Robertson’s early strategic skelp fair took the wind out of Messi’s sail, and that was pretty much that. He spent the rest of the evening stood in the centre circle, either sulking or performing a perfectly choreographed tribute to the warm-up routines of Anthony Martial, The Fiver’s not sure which. And they say a week’s a long time in politics.
But while Messi was a very long way from his best, he was still Barça’s star turn on Tuesday night, on account of that one moment midway through the second half, with the writing already on the wall, when he finally deigned to run forward for a few yards with something almost approaching purpose. When the chips are down, you can always rely on the greatest of all time! At least he tried. The same can’t really be said for the invisible Philippe Coutinho, the admittedly entertaining pantomime sideshow Luis Suárez, or any of the team’s defensive unit, who in retrospect really shouldn’t have been allowed to go on that day trip to Crosby Beach, as the sculptures there appear to have given them some strange notions regarding position and movement. Marine biologists have put in an official request to study the sudden appearance of barnacles on Gerard Piqué’s shorts.
Messi’s miserable evening didn’t end at the final whistle. Upon making it back to the dressing room, he reportedly broke down in floods of bitter tears. Then he was selected to do some other water, in a pot by the drugs man. But he was dehydrated after all that running, and so the team bus was forced to leave for the airport without him. Having finally managed to produce something not a hundred miles away from the shade of that away shirt, he made it to the airport just in time for a load of frustrated Barça fans to give him lip regarding their team’s epic collapse. Bah! As cold Tuesday nights go, he’s had better. Just imagine how bad it could have got if they’d been playing Stoke.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Scott Murray from 8pm BST for Big Cup MBM coverage of Ajax 3-3 Tottenham (agg: 4-3).
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I just called in sick and of course it wasn’t the best decision. In the end someone found out” – Jordie van der Laan, a striker who has just been bundled through the door marked Do One by Dutch second division side Telstar, explains how throwing a sickie so he could travel to London to watch Ajax at Tottenham probably wasn’t the wisest career move. “In all he was away from the club for four days. The next day his excuse was that he was in bed with a fever,” moaned Telstar technical director Piet Buter.
FIVER LETTERS
“Re: yesterday’s Fiver. ‘… safe in the knowledge that neither the hosts’ fourth-choice forward nor the fifth – even if the latter is Newcastle slayer Divock Origi – have too much chance of clawing things back, barring a miracle of Istanbul-esque proportions.’ Need I say more?” – Marisa Cardoni (and others).
“The strange beeping sound emanating from a Liverpool bus garage has been traced back to this being backed out. Again” – Gareth Rogers.
“Although I’m not happy with Luis Suárez’s backheel kick on Andy Robertson, I would like to thank him for keeping his promise not to celebrate a goal at Anfield” – Peter Oh.
“The drummer referred to by Jon Millard (yesterday’s Fiver letters) is former That’s Life presenter, Chris Serle. He and another Esther Rantzen sidekick, Paul Heiney, had their own series, In At The Deep End, in which the hacks were sent out to do jobs they were singularly unskilled to do. Any resemblance between that show and The Fiver is, I am sure, entirely coincidental” – Richard O’Hagan.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Gareth Rogers.
BITS AND BOBS
Lyon midfielder Izzy Christiansen has been left out of England’s 23-strong squad for the World Cup after failing to recover from ankle-knack. The full squad … Karen Bardsley (Manchester City), Mary Earps (Wolfsburg), Carly Telford (Chelsea); Millie Bright (Chelsea), Lucy Bronze (Lyon), Rachel Daly (Houston Dash), Alex Greenwood (Manchester United), Steph Houghton (Manchester City), Abbie McManus (Manchester City), Demi Stokes (Manchester City), Leah Williamson (Arsenal); Karen Carney (Chelsea), Jade Moore (Reading), Jill Scott (Manchester City), Lucy Staniforth (Birmingham City), Georgia Stanway (Manchester City), Keira Walsh (Manchester City); Toni Duggan (Barcelona), Fran Kirby (Chelsea), Beth Mead (Arsenal), Nikita Parris (Manchester City), Jodie Taylor (Seattle Reign), Ellen White (Birmingham City). [No Fiver cousin in the final 23? – Fiver Ed.]
Spurs boss Mauricio Pochettino has hinted he may do one if his side win Big Cup this year. “Winning? It should be fantastic, no? Close the five-year chapter and go home,” he blathered, while packing his toothbrush. “We are living a dream.”
Chelsea transfer news could be thin on the ground this summer after an appeal to Fifa against the imposition of a two-window transfer ban was rejected, meaning the club will now take their case to the court of arbitration for sport.
And the latest in Bolton’s sorry saga is that the club have been placed into administration after rejecting Laurence Bassini’s takeover offer. “Continued time wasting and empty promises have caused a great deal of heartache and frustration for the staff and supporters alike,” sniffed chief suit Ken Anderson.
STILL WANT MORE?
Can’t get enough of the Liverpool-Barça Big Cup frenzy? Oh, you can. Ah. This is awkward. Best skip this lot, then: floating footballing brain in a jar Jonathan Wilson on how Klopp has reclaimed English football for the English. Then move to Barney Ronay on seething huddles and raptures in the aisles at Anfield. Take in Gregg Bakowski’s Divock Origi read. Pause for breath before running your eye on how the Spanish and Catalan press harrumphed at Barcelona’s humiliation. And then gawp at Tom Jenkins’s pictures.
Louise Taylor’s words accompany a pictorial guide to England’s squad for the Women’s World Cup.
Louise has also been busy writing about how relegation can affect a whole city.
More Big Cup: David Hytner previews Ajax v Spurs.
What is the shortest gap between top-flight and second-tier football glory? The Knowledge has the answer.
Ben Fisher picks out six things to look out for in the Football League play-offs.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
