Here’s Dave Hytner’s match report from the Emirates. Thanks for your company - goodnight!
Full time: Arsenal 0-3 Manchester City
Peep peep! Manchester City beat Arsenal for the sixth match in a row, and they barely needed to break sweat. Kevin De Bruyne, playing as a No10, scored two majestic goals, with Raheem Sterling getting the other. It could have been a lot worse for an Arsenal team who looked excruciatingly low on confidence and purpose.
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90 min Sterling misses a good chance, driving just wide with his left foot after another penetrative pass from De Bruyne. This could have been worse for Arsenal.
89 min Arsenal are desperate for the referee Paul Tierney to put them out of their misery. It’s been a pretty chastening day.
87 min “Evening Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “To be fair, Jamie Carragher’s 54th-minute assessment of the Arsenal defence could be applied to a fair number of other people and organisations that I could think of. Present company excluded, of course.”
You misspelt ‘being the ultimate example’.
86 min Sterling plays in Mahrez, whose close-range shot is blocked by Leno. He’s had a decent day in the Arsenal goal, believe it or not.
85 min Benjamin Mendy is replaced by Oleksandr Zinchenko. The Emirates is emptying apace.
84 min “Struggling to see how Arsenal are going to get a new manager that is any good,” says Alexander Scrutton. “I don’t even want to play with them in FIFA career mode anymore.”
I’ll do it if nobody else wants it. I’ve got passion, I’ve got ideas, I’ve got a revolutionary 4-3-(1)-2 system.
81 min Arsenal’s final change: Joe Willock replaces Lucas Torreira.
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79 min The second half has been a non-event.
77 min City have kept the ball with greater ease in this half, and Arsenal have struggled to get a kick in the last 10 minutes.
75 min Sterling moves into space and drills a low shot that is blocked by Chambers. Manchester City have been able to run through midfield at will all day.
73 min Torreira drives a long ball forward to Aubameyang, whose speculative first-time shot from the left edge of the area bobbles well wide of the far post.
72 min Sokratis is booked for leaving one on Gabriel Jesus.
72 min “According to Gary Neville, tactical fouls are in the opposition half,” says Alex Sargent. “Mendy just fouled him.”
I don’t agree with that. A particular type of tactical foul, possibly the most insidious, takes place in the opposition half but they can happen in either half in my humble one.
70 min Another City change. Ilkay Gundogan is replaced by Riyad Mahrez.
68 min “On the American feed, the moments of absolute silence are allowing numerous F-bombs and other salty insults to be picked up by the mikes,” says Mary Waltz. “I would advise the Arsenal players to wait a few hours before they leave the stadium. Your loyal fans are rightfully outraged.”
I feel a bit sorry for them. Their attitude hasn’t been particularly bad today; they just aren’t good enough, especially not when their confidence is so low.
67 min City enjoy a long spell of possession. The atmosphere at the Emirates is not exactly Bundesligan.
65 min “I’m starting to think that my memory must be playing tricks with me,” says Matt Dony. “I’m certain that Ozil used to be one of my favourite players to watch. He definitely used to do some beautiful, skilful, impudent things with a football. He used to, y’know, affect games and do things. Didn’t he? DIDN’T HE? I’m worried I’ve Beautiful Mind-ed my way to an invented reality.”
He did. He’s a genius, really, but his heart hasn’t been in it for a few years now.
63 min Mendy is booked for another tactical foul, on Pepe I think.
62 min A bad mistake from Chambers allows Jesus to run through on goal. His shot is superbly blocked by Leno, flying from his line, and Chambers puts a bit of credit back in the bank by blocking Sterling’s follow-up.
61 min Gundogan is booked for a tactical foul on Smith Rowe.
59 min Another change for Arsenal: Mesut Ozil is replaced by Emile Smith Rowe. Ozil strolls off the field and then volleys his gloves away. Even his displays of anger are half-arsed.
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56 min Phil Foden is replaced by Bernardo Silva. Pep knows, I don’t.
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54 min De Bruyne picks up the ball in the centre circle, surges to the edge of the area without being challenged and hits a low left-footed drive that is blocked by Chambers. “They haven’t got a clue what they’re doing,” says Jamie Carragher of the Arsenal defence.
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52 min Gabriel Jesus sweeps a first-time curler over the bar at the end of an excellent City counter-attack. That was a decent chance.
51 min “It’s upsetting to see just how bad Arsenal are,” says Kim Smith. “What manger will want to take on this job and what players will want to come here? They are a disgrace. I have supported this team for over 40 years, and at this time I am unhappy to let people know I support them.”
Your secret’s safe with both our readers.
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50 min Ozil plays an inviting pass to tee up Torreira, who blooters it into the crowd from 25 yards.
48 min That’s better from Arsenal. After a nice passing move, Maitland-Niles’s cross is headed wide by the under-pressure Aubameyang. In fact, I think it came off the back of his neck as he was challenged by Otamendi.
47 min “Arsenal Foundation are sponsoring Arsenal’s shirts today,” says Padraig Stapleton, lovingly lining up the irresistible punchline. “Their defence are no strangers to act of charity anyway.”
46 min Peep peep! Arsenal begin the second half.
Half-time reading
“The phrase ‘tactical foul’ is further evidence that football analysis has jumped the shark,” says Stephen Carr. “Trying to imply some sort of Machiavellian intent overlooks the reality - it’s a frigging foul, end of.”
Did you see Claude Makelele play?
Half time: Arsenal 0-3 Manchester City
Peep peep! Manchester City are cruising to their semiannual victory over Arsenal, who are booed off at the break. Kevin De Bruyne, playing in a relatively unusual No10 role, made one, scored two beautiful goals and would have had a hat-trick but for a flying save from Bernd Leno. See you in 10 minutes for more KDB porn.
45 min Three minutes of added time. Phil Foden, who was anonymous for 35 minutes, has been a huge threat since moving to the right.
43 min: Leno denies De Bruyne a hat-trick with a stunning save! Foden came infield from the right, beat a couple of players and then left the ball to De Bruyne, who ran onto it and slammed a first-time curler towards goal from 25 yards. It looked certain to go in the corner of the net, but Leno flew to his left to fingertip it onto the post!
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41 min Kolasanic, who was off the field when the third goal was scored, is replaced by Bukayo Saka.
The move started when Foden, who had just switched from left to right, came infield and played a short pass to De Bruyne. He rolled Guendouzi, moved to the edge of the D and swept an emphatic curler into the bottom corner with his left foot. It was another brilliant goal. He used the backpedalling Chambers as a screen and shaped it beautifully into the corner with his weaker (sic) foot.
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GOAL! Arsenal 0-3 Manchester City (De Bruyne 40)
Brilliant. Utterly, gloriously, irresistibly brilliant.
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38 min Kolasinac is struggling. He twisted his ankle when he landed after being fouled by Rodri a few minutes ago, and I don’t think he’ll be able to continue.
35 min Rodri is booked for a tactical foul on Kolasinac.
33 min Arsenal are having more of the ball, as they have throughout the game. It’s been an unusual performance from City, who have been happy to let Arsenal have the ball and then kill them on the counter-attack.
31 min More from Charles Antaki, a world-renowned expert on accentuating the positive. “Aubameyang almost touched the ball just now.”
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30 min “Rob, your and Mary Waltz’s predictions will help us prepare mentally for what is sure to be an ample fulfilment (though not necessarily including the Arsenal goals),” says Charles Antaki. “Mental preparation doesn’t always cash out in emotional acceptance, however, and the ugliness will be hard to take.”
Indeed. There are unconfirmed reports of crowd trouble at the Emirates, with apparently more than one supporter making a weapon out of their elderflower panna cotta, chilli pineapple carpaccio, pistachio shortbread biscuit.
27 min Ozil’s cross is headed away to the edge of the area, where Guendouzi hits a snapshot that is blocked in the six-yard box by Fernandinho. Moments later Guendouzi falls dramatically just inside the area. Paul Tierney isn’t interested; nor is VAR.
24 min Martinelli is struggling a little after Kyle Walker accidentally trod on his left hand. Can you run off a hand injury? Probably.
22 min Gundogan swishes high and wide from 25 yards.
21 min Playing Kevin De Bruyne as a No10 didn’t really work at Anfield, but he has been imperious today. He really is the most brilliant footballer.
20 min “This is becoming an advert for the Arsenal to hire Arteta,” says Bill Hargreaves. “If he’ll have them.”
17 min Fernandinho is booked for fouling Aubameyang.
Arsenal tried to press high up the field and City just passed straight through them. Rodri and Foden were involved at the start, passing their way out of trouble in their own half. Then De Bruyne played a give-and-go with Jesus and ran at Chambers on the left side of the box. He drove a low cross that took a slight deflection, which wrongfooted Kolasinac and allowed the ball to reach Sterling at the far post. He swept it into an open net from six yards.
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GOAL! Arsenal 0-2 Manchester City (Sterling 15)
Another beautiful goal from City!
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12 min A quiet period in the game. Arsenal look a threat going forward, particularly when Martinelli has the ball.
8 min More rousing play from Martinelli, who skins Walker and hits a stinging cross-shot that is palmed away by Ederson. It comes to Pepe, whose follow-up shot is blocked by Otamendi. I think it was going wide anyway.
7 min “The deluge has begun,” says Mary Waltz, who predicted a 5-2 City win before the game. “Arsenal has zero ability to have any midfield organization and the back line is a sieve. This will be ugly.”
6 min City’s tactics are interesting. It’s essentially 4-2-3-1, with Foden playing from the left and Sterling from the right
4 min Kevin De Bruyne is a disgusting genius.
What a brilliant finish! Fernandinho moved forward from the back and slid a good, straight pass to Jesus on the left side of the area. He lost Chambers neatly and cut the ball back speculatively from the byline. It cleared everyone at the near post and reached De Bruyne at the far post, 15 yards from goal. He watched the ball bounce, adjusted his body and sidefooted a blistering shot into the roof of the net. The precision and technique were off the scale. Almost every other player in world football would have put that over the bar; most would have put it out of the ground.
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GOAL! Arsenal 0-1 Manchester City (De Bruyne 2)
Manchester City take the lead with a majestic goal!
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35 seconds: Ederson makes a fine save from Martinelli! Crikey, that was some start. Martinelli collected a long ball forward, wriggled away from Fernandinho on the edge of the box and hit a left-footed shot that was superbly blocked by the outrushing Ederson.
1 min Peep peep! City, in their black away kit, kick off from right to left. The Arsenal are in red and white.
The teams emerge from the tunnel, all looking very serious about their work. Prediction: Arsenal 2-4 Manchester City.
“Hi Rob,” says Tony McPeterson. “I’m not usually one to stick my neck out for these sort of things, but if this game isn’t a draw then I can see one of these teams taking this.”
You haven’t factored in the apocalypse.
Another email! “I’m very much enjoying the Martinelli & Greenwood tributes to 1993-era Robbie Fowler,” says Niall Mullen. “Prodigious finishers papering over the cracks of massive clubs in a slump.”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a footballer embody the thrill of youth quite like Fowler. I had to keep my love for him a secret for at least a decade.
I’m dead excited about seeing Martinelli today. As for Greenwood, I know it’s early, and I don’t want to get carried away, but if he continues to progress then I think he might just save the world.
The 2pm games have finished. Spurs grabbed a late winner at Wolves to jump to fifth in the table, and the extraordinary Mason Greenwood denied Duncan Ferguson another victory as Everton manager.
The first email of the day
“Hi,” says Bill Hargreaves. “Clearly my message to Mesut to avoid Mark Lamarr’s barber went unread.”
In fairness, Bill, I think he has bigger concerns than your assessment of his hair.
Team news
Phil Foden starts a Premier League game for the first time this season.
Arsenal (4-2-3-1) Leno; Maitland-Niles, Chambers, Sokratis, Kolasinac; Guendouzi, Torreira; Pepe, Ozil, Martinelli; Aubameyang.
Substitutes: Martinez, David Luiz, Saka, Willock, Smith Rowe, Lacazette, Nelson.
Manchester City (4-3-3) Ederson; Walker, Otamendi, Fernandinho, Mendy; Gundogan, Rodri, Foden; De Bruyne, Jesus, Sterling.
Substitutes: Bravo, Zinchenko, Angelino, B Silva, Mahrez, Cancelo, E Garcia.
Referee Paul Tierney.
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Pre-match reading
Preamble
Hello and welcome to live coverage of Arsenal v Manchester City from the Emirates Stadium. We know what to expect from this one: electric attacking, rococo defending and at least one passage of play that will have a profound impact on Graeme Souness’s Christmas cheer.
The 2019-20 season has thus far been a desperate disappointment for both teams. City are 17 points behind Liverpool, Arsenal are 17 points behind Leicester. Pep Guardiola looks like a man in need of a sabbatical, Arsenal are in urgent need of a permanent manager.
The mood is pretty bleak - unless you’re a neutral. Both these teams are highly watchable, even when they’re struggling. With the attackers (and defenders) on both sides, there’s 0.00 per cent chance this will end 0-0.
Kick off is at 4.30pm.
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