What an absurd, memorable game of association football. Liverpool were brilliant for so much of the game, but conceded three goals in a bizarre five-minute spell at the start of the second half. I’m not sure what else to say, because that match made no sense whatsoever. Thanks for your company, merry Christmas!
Full time: Arsenal 3-3 Liverpool
Merry Christmas everyone!
90+4 min Liverpool win one more corner for the road. It’s headed clear by Mustafi.
90+2 min Ozil totally mishits a high cross that drops towards goal and is flapped desperately over his own bar by Mignolet. That almost went in, which would have meant Leighton-level embarrasment for Mignolet.
90+1 min There will be four added minutes.
90 min Theo Walcott replaces Alexis Sanchez.
89 min Liverpool almost steal victory on the break. A wonderful lay-off from Firmino allows Wijnaldum to surge towards a retreating Arsenal defence. He delays his pass to Salah, who is surrounded by defenders but still manages to make rook and smack a shot into the side netting at the near post.
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87 min “Oxlade-Chamberlain winner, then go full Adebayor,” pleads Matt Dony.
86 min Robertson wins a corner for Liverpool, who continue to push for their just deserts. Oxlade-Chamberlain’s inswinger is claimed by Cech.
84 min Another Liverpool change: Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain is booed onto the field after replacing Coutinho.
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84 min Sanchez, on the left, shapes to hit a deep cross and then whips the ball low towards the near post. Mignolet scrambles across his line to save.
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82 min Robertson’s superb bouncing cross towards Salah is hooked away brilliantly by Koscielny, stretching towards his own goal.
81 min “For five minutes Arsenal were the best team in Europe,” says Dominic O’Donnell. “For the other 70 they’ve been Arsenal.”
80 min A Liverpool change: Wijnaldum replaces Mane. It looks like Liverpool have switched to a 3-4-3 with Milner and Robertson at wing-back.
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79 min Mignolet comes for the corner, gets nowhere near it and is glad to hear the referee blow for a Liverpool foul.
78 min The increasingly influential Ozil slides a pass down the right side of the area for Bellerin, who thumps a rising shot from a tight angle that is pushed over by Mignolet. Before the corner can be take, Danny Welbeck replaces Alex Iwobi.
75 min Liverpool look the likelier winners at the moment, though it’s dangerous to assume anything in this game, never mind the final score. Mane goes down easily in the box after a challenge from Maitland-Niles. No penalty.
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72 min Jurgen Klopp celebrated that goal somewhat, er, boisterously in the vicinity of the Arsenal bench. I’m not sure what that’s about.
Firmino was given far too much space in the D, where Can found him with a nice pass. He had time to get the ball out of his feet and batter a left-footed shot that went through Cech and into the net. Cech will feel he should have done better. He got plenty on the save but could only push the ball up in the air and watch helplessly as it bounced slowly into the net.
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GOAL! Arsenal 3-3 Liverpool (Firmino 71)
Liverpool are level!
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69 min “Rob, can we have an explanation of all this please?” says Charles Antaki. “I swear I haven’t touched the Christmas sherry, and yet there are things happening on the screen which are beyond all reason. And I don’t mean Iwobi still on the pitch.”
Lads, it’s Liverpool.
68 min Liverpool break four on four from the Arsenal corner, with Salah leading the way. He gets past the halfway line and slides the ball forward for Mane, who comes back into the crowd and loses the ball. Mane hasn’t been at his best tonight, unlike Salah (in general play, if not necessarily in front of goal), Firmino and particularly the magnificent Coutinho. It’s a scandal that Liverpool are losing this game.
68 min There are more goals in this game. Ozil plays a one-two with Sanchez and sweeps a pass out to Iwobi. He slides it forward for the overlapping Bellerin, whose dangerous cross is sliced behind by Klavan.
62 min This is an absurd game. Coutinho, on the left wing, rakes a stunning deep cross with the outside of his right foot. It’s right into the path of Mane, whose sidefooted volley is blocked at the near post by Cech. It rebounds to Mane, who miscontrols the ball and it goes behind for a goalkick.
60 min Those three goals were like Istanbul in reverse. They were also Arsenal’s only shots on target so far.
Arsenal have scored three goals in five minutes to come from 2-0 down! Ozil pushed the ball towards Lacazette in the area. He returned it with a nice backheel and Ozil dinked the ball calmly over Mignolet from close range. This makes not one iota of sense. Arsenal were diabolical for 53 minutes. Five minutes later they are on the brink of a victory they will never forget.
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GOAL! Arsenal 3-2 Liverpool (Ozil 58)
This is utterly ridiculous!
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58 min Iwobi is booked for pulling back Mane.
Arsenal, who have been totally outplayed, are level! Xhaka hits the sweetest strike from 30 yards that wobbles awkwardly and goes straight through the left fist of Mignolet. That’s a wretched mistake from Mignolet: it was a difficult ball to deal with because of the pace and wobble, but it was straight at him and should have been pushed over the bar pretty comfortably.
GOAL! Arsenal 2-2 Liverpool (Xhaka 56)
Oh my goodness!
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GOAL! Arsenal 1-2 Liverpool (Sanchez 53)
Arsenal are back in it! This goal isn’t against the run of play - it’s an affront to the run of play. Bellerin clips a good cross towards the far post, where Sanchez comes on the blind side of Gomez to plant a close-range header past Mignolet. That was unusually poor for Gomez, who was sleeping.
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The move started by the left corner flag, where Maitland-Niles had his pocket picked by Gomez. The ball was worked to Salah, who pushed it into the Arsenal half towards Firmino and kept running. Firmino turned to play a brilliant curling pass into Salah’s path. He moved the ball onto his left foot, just outside the area, and placed a shot that took a crucial deflection off Mustafi and beat Cech’s dive.
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GOAL! Arsenal 0-2 Liverpool (Salah 52)
Mohamed Salah gets his goal after another spectacular counter-attack.
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49 min Salah tees up Coutinho, who is about to shoot from the edge of the box when Iwobi’s block tackle sends the ball just past the post. I don’t think Cech would have got to it had it been on target.
48 min Lacazette makes a mess of a pass to Sanchez but picks up the loose ball, surges into the box and hits a low cross that is cleared for a corner. Sanchez’s delivery is appalling and Liverpool counter-attack devastatingly. Salah runs 60 yards, plays a one-two with Mane and drives a low right-footed shot that is well saved by the diving Cech.
46 min Arsenal kick off. They have made a half-time substitution, with Shkodran Mustafi replacing the injured Nacho Monreal.
“Re: Tim Daw’s amazing Wi-Fi,” says Tim Catts. “Can you let us know how you feel about it when you get the bill...”
“Best Christmas film? Bad Santa,” says Steven Haslemere. “Just enough glitter among the chickenfeed for even the most jaded palette.”
Funny how things work out. (NB: Clip contains adult language, etc.)
More half-time entertainment
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“I just wanted to share the fact that I just got admitted to an American hospital,” says Tim Daw. “The wifi is amazing And I have a hi-res stream. Way better than the NHS.”
Yeah but what colour are their passports? Oh. Also, get well soon!
Half-time entertainment (as sent in by Hubert O’Hearn)
Half time: Arsenal 0-1 Liverpool
Peep peep! Liverpool lead through Philippe Coutinho’s neat header, though they should probably be out of sight. Arsenal have been weirdly nervous, and the half-time whistle is met with boos around the stadium. See you in 10 minutes!
45 min Another chance for Liverpool! Sane bursts pass on the left of the box Monreal and squares the ball invitingly to Salah, who miskicks with his left foot from 15 yards. He should have scored.
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44 min What a chance for Liverpool! Koscielny slips and plays an accidental through pass for Salah. He runs into the area and sidefoots a low shot that is superbly saved by the outrushing Cech. The ball rebounds to Mane, who launches into an entirely unnecessary scissor kick and wallops it over the bar.
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43 min Wilshere plays a nice pass to Lacazette, who is in the process of pulling the trigger when Lovren makes an excellent tackle.
42 min “Evening Rob, and seasons greetings to one and all,” says Simon McMahon. “I saw the Lego Batman movie earlier this year and thought it was excellent, if not exactly Christmassy. I might watch the Wicker Man later, apparently the pagans invented Christmas, something to do with the winter solstice and all that. Or shopping, I can’t remember.”
41 min This has, so far, been Arsenal’s meekest home performance in a long time. It’s hard to fathom.
40 min A misjudgement from Monreal gives Coutinho the chance to move into the box, but the covering Koscielny does enough to ensure he can’t get the ball under control.
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39 min “Forget all this Christmas film sentimentality,” says Kevin Ryan. “The Coen Brothers’ Fargo is the movie for the festive season. Loads of snow, domestic arguments and skulduggery over money matters, killings left and right - just the thing for the Season of Goodwill. And who could not be moved by Steve Buscemi’s blood soaked face in that scene where he enters the villain’s abode clutching his jaw and stating through clenched teeth to his unmoving co-conspirator ‘You should see the other guy!’. And even better still after they argue about splitting the proceeds of their heist ‘ Are we square? Are we SQUARE????’ Just tugs at the heartstrings.”
38 min Ozil’s free-kick hits the wall and goes behind for a corner. Lovren heads it clear emphatically.
35 min Liverpool create another chance. The outstanding Coutinho clips an angled free-kick over the wall to find Lovren, who has time and space to cushion a simple volley across goal and give Mane a great chance. Goal kick to Arsenal.
32 min Firmino, on the left side of the box, cuts inside Bellerin and hits a superb curling shot that beats Cech and goes just over the bar. I thought that was in. After a slow start, Liverpool have been electric. Arsenal look in need of a cattle prod.
32 min “My fave festive season film is Comfort and Joy (by Local Hero’s Bill Forsyth), a mid-80s slow burn comedy about depression, the world seemingly going crazy, and ice cream truck turf wars in Glasgow,” says Agen Schmitz. “This designation is not shared by the rest of my household.”
That sounds great. David Chase should do a Christmas film.
30 min Bellerin’s attempted clearance goes straight to Mane, whose deflected shot is comfortably saved by Cech.
29 min Ozil allows Sanchez’s pass to run through to Lacazette, who turns smartly and whacks a shot from 18 yards that is well blocked by Milner.
The goal came, almost inevitably, on the counter-attack. With Maitland-Niles drawn towards the ball, Milner curved a long pass down the right to leave Salah one on one against Koscielny. He held him up for a few seconds before Salah’s stabbed cross deflected off Koscielny and looped up in the air. Coutinho arrived late in the box to lob a clever close-range header over Cech and into the far corner.
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GOAL! Arsenal 0-1 Liverpool (Coutinho 26)
It’s been coming.
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26 min Iwobi drives a cross from the right. Throw in to Liverpool. The poor chap isn’t having the best game.
25 min “Trading Places is so, so good,” says Kevin Wilson. “Even better than Eddie Murphy’s fourth-wall moment when the Dukes explain what a BLT sandwich is to him, is when he accidentally breaks the vase, on which they make a profit from the insurance. He asks whether he should break another and the Dukes and Coleman shout NOOOOOOOOOO!”
24 min Another headed chance for Firmino, from a left-wing cross by Coutinho. This time he went for the far post, planting a header across Cech that drifted just wide. That was a better chance than the first one.
23 min Arsenal were so exhilarating and aggressive at home to Spurs and Manchester United. Tonight they have been extremely passive. I suppose the Fab Four can do that to a manager.
22 min The first good chance of the match. Robertson’s curling cross is met beyond the far post by the backpedalling Firmino, who strains his neck muscles to plant a header towards goal. Cech pushes it round for a corner.
21 min Iwobi plays a routine square pass towards Ozil. Throw-in to Liverpool.
19 min Arsenal have been poor on the ball. So have Liverpool, in truth, with the exception of Firmino and especially Coutinho.
17 min “I prefer the the 1938 Christmas Carol with Reginald Owen,” says Matt Carpenter. “It is a much more joyful movie and has the wonderful Gene Lockhart as Bob Cratchit. His wife Kathleen plays Mrs. Cratchit, and their daughter June (famous later from Lost in Space) has a small bit as one of the Cratchit children. Cheers!”
15 min The best move of the match so far. Coutinho pushes a lovely angled pass to Robertson, whose dangerous low cross is put behind by the sliding Koscielny.
14 min Coutinho takes a return pass from Salah and wafts a left-footed shot well wide from 25 yards.
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13 min Milner replaces Henderson.
11 min Henderson has done his hamstring and is walking very slowly off the field. That’s bad news for Liverpool, as he’ll probably miss the whole Christmas period. James Milner will replace him.
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10 min “Season’s greetings Rob,” says Steven Hughes. “One could try to crowbar in Goodfellas as a Christmas movie: for the scene in which Henry Hill calls to his kids: “I got the most expensive tree they had!” and the Christmas scene in the bar when some gangsters, fresh from their heist, flaunt their new wealth, much to Jimmy Conway’s chagrin: “What did I tell you!?.....What did I tell you!?”. Although what a sequence showing some shady, grubby characters, splashing loads of money around on shiny but ultimately useless objects, has in connection with the English Premier League I don’t know.”
9 min It’s a really open game, as we expected. Jordan Henderson has gone down off the ball; he looks like he might have pulled something.
7 min Salah has a first run at Maitland-Niles, who does well to win the ball but then runs it out of play for a corner. I thought he was fouled by Salah; Martin Atkinson didn’t. It matters not a jot, because the corner was claimed easily by Cech.
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7 min “’Trading Places’ has a little something in the line of winter woes, tables turned and justice felt to be done,” says Bill Hargreaves. “But I think Dickens almost copyrighted Noel-time heartfelt cheer, as alluded to by Mr. Giblin. Here’s to a great match and a great Christmas for all!”
6 min Bellerin wins the first corner for Arsenal. Nothing happens.
5 min “Batman Returns isn’t my idea of a Christmas film,” says Charles Antaki, “but there is some resonance here tonight, I suppose, with the theme of a once-heroic figure now the subject of taunts, ridicule and suspicion from those who once adored him. I can’t remember how the film ends, but if there was a final redemption and a satisfied fade into the sunset, that would be a perfectly acceptable script for all concerned. Otherwise, there’s always It’s a Wonderful Life.”
Failing that, apparently Black Swan’s on later.
4 min It’s been a strong start from Liverpool, who are harassing Arsenal high up the pitch.
2 min “Someone asked for the best Christmas movies,” says Charlie Dunn. “This year, skip all the sappy, feel-good Christmas movies and go right for the top-shelf holiday themed flicks: Die Hard, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, and 12 Monkeys. Might not get you in the spirit of giving, but all three are severely underrated, and combined they pack quite a punch of star power: Bruce Willis, Val Kilmer, Robert Downey Jr, Brad Pitt, and... Bruce Willis again. Ho Ho Ho!”
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is so good. It gives smartassery a good name.
1 min Peep peep! Liverpool, in their orange third strip, kick off. Arsenal are in red and white.
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Pre-match business
1. This week’s edition of Nessun Dorma, indubitably the best retro football podcast with a Pavarotti-inspired name, includes a long discussion about everyone’s favourite Armani models: Liverpool’s Spice Boys.
2. You’ve possibly seen 89, the new film about the most dramatic match in English football history. I thought it was tremendous, and I’m a neutral. I suspect if you’re an Arsenal fan it will smash the warm/fuzzyometer
3. Owen Milbank, a young boy from Newmarket, has come up with a lovely idea to raise money for the Calais Refugee Community Kitchen: he’s wearing shorts to school all winter. If you’d like to celebrate the season of goodwill by sponsoring him, you can do so by clicking here.
“Right, I’ve successfully made it through the first month of a new job (in an industry I know spectacularly little about), Perth seems like an age ago, I yesterday managed to book tickets to Hamilton (succumbing to the hype like the sheep that I am), and I shall be watching the game tonight with good company and good beer,” says Matt Dony. “Come on, Liverpool. Things are good. Don’t ruin it. I’m hoping to see Coutinho put in a big one, and stick an extra few million on the sadly-inevitable January transfer. Mes Que Un Jerks-with-too-much-money-buying-our-best-player-again.”
Yeah, but they’ll tap him up with such humanity.
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“Christmas films?” says Paul Neilan. “Black Swan is on later.”
“My favourite Christmas movie by far is a little-known film called Christmas in Connecticut starring Barbara Stanwyck, Dennis Morgan and S.Z. ‘Cuddles’ Sakall,” says Hubert O’Hearn. “Stanwyck plays a magazine writer who styles herself as leading a simple country life whereas in reality she’s an urbanite in frequent hangover recovery. She has to host a returned Navy hero (Morgan) at her borrowed home as well as the magazine’s publisher who insists upon absolute truth in all his titles. Hilarity ensues. I actually haven’t seen it since I emigrated from Canada five years ago but now I’m all nostalgic for past pleasures. But enough about Liverpool.”
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“Can’t believe it’s a sensible decision to pick Maitland-Niles out of position at left back up against Salah,” says Paul Rowe. “Expect mayhem.”
It’s a brave decision, that’s for sure. Mind you, we expeted mayhem when Liverpool put an unknown teenager called Rob Jones against Ryan Giggs at Old Trafford in 1991.
The cheeriest email of 2017 “Happy Christmas and merry new year Rob!” says Travis Giblin. “It’s the afternoon in Canada and I’m watching Christmas movies with the kids while I follow the game with you. We’re watching The Polar Express this afternoon, which the kids love. I’m partial to A Christmas Carol with Alistar Sim, and Batman Returns. What’s on everyone else’s Christmas movie playlist? Cheers, and have a great season of merriment!”
Team news
Arsenal (4-3-3) Cech; Bellerin, Koscielny, Monreal, Maitland-Niles; Wilshere, Xhaka, Ozil; Iwobi, Lacazette, Sanchez.
Substitutes: Ospina, Kolasinac, Mustafi, Elneny, Coquelin, Welbeck, Walcott.
Liverpool (4-3-3) Mignolet; Gomez, Lovren, Klavan, Robertson; Can, Henderson, Coutinho; Salah, Firmino, Mane.
Substitutes: Karius, Alexander-Arnold, Milner, Wijnaldum, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Lallana, Solanke.
Referee Martin Atkinson.
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Preamble
Merry Christmas one and all! If you asked 100 English football fans to name the thing they associate most with the festive period, 99 would give you the same answer: barely repressed familial loathing that starts to spill over after too much eggnog. But at least there’s endless football to take the edge off.
There will be at least one Premier League game on 11 of the next 14 days, with each side playing four matches. It may ultimately have a decisive impact on the title race to qualify for the Champions League - especially for Arsenal, who have a couple of more-than-three-but-not-quite-six-pointers. They start the Christmas period at home to Liverpool and end it at home to Chelsea.
Arsenal have been pretty stable since they were humiliated at Anfield in August, although their recent form - one win in four league games - is not so good. Liverpool, who are so spectacular on the counter-attack, have the capacity to ruin Arsenal’s Christmas: they have scored 27 goals in the last seven away games - some record, that - and 14 in the last four matches against Arsenal.
Then again, Arsenal have the capacity to leave Liverpool fans in a festive funk. They have lost only two league games at home all year, against Watford in January and David de Gea three weeks ago. With these attacks, and these defences, it’s hard to imagine anything other than 90 minutes of rollocking entertainment. Merry Christmas!
Kick off is at 7.45pm.
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