Michael Parkinson’s 1975 interview with Helen Mirren has long been held up as a prime example of institutionalised sexism. During it, he calls her “in quotes, a serious actress”. He obsesses about her “equipment”. He asks question after question about her nude scenes. And, more than 40 years later, he refuses to apologise for it. The interview was a product of its time, he told the Daily Mail this weekend, adding: “Am I a sexist? No, I’m Yorkshire.” Which brings us to today’s quiz: Are You A Sexist, or Are You Yorkshire?
1) A woman in a low-cut top walks past you in the street. Do you …
Shout: “Oi oi, give us a smile, love!” at her, even though you can tell she feels uncomfortable.
Add a point in A
Nothing, because you are the largest county in the UK, and landmasses do not respond to the presence of individuals, disparagingly or otherwise.
Add a point in B
You have two employees, a 21-year-old man and a woman who outranks him in job title and salary. You want a cup of tea. Who do you ask?
The woman, obviously.
Add a point in A
Neither. As an unthinking swathe of largely Permo-Triassic geological make-up, you do not meaningfully benefit from cups of tea.
Add a point in B
How would you describe Hillary Clinton?
She’s a nasty woman.
Add a point in A
You cannot describe Hillary Clinton, because you are literally just some land.
Add a point in B
Why is this woman so angry at you?
I don’t know, is it that time of the month?
Add a point in A
Because the River Don has flooded on a regular basis for at least the last 500 years.
Add a point in B
A woman in her 20s has applied for a job with you. What do you do?
Turn her down, because she’ll probably only get pregnant and want to go on maternity leave.
Add a point in A
Ignore her, because you are a 12,000 sq km chunk of rock and therefore have no real working understanding of capitalist profit motives.
Add a point in B
What is the first thing you say to your wife when you get home from work?
“Where’s my dinner?”
Add a point in A
Home? Work? Wife? These are alien concepts to you. You are mass, nothing more or less, and you will outlive everything.
Add a point in B
What should we do about the patriarchy?
Maintain it at all costs.
Add a point in A
Revolve around the sun for millions of years, experiencing wave after wave of mass extinctions, until nothing is left but ash, dust and desolation.
Add a point in B
What is the biggest problem with women?
They are too emotional.
Add a point in A
They are human, and will therefore inevitably disappear unremembered and unmourned in the blink of an eye, while you continue to wordlessly endure the unending ravages of nature.
Add a point in B
What does Yorkshire mean to you?
Telling it like it bloody well is.
Add a point in A
Nothing. You are an arbitrarily demarcated territory, hundreds of millions of years old, once a part of the great supercontinent of Pangea, and these attempts to assign character to you are as foolish as they are hubristic.
Add a point in B
Helen Mirren appears on your chatshow. Do you …
Fixate on her breasts.
Add a point in A
Erode at an imperceptible rate thanks to the unforgiving cruelty of the sea, while waiting to be consumed totally by the powerful nature of the universe. Also, tell her you quite liked her in The Queen.
Add a point in B
Buckets
Oh, dear …
You are more sexist than Yorkshire!
Congratulations!
You are more Yorkshire than sexist.
