Are you a shy student at university? Don’t worry – there are many of us aboard that ship. It’s a tough place to be.
When I started university last year, I found it difficult to make friends – I tended to grab the first person I met to ensure I wasn’t left behind when the rest of my course began to form cliques.
But after a few weeks I began to meet people who were actually on my wavelength, and who soon became the people I sat with in lectures and met up with outside class.
If you’re an introvert, like me, does that mean you’re bound to be shy? Not necessarily. It’s a common misconception that introverted and shy are the same thing.
But by definition: “An introvert generally prefers solitary activities to interacting with large groups of people. If you would rather work through your feelings in your diary than have a conversation, then you are an introvert.”
Life coach Joanna O’Brien says: “Due to numerous factors – culture, parental influence, the idea that children should be seen and not heard, innate personality – we can develop shyness as a defence mechanism. It is a fear-based emotion.”
O’Brien adds: “I would advise a radical change in attitude to the self, in order to increase self-esteem and confidence. Taking small steps to change your attitude will go a long way.”
How do shy students cope with the step-up to university, and how would they advise others to overcome their shyness?
Rochelle Scott, a third-year student at Bath Spa University, says: “I’ve learned to adapt to awkward social situations, because I realised that I could simply try enjoying myself. I just don’t let it be awkward anymore.”
Jake Healey, a student at the University of West England, says: “Shyness depends on the situation – meeting new people, fear of them not liking me, wanting to make a good first impression.”
His advice? “Give less of a fuck. University isn’t like high school.”
Paul Ashworth, a student at Plymouth University, says: “I joined a society, but felt too shy to attend meetings because I joined late in the term. It’s hard when you feel like the odd one out.”
To make the initial settling-in period easier, Ashworth advises shy sixth-formers to think about choosing a university where they already know people.
Hypnotherapy can work for many people in overcoming shyness, says Gill Ruffles, a hypnotherapist in Bath. “We all have a conscious mind and an unconscious mind, and if our conscious mind knows that we want to be confident, to be able to speak to people and relate to people, I would argue that that’s the real person, the real us.”
She adds: “But what gets in the way is the unconscious mind telling us to stay shy. Hypnotherapy connects with the unconscious mind, so it can shift patterns that need to be shifted, to enable us to be the person that we would’ve been.”
Simon Gardner, a student at Bath Spa University, says: “Hypnotherapy has enabled me to train my brain so that it reacts differently to anxiety-provoking situations. At the heart of it is rationality and awareness.”
But if you can’t afford hypnotherapy, your university might be able to help. At Bath Spa University, for example, as with many others, counselling is available.
“We can offer a space for shy students to reflect on their experience,” says a university spokeswoman, “along with structured time with professional emotional practitioners to explore possible contexts of their shyness, and practical tips and tools, such as mindfulness and CBT.”
You could even just try ordering too much pizza and offering it around – most people won’t be able to turn down free food. Or tell your housemates about pubs and clubs with special offers and offer to get the first round.
I’ve found university to be an environment where you’re free to reinvent yourself and explore your own personality. It has been hugely beneficial in forcing me out of my shell.
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