Are you a people pleaser? If you're nodding, then you definitely aren't alone. Comedian Ronni Ancona was once among the numbers of those suffering 'the disease to please', but decided enough is enough.
She's now eager to share just how much satisfaction there can be in saying 'no', as difficult as it can feel quite often. In midlife, Ronni has turned her people pleasing tendencies around.
She shared her insights with Ateh Juel during an episode of the Second Act podcast. Ronni also talked at length about her ADHD diagnosis, revealing she was unsure if it was linked to people pleasing or not, but suggested it took until midlife to get diagnosis and stop being a people pleaser.
Ronni told Ateh: "I was trying to please everyone and do everything all of the time. I wouldn't say no because I wanted to please everyone, all the time, and make people happy."
Then, in the midst of her people pleasing, Ronni made a surprising discovery - 'the people who could say no garnered more respect'. And found, on the other hand, by constantly saying yes to people, 'you'd be manipulated and taken advantage of, and eventually, they don't respect you'.
Ronni went on to share that at the height of being unable to say no, she'd end up doing things 'half heartedly' because she had such a full schedule she couldn't 'properly concentrate'.
While she desperately didn't want to let anyone down and was preoccupied with what people would think of her for saying no, in finding that power, she made another realisation.
"It's not going to change people's evaluation of me," she says of whether she says yes or no to an engagement. Ronni suggests people have likely already formed an opinion of her, and that won't change even if she does continually try to please everyone.
Now, Ronni makes sure to say, 'honestly, I don't have time for this', when she doesn't want to do something. And she and Ateh discussed that Jane Fonda once referred to people pleasing as 'the disease to please'.
She feels the problem was also exacerbated by being indecisive. In asking for everyone's opinions when struggling to make a decision alone, Ronni also found this could contribute to feeling pushed into doing something she didn't want to do.
Making her own decisions and saying no on her own terms has also been liberating. "If I make a mistake, I make a mistake, but it's on my terms and I've made that decision, you know, and its having more confidence with that," she concludes.
