About five years ago, I was counting the cost of my own shortcomings during a particularly bad business patch. I had Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour on in the background, and happened to hear Jenni Murray suggesting women can be more frightened of success than they are of failure. These words resonated so much with me that they have subsequently found their way into many of my workshops, presentations and talks.
What is it about success that women are so afraid of? To start with, we have a lot more to lose. We sacrifice relationships and family or, at best, develop a complex juggling routine where our personal and professional lives are balanced precariously between career success and “quality time” with our partners and children. We are conditioned to think that we cannot have it all without paying some sort of price.
There is also a certain “male-ness” to shouting about your achievements from the treetops. Women often perceive other women who promote their own success with suspicion and (dare I say it) a little bit of envy. I often find myself asking why certain women get recognised for the things they have achieved and I don’t. I rationalise this by saying that I am too busy getting on with the job to bother nominating myself for awards or writing about my successes.
Who am I kidding? The reality is that I am not prioritising myself. Having brought up two kids, sustained a marriage for 27 years and earned a living for 30 years or more, I still lack the confidence to put myself forward or even consider myself worthy of any awards. If you do manage to get past this, putting yourself up there as a role model for success comes with its own set of issues. Imposter syndrome sets in and even as I write this, I am finding it difficult to acknowledge that I have been shortlisted for an upcoming women in business award.
So here I am being out and proud – for myself and on behalf of all the other brilliant women shortlisted alongside me from around the UK. Every one of us has a story to tell and it is great to have a place where female success can be celebrated.
Winning something would be an amazing affirmation of everything I have been through to keep my business going, although I am far more comfortable giving than receiving. Just two weeks ago my own company celebrated the 13th annual Funny Women Awards with 16 amazing finalists. We celebrated their success in an industry that is still notoriously male-dominated, despite the presence of some incredibly talented women.
For me comedy is a lifestyle, not just a business, and I feel compelled to make a living from my biggest passion, which is in itself some kind of reward. If I win anything now or in the future, I am taking it for the team, which includes a loyal group of wonderful women who help me to administer, produce and promote our events, run our website and communicate with and support the hundreds of women who want to embrace humour in all its forms.
There is a fine line between “award” and “reward” and I am finally learning that there is nothing to fear and a lot to gain from celebrating your success.
Lynne Parker will be speaking at The Accidental Conference: Women and Media on 14th November 2015.
