The Guardian's April fool
It’s midday! I’m free! Thanks for joining through this, everyone. Let’s do it again next year! If you want to follow me on Twitter, I’m @StuHeritage. If you don’t, I fully understand.
Oh, and here’s The Guardian’s April Fools’ joke from this year. It was the story about the man who sort of looks a bit like Jeremy Clarkson if you squint at it from a distance. It’s pretty good. You should probably check it out.
Updated
Stop emailing me that press release about the reverse toilet. That’s all I want any more. A life without emails about reverse toilets.
INT. A VOID. DAY
A group of TIRED-LOOKING STUART HERITAGE CLONES sit around a table, clearly in the throes of deep self-hatred.
STUART HERITAGE CLONE ONE: Should we?
STUART HERITAGE CLONE TWO: No.
STUART HERITAGE CLONE ONE: But...
STUART HERITAGE CLONE TWO: No. Just let me sleep. Five hours I’ve been at this. Five hours. When I close my eyes, all I hear is screaming and circus music.
STUART HERITAGE CLONE ONE: And April Fools’ Day is to blame.
STUART HERITAGE CLONE TWO: Yes. April Fools’ Day is to blame.
The STUART HERITAGE CLONES chant ‘April Fools’ Day is to blame’ monotonously for two hours. Then they sleep. It is a good sleep.
Fin.
April Fools’ Day is the worst day of the year and it’s made me hate myself and everyone who has ever lived NOT REALLY YOLO APRIL FOOLS’ DAY IS THE GREATEST I WISH APRIL FOOLS’ DAY WAS A PERSON SO I COULD KISS IT DEEP INSIDE ITS MOUTH WITH MY TONGUE TAKE ME APRIL FOOLS’ DAY I BELONG TO YOU NOW HA HA WHOOPS
An organisation has announced something NOT REALLY APRIL FOOL HA HA ha.
A person or a thing has done or said or made something unlikely BIFF BAFF BOFF TEE HEE OOH HOO WOW WEE YIKES
The force is strong in this one
Cern confirms the validity of Star Wars WOO HOO TEE HEE HA HA BOINK.
Updated
PlayStation Flow - dive in
Full marks to PlayStation, for taking the word ‘immersive’ and battering it over the head with a brick until it’s limply just wobbling from side to side, skull fragments and brain matter spilling out while its family watches from a slit in its panic room screaming ‘stop it stop it he’s already dead’.
Updated
Hong Kong - 7-Eleven recruiting French sommeliers who speak Putonghua
In Hong Kong, it is almost 7pm. The worst of April Fools’ Day is thankfully behind them. But how do they celebrate April Fools’ Day in Hong Kong? Glad you ask. They apparently celebrate it by being legitimately impenetrable:
Website and print magazine Wine Times HK, best known for its forthright opinions on the local wine scene, managed to cram three issues into one hoax.
In a humorous sideswipe at the large number of new French arrivals on the F&B scene, the number of mainland tourists in the city and the struggle for custom between Lan Kwai Fong bars and convenience stores, Wine Times claimed that 7-Eleven would be recruiting French sommeliers who speak Putonghua to advise mainland customers.
Like I can talk. I’m 20 minutes away from being rude about the Guardian’s April Fools’ Day joke, so by the end of today I’m sure I’d be thrilled to work for a Hong Kong publication known for its forthright opinions on the local wine scene. Or anyone. I’ve got a baby to feed. I need this.
Updated
Ham and High - clock tower collapses
A latecomer in the terrible picture category: the Ham and High are reporting that a bit of a clock tower has fallen off, or fallen down, or was scraped out of existence by an intern who sneezed midway through a PhotoShop job, or whatever. Look, we’re almost done. YOLO!
Updated
Tool - song leaks
You know Tool? The band Tool? You own a full-length leather jacket and dislike direct sunlight, don’t you, so sure you like Tool. One of their new songs has leaked.
ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! YOLO! In actual fact, Tool have been spending so long in the studio, looking sad and not wearing shoes, that they believe themselves to have invented Rickrolling. Just wait until they see David After Dentist! That’s going to blow their minds!
Updated
This morning, I made a vow to myself. A silly, slight vow in retrospect, but a vow nonetheless. I decided that I wouldn’t mention any April Fools’ Day jokes about drone delivery. And now I wish I hadn’t, because about 20% of all the jokes I’ve been sent have been about drone deliveries. There are too many April Fools’ Day jokes about drone deliveries.
Guys, use your imagination. I gave you the option of doing a photo of Nigel Farage in a turban earlier, and none of you have done that. Not one of you. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m disappointed.
Is this a joke?
I don’t even know if this is an April Fools’ joke or not. I mean it looks like one, and they’ve made the advert look like Ellen Burstyn’s mental breakdown in Requiem For a Dream, which surely no serious advert would ever do, but there’s still something horribly feasible about it. In summary: I’m scared of the future.
Updated
Marmite Clear
INT. MARMITE HQ. DAY
A group of TIRED-LOOKING OLD MARMITE PEOPLE sit around a table, clearly in the throes of deep self-hatred.
MARMITE PERSON ONE: So we’re decided, then. No April Fools’ joke from us this year.
MARMITE PERSON TWO: But I’ve just found this empty jar of Marmite...
MARMITE PERSON ONE: THEN WHAT THE HELL ARE WE WAITING FOR??
ONE SECOND LATER:
Proud to introduce the newest member of the family… Say hello to #MarmiteClear everyone! pic.twitter.com/TTDa5cwUd9
— Marmite (@marmite) April 1, 2015
The MARMITE PEOPLE high-five. “We fooled them”, they think. We really fooled them!”
Fin.
Updated
I’m so pleased this liveblog will be over in an hour. I’ve lost the ability to trust anything any more. I just deleted an email about cheap holidays without reading it, for fear that it’d contain a hopelessly Photoshopped image of someone from TOWIE licking a bicycle made of ants or whatever. I just want this to end. That’s all I want.
Time Out London - please stand on the left
Time Out knows how April Fools’ Day works. It’s not about brand management. It’s about convincing people to sustain serious injuries as they topple helplessly down an endless metal subterranean hellmouth. More of this next year, please.
Updated
The Albert Hall v the Beatles
On one had it makes me impossibly sad that the Albert Hall has done an April Fools’ Day joke. On the other hand, this is possibly my favourite one so far. I mean, it’s no literally just a photo of a woman standing next to a horse, but it’s still pretty good.
Unearthed documents reveal that the Hall was furious at being namechecked in a Beatles song: http://t.co/CTgFq6nS8U pic.twitter.com/AjwX8GBBst
— Royal Albert Hall (@RoyalAlbertHall) April 1, 2015
Updated
Logo tattoos
I actually know a guy who did this. The despair and regret he feels every day is unparalleled. So thanks for this.
Turn your staff into promo items with our new tattoo service from #LogoXTatts, prices starting at £99 per person pic.twitter.com/5pZiXYt1ck
— Logo X (@LogoXUK) April 1, 2015
Updated
Innocent Oreos
I think I spotted a typo in this tweet:
We've replaced the inside of Oreos with toothpaste and put them in our kitchen. Now we play the waiting game. pic.twitter.com/OJBLxLo9DZ
— innocent drinks (@innocent) April 1, 2015
I’ve read the back of Innocent bottles before, so I think it’s supposed to read ‘Tee hee, we wepwaced the insidies of Oreo-Woreos with ipple-dipple mouthshines and put them in our foody-woody-bum-bums. Tee hee hee’. Still, a valiant effort.
Updated
Kent Online - giant screwdriver
I feel like I should mention this one from my local paper, purely because I have a feeling that working there is the next logical step after liveblogging April Fools’ Day. They’ve Photoshopped something onto a local roundabout. It’s either a screwdriver or a buttplug but either way GREAT JOB GUYS PLEASE HIRE ME I’M NOT ALWAYS LIKE THIS I ALSO HAVE A COLUMN ABOUT MY BABY THAT’S ACTUALLY QUITE TOUCHING.
Updated
Cambridge - speak your name
Another sterling example of what April Fools’ Day is supposed to be about. Remember, the true meaning of April Fools’ Day isn’t taking a picture of a woman next to a horse and somehow thinking that you’ve achieved anything. It’s making people you know feel embarrassed and hurt. Remember that.
Oh this is good RT @paulcoxon: So many people are falling for this :D #AprilFools pic.twitter.com/zFkwZIm3Ch
— Jules Mattsson (@julesmattsson) April 1, 2015
Updated
Nature - dragons exist
Props to Nature, though, for writing an article about why dragons are real with such unswerving verisimilitude that I read one line, thought ‘this is too clever for me’ and took their word for it, as I have with every Nature article I’ve ever tried to read.
Updated
Right, look, I’m getting pummelled with bloody PR emails at the moment. To save everyone a lot of time and emotional energy I’m just going to bulletpoint them for you.
- Beefeater is renaming itself Leafeater (ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! But it is still the place you take your mum for mothers’ day when all the nice restaurants are booked)
- You can sleep in Costa Coffee now (ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! Although you technically can anyway because what are they going to do, kick you out for being tired, the Nazis?)
- Someone’s made tartan paint (ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! I hate the world and everything in it!)
- Someone’s made a voice activated printer (ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! Even though that actually sounds like a good idea and whoever sent me this email is an idiot for not patenting it)
- There’s something called a reverse toilet (ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! Although to be fair I didn’t actually read this one because it made it sound like a machine that shoots someone else’s poo up your bumhole and it made me feel a bit sick)
- A cleaning service for dolls’ houses (ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! Also, whimsy. A billion points deducted)
- Hailo have started a service that’s literally just a man giving you a piggyback (ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! You’re still going to only use Uber anyway)
- Rosetta Stone can translate your dog’s barks now (ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! However, it’s a scientific fact that everything your dog says is a variation of ‘I hate you, you are a bad owner, my life is filled with sadness and also most Rosetta Stone products are about 45% too expensive).
Hope that helps.
This – this – is what April Fool’s Day should be really about. Let’s never forget that.
One April Fool's Day my mum gave us orange juice mixed with milk. We were really little & were nearly sick. She still laughs about it
— Camilla Whitehill (@camillavalerie_) April 1, 2015
Sam Smith - straight
Meanwhile, on whatever planet Sam Smith is currently orbiting:
Guys I have some news... I'm straight
— SAM SMITH (@samsmithworld) April 1, 2015
Sam’s new album YOLO YOLO LOLOLOL CLASSIC BANTZ LEDGE NO REALLY MATE IT’S ALL A BIT OF FUN INNIT OOH HOO HEE HAW LOL LOL BOINK is released in shops on Monday.
Updated
But remember, kids, April Fools’ Day isn’t just a day where brands get to forlornly PhotoShop a load of nothingy crap in the hope that they’ll receive a single pity-retweet from the social media coordinator’s mum in return.
No, it’s also when newspapers get to write barely amusing stories that nobody actually finishes because their attention spans have been obliterated by GIFs and tweets. And so I bring you The Independent’s effort, which is about a university renaming itself after King Richard III in the wake of last week’s reburiazzzzzzzzzz.
Horse of Fraser
Guys, you’re not even trying. YOU’RE NOT EVEN TRYING.
@stuheritage Don't be an April Fool's neigh-sayer Stu. You're still the mane man in our eyes. #HorseofFraser pic.twitter.com/mcX53nierX
— House of Fraser (@houseoffraser) April 1, 2015
Updated
This is interesting. I just looked up ‘April Fools’ Day’ in the dictionary. Look what it says:
noun [C usually singular] UK /ˌeɪ.prəlˈfuːlzˌdeɪ/ ( UK also All Fools’ Day) US
› 1 April, a day when people play tricks on other people
› The single worst day of Stuart Heritage’s life, when every single sodding PR worker in the whole poxy country tweets him at the same time to say ‘Here’s a badly-Photoshopped picture of a hat made of spoons or whatever, thought this might be fun for your liveblog LOLOLOL YOLO LOL’ until he starts crapping his pants and puking up blood at the same time in anger.
The Verge - Microsoft MS-DOS for smartphones
Hey, thanks The Verge, this story about Microsoft bringing out a new MS-DOS for smartphones is really interesti... wait a minute, what’s that URL? I don’t know what’s going on. I can’t stop slapping my forehead and shaking my fist! The Verge, this is all your fault!
Updated
INT. TESCO HQ. DAY
A group of TIRED-LOOKING OLD EXECUTIVES sit around a table, clearly in the throes of deep self-hatred.
EXECUTIVE ONE: So we’re decided, then. No April Fools’ joke from us this year.
EXECUTIVE TWO: But I just saw Santander do one.
EXECUTIVE ONE: Jessica, no. They’re a bank. Compared to us, they’re beloved by customers the world over. We’re Tesco. Our business is going down the toilet. We simply cannot risk playing with anyone’s trust today.
EXECUTIVE TWO: But...
EXECUTIVE ONE: But what?
EXECUTIVE TWO: But Santander’s is lousy. It’s the worst one I’ve ever seen. It didn’t make any sense from any perspective. What if we did one that was just as lousy? NO, WAIT! What if we did one that was EVEN LOUSIER?
EXECUTIVE ONE: Is that possible? In this short amount of time?
EXECUTIVE TWO: Sure. We just need to come up with a dismal premise – one so offensively stupid that it barely even counts as an April Fools’ joke. And then we find a celebrity to endorse it. Literally any celebrity will do. One from a failed TV show from several months ago that nobody watched.
EXECUTIVE ONE: Sounds good. I have one question, though.
EXECUTIVE TWO: What?
EXECUTIVE ONE: Can we do a crappy job on PhotoShop? I mean, a really crappy job? You know, badly-lit, hair all wrong, that sort of thing.
EXECUTIVE TWO: You know... I think we can.
TWO HOURS LATER:
Bouncy aisles were developed with #TOWIE's @lucy_meck. She'll also be passing on her Tumble skills to our colleagues! pic.twitter.com/1VoQh9w3Hq
— Tesco (@Tesco) April 1, 2015
The EXECUTIVES high-five, then immediately go back to thinking up new ways to be shits to dairy farmers.
Tumblr's executive suite
Tumblr – which, for anyone older than 14, is where kids go to get their BDSM pornography and fan-art pencil sketches of Tom Hiddleston these days – has announced a new executive suite. Presumably it’s for people who prefer spreadsheets to glittery crayon drawings of Sherlock Holmes kissing Smaug the dragon with tongues in a rainbow. Apparently those people exist.
Updated
ANOTHER DRINKING GAME UPDATE:
Remember that thing about someone killing the Easter bunny? Step forward The Reykjavik Grapevine, creators of the story ‘Police: Easter Bunny Killed?’
In a bizarre reaction to the death of three rabbits, the Reykjavík Metropolitan Police ponder if the Easter bunny was run over last night in Breiðholt.
Oh, hang on. This story was posted yesterday. And three rabbits really were murdered in a college, and the Easter bunny thing appears to just be a weird almost-joke made by one of the investigating officers. Anyway, some rabbits really got murdered in real life. YOLO!
Firebox - Inner Selfie-Stick
DRINKING GAME UPDATE:
Remember that thing about the Google Glass you have to push up your bum? Step forward Firebox.com. It’s just announced something called an Inner Selfie-Stick, which, yep:
The comfortable, slimline design of the insertion tube measures a mere 13.97 cm - however a pocket sized bottle of lubricant is also included should nerves kick in. Extendable up to 110 cm, there’s no nook or cranny this stick won’t reach.
Don’t click on that link if you’re eating breakfast, by the way. Or eating anything. There’s a big picture of a rectum, basically.
Updated
I’ve just realised something. In the interests of fairness, at some point before midday I’m going to have to be mean about The Guardian’s April Fools’ Day prank. It’s got the bloody boss in it and everything. This is a disaster. I’ve been hoisted by my own petard.
Note to self: do not be rude about any April Fools’ jokes you find on online recruitment sites today.
Radio Times - Ant and Dec become a trio
STOP THE PRESS. An April Fools’ joke has made me smile. Well, not exactly smile, but it didn’t make me say ‘I hate this joke of a world and everything in it’ out loud, which is new. This must be what Stockholm Syndrome feels like.
Anyway, well done to the Radio Times for suggesting that Ant and Dec are becoming a trio called Ant and Dec and Anton Du Beke.
Updated
BBC - Wolf Hall codpiece
You? Did you enjoy BBC Two’s Wolf Hall? Would you like to buy an intricate and highly-detailed replica codpiece, perhaps because you’re a genuine history enthusiast? Luckily, the BBC shop now sells them!
ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! Serves you right for getting your hopes up, you codpiece-liking weirdo.
Updated
Santander - cycle-through branch
INT. SANTANDER HQ. DAY
A group of TIRED-LOOKING OLD BANKERS sit around a table, clearly in the throes of deep self-hatred.
BANKER ONE: So we’re decided, then. No April Fools’ joke from us this year.
BANKER TWO: But I love April Fools’ Day.
BANKER ONE: Jeremy, no. We’re a bank. Public trust is our lifeblood. The moment we betray that, even jokingly, our business falls to ashes. I’ve made my decision.
BANKER TWO: But...
BANKER ONE: But what?
BANKER TWO: What if we made our April Fools’ joke so awful, so completely unnecessary and clunky, that it barely even counted as a joke? What if we just did the first crappy PhotoShop job we could think of and lazily tweeted it out with such a shrug that people would barely even pay attention to it? Could we do one then? Could we.
BANKER ONE: Fine. But make sure it’s really pointless, Jeremy. Our reputation is at stake.
THREE HOURS LATER:
Coming soon to a London street near you? Santander announces plans for first Cycle-Thru branch #SantanderCycles pic.twitter.com/odIxr7Eftd
— Santander UK (@santanderuk) April 1, 2015
The BANKERS high-five, and then burst into tears.
Fin.
Updated
The Sun - Ed Mili-blond
Really, for this liveblog to have any sort of momentum, I should be listing the pranks in reverse order of rubbishness, so that I can build it to a satisfying crescendo at midday. However, I’ve just seen this on Sun Nation, the weird free Buzzfeedy thing that The Sun has started, and I dare you to find something worse:
My favourite part of this is the question mark at the end of ‘Mili-Blond’. Ah, the question mark. The ‘will this do? Because, seriously, you turned down my Andy Burnt-Ham pun and this is all I’ve got left’ of punctuation.
Updated
This is more like it. Next year, all companies should defer to me before deciding on their April Fools’ jokes. I am April Fools’ Lord! Admire my crown of tears and defeat!
@stuheritage We're in a panic because we haven't got one planned. Please tell us what prank to do immediately, April Fool's Lord.
— PizzaExpress (@PizzaExpress) April 1, 2015
(By the way, Pizza Express, your prank should involve bringing out a new pizza called the margaFEETta, and it should just be a pizza with some feet on it or whatever)
Updated
Standard Issue - spare womb tax
According to Standard Issue, a UKIP candidate wants to tax childless women. He’s calling the policy the Spare Womb Tax!
Womb! Get it? Because ‘womb’ sounds like ‘room’! Failed iterations of this joke included ‘They’re making a new period drama that’s really about periods. It’s called Womb With A View’, ‘They’re making a robotic hoover the size of a pantyliner. It’s called a Womb-a’ and ‘An architect has made the world’s first compartmentalised home for unborn children, featuring a living womb, a bathwomb, a bedwomb and a kitchen. No wait, that didn’t work. An attic. No, wait, that didn’t work either. Kill me now’.
Updated
Incidentally, the only thing in the world less funny than April Fools’ Day is people who point at real news stories and go ‘LOL HA HA HA SATIRE!!!’ at them. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Guardian commenter Fibmac70
“You missed that Camoron zinger about the two million jobs he is going to create in his next (make that his first) term of office!”
Way to go, Fibmac70! I hope your spinny bowtie doesn’t get caught on the novelty ‘You Don’t Have To Be Mad To Work Here... But It Helps’ sign you’ve installed in your cubicle! Full marks! YOLO!
Remember that drinking game from earlier?
@stuheritage and you were close with your voting/tweeting guess ... http://t.co/ypkGajaYYu *knocks back shot*
— Sarah Ledger (@sezl) April 1, 2015
Evening Standard - Ashley Cole statue
The Evening Standard have revealed that Chelsea and Arsenal are going to build a ‘half-half’ statue of Ashley Cole, because he used to play for both of them or something. This is notable for two reasons.
First, judging by the piece, it seems as if the statue will closely resemble a terrible PhotoShop of Ashley Cole that was done by an intern at midnight last night.
Second, this story was written by a reporter called Flora Pilo.
Flora Pilo.
FLORA PILO.
Journalists are the worst people who ever lived.
Updated
Preminister - pie candle
Like Pies? Like candles? Here’s a candle that smells like a pie!
It’s hilarious because who would ever think of making a candle that smells of meat? Oh wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. Congratulations for doing yourself out of a potentially lucrative new revenue stream, Pieminister. You pie idiots.
Updated
In other news, never tell people to tweet April Fools’ Day gags at you. Never do that. I’m drowning in awful jokes here. This must be what it’s like to work on Mock The Week.
Australian round-up
Obviously it’s been April Fools’ Day in Australia for ages, and they’re now in the part of the day where nobody’s making them sit around liveblogging April Fools’ Day like they have nothing better to do. So here’s what they came up with, including:
Australia Post are letting people wrap themselves up in paper and mail themselves now hahaha. This is especially funny because it sounds a bit human trafficky.
Heartbreakingly, one prank announcing ear-clips for cows that would help some of the country’s most remote cattle farmers gain internet access was taken seriously because it’s such a good idea. The outcome is that the world’s most Australian man had to present a sad video about loneliness and death.
Finally, in what’s likely to be my favourite April Fools’ Day gag of the decade, NT News has announced that four-wheel-drives are going to be banned in Darwin. It’s my favourite because the headline to the story is ‘APRIL FOOLS JOKE: Four-wheel-drives will be banned from all Territory roads from next year’.
I mean, it could have gone a little further and had the headline ‘THIS IS LITERALLY JUST SOME BOLLOCKS WE MADE UP TO COMPLY WITH A TIRED TRADITION THAT NOBODY ACTUALLY ENJOYS, SO DON’T READ IT: Four-wheel-drives will be banned from all Territory roads from next year’, but it’s a start.
Updated
Before we get going – and before I’ve actually seen any of them – let’s play a quick April Fools’ drinking game. I’m going to list a bunch of potential April Fools’ gags, and if any of them actually turn out to be a real thing that someone publishes, we can all reward ourselves with a deep sad sigh at the state of humanity. Ready?
- DAVID CAMERON IS THE NEW FACE OF SHREDDED WHEAT LOL
- NIGEL FARAGE WEARS A TURBAN NOW HAHAHA
- YOU CAN VOTE IN THE ELECTION BY TWEETING HO HO HA HA HA
- HE HE HE, GET THIS – KATIE HOPKINS HAS TAKEN A VOW OF SILENCE
- AND JEREMY CLARKSON IS BECOMING A MONK! A MONK! OOH HOO OH HO HA HA
- PRINCE CHARLES WROTE A LETTER TO THE GOVERNMENT ASKING FOR BIRMINGHAM TO BE TURNED INTO A MASSIVE PALACE LOLOLOLOLOL
- HILARY CLINTON JUST RELEASED HER PRIVATE EMAILS AND HER SIGNATURE IS A GIF OF A DOG DRY-HUMPING A SLEEPING WOMAN WHOOPS HAHA
- BANANAS ARE BLUE NOW
- CARROTS ARE SPHERICAL NOW
- MARS BARS ARE CHANGING THEIR NAME TO ‘CHOCOLATE CONSUMABLE PRODUCT AC477PB(i)’ NOW BECAUSE OF BLOODY EUROPE OR SOMETHING YOLO
- THERE’S A NEW GOOGLE GLASS THAT YOU HAVE TO COAT IN VASELINE AND SLIDE INTO YOUR BUMHOLE WOO HAHA CLASSIC
- HERE’S SOMETHING FANCIFUL THAT RICHARD BRANSON HASN’T REALLY THOUGHT THROUGH BUT BOUGHT AD SPACE FOR ANYWAY JUST BECAUSE HE DOESN’T LIKE THE IDEA OF PEOPLE NOT THINKING ABOUT HIM HA HA HO HO HO HA HA HO
- SOMEONE SHOT THE EASTER BUNNY! THEY SHOT HIM RIGHT IN THE FACE! THEY THOUGHT HE WAS A YETI OR SOMETHING AT FIRST, SO THEY SHOT HIM, AND THEN THEY REALISED THEIR TERRIBLE MISTAKE AND NOW THERE’S NO MORE EASTER WHEEE
- HERE’S A BUZZFEED LIST OF 32 CATS THAT REMIND YOU WHY IT WAS GOOD TO BE BORN IN 1993 HA HA NOT REALLY IT’S A LIST OF 32 CATS THAT REMIND YOU WHY IT WAS GOOD TO BE BORN IN 1994 WHAT ARE WE LIKE EH #BANTZ
- PLEASE BELIEVE THIS CRAPPY PHOTOSHOP JOB WE DID. PLEASE. WE DIDN’T REALISE THAT IT WAS APRIL FOOLS’ DAY UNTIL TEN O’CLOCK LAST NIGHT AND THIS IS THE BEST WE COULD DO. WE EVEN PUT THE REPORTER’S NAME DOWN AS ‘FOOLA PRIL’ AND EVERYTHING. LOOK, WE’LL GET THE SACK UNLESS YOU BELIEVE THIS. WE NEED THIS. WE NEED IT
You’re welcome.
Hello, my name is Aprol Fiol and cows have got fingers now or whatever. ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL!
If that’s the kind of high-concept japery you find amusing, then a) I hate you and b) you’ve come to the right place. Hello, my name is Stuart Heritage and this is The Guardian’s April Fools’ Day liveblog 2015. Over the next five hours, I’ll be bringing you all the April Fool gags from this morning’s papers and beyond, and it’s going to be a fun-filled, side-splitting, laugh-a-minute bantathon from beginning to end.
ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! It’s actually going to be awful. I hate April Fool’s Day, and I hate you for liking it.
Still, if you see any April Fools that I’ve missed in this godforsaken roundup, please tweet them to me at @StuHeritage. I’ll judge you horribly for it, but do it anyway.
