April fools: the definitive guide
- Brexit was the theme of the year, making the Guardian, the Independent, the Daily Express and the Telegraph’s April fool pieces
- The EU referendum was in hundreds (it seemed) of PR pitches too, including Confused.com’s claim that traffic lights would go red, white and blue if Britain backs Brexit, cartographers Strumpshaw, Tincleton & Giggleswick writing in to claim the EU wanted to ban dirty place names, and travel site Holiday Extras mocking up a confusing Heathrow airport system to be installed if the UK votes leave.
- Animals, predictably, were another key theme for brands – train carriages for dogs on North Yorkshire Moors Railway, Young’s fish restaurants for cats, Pets At Home learning to speak fluent dog, free courtesy pets when yours is at the vet from SunLife insurance
- Politicians piled in on the gags, including Nigel Farage announcing he was backing Remain, and the SNP’s announcement of its mayor of London candidate.
- The fun went international, the French metro renamed its stations and in a world first, the German embassy made a very funny joke about rugby and eggs for some reason.
- But it stopped at China, where state news agency Xinua advised that April Fool’s Day was un-Chinese.
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IT'S PAST MIDDAY - And the Guardian April fool is....
Our royal correspondent reveals how Prince Phillip is poised to lead the Remain campaign. Yes, we did a Brexit one, too. The best one, in my opinion.
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Not an April fool
As our April fool liveblog nears its close, it’s time to honour that other April fool tradition of people tweeting real and serious things are “not an April fool”.
My blog @HuffPostUK on why a wage that excludes young workers is worse than any April Fools. https://t.co/1BBhwbX7IO pic.twitter.com/l6r58b2Qa8
— Liam Beattie (@Liam_Beattie) April 1, 2016
April Fools! It's not actually a living wage at all https://t.co/qypMs0cM1b
— Abi Wilkinson (@AbiWilks) April 1, 2016
Hopes that Donald Trump would turn out to be the world's most painstakingly constructed April Fool dashed.
— Gaby Hinsliff (@gabyhinsliff) April 1, 2016
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China bans April Fools' Day
BRB moving to China.
China’s state news service wrote a post on Friday, criticising tradition spoof news published on April Fools’s Day as ‘un-Chinese’, according to AFP.
The post on micro-blog Weibo declared: “Today is the West’s so-called ‘April Fools’.”
The occasion apparently “does not conform with our nation’s cultural traditions, nor does it conform with the core values of socialism”, it added.
“Don’t believe rumours, don’t create rumours and don’t spread rumours,” it said. It’s a bit of a hall of mirrors, though, because the post ended with a smiley emoticon.
Even the Global Times, a paper closely tied to the ruling Communist party, seemed to suggest Xinhua needed to loosen up, albeit on Twitter, which is not available in China.
#AprilFoolsDay does not conform to socialist core values, says Xinhua News Agency Weibo account. pic.twitter.com/C7YhbL1tFi
— Global Times (@globaltimesnews) April 1, 2016
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A breaking new poll in Scotland
Some pretty dubious Scottish polling results today have fooled Ukip’s David Coburn – perhaps some wishful thinking played a part.
Yaaaaaas. David Coburn has fallen for @scotlandvotes obvious April Fool poll. pic.twitter.com/wgh50v9U46
— Jamie Ross (@JamieRoss7) April 1, 2016
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It's not easy being rich
Anti-poverty movement Live Below the Line have a new campaign to raise awareness of the plight of billionaires.
The fact that there are 1,810 people in this world who are not getting the help they deserve to continue living the way they do.
We believe all human beings deserve to live a life free of having to find ways to evade taxation. Do you know how long it takes to park a yacht? Do you know how much it costs to heat and cool mansions? Neither do we. But if the words of the great Biggie Smalls are true, “mo’ money, mo’ problems.”
That’s why this year, we’re doing things a little differently. Our challenge is simple. Instead of feeding yourself on $2 a day for 5 days, try eating on a budget of $10,000. Live Above the Line.
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And the next stop is... Aperitif
The French public transport operator RATP, which runs the Paris Metro, has a jolly story about the renaming of metro stations for 1er avril.
Opéra station is now called Aperitif, Crimée is now called Crimée Châtiment in honour of Fyodor Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment, amongst other puns that may only make sense to French speakers.
Note for fact fans, the French celebrate with a holiday called “Poisson d’Avril” ie April fish, not April fools. It involves French children sneakily sticking coloured paper fish on the backs of adults and running away.
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When April Fools' Day goes horribly wrong
Google’s April Fools’ Day prank has backfired, leaving the company looking the fool and a number of concerned users fearing for their jobs – or worse...
Read the full story here:
Tony Blair makes a joke
Even Tony Blair is getting in on the Twitter bants. Tony Blair.
Only if they're in Europe come June... https://t.co/su4IcFsVbE
— Tony Blair Office (@tonyblairoffice) April 1, 2016
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WaterAid launches 'manpons'
WaterAid had a really rather good advert last year called “If Men had periods” and for April Fools’ Day, they’ve had satirical adverts posted in 375 different shopping centres for “Manpons”. Here’s to April Fools’ Day pranks with a proper message about access to sanitation for women and girls and taboos around menstruation.
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Let's hear it for the British Milk Council
Yes lads, that’s right. You keep your dignity.
Oh I dunno, off the top of my head, we now sell unicorn milk?
— BRITISH MILK COUNCIL (@BuyBritishMilk) April 1, 2016
JK Rowling backs the Scottish resistance
Shut it down. This is the best, albeit niche, April fool of the day.
OH MY WORD. The Scottish Resistance have done an April Fools starring @jk_rowling. pic.twitter.com/w7QG10CoCI
— Jamie Ross (@JamieRoss7) April 1, 2016
@JamieRoss7 @ExcelPope They needn't have used photoshop, though. pic.twitter.com/V1JRdKV5Yc
— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) April 1, 2016
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Professor Green Tea (geddit?!)
Professor Green looks how I feel receiving this April fool from PG Tips.
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The best April fools photoshops and mock-ups
There are some truly horrendous ones doing the rounds, but here are some of the better jokes.
- The London Eye transforming its “top two” capsules into studio penthouses. Pretty much the same size as my flat though so joke’s on me.
- Deliveroo is working with top neuroscientists to develop telepathic or ‘handsfree’ food ordering. 6/10.
The North Yorkshire Moors Railway has created a carriage dedicated just to dogs. This is basically the thing all brands have been doing when they’ve run out of ideas – ‘Hey, it’s our product but with DOGS!/CATS!/MONKEYS! etc’
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Airbnb – but for universities
‘Airbnb for academia’ plan to inject pro-market ethos into sector is the only too plausible story from the Times Higher Education.
“Some professors’ offices are huge, so you could easily get a couple of IKEA bunk beds in the corner without too much difficulty,” said Don Believeit, professor of tourism studies at Bulgaria’s Ivor Binhad university, who has advised on the scheme.
University departments across the country have been getting in on the April Fool’s Day japes.
- University of Surrey says leap years to be scrapped after Surrey scientists discover Earth’s orbit has slowed. Credit here to Professor Jim Al-Khalili, who has actually taken the time to write a convincing-ish scientific explanation.
- University of Glasgow is creating the world’s first helter-skelter inside a listed building.
- And this is the offering from Keele, a new clock tower renamed for the Latin phrase Time Flies, which is the opposite of how you feel liveblogging April Fool’s Day.
The new @KeeleLibrary clock will be named Tempus Fugit 2.0 https://t.co/x4CJ8fIjLK pic.twitter.com/sAkuvQOEOm
— Keele University (@KeeleUniversity) April 1, 2016
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Right Guard's politically sensitive new product
Right Guard, the deodorant, is launching Left Guard, especially for lefties.
Presumably with the Guardian reader demographic in mind.
Equal rights for left pits! NEW Left Guard will keep your left pit as dry as your right #HandsUphttps://t.co/vgNAzljQGN
— Right Guard UK (@RightGuardUK) April 1, 2016
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Port Talbot's April fool
In actual important news, it’s been an awful week in Port Talbot, so major props to the Port Talbot Magnet for their reporting on the steel crisis, but also for this April Fools’ Day piece today. It features local eccentric Captain Beany, who runs the local baked bean museum (that is not a joke, he actually does, look it up).
Beany’s unbelievable beauty secret
“It was when I first sat in a bath of baked beans that I noticed an amazing beany bonus,” confides the Captain. “My skin seems to have stopped ageing from the moment I stepped into that bean bath back in 1986.”
Editor Rachel Howells writes: “We thought, now more than ever, the people of Port Talbot could use something to laugh about...”
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Going out on Friday?
The most hipster night out in history – spotted in today’s Metro.
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SNP's candidate for mayor of London
Some brilliant news for those hoping London soon becomes an independent country.
I hereby announce that I am standing as the first ever SNP candidate for Mayor of London. #StrongerforSouthwark pic.twitter.com/U5UyPWItL5
— Marco Biagi (@MarcoGBiagi) April 1, 2016
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#Brand #Engagement
I tell you what, the main thing April Fool’s Day has brought home to me is literally how many brands exist. There are a lot of brands out there, it turns out.
And it’s things you wouldn’t necessarily think had their own branding teams, but actually have scores of bored PRs tasked with promoting them.
Companies selling blinds, tins of paint, the Westbury chalk horse, diggers, and something called “adaptive access control solutions” (whatever that is) are all hawking April fool jokes today.
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April fools to get your teeth into
I’m not sure what it is about my inbox today, but a significant proportion of the April Fools’ Day jokes I’ve been sent by brands are meat themed. I’m a vegetarian but in the interests of equality, here are the best/worst.
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Beefeater, the restaurant where you take your grandma on Boxing Day, launches the ‘Beefeater Steak Tan’ - the world’s first fake tan made using real steak juices.
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Wild West Beef Jerky spokesman Chuck Brisket claims the snack is going meat free. That would mean vegetarians like me could try it for the first time, were we so included. Or we could eat normal vegetables, not dried ones. I’m taking this too literally now.
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Young’s Seafood today announces that it is set to open a fine dining seafood restaurant in Grimsby exclusively for cats. No, they aren’t serving feline meat, you sickos. It’ll be a restaurant to serve cats, including “steamed fish on a bed of crispy biscuits with a sprig of catnip”.
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SHOCK: Germans make joke
You thought Germans weren’t funny? Where on earth did you get that ludicrous stereotype? Oh no, the German embassy can definitely laugh as much as the next diplomatic mission.
The German government today announced a new policy aimed at establishing rugby as the country’s new national sport.
At the unveiling of the far-reaching measures that will see rugby become an integral part of German culture, including hens that lay rugby ‘eggs’, government spokesperson G. Flügel stated that the country would “focus all attention and efforts on winning the 7 Nations Championship.”
The egg thing is a bit of an odd addition though, right? Maybe makes more sense in the original Deutsch.
The German embassy's impenetrable and weird April Fools is everything to me https://t.co/8GdPw2QNzs
— Josh Lowe (@JeyyLowe) April 1, 2016
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ZZZZZZZZZZZ
I was about to hand in my notice and apply for this incredible job opportunity which just popped into my inbox but then remembered I was liveblogging April Fool’s Day. Here’s me assuming I’d been headhunted.
eve Sleep has the ‘dream’ job vacancy for experienced and devoted sleepers with a passion for rest and a proven willingness to nap on demand.
eve Sleep are in search of two in-house Mattress Testing Managers (MTMs) to help further product development in their Global Headquarters, based in London.
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Pimms O'Clock (sigh)
Peter Sissons, the former BBC news anchor, has been roped into this stunt by Pimms.
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Parents' cruel pranks
Please think of the innocent children affected during this difficult time of the year.
#AprilFools
— joe heenan (@joeheenan) April 1, 2016
Told my kids I got them an iPad but it's just the box. pic.twitter.com/GvSymVkq91
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Brexit themed fools from the Tele and the Indy
It’s another Brexit-themed fool from Telegraph - England to face Euro 2016 ban if Britain votes to leave EU
Particularly good dig here at the Go/Leave/Now/Or/Else mish-mash of Brexit groups fighting to be the official Leave campaign.
The Franco-German proposals drew a furious reaction from pro-Leave campaign groups such as ‘Leave Go’, the group that has now overtaken ‘Vote Go’ and ‘Grassroots Boots’ as the organisation most likely to be designated to lead the Brexit campaign by the Electoral Commission in the coming days.
“This is yet another shameless attempt to rig this referendum,” the group said, “It is now clear that voting to ‘Leave Go’ of Europe on June 23 is the only way to ensure England wins back the World Cup in 2018.
And also from the Indy - Scotland and Wales ‘could form own country’ if Britain votes to leave EU
Under discussion are designs for a bridge or tunnel linking the two countries directly via the Isle of Mann, with the “Celtic Union” among a number of name suggestions that would ultimately be decided at a second referendum.
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And so does Rand Paul...
Stop everything, US politician Rand Paul is the best so far at April Fools’ Day tweets.
I have a major endorsement announcement to make tomorrow. Stay tuned...
— Dr. Rand Paul (@RandPaul) March 31, 2016
The announcement is going to be YUGE. Don't miss it...
— Dr. Rand Paul (@RandPaul) March 31, 2016
Is it Bernie??
Wow, many many people tell me the announcement is the best announcement anyone has ever seen. So much winning...
— Dr. Rand Paul (@RandPaul) March 31, 2016
Is it Trump??
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Farage makes major announcement
Huge if true.
I've decided that today is the perfect time to announce that I'll be supporting the campaign to Remain in the EU.
— Nigel Farage (@Nigel_Farage) April 1, 2016
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Rename Imperial College
The Times’ joke is pretty funny, and also a contender with the Daily Express for the award for “Most Satirical Article Which Is Actually Trying To Make A Serious Point About How Political Correctness Has Gone Mad In This Country”.
The Times takes a skewer to the Rhodes Must Fall movement at Oxford University.
Campaign to change Imperial to Gaia College
Students have called for Imperial College and King’s College to be renamed as part of an attempt to “decolonise and demisogynise” higher education.
Members of the University of London student union said the names of the universities were “symptomatic of the historical and structural racism and sexism that cause daily microaggressions to students of colour and those who self-identify as female” and they should instead be called Gaia College and Citizen’s College.
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The new James Bond
The Daily Mail’s April fools is that the utterly amazing Olivia Colman is being lined up to play the new James Bond, which would be BRILLIANT and so much better than any other casting rumour so far, so it’s a shame it’s a joke tbh.
The Mail quotes a ‘source’:
Olivia’s no fool – she knows it will raise her profile abroad and lead to better, and more lucrative, film offers. Olivia knows it’s now time to prove herself to the rest of the world. She had her third baby less than eight months ago but is determined to get in shape and prove she can do the stunts just as well as any man.
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BBC launches series' on VHS
I originally posted this BBC story as an April fool because I didn’t think it was real, but apparently it is actually true. What a time to be alive.
Cat crime fighters could collar County Durham criminals
A police force could become the first in the country to introduce cats in the fight against crime, after a five-year-old girl wrote to the chief constable. Eliza Adamson-Hopper contacted Durham police chief Mike Barton suggesting cats would be good at listening out for danger and rescuing people from trees.
Insp Richie Allen, of the dog support unit, said: “I can confirm the force is looking into recruiting what we believe to be the first UK police cat.
There’s this actual April fool from the BBC’s commercial arm, that VHS tapes are making a comeback.
Jonathan Green, director of BBC Store says;
We know from the growth of vinyl sales over recent years that purists love classic formats and so we are responding to this growing trend by offering BBC Store customers the chance to own copies of their favourite TV shows in the much-missed and timeless format of video cassette.
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Bathrooms and extra terrestrial nappy changes
My inbox is steadily filling up with brands and businesses eager to get the April Fools’ Day engagement, ranging from the funny to the downright wretched.
They include:
- NASA and the European Space Agency have partnered with Mumsnet Jobs to launch a Europe-wide search to find the perfect mother-and-baby team to venture into space. (Changing a nappy in space is an interesting scientific experiment no man or woman should ever be forced to undertake.)
- Bathstore has created a ‘silent loo’ app for people embarrassed about going to the toilet. Another thing for you to be paranoid about.
- A discount website sends an April Fool’s Day email with a cringing email subject “MyVoucherCodes launches new VR technology - or do they?” which might as well scream ‘hahahaha just making sure you know this is DEFINITELY an April fool.’
- The email prank claims it has invented new goggles that can detect and reveal real-time discounts while shopping. I would actually find this useful if someone wouldn’t mind inventing this for real.
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EU have to be kidding me
I’m sensing a bit of a theme in the April Fool’s Day coverage this year. On BT’s news website, it reports that “European bureaucrats” are moving April Fool’s Day from 1 April to 2 April.
Pranksters across the UK are up in arms at the news that April Fools’ Day – which has been celebrated on 1 April in this country since the 14th century – has been moved back a day by European bureaucrats.
While 1 April has seen Britons play tricks on friends, family and colleagues since the days of Geoffrey Chaucer, it’s also the birth date – in 1815 – of German Chancellor Otto von Bismarck, hailed by pro-Europeans as the father of the superstate.
After celebrations of the revered politician’s bicentenary were marred last year by practical jokers turning up to a Berlin parade wearing false moustaches, the MEP for Bismarck’s home town of Schönhausen, Billy Bücherregal, called for a clear separation between the Europe-wide celebrations and Britain’s traditional day of japery.
He told German newspaper Der Streich: “The eccentricities of one nation state cannot, and should not, be allowed to distract Europeans from a celebration of continental comradeship.”
It is indeed Otto von Bismarck’s birthday today, however, so you can trust some things you read.
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Daily Express goes textbook
Props for the most predictable subject for an April fools gag goes to the Daily Express this morning - ‘EU bosses DEMAND European Union flag stars be incorporated into Union Jack’
We pushed through the incorporation of the EU flag onto car registration plates in the late 90s and no one kicked up a fuss, so, to many members this seems a logical next step.
Some expressed concern that Britain might kick back a little, but usually it’s just a lot of huffing and puffing in your parliament then Brussels pushes through the legislation it wants.”
Critics view the move as the clearest sign yet the EU plans a full United States of Europe.
The best gag is the quote from Claude Boursin, “spokesman for the centre-right Partie de Reddition Singe”. (For non-French speakers, that’s the surrender monkey party).
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April Fools' Day – the funniest and unfunniest day of the year is upon us
Welcome to the Guardian’s traditional April Fools’ Day liveblog, where we’ll be laughing, groaning and spoiling the jokes cooked up by national and international newspapers, blogs, brands and businesses.
We’re here for the next four hours, so do tweet me with anything particularly convincing, funny or awful you spot until noon. After that, you’re the fool, obviously, because this liveblog will be over.
You can reach me on @jessicaelgot or post in the comments below. If you manage to fool me, you will be crowned the king of fools.
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