CAP 38 IS WHERE THE MAGIC BEGINS
So here we are, then. After a brief cameo against Lithuania on Friday, having been held back in reserve to the dismay of a sold out Wembley, it is finally time for the grand arrival of England’s great hope. The man who will lead the line and spur Mr Roy’s team on to glory in France next summer. His power! His pace! His vision! And, of course, his goals! England fans are not ones to build up players and their potential, instead preferring a gentle introduction. Give them time to settle and find their feet. Play the long game, do not apply lots of pressure initially in fear they never live up to inflated expectations, and the success will no doubt follow. Which is why, at the age of 26 folks, this is finally Theo Walcott’s time to shine.
The previous nine years of international appearances, including 37 caps and five goals, were all warmups. Cap 38 is when the magic begins. Amid a hyperbolic week of Harry Kania, the announcement that Walcott will start up front with some Tottenham striker who has been in OK form this season has gone unnoticed by those who aren’t as sharp as The Fiver. But in a concerted effort to make sure the real story was not completely missed, Walcott answered some supporters’ questions online, giving us a massive insight into the life of a modern ball player. “Golf … Ja Rule … Yes … Digestives … Theo Walcott … Volley,” the perpetually injured Arsenal attacker told YouTube in the runup to tonight’s big game, making more sense than he has ever done in an interview. Obviously the final two answers were an indicator of what to expect when he smashes one home early in the second half at the Juventus Stadium and England erupts at the realisation that this is a defining moment in the nation’s footballing history.
In an insightful minute – Gone in 60 Seconds, this must-watch video was called. Oh you creative types! He also revealed his love of apples, Jay-Z, Batman and The Voice. But the big thing to take from all of it was, undoubtedly, his hatred of Marmite. Hatred is a similar feeling expressed by England towards Turin, the Fiver reckons. Remember Gazza’s tears in 1990? The defeat in 2000 when Peter Taylor was in charge? Or how about the horrors of 1980 when Ron Greenwood’s team were held by Belgium before returning three days later to be defeated by Italy? Then you have the 1973 friendly defeat before finally, having trawled through the records, happening upon a win. In 1948. When Mr Roy was only nine months old and crawling around Croydon. You could say they are a due a break (or should that be a brake in a very, very clever nod to the London folksy duo? – Fiver Ed).
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“He doesn’t even say hello when we meet now. He avoids me. I sit on the first row as an honorary vice-president of Fifa and the honorary president of Uefa and he is sitting next to me ... but he doesn’t ‘see’ me” – 17 years after former Fifa president Lennart Johansson was unseated by Uncle Sepp in acrimonious circumstances, the 85-year-old reveals that the old adage about time being the best healer really is a load of old bobbins.
FIVER LETTERS
“Russia is a diverse country. If Otto Fischer is Russian-looking (which I concede he is more so than Dolph Lundgren) it’s because, as Orwell put it, clothes are powerful things. The resemblance between finance minister Anton Siluanov and Karl Pilkington is much closer” – Marlon Cameron.
“Can you shut up about Harry Kane. Ta” – Ian Martindale.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is: Ian Martindale.
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RECOMMENDED QUIZZING
Paul Campbell got to grips with Big Website’s fancy new quiz tool and put together this set of Italian football teasers … it’ll be right up your street if, like the Fiver, you were too skint to afford Sky in the mid-90s and watched AC Jimbo on Channel 4 instead.
BITS AND BOBS
Radamel Falcao reckons his goals for Colombia against Bahrain have given him the confidence to be more than just a Manchester United ornament. “When I score it’s always important and that gives me confidence. I need minutes and I am confident about me, about my fitness. I am confident,” he roared.
West Brom’s Ben Foster has been ruled out for six months with a nasty case of knee-knack.
Southampton may need a bigger safe at St Mary’s after announcing profits of £33.4m. “It shows the health of the club,” kerchinged chief suit Gareth Rogers.
The FA has got the funk on after giving up on the idea of trying to get GB football teams to make a show of themselves at Rio’s Big Sports Day. “We’re disappointed,” confirmed an FA suit, while glaring at Welsh and Scottish FA types who harpooned the idea.
Uefa intend to split the £1.6bn Big Cup and Big Vase money-pie more evenly from next season. “ECA and Uefa have together developed a revolutionary distribution mechanism,” honked a statement perhaps referring to the calculator app on Michel Platini’s iPhone.
And Mr 15%s want to be allowed to self-regulate when Fifa passes the responsibility for agents’ practices on to the FA. Yes, just let that sink in.
STILL WANT MORE?
“He’s not the messiah, he’s a very decent prospect who’s enjoying an exceptional season.” Read up on David Squires latest cartoon-based tomfoolery … The Life of Harry Kane.
Lorenzo Buffon’s blood! Bobby Moore’s sweat! Ian Wright’s tears! Have a gander at our gallery on the 82-year-old rivalry between Italy v England.
Do you want to see Designer Stubble’s Neil Redfearn squinting into the distance like he’s looking for a lost frisbee? DO YOU? Well you’re in luck, because the Nasty Leeds manager pulled that exact face during this exclusive interview with James Riach.
Paul Campbell has trawled through the internet to find the best things on the web this week, including nice short films on Portsmouth and La Liga minnows Eibar, so you don’t have to.
Who would feature in a Premier League young team of a season? Martin Laurence has all the answers in his WhoScored? blog for the Guardian Sport Network.
Dick Advocaat stars as an avocado, The Devil’s Advocate and Vladimir Putin’s mate in this week’s Gallery.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.
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