And with that, I’m off. Here’s a match report. Bye!
And Eric Dier also speaks:
The first half was tough. It was a bit frantic at the beginning and we struggled to get hold of the game. But we knew it was going to be difficult. We had to match their aggression and then our quality would come through, and I think that’s what happened. I think last year was a real eye-opener for us and I think we’re showing that we’ve learned from that. Tonight was massive for us. We needed to win here, and we’ve done that.
Looking back at the goals, Waterman made the first as easy as possible by running out of goal and just standing up, making himself as small as possible, and Carlão assisted the third by failing to even compete for a cross that landed about a foot from his right shoulder.
Kane has 34 goals from 30 games for Tottenham in 2017. Remarkable.
Harry Kane speaks:
It was a very proud night for myself. I try and score every game and obviously it’s a bonus when I get three. It was a hard night. We weren’t really pleased with how we played the first half. Even the second half, we came out, maybe weren’t as aggressive as we wanted to be but we were more clinical in the vital moments, and that’s what you’ve got to be in the Champions League. Of course we’re missing a few players but the lads that stepped in today were fantastic. We’ve got a great squad and you’ve got to be ready. 3-0 away in the Champions League, no matter who you’re playing is a fantastic result.
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And in other English-team news, Manchester City have beaten Shakhtar Donetsk 2-0, and Liverpool have been held to another ridiculous draw-despite-having-loads-of-chances, 1-1 at Spartak Moscow.
So Madrid and Spurs both have maximum points and are taking control of the group, albeit with but two games played.
Elsewhere in Group H, it’s finished Borussia Dortmund 1-3 Real Madrid, with a lovely goal from Gareth Bale and a couple for Cristiano Ronaldo.
Final score: Apoel 0-3 Tottenham
90+4 mins: The final whistle blows, and Kane prowls back onto the pitch in search of his match ball.
90+3 mins: This level of goalscoring is just ridiculous.
Harry Kane’s last 9 away games for club and country:
— BT Sport Football (@btsportfootball) September 26, 2017
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😳 pic.twitter.com/ih53YLreU9
90+1 mins: We’re into stoppage time, of which there will be about three minutes.
88 mins: Makris runs down the right and tries to pick out Alexandrou, all alone on the left of the area, but it’s a disastrously bad pass and the chance is gone.
86 mins: From the free kick, Rueda shoots harmlessly over.
85 mins: Winks gets himself booked. for catching Farias’s heel.
83 mins: More substitutions. Nektarios Alexandrou comes on for Nuno Morais, and Tottenham give Anthony Georgiou his debut, in place of Sissoko.
82 mins: The game has now ended its sleepy final phase. Nkoudou jinks into the penalty area but shoots into the nearest defender.
79 mins: Apoel patiently work a fine shooting chance for Ghayas Zahid, a couple of yards inside the area, but Sánchez closes him down and deflects the effort wide. Llorente heads the corner clear.
75 mins: Agustin Farias has replaced Stathis Aloneftis, a man who looks about twice his 34 years.
74 mins: Kane has earned a breather and will now get one, as Spurs bring on Nkoudou in his place.
7 - With his three goals against APOEL Nicosia, Harry Kane has now scored seven hat-tricks in 2017. Ridiculous.
— OptaJoe (@OptaJoe) September 26, 2017
73 mins: Dier brings the ball to the right-hand corner of the area and spots Kane all alone on the left, but his chipped pass isn’t great, Kane is forced too wide, and Waterman falls on his low cross.
70 mins: Kane’s hat-trick tonight is sheer striking perfection. Of course it is the classic perfect hat-trick – one with the left foot, one with the right foot and one with the head – but it has also been a nigh-on unimprovable display of attacking efficiency. Every finish executed with a minimum of fuss and a maximum of class.
69 mins: Now Son has a shot, which looked nasty but was deflected wide.
GOAL! Apoel 0-3 Tottenham (Kane, 67 mins)
Another hat-trick for Kane! Kane plays the ball wide to Trippier and then runs untracked into the area to meet the cross with a fine downward header!
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64 mins: Sissoko is played down the right again, an almost identical position to the one which led to the second goal, but this time he takes a shot himself, which is easily saved.
63 mins: Antreas Makris has replaced Sallai for Apoel.
GOAL! Apoel 0-2 Tottenham (Kane, 62 mins)
That is tough on Apoel, who have been excellent this half. But it is also excellent strikership by Kane. Sissoko pulls back to the Englishman, central and just outside the area, and he takes one touch to control before sidefooting unstoppably inside the post.
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61 mins: Apoel cross from the left, but De Camargo glances a header well wide. They collect it again and cross from the right, and this time the ball clears the same player.
60 mins: Another glimpse of goal for Apoel, and again they’re not shy to have a shot! This shot, though, is skewed well wide by Sallai.
57 mins: Tottenham are bringing off Aurier, and bringing on Llorente.
56 mins: Save! A long, low ball plays in Aloneftis, who surges into the area and slams in a shot that Lloris tips over!
55 mins: “This is a dangerous 45 for Spurs,” insists Jeremy Dresner, as Apoel raid down the left again, without reward. “Apoel will have fancied that this game is where they can most likely to get points in this group. They will have their proverbial periscope up this half.”
53 mins: This is much brighter stuff. Aloneftis crosses from the left, and it’s headed wide by De Camargo at the back stick.
51 mins: Vinicius fouls Winks in midfield, and is booked.
48 mins: Moments later Sallai is played in, and Sánchez wrestles him to the floor rather than let him get away. Happily for Spurs, the linesman’s flag is waving.
48 mins: And a chance for the home side! A long ball from the left finds De Camargo, who nods down to Sallai, who volleys at Lloris from the edge of the area.
46 mins: They’re off! And Son shoots just wide within 30 seconds! He runs outside Kane, who lays the ball into his path, and he shoots across goal with his left foot from an acute angle!
The players are back out. There don’t appear to have been any halftimely substitutions.
Spurs are lucky to be leading, but in six minutes between the goal and the interval they had a couple of promising attacks, suggesting that they could a) enjoy a bit more space in the second period, and b) have some fun with it.
Half time: Apoel 0-1 Tottenham
45+1 mins: Just the six seconds of stoppage time, and Spurs take a lead into the break.
45 mins: Son carries the ball into the Apoel half, and spots Trippier in all sorts of space on the left, but his pass is slow and Vouros comes across in time to cut it out.
43 mins: The goal was far from deserved, but on the plus side it should bring Apoel out of their (clam)shell, even if, for all their defending, they had come closest to scoring.
Harry Kane scores in 4 consecutive #UCL matches. Among English players only Steven Gerard has achieved this feat. #COYS
— Gracenote Live (@GracenoteLive) September 26, 2017
42 mins: Boy Waterman has been booked for, I think, protesting that Kane was offside. He wasn’t.
39 mins: It’s a long, low pass from Alderweireld to Kane, who has been given too much space by Rueda and is played onside by Vouros, and the Englishman controls, spins and slots past the onrushing Boy Waterman!
GOAL! Apoel 0-1 Tottenham (Kane, 39 mins)
From nowhere, a goal for Spurs!
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37 mins: Near-calamity for Spurs, but they get away with it! A long ball from Apoel is too close to Lloris, who comes out of the area to deal with it only to hit it straight into Sánchez! It rebounds back towards goal, keeper and striker give chase, but before either can reach it it rolls a yard wide!
36 mins: Now Apoel have a corner, their first. And it’s a great one, picking out Carlão who is unmarked at the far post. There’s no defender on that post, and a good chunk of goal to aim at, but Carlão misses it!
33 mins: Apoel win a free-kick, 10 yards into Tottenham’s half. Their centre-backs slowly trudge forward and spend a while getting in position, whereupon it’s played short, and backwards.
31 mins: Spurs have had plenty of corners, most of them taken by Davies, left-footed from the right. None of them have led to much, and the latest is headed over.
28 mins: For a fraction of a second there Son had a chance to play in Kane. His pass was behind the striker, rather than in front of him.
26 mins: Apoel’s defence is so deep they’ve just spotted one of these swimming past the window.
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22 mins: “With no Eriksen or Dele Alli it’s looking a bit killer-ball-less from spurs,” writes Jeremy Dresner. “That is predictable. An out of position Trippier and the rugby style backward passing and running of Sissoko are not much helping matters. How do you sink a submarine anyway without torpedo distribution?” It looks like they’re relying on Trippier or Aurier coming up with a defence-destroying inch-perfect cross from wide, without much of a plan B.
20 mins: Apoel look more likely to score than Tottenham, who are enjoying plenty of possession but don’t seem to have any particularly smart ideas for unlocking the home defence.
19 mins: And Apoel hit the bar! De Camargo with a rising left-footed drive from 10 yards or so which beats Lloris but not the woodwork!
18 mins: Chance for Spurs! A proper good one! Tripper finds space on the left, cuts back onto his right foot and pings a delicious cross onto the head of Son in the six-yard box, but it’s a fraction high and he heads over!
17 mins: Apoel have an effort on goal! It’s a header from Sallai, and it bounces well wide, but still.
15 mins: Aurier blasts a cross into Lago’s shoulder, and Spurs have another corner. It’s played back to Aurier, who finds Davies with a clever pass, but he’s tackled and that’s where the move ends.
14 mins: Apoel attack! A lovely flick sends Stathis Aloneftis running down the left, but he’s offside.
10 mins: It’s hard to express quite how deep Apoel’s defence is sitting at the moment. It’s less a defence than a submarine.
7 mins: A scrappy spell, in which the ball has spent almost all its time within 20 yards of the half-way line, occasionally being aimlessly booted forward and then booted back again.
4 mins: A nice break from Spurs ends with Aurier being played into space on the right. His low cross hits Carlão and rebounds to Son, whose shot is deflected wide.
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3 mins: Spurs, all in white, knock the ball about for a while as whistles cascade from the stands. Then they pump the ball forward, it’s knocked down, and Kane’s first-time left-footer rumbles gently wide.
1 min: It’s on!
Anthems played, hands clasped, action imminent.
From deep in Texas, hello @Simon_Burnton Can my Spurs make it through 90 minutes today without a bit of the red mist and a sending off?
— Randy denton (@RandyHusker) September 26, 2017
I’m going yes to this. Serge Aurier looked like a mobile suspension-magnet at the weekend, but hasn’t received a straight red card since 2012-13.
The players are in the tunnel!
The Tottenham manager Mauricio Pochettino has had a chat with BT Sport:
I think for different reasons we needed to change. I think we’re guaranteed to try to win, to perform as well. It was compulsory to make some changes but it’s no excuse for today, to [not] try to win and perform in the right way. Always to play here in Cyprus is tough, and of course the conditions are not the best, but we are ready to compete. The opposition will be tough. They have some good players, good organisation, good set pieces. It will be tough like always in the Champions League. I think always it’s important to improve. Improve the record away from home in the competition. And for us it’s important to get three points today. But first of all we need to fight, we need to play well, and then to get the three points.
I remember from my 'obsessed with F1' younger years, there was a driver named Boy Hayje. Short for 'Johan' I think. https://t.co/bEqdwpqx9Z
— Darren Beach (@darren_beach) September 26, 2017
Other famous Boys include Boy William, an Indonesian actor and VJ (real name William Hartanto), Boy Abunda, a Filipino TV presenter (real name Eugenio Romerica Abunda Jr) and Boy George, well-known singer. One thing that connects all of those Boys is that none of them are actually called Boy.
“Some fringe players on that Spurs bench, that’s for sure,” writes Woolie Madden. “Most people won’t even have heard of some of those potential subs, though I was lucky enough myself to see Oakley-Boothe at the National Sunglasses Expo this year at the Kensington Olympia.” Tashan Oakley-Boothe could make his Spurs debut this evening, as indeed could Anthony Georgiou, who as a member of London’s Cypriot community would probably have been excited enough about this fixture already.
The teams!
The team sheets are in, and these are the names upon them:
Apoel: Boy Waterman; Vouros, Rueda, Carlão, Roberto Lago; Vinicius, Nuno Morais; Zahid, Sallai, Aloneftis; De Camargo. Subs: Gudino, Poté, Alexandrou, Antoniou, Farias, Merkis, Makris.
Tottenham: Lloris; Trippier, Alderweireld, Sánchez, Davies; Aurier, Winks, Sissoko, Dier, Son; Kane. Subs: Vorm, N’Koudou, Llorente, Foyth, Walker-Peters, Georgiou, Oakley-Boothe.
Referee: Pavel Kralovec (Czech Republic).
#StartingXI: #APOELFC - @SpursOfficial (#UCL MD2) #apoelfclive #APOvTOT pic.twitter.com/qbsccSBd2E
— APOEL FC (@apoelfcofficial) September 26, 2017
#THFC: Lloris (C), Trippier, Alderweireld, Sanchez, Davies, Aurier, Dier, Winks, Sissoko, Son, Kane. #COYS pic.twitter.com/9Z7zYmqt7n
— Tottenham Hotspur (@SpursOfficial) September 26, 2017
Hello world!
So, then. Apoel v Spurs at the GSP Stadium, or to give it its full title, Athletikos Podosferikos Omilos Ellinon Lefkosias versus Tottenham Hotspur at the Gymnastic Association “Pancypria” Stadium of Eugenia and Antonios Theodotou. I think we’ll stick with the abbreviation from now on. Antonios Theodotou, as I’m sure you’d like to know, was a doctor who was involved in the foundation of the Pancypriot Gymnastic Association back in the very late 19th century.
A trip to Cyprus should, in theory, be a stroll for a mighty cash-laden Premier League-contesting side such as Spurs. I mean, the trip itself would certainly not be a stroll. It would generally be a flight. I’m talking figuratively. But they would be foolish to assume it will be so – Apoel drew with Chelsea when they last visited London in 2009, Spurs had to come from behind to win 2-1 the last time they were in Cyprus in 2014, Mauricio Pochettino was a member of the Espanyol side that drew 2-2 away at Apoel in 1996, and Hugo Lloris was in nets when Lyon were dumped out of the 2011-12 Champions League by the very same outfit. What’s more, Christian Eriksen is ill, Dele Alli and Jan Vertonghen are suspended and Mousa Dembele and Victor Wanyama are injured. On the other hand, Apoel have won one and lost three of their five matches so far this season, and while going down 3-0 at Real Madrid is forgivable enough, losing 3-1 at Enosis or 1-0 at home to Anorthosis is less clever. “Apoel are very tough,” says Pochettino. “It is important to respect them because we need to win. It’s so important. We need to fight and play better than them.”
Apoel is also the current home of the least imaginatively-named footballer in the entire history of football, the Dutch goalkeeper Boy Waterman*. Imagine having a baby boy, and then deciding, after getting to know the little bundle of joy for a few days, that of all the names in the world the one that suits him best is Boy. It is an astonishing level of literalism. Though I suppose it is possible that his parents wanted to name him Roy but just had bad handwriting. Or Bob. Dennis Bergkamp was famously prevented from being called Denis, his parents hoping to use a single N in homage to Denis Law, because Dutch baby-naming administrators thought it so similar to Denise it might cause some confusion. Where were these eagle-eyed pen-pushers when Mr Waterman Snr turned up? Boy might not be so easily confused with something you might call a girl, but it is very easily confused with something you might call a slave.
* Not however the most unfortunate name for a current top-flight footballer, which if my extensive research is to be trusted is a title currently held by the 23-year-old Suphanburi defender Suphan Thongsong. Though I’m open to alternative suggestions. Since discovering Thongsong, I have dreamed of Notts County ushering out of their youth system someone called Nottinghamshire Ucanttouchthis, or Manchester United signing Manchester Mambonumberfive. One day.
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Simon will be here soon. In the meantime, here’s David Hytner on Harry Kane’s drive for success:
To Harry Kane it is a numbers game and, like every football fan in Europe, the Tottenham Hotspur striker is in awe of those posted by two players in particular. You know who they are. There was a time when a goalscorer would be feted for getting 20 in a league season; for reaching a ratio of one in every two matches. That was in the era before Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo.
The Big Two have redefined the concept of productivity. What they have done and are doing is, quite simply, freakish. Messi, for example, has scored 96 goals in 116 Champions League games; Ronaldo 107 in 141. And what about their records in La Liga? Since Ronaldo joined Real Madrid from Manchester United in 2009, he has scored 285 goals in 267 matches. In the corresponding period, Messi has 304 goals in 279 games for Barcelona.
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