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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Lifestyle
Gavin Haynes

Anyone for a tiramisu latte? The worst high-street Christmas menus of 2016

Starbucks' Christmas cup 2016
Hot property ... Starbucks’ Christmas cup for 2016. Photograph: Joshua Trujillo/Starbucks

Nowhere have the tentacles of the ever-swelling Christmas blob made more gains in recent years than on the seasonal menus of high-street food chains. Starbucks releasing its annual Christmas cup is now up there with the John Lewis ad and poppy controversy as a harbinger of yuletide. This year, it was even subject to an Apple-style “leak”, when photos emerged on Reddit of the soon-to-be-released design.

Alongside the new cups, the likes of the Starbucks toffee nut latte and the gingerbread frappuccino are set to return. But what other questionable Christmas menu items are bubbling away in the research labs of high‑street chains?

Eat has taken classic US stodge and waved the Christmas wand over it until it became “brie n truffle mac n cheese”. The pigs in blankets are back and improved, while the caramel spiced latte is new, as is the turkey hotpot and the Christmas cheeseboard bloomer – a cheese sandwich to you or me.

Eat mac 'n' cheese
Eat’s Christmassy take on macaroni cheese.

Over at Caffè Nero, they’ve realised that the true magic of the season is its inclusiveness, hence their new gluten-free Christmas savoury roll. The real trouser-strainers are in Nero’s tiramisu range: a tiramisu latte or hot chocolate (with or without cream) and a tiramisu slice. Enjoy with a chocolate orange or a gingerbread muffin for that gloriously festive sugar‑coma feeling.

Caffè Nero’s festive drinks collection
Spiced orange, salted caramel and tiramisu latte: Caffè Nero’s festive drinks collection. Photograph: Mowie Kay/Caffè Nero

Costa has chosen to fight Starbucks directly at the cup level, having unveiled its own Christmas-jumper-patterned receptacle. Within the cup, you’re entitled to request a mint hot chocolate, which comes with “an elf-sized candy cane” that hangs over the lip (it’s unclear whether said cane is designed for an elf to eat or to use for walking). Finally, if you’ve always thought that your pigs look cold in their blankets, why not put them in a duvet, with Costa’s pigs-in‑blankets panino?

Costa’s Christmas cup range
Costa’s range of Christmas cups.

While past Christmas master Pret a Manger is waiting until next week to unveil its menu items, and McDonald’s is holding off until the end of the month, plenty of new entrants are piling in to the market. Even Subway has decided to chance its arm this year for the first time, with a turkey, sausage, bacon and cranberry sauce concoction. “Unlike other prepackaged seasonal sandwiches, the Subway Festive Feast can be completely customised to suit individual tastes,” trills its press release. It’s as though Tiny Tim himself were cartwheeling off his crutches to address the marketing executives of an international fast-food conglomerate.

Subway’s ‘festive feast’ sandwich
Subway’s ‘festive feast’, its first attempt at a Christmas sandwich.
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