Man has long hungered to harness the power of the crow. The family Corvidea is one of evolution’s finest achievements: a perfect balance of intelligence, style, grace, and adaptability. Now, in what should send a chill up the spine of any proud MAGA-hat wearer, the crow has been weaponized against you in particular.
The man engineering this murder of iridescent fury is Threads user @biz_dave, who has chronicled his efforts to train area crows to attack red hats, painstakingly teaching them that only positive things can happen if they harass MAGA-hat wearers:
Crows trained to attack MAGA hats in unique protest against Trump https://t.co/kIggmFGNFZ
— The OPEN Daily (@theopendaily) January 18, 2026
It seems all it takes to assemble what’s billed as an “anti-MAGA flying army” is a handful of peanuts and some patience. He says the hard part is attracting crows in the first place, saying it took about four months to entice them to what’s effectively a crow radicalization boot camp.
But once the crows arrive, they’re quickly converted into his personal avian mercenaries, their fees ranging from “peanuts, chicken scraps, mealworms, and dog kibble.” From there, it apparently takes three months to get them to associate removing a MAGA hat with an instant reward.
There’s no business like crow business
Crows have surprisingly long memories and can independently teach other crows what they know. This means there’s the distinct possibility of this anti-MAGA training being passed down from crow to crow and slowly spreading nationwide, so the coming months and years may see an escalating wave of anti-Trump activity from these fine feathered footsoldiers.
A man named Dave who allegedly lives somewhere in the U.S has trained the Crows in his neighborhood to attack red hats when they see them! Some people said the crows peck them off their heads and another said they pooped on his! I guess Crows don’t like Trump either!
— Suzie rizzio (@Suzierizzo1) January 19, 2026pic.twitter.com/8zu9WUJMkb
So why now? Well, it seems that the second Trump presidency has been so disastrous and insane that his conscience forbids him from sitting on the fence. As @biz_dave explains: “I tried to be centrist for a long time, but I no longer believe that is a moral option.”
Well, there’s no stuffing this genie back in the bottle. The crows have been trained, they are out there, and they will attack anyone seen wearing a MAGA in public. We can only hope that he’s very happy with a successful project, and that he took a richly deserved opportunity to cackle “fly my pretties!” as his feathered friends departed to wreak havoc on the unfortunate local MAGA population.
