Bard Billot once more on the barbarian Brown
Everything Must Go
King Alaric the Brown woke from his slumbers.
He dreamed of the wide steppes of the Far North
where he once roamed with savage delight:
But then he dreamed of a fierce and untameable bald eagle
imprisoned in a well-appointed cage with golden bars.
This troubling omen put the King in a sour mood.
My lord, said his Page, here is your tunic,
For today is the day of the Grand Auktion of Auk.
And the Page gently placed on the King’s dome
The traditional tribal baseball cap of the barbarians of the North
Whose motto is,
I fix stuff and I knoweth things.
So King Alaric strolled to the Great Hall,
And before him were assembled the remaining assets
Of the bankrupt and moth eaten Kingdom.
Only a half-year ago, Alaric had charged his way
through the Mighty Gates of the Palace of Auk,
Only to discover the Treasury was filled
With nothing but dust and mice droppings.
He glared at the assembled goods,
For the haggling and coin-counting of the traders
Is beneath the dignity of a Barbarian Conqueror.
“Golden statues?” Asked the Auktioneer.
“Sell,” growled Alaric.
“Hot Air Balloon landing strip?”
“Sell.”
“Playgrounds for the younglings?”
“Sell! Sell all of it, for Jupiter’s sake!”
“Golf courses?”
Alaric hesitated.
“Keep, I think.”
Thus were spent the days of Alaric the Brown,
Who arrived in Auk to fix it up, but who instead
Now found himself being fixed up
By the Ungovernable City of Auk.
Victor Billot has previously felt moved to write Odes for such public figures as Wayne Brown, the Mayor of Auckland, and Atilla the Brown.
