You've heard of low concept. You've head of low production values. But if, last week, you had asked Lost in Showbiz to come up with a pitch that would somehow unite both these ideas, then plunge them to a new nadir of debasement, it would have replied: "OK. A TV show presented by Frank Lampard, directed by Frank Lampard, and filmed by Frank Lampard on his mobile phone."
DARE TO FRICKIN' DREAM. Because the Chelsea midfielder has yet again opted against, say, practising penalties, to team up with Orange to launch Frank TV, coming at you live and exclusive from your Orange-contracted mobile.
I'd switch to Vodafone if I were you. The coverage is more widespread and you don't have to watch Frank playing with his dogs.
Last time I watched a video Frank had a hand in, it was set in an Ayia Napa hotel room, and also starred Rio Ferdinand, Kieron Dyer, and two girls who were ordered to simulate a lesbian sex show. Standout moments include the one in which Frank admonishes a beer-bottle-wielding Kieron Dyer with the words "if you're going to do that, at least drink it first".
Disappointingly, there appears to be naff all of this on Frank TV, but let's be amused by Orange's claim that it "provides a unique insight to life behind the footballer". Mm. It's all very well watching Frank make Brussels sprouts and wrap presents. But did he not have his phone with him when he went to Las Vegas?
"One of the reasons I do this kind of thing," he explains, "and I am embarrassed to put a camera in my own face, I won't lie about that, is to show we're average people at home with our families doing ordinary things."
It's certainly one of the reasons. Incidentally, all the other 39 reasons he does this kind of thing are "for money".
