For me, the internet is like a fetid lake that looks uninviting from the shore – but surprise! The temperature is perfect. I enjoy swimming in the lake, but my enjoyment is undermined by the fact that I am often forced to swim for long periods of time, because of my job as an ABC journalist. Once or twice, I have nearly drowned. Sometimes I have to swim to shore without a lifejacket.
What I’m saying is that I have a complicated relationship with the internet. I’m quite active on Instagram, a minimalist on Twitter and a lurker on TikTok. I never made firm friends with the YouTube algorithm and I read an unholy amount of news and analysis, which is just such a bummer. I vacation on Reddit and the occasional Substack. Crypto scares me, even though I own some. I’m banned from games because I’m such an addict that I once failed a semester of university by playing that much Mario Kart.
In summary, the internet used to make me feel a torrent of dread because of how enormous and dark it can be. But I’ve reached a kind of peace with it because, after all, it’s just humanity.
Here are 10 of the funniest examples that I could think of.
1. This Twitter thread about a sinister internet router
Hi @VeilBroadband. I have been having a series of problems with my wifi and have had no response from your customer service team via email. I will detail the problems here to see if I can get a response. Here’s a thread:
— Adrian Gray (@AdrianRMG) April 27, 2020
This Twitter thread is the best use of Twitter I have ever seen, with the exception of maybe the Arab Spring. It is years old and I still think about it once a week. At least.
2. The Catherine web series
Please “enjoy” Jenny Slate’s deeply unsettling and pointless quotidian nightmarescape.
3. John Mulaney’s ‘There’s a horse in the hospital’ joke
I’m responsible for maybe half of the 5.5m views on this Mulaney bit about a horse being loose in a hospital. It is yet to fail to make me laugh.
4. Hot Department on TikTok
Hot Department are sexy and deranged silly billies. I suppose if you have to start anywhere, this cheat sheet on Aussie slang (including pickle bankles) is as good a place as any. Go on, you may as well!
5. The @beam_me_up_softboi Instagram account
This account compiling dating app chats with the most mind-bendingly offensive softbois (generally understood as emotionally manipulative men who weaponise their sensitivity) is triggering, but worth it IMHO.
6. Every ballroom scene in period dramas
I will deny this if you repeat it, but Victorian bodice drama is my hungover go-to-watch, so I visit this Instagram account more often than it is comfortable to admit.
7. The @KidsWriteJokes Twitter account
What do snowmen drink?
— Kids Write Jokes (@KidsWriteJokes) March 13, 2022
Milk.
This Twitter account churns out actual attempts at jokes, by children, and that is all. Hardly a deep cut, but you just can’t beat it if what you’re after is a consistently good time. It’s also fun to find out if you can withstand knowing that children with no discernible skills in comedy are funnier than you ever will be.
8. The @stupid__bitch__energy Instagram account
This Instagram account is my favourite meme account of all time. Just a steady stream of nonsense, direct from the void.
9. Comedy Blaps – Sam Campbell on families
Comedian Sam Campbell discusses how good families are, nine minutes into this clip from Britain’s Channel 4 sketch show Comedy Blaps. The whole thing is great, but ripping on insane media norms really hits right for me.
10. Buttfucker 3000 turns up for court
This moment in a US court, captured on Zoom, still makes me honk-laugh. When I first saw it, I instantly and maniacally sent it to everyone I know. It’s so puerile, but we are who we are I guess.
Ange Lavoipierre’s show I’ve Got 99 Problems And Here is an Exhaustive List of Them is on at Melbourne international comedy festival until 13 April, then at Sydney comedy festival 4-8 May.
