Andy Carroll

'Most important is the Holy Trinity, a hat-trick in front of the Gallowgate End,' parps Al Balmer
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'A new relic 'The Toonin Shroud' is found at the Church of Sid James,' chuckles Fiona Wetherall
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'Now was definitely not a good time to ask Carroll for a final consonant,' honks Rob Marriott
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'Following his blockbusting display against Aston Villa, Andy 'Avatar' Carroll was destined for stardom,' titters John Paul Barry
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'I dare say Newcastle's new messiah,' sighs Douglas French
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'Swing when you’re winning,' roars Paul Berry
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'A melancholic Shearer is hauled away as a new angel inherits his crown,' writes Jason Froggett
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'As the third goal settled into the back of the net, Andy Carroll’s 15 minutes of notoriety began,' writes Dave Hill
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'Andy Carroll has that certain something that marks him out as a future England star,' writes Rob Moline. 'An inexplicable injury during international week that didn't trouble him for the full 90 minutes the previous weekend and won't trouble him for the full 90 minutes the following weekend'
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'Carroll is a man often described as an 'old school' No9,' reckons Gary Ellis. 'However, he's been around longer than most, as this archive pic shows. Maybe Brown Ale is the elixir of life?'
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'Tyneside authorities were quick to quash any potential over-excitement,' parps Jeremy Thomson
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'Hey Andy, make your granny proud!' och-ayes Brian Banks
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'Since he has the mobility of a soup can, the Geordie gets the Andy Carhol treatment,' chuckles Christopher Thomas
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