Andrei Arshavin

"He stuck around St Petersburg ..." croons Roy Ward. Thankfully, where Mick Jagger went on to murder a Tsar and his ministers in the next line, Arshavin will settle for a move to England. Photograph: x

Gary Burns snapped Andrei trying on Chelsea's away kit. Photograph: x

Alfonso Evira serves up the inevitable. We're just loving Arsène Wenger as Emilio Largo (even if he didn't appear in the original From Russia with Love). Photograph: x

A curious, if diverting effort from Adrian Moore. Photograph: x

"Arshavin often entertains the fans during warm up by carrying a life-size ventoliquist's dummy of Peter Crouch around the pitch with him," chortles Will Parker, who may not have done any actual Photoshopping for this effort. Photograph: x

There had to be one, and on this occasion it had to be Laurence Jones. "Andrei's advertising deals come flooding in after Euro 2008," he sniggers with childlike glee. Photograph: x

And then along comes Reuben Duffy to lower the tone that little bit further. "Arsène poised for Arshavin," he guffaws. Photograph: x

"Please sir, can I have some more (money)," begs Andrei in Alan Neill's effort. Photograph: x

"Andrei was delighted to pay back the manager who gave him his shot at the big time," titters Rob Calver. Photograph: x

Roman Abramovich has sent out minions to bring Arshavin back to Chelsea, if Chris McMillan is to be believed Photograph: x

And there's just about room for one more effort from Alfonso Elvira. We genuinely have no idea why Lenin appears to be hosting the auction. Or why Abramovich looks quite so constipated. Photograph: x