IT WAS A HUNDRED YEARS AGO TODAY …
So Everton didn’t start the Twenties particularly well, did they? The 1920s, that is. The first match of that roaring era saw the Toffees miss two penalties against Sheffield Wednesday in the league. Then a few days later they played their first FA Cup tie of the new decade, and went down miserably at second-tier Birmingham after passing up a series of decent chances. Whether things have improved much a century on, after a supine loss at Manchester City, and then that, against Liverpool, a mid-table rabble from the Professional U23 Development League, is a moot point. It’s up to you to decide, The Fiver’s not getting involved.
To be fair, Everton certainly improved during the previous Twenties, and by the end of the decade they’d gone on to win the league … after which they embarked on a berserk four-year journey of getting themselves relegated, winning the second division, winning the first division, and then landing a Cup. So if ancient history is any guide, Evertonians only have to show some patience for a few years and they’ll be top of the tree again before long. Admittedly they’ve been repeatedly sold this empty promise since 1988, and perhaps the true harbinger is that relegation season, in which case they’ll need to brace themselves for a first period outside the top flight since 1954. It could be either, it could be both. Or it could be yet another long series of mid-table non-events. Like we say, The Fiver’s not making any calls.
Changes need to be made, though, that much we know. For example, back in the old Twenties, Everton could rely on Dixie Dean in attack. One time he fell off his motorbike and broke lots of bits of his skull, nearly killing himself in the process. He ended the season with 21 goals in 27 games. By comparison, Theo Walcott was recently bundled on to a stretcher after the ball pinged off his face. His response to that setback? A couple of decent crosses in the first half at Anfield, which counted as a glorious return to form apparently. His second-half cross to an apparition by the corner flag, when Everton were two real people against one in the middle, was much more like it.
All of which may explain why Carlo Ancelotti left Anfield muttering darkly about “solutions”, and has subsequently been linked with a January loan bid for James Rodríguez. You can see the logic in this, and not just because Henry the vacuum cleaner would be a decent upgrade on what they’ve got out on the wing right now, never mind a world-famous Real Madrid star. See, let’s be realistic, going back to the 1920s just isn’t scientifically possible. But pretending it’s 2014 again is much less of a conceptual leap.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I can understand that there is a disappointment in Malmö, but it crosses all boundaries when you vandalise the statue in the way that has happened” – Hakan Sjostrand, secretary general of the Swedish FA, responds after a statue of Zlatan Ibrahimovic was toppled by fans of his former club.
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FIVER LETTERS
“I had real trouble figuring out why The Fiver’s Christmas special arrived in my mailbox several uncharacteristic hours early. Diligence? Nope. Extra staff to process the important awards? Ha! Then I scrolled down to see that The Fiver was off on holiday for several weeks. Ah, there it is – a quick escape when The Man ain’t watching” – Mike Wilner.
“So The Fiver runs out of festive Tin and you return on Epiphany – a day that celebrates a child being revealed to the world. Well, you’re too late. Big Jürgen beat you to the punch by 24 hours when kids attending the Klopp kindergarten were allowed out for play-time at Anfield” – Mark McFadden.
“I’m surprised that the pharmaceutical industry hasn’t invented a drug to counter the spontaneity dysfunction caused by VAR. Imagine Varagra, the little blue rectangular pill that can help make watching football enjoyable again. The most common side-effect: an irrational aversion to armpits” – Peter Oh.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Peter Oh.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Former West Germany keeper Hans Tilkowski, who played in the 1966 World Cup final against England, has died at the age of 84.
Port Vale striker Tom Pope – who we spoke to last week before he scored in the Cup defeat at Manchester City – could be subject to an FA investigation over a series of posts on Social Media Disgrace Twitter. When asked by a fan to “predict the World War III result”, Pope tweeted: “We invade Iran then Cuba then North Korea then the Rothschilds are crowned champions of every bank on the planet.”
Poor Roberto. West Ham are splurging £4m on Middlesbrough’s Darren Randolph to bolster their reserve goalkeeping ranks.
Aston Villa and Newcastle find themselves in a situation where both are considering a deal to sign Glenn Murray from Brighton.
After an embarrassing French Cup defeat against amateurs Saint-Pryvé Saint-Hilaire, Toulouse have shown the door to coach Antoine Kombouaré.
And fellow minnows JS Saint-Pierroise, who made the 9,000km journey from Réunion for their own last-64 date at Niort, are still celebrating after dumping the Ligue 2 side out on their backsides. “What we are doing is historic,” cheered their match-winner Ryan Ponti. “I don’t even have the words.”
STILL WANT MORE?
Sam Kerr’s crunching welcome and the rest of the talking points from the WSL weekend, as penned by Rachel Brown-Finnis.
They began 2020 on just 10 points but Wu Lei’s late goal to secure a 2-2 draw with Barcelona suggests Espanyol can save themselves in La Liga, writes Sid Lowe.
Adam Lallana, Wayne Rooney, Aaron Wilbraham and poor old Claudio Bravo: talking points from the FA Cup and 10 of them.
A glut of Englishmen in the Premier League golden boot race suggests Harry Kane, robbed from Humility Man by hamstring-twang, should not count on his England shirt, reckons Martin Laurence.
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