Dear Uncle Agony,
I can feel your pain. I saw all the effort that you have put in to earn people's affection. You now start most meetings by taking selfies. During a recent trip up North, you clung tightly to a scanty tribal swing apparently thinking it would give a majestic photo op but you came down with a hurt wrist. You even launched a Facebook page, which became popular for a few days just because it attracted so many antagonistic comments and so much ridicule.
Atiya Achakulwisut is a columnist, Bangkok Post.
Someone like you has deigned to play cute, only to end up as an online meme. Is it worth it, Uncle?
I see how you justify wanting to stay on a little longer by telling yourself the country needs you and your band of brothers, or it will fall apart. You have probably envisaged yourself as one of those heroes -- Batman, Spiderman or Ironman -- who sacrifice their peace of mind to maintain that of others. You risked your life plotting the clandestine takeover. You got rid of the "bad guys" and you only wish to hang in there to prevent them from returning to wreak havoc to the country.
But it seems you are being seen as a bad guy yourself. How could such a well-intended desire generate such criticism, you must wonder. Some people call you a deceiver. Others label you an insatiable power grabber. A slim majority of participants to the latest opinion poll even suggested that you shouldn't enter the race. This is after most if not all of them had been overtly favourable to you. Do you think you will be able to weather this turnaround?
Uncle, I hope you won't be mad but the way you are entering the contest is not awe-inspiring. Indeed, it's cheeky. It's not just that you are reneging on your own words that the takeover would not last long and you would be on your way out soon, but you are taking every possible advantage over other contestants even when you already enjoy the upper hand.
It seems you will be acting as both referee and player, after already working the crowd before the other teams are even allowed into the arena. This is on top of you being the one who oversaw the writing of the rules. Uncle, it's not fair. I am sure you know it. You gave yourself an early start before the gun sounded. It may be an expedient, even sure way to win, but it's shameful. Do you want to be remembered as someone who outmanoeuvred others with dirty tricks, not strength of character or popularity?
Unless you do something befitting -- quit the race and let professional players have a go or join it in a fair and gentlemanly manner -- you will compromise the sanctity of the game itself. That would be a shame not just for you but for the entire country.
Your plan to ride to the finish line on the back of other uncles, veterans in the game of numbers, is not looking good. Some of the uncles may know the field well but the line for this race has been drawn. It will be largely between democracy and dictatorship. You do have a strong base but it might not be enough. How can you or the old hands turn those who don't like your style into supporters? It appears unlikely.
In fact, one of those veteran uncles is currently experiencing the bitter taste of rejection after he went back on his own words not to run in the contest again. Do you believe the rejected will be able to give you the push you need?
Even your status as one of the country's top entertainers is being challenged. You have given the people how many ballads of your own glory? Two, three, five? As well as occasional poems and weekly monologues to complement your uncannily loose tongue.
Your masterpiece, Return Happiness to Thailand, has received 2.5 million views after more than four years. That is not bad at all. But all of a sudden, that angry rap song, Prathet Ku Mee, which seems to deny everything you said, came out of nowhere and took the country by storm. It has received 28 million views so far. Well, your song may not be too bad but theirs is evidently better. You think you have acted angrily but they managed to get even angrier. And they are winning.
Uncle, the game has not officially started but it already looks like you're in trouble. There is still time. You should think it through.
