Bardic seer Victor Billot on The Duck
Forgiveth our trespasses King Matt the Pretender mounts a small box outside the High Walls of Queens Landing. He cleareth his throat, and announceth: "I hereby petition the Red Empress and the Righteous Duck of the Great Temple to readmit me to the City, in the name of all that is - " But his words are cut short in a mighty cloud of dust and blaring trumpets as he is trampled under the great hooves of a fine Araby steed: Lord Winston returneth! Winston has long wandered the Dreary Nine Lane Highways and Soulcrushing Big Box Retailers of the Grim North. He returns to the Palace in vengeful humour, the Palace where Empress Jabcinda is assailed by suitors who wish for her hand in coalition. Lord Winston dismounts in a leap, crushing once more the unfortunate pretender King Matt underfoot. "Who dares to deny me entrance? Who bars the city gates to the former Deputy Emperor, maker of Queens, scourge of unruly tribesmen, defender against the Asiatic hordes, nemesis of the Woke PC Flying Pink Unicorns?" Up on the ramparts, behind a cancel squad of Pink Unicorns, the Hallowed Duck has emerged from his chambers. "Ahem," shouts down the Revered Duck from his coign of vantage. "You have tarried with the rebels and the muck flingers, and are thus cast into Outer Darkness, Lord Winston!" So the rebels outside the gates did screech their dissent and fling handfuls of muck; and the lawful burghers of Lambton Quay did rattle their latte glasses in concordance. But lo! There is a commotion on the High Keep. The Most Sanctified Duck has been called to a short meeting with the Red Empress. There is the sound of quacking, and a cloud of feathers floateth upon the gentle zephyr. Lo, and so it was the Red Empress came forth and addressed the rebels, and she spake gently to Lord Winston; "Old friend, you have served the realm well, and may yet serveth it again. You may once again stride the Place of Courtney, and partaketh of the juicy steaks at the Green Parrot. OPEN THE GATES OF THE CITY TO LORD WINSTON!" Victor Billot has previously felt moved to compose Odes for such luminaries as Mike Hosking, Ashley Bloomfield, Clarke Gayford, Brian Tamaki, Dr Siouxsie Wiles, and Garrick Tremain.
