New Zealand's all but in name poet laureate composes an ode for National's leader
The last stand of Lady Oravida
Hark! The trumpets clamour across
the foul gloom’d dawn of Breakfast TV.
Ere on all sides was I surrounded,
by giggling ruffians, decrepit Thanes,
pink non-binary unicorns with their
little rainbow puffs exploding on my head.
From the blaze and poke of battle,
a figure strode, an Amazon of luxurious
and curl’d locks. Didst my eyes lie?
Hold, Proud Creature! I did declaim.
Stand down and sheathe thy blood’d cutlass!
Why will thou not cut also at the Red Queen,
Cindy the Unctuous, with such eager passion?
Wherefore dost thou assail me rudely on the status
of my plague masque, or my good relations with
the People of the Sun-drenched Southern Isles?
I am the rightful Queen! Not that Pretender,
that gurning Imposter with her daily sermons
and learn’d diagrams! I am the Rightful Queen,
from the House of Blue, the banner of yeomen,
and merchants, and the better type of serf!
My foe replieth not to my hot-temper’d
demands; and badgered me relentless.
O yes! I will answer my own query, Dear Fiend,
I shouted back, a red mist verily descending
over my vision at such provocation:
Thou mercenary, thou coin-grubbing hireling
of the State–subsidised Woke Media Conspiracy!
Fall back, good countryfolk! Retreat, in good order!
So I withdrew from the crimson stain’d field,
and hitcheth a lift on a passing 36-wheeler cart.
Then with fell sorcery, I called upon
my jet-black Ravens to flap relentless to all corners
of this war–wrack’d Queendom, with grim tweets
forewarning of the Mighty and Just Revenge
that I desireth so, so, so, badly.
Victor Billot has previously been moved to write odes for such New Zealand luminaries as Duncan Garner, Billy Te Kahika, Simeon Brown, Jacinda Ardern, David Clark, and Garrick Tremain.
