New Zealand's ersatz poet laureate composes an ode for lockdown rogue Billy Te Kahika
A Queendom Divided
Queen Cindy the Kind appeareth
on her balcony far above the rude clamour
of the town square many cubits below.
Petals gently flutter, stirred only
by airborne pink non-binary unicorns
circling at an appropriate social distance.
A blast of trumpets! The Queen steps up
and waves down at very small distant figures.
“Ahem! Fellow countrymen, womyn,
indeed all mannereth of divers pronouns!
Loyal subjects, we have contained
the Great Plague. The realm is secure!”
Yet despite this happy vision of concord,
a worm gnaws the perfect apple of State.
The citizens parteth and flee;
and through their midst march a band
of bedraggled ruffians making a hullabaloo.
A saucy fellow steppeth out from the mob.
“O Queen! We refuseth your freedom muzzles!
We rejecteth your pox elixir, and tinctures!
We place our faith in the Almighty,
garlic and refusing to wash but once a year.”
The Queen frowneth, and is discontented.
“O William T K Junior, O Vincent of Eastwood,
but wherefore art not in thy bubble today?
Why dost thou lead these folk about the streets?
Be gone!”
A posse of burly Sheriff’s Men intercedes
and snatcheth William and his selfie stick.
To the Tower! Lo, and so in those dark days
thus the Dominion was cleaved between
the sensible townsfolk and some mighty halfwits.
Victor Billot has previously been moved to write odes for such New Zealand luminaries as Simeon Brown, Jacinda Ardern, Todd Muller, Phil Twyford, Mike Hosking, and Garrick Tremain.
