CARA-BOOOOO CUP
While the desperation of many football fans to be offended by things of indiscernible consequence seems limitless, the Fiver did at least think some sort of line may be drawn when it came to the scheduling for the third round draw of this season’s Carabao Cup. Not the scheduling of the third round of this season’s Carabao Cup … but the scheduling of the actual draw for it, which is slated to take place in Beijing later this week, at stupid o’clock in the morning for those of us in Blighty with an interest in which of the 32 balls involved get paired with each other.
The news that some British fans will either have to set their alarms to follow the Carabao Twitter feed to find out who their team will play or else – nurse, the screens! - simply wait until they wake up and find out at their own convenience a few hours later has caused howls of outrage in some quarters of cyberspace, prompting all sorts of grumbles from the kind of people whose baffling agitation over such nonsense would suggest they have far more important things to worry about.
“In staging it in this way it will give the competition both the maximum exposure in the UK, Chinese and south-east Asian markets,” droned an EFL statement, explaining why the draw for the competition is being moved to China. “This is not only an important factor for the EFL but also our new sponsors Carabao, who, like ourselves, plan to use the growing global appeal of the competition to reach new audiences.” Curiously, the draw will not actually be televised in Britain, China or anywhere else, a state of affairs that seems somewhat at odds with the desperation of all involved to reach new audiences, but anyone desperate enough to follow events from China can do so on the social media feed of a sickly sweet Thai energy drink that is named after a Filipino water buffalo. And the irony? Those fanatically interested enough to stay awake until 4.15am (BST) on Thursday will almost certainly probably do so with the aid of an intravenous drip of coffee or a can or two of Red Bull.
This is not the first time this season a Carabao Cup draw has caused controversy. Not is it the second. A graphic flashed up following the first spin of the tombola had Charlton playing two different teams, while confusion reigned following the second over which teams were playing at home and which were away. This consistent inability to get things right in what should be a very straightforward League Cup procedure is a little baffling, considering no less a thundering orange-haired imbecile as the current president of the United States of America managed to help conduct it without incident in 1991. “It’s a great game, I love soccer … in high school I played soccer,” said the man who has since claimed to be “America’s greatest defender and most loyal champion”. Oh dear.
ON BIG WEBSITE TONIGHT
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Our chances are not so great but anything can happen. But to be realistic, Celtic will be going through” – fighting talk from Astana manager Stanimir Stoilov ahead of his side’s Champions League play-off second leg against Celtic.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Is anyone else puzzled by the Barcelona strategy (mes que un mess and all that) of replacing a world-class striker Neymar with as many midfielders as possible (Everton reject Deulofeu, Spurs reject Paulinho, maybe Liverpool not reject Coutinho)?” - Noble Francis.
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BITS AND BOBS
Samir Nasri has supped up in the Manchester City last chance saloon and strolled out of the door to join Antalyaspor.
Leeds United’s New Zealand striker Chris Wood is now Burnley’s New Zealand striker Chris Wood following a £15m move.
Leicester City have condemned the homophobic chanting that took place against Brighton & Hove Albion.
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RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Join Max Rushden, Jacob Steinberg, Paolo Bandini and pod debutant Ed Aarons for this week’s Football Weekly!
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Get your piping hot home-brewed family-size transfer rumours right here.
Saint-Étienne have got their joie de vivre back thanks to Oscar Garcia, write Adam White and Eric Devin.
Jeremy Alexander heads down to the Broadfield Stadium to find out what Harry Kewell is up to with Crawley.
Dortmund ditch Dembélé dilemma, Bayern batter Bayer, Müller’s miserable moment and other alliterative events in Andy Brassell’s Bundesliga blög.
VAR! Huh. What is it good for? Abso… well, quite a few things on Serie A opening weekend, writes Paolo Bandini.
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