COMING SOON
During four years in charge of his country Mr Roy got lots of money for himself and gave the rest of the world a tremendous laugh but only now is the nature of his service to England becoming clear. As clubs around Europe rev up for the start of a new season, and football watchers far and wide slowly recover from the epic giggle fit triggered by England’s performance against Iceland, it looks clear Mr Roy’s greatest achievement to his homeland during his time as the Three Lions’ ringleader was to shock and appal FA wonks so badly that they finally agreed to embrace Big Sam Allardyce.
For years the FA shunned Allardyce as if employing him would be an act of embarrassing uncouthness on a par with ordering bubble and squeak at a Uefa gala. The man’s lack of silverware could be tolerated, but his reluctance to brown-nose was a concern. Not any more, though, thanks to the sheer comprehensiveness of Mr Roy’s failure. After 46 years of hurt, it only took Mr Roy four unsuccessful years to wind the English football clock back to Year Zero. England are not trying to impress anyone else anymore, they’re just learning how to look at themselves in the mirror again. If that means being confronted by Sam’s mug on a regular basis, then so be it. It doesn’t matter any more if FA blazers find that hard to countenance. The FA has realised, at last, that the point is that opponents won’t relish it either.
At least that’s what The Fiver is deducing from the fact that the FA board has given its approval to the appointment of Allardyce as England’s new manager, as recommended by a three-man panel of Martin Glenn, Dan Ashworth and David Gill, and following a stringent interview process and an exhaustive search of Sunderland and Hull. However, the appointment has not yet been confirmed because the FA has so far been unable to negotiate an appropriate compensation package with Sunderland, who are presumably worried that losing their manager at this juncture could leave them going into a new campaign looking like a team totally devoid of a coherent plan and mental agility. And as Mr Roy has already forced the FA to concede, no one wants to look like that.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I had to ring up some of the lads’ bosses last week. I said: ‘Look, they’re not just representing Connah’s Quay, they’re representing Wales – I need you to give them some time off work’” – Andy Morrison, the Nomads’ manager, looks ahead to their Big Vase qualifying second leg at home to Vojvodina on Thursday night. Here’s the full interview by Nick Ames.
RECOMMENDED VIEWING
Goalkeepers of a nervous disposition, look away now.
FIVER LETTERS
“Re: Taxpayers FC (Fiver letters passim). I’ll have you know that in Kenya, where I hail from, we have a team that is owned by our Revenue Collection Authority. Its name is Ushuru FC (which means ‘tax’ in Swahili) and they have no official sponsors, other than the Revenue Authority itself. This is the real Taxpayers FC, don’t you think?” – Michael Obimo.
“Daniel Agger’s comments on Mr Roy’s attack v defence training (yesterday’s Quote of the Day) seem to validate how effective these sessions actually were. England in Euro 2016 pretty much played every game with ‘eight players attacking [who] were just faffing around’” – Bill Iliffe.
“Re: cereal behaviour (Fiver letters passim). I’ve put orange juice (with bits) on my cereal, with yoghurt, every morning for the past 30 years” – Eileen Rogers.
“My German girlfriend’s father, who in every other respect is quite normal, likes to pour orange juice over his porridge. Weird? Probably. Even my girlfriend finds that odd” – Colin Hodgkinson.
“Thanks so much for the insertion of the Da Hool video into yesterday’s last line. The moves performed in the video were eerily reminiscent of those performed by Sergio Ramos before dropping the Copa del Rey trophy a few years ago” – Steven Mintz.
“Re: ‘many things that, in 2016, are long overdue’ (yesterday’s Fiver). May I be the first of the 1,057 pedants to point out that a funny edition of The Fiver should have been included in, and probably headed, any list of long overdue things?” – Diego García (and no others).
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day is … Bill Iliffe, who receives a copy of The Unbelievables, by David Bevan. We’ve got more to give away all week, so get typing.
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BITS AND BOBS
Having held talks into the early hours of Thursday – presumably while catching up on re-runs of the Jerry Springer Show – Liverpool and Newcastle have settled on a £25m deal for Georginio Wijnaldum to head Anfield-wards.
Juventus and Everton are set for a battle over Newcastle’s £35m Moussa Sissoko, or so it says here. A tough choice and no mistake.
Payday-loan touters Wolves are in the market for a more-glamorous-than-Kenny-Jackett manager, after their £45m Chinese takeover went through. But it won’t be Julen Lopetegui, who’s weighed up his options and chosen Spain instead. Anyone got Sven’s number?
Former Harrow housemaster David Elleray is tipping video replays for “match changing situations” by 2018. “We want to focus on those key decisions that are clearly wrong,” he tutted. “There will always be decisions that are subjective.”
Chelsea’s upbeat France defender Kurt Zouma says he’ll be back from ligament-twang inside two months. “I don’t have pain, which is great,” he cheered. “I’ve been working alone for a while and now I’m training, learning and improving.”
Pep Guardiola has twigged the downside of working for owners who everyone knows are worth £20bn. “There’s a difference between [Manchester] City and Schalke over [the value of] Leroy Sané, and it’s quite big,” he sighed. “I just don’t know what’s going to happen.”
Bored Mr 15% Mino Raiola says there’s no Paul Pogba deal done yet. Just “lots of bla bla bla”.
Having lost N’Golo Kanté, Leicester have now been relieved of their director of football, Steve Walsh.
The Queen’s Celtic’s plucky European run continues after they overcame Lincoln Red Imps 3-1 on aggregate in their Big Cup qualifier. Next stop: Astana.
And Juventus have stuck Dinamo Zagreb’s Marko Pjaca on a treadmill to see what happens; Mario Götze has rejoined Borussia Dortmund on a four-year deal; and Marseille’s Brice Dja Djedje says he’s signed for Watford because “it allows me to set foot in the Premier League”.
STILL WANT MORE?
Neymar’s XXX acting, rabona of the week and more: it’s Classic YouTube.
Football Weekly is heading back to Manchester. Get tickets to see AC Jimbo and co here.
On soccerball and rivalries there. By Terrence F Ross.
And some more archive reading: Rob Smyth on Sam Allardyce, from 2006, plus this interview in 2003.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. AND INSTACHAT TOO!
