"I'm not surprised he's put 'How To Disappear Completely' on his mix… I tried not to think too hard about the lyrics, about Hayden sitting there putting together this mix before making his final decision. I hated imagining him wanting to fade away like that."
"For Sam, listen, and you'll understand" it said. Those were Hayden's last words to his best friend. Before he took the pills, and washed them down with the alcohol; before he took his last breath; before he passed on to the dark unknown.
A playlist as an explanation for taking away his life. That was the only thing Hayden left his best friend with. The best friend that blames himself. For everything. For the worst kind of death.
And at the end, Hayden hopes Sam will understand. That inside the lyrics of the songs they listened to when his heart still beat, Sam will see the reasons that tormented Hayden's mind until he could no longer handle it all any more. Until he could no longer make himself live any longer- until his 'Why Not' reasons became shorter and shorter than his list of 'Why'.
But can you really make sense of something so unknown as death?
Playlist for the Dead is a mediocre book, mostly due to the fact that I was expecting something out of this world, I guess. There was something about the story that made it lose that authentic feel that stories like this one should have, like Thirteen Reasons Why has.
I kept feeling like Sam was thinking these things, and saying that he was feeling these things, but for some reason, I didn't believe him. I didn't believe that he was feeling even a fraction of what he was narrating, and the book had so many elements in it, small or big, that it, well, barely touched the main subject: Haydn and Sam's friendship.
This is why I found the story so hard to believe. All I got was resentment about not having more friends than just each other, then spending all their time arguing with each other (which is extremely understandable, but still) and then claiming that they needed something in their lives that wasn't shared between the two of them. So, where was the friendship that I was missing out on?
Although it lacked that last emotional kick, Playlist for the Dead is definitely worth a read! The characters are well thought out, and they're not perfect, which makes them all the more realistic.
The storyline is pretty great too – a good, one time read! I highly recommend listening to the playlist while reading, for the authenticity to kick in, and maybe get an idea of what Hayden was going through!
• Buy this book at the Guardian Bookshop.
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