PUDDING, STARTER, MAIN. IN THAT ORDER
In a fascinating interview published today, top marksman Robert Lewandowski talks to the Fiver’s favourite German, gut vernetzter, Die Roten fan and urbane man about London town, Raphael Honigstein, through a selection of his high-profile career goals for The Athletic. With 297 of them to his name in 331 matches for Bayern Munich alone, there were plenty to choose from and barely a fallrückzieher, finte, abseits or zuckerpass went unremarked upon as the world’s best No 9 discussed the finer points of the craft he has mastered better than any other current player.
Lewandowski clearly loves a challenge, whether it’s carrying the Poland national team on his back, scoring five goals in nine minutes after coming off the Bayern bench to overturn a deficit, or banging in 41 across an entire Bundesliga season to break a longstanding record many thought untouchable. Heck, the 32-year-old and his wife once set themselves the task of revolutionising their dinner time, as he famously explained in an interview with Tageszeitung.
“As desserts are sweet, they can be digested quicker,” he explained, after revealing he eats his pudding first, followed by his starter then his main. “Soups too. But proteins take longer to digest. If I eat something sweet at the end and it mixes with the protein in my stomach, then it’s harder to process as well. My wife suggested it to me. She’s a fitness coach and has a great deal of expertise about how the body works.”
This morning, it emerged that Lewandowski apparently wants a new, unspecified challenge in news deemed so important it was given pride of place on the Sky Sports News rolling yellow ticker o’ breaking news. While the player himself has not made any public pronouncements on the matter, the presenters and their viewers were left to surmise that the challenge in question would be of a footballing nature, rather than an ambitious attempt to circumnavigate the world in an inflatable rubber dinghy purchased from the middle aisle at Lidl.
Due to celebrate his 33rd birthday on Saturday and under contract at Bayern for another two years, Lewandowski is believed to fancy a move elsewhere before he turns 35. But Fiver sources “understand” that Bayern have made it clear any club that wants to take him on board will have to stump up £110m, which is a rather steep price for anyone approaching their footballing dotage. What’s more, Lewandowski is believed to have no desire to sour his relationship with the club he has served so well, nor any plans to throw his rattle out of the pram in order to force a move. In a nutshell, the chances of him lining out for Yeovil Town anytime soon seem rather unlikely and this seems little more than a storm in a teacup.
On the subject of players throwing their rattle out of the pram in order to force a move, talk on Sky of a potential transfer for the world’s greatest player naturally turned to Harry Kane and what this revelation might mean for him. Nothing whatsoever seemed to be the common consensus, but one suspects the news from Germany will have had a certain Tottenham chairman smirking over his Cheerios.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I don’t want people to be saddened if I forget places, people or dates because you need to remember I enjoyed all those memories and I am lucky to have experienced what I have in my life ... a loving and supportive family, a great career doing what I loved and getting paid to do it and lifelong friends” – Denis Law, who has announced his diagnosis of mixed dementia.
FIVER LETTERS
“Wondering if you could Fill Me In? It appears that you had a little Rewind in Wednesday’s letters. The Fiver finally came up with a Once in a Lifetime witty response to Barrie David’s letter from last Thursday when you republished it yesterday. Any chance that you were taken for a drink on Tuesday?” – Iain Goodwin (and 1,056 others – although this response was Slicker Than Your Average).
“In a vain effort to get at least one laugh yesterday, I read all the way to the end of The Fiver, only to see ‘RIP Sean Lock.’ The world, like The Fiver, seems to get a little less funny with every passing day” – Justin Kavanagh.
“Re: Aaron Ramsdale joining Arsenal. Does he really want the ignominy of becoming the first player to be relegated from the Premier League in three consecutive seasons with three different clubs?” – Neil Bage.
“You know the people who go to football and don’t do anything constructive or commendable, but instead write on a bit of cardboard, ‘[Player name] can I have your shirt?’, and don’t put please at the end? That really annoys me. Can I have a copy of The Hard Yards, please?” – John Scott.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner is John Scott, who asked nicely and gets a copy of The Hard Yards: A Season in the Championship, Football’s Toughest League by Nige Tassell. It’s available in hardback from today and we have more to give away.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Football Weekly Extra is here! The podders chat Harry Kane, Arsenal incomings and much more. Get listening.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
The former Afghanistan women’s captain, Khalida Popal, has warned that players in the country must burn their kits and delete photos to avoid reprisals from the Taliban. In other news, it has been reported that Zaki Anwari, a men’s youth international, died after falling from a plane at Kabul airport on Monday.
Newcastle’s Joe Willock is the latest player to urge social media platforms to do more to tackle racism, revealing that he receives “disgusting” abuse every day.
Jürgen Klopp has urged Liverpool fans not to repeat the homophobic chants aimed at Norwich’s Billy Gilmour last weekend. “It’s easy to decide not to sing the song any more,” Klopp said. “I’m not sure if people listen to me but it would be nice. I don’t want to hear it any more, for so many reasons.”
Here’s a trio of transfer tales, courtesy of Ben Fisher. Arsenal’s on-off move for Aaron Ramsdale is very much back on; Gary Cahill is heading to Bournemouth; and Harry Kane is still not going anywhere – and certainly not to Portugal for tonight’s Big Shield match.
Marcelo Bielsa is not planning to make any further Leeds signings in this transfer window. “The situation is to find players who can overcome the players we already have and at a low price. But a low price also means a ‘high price’,” he mused.
Harvey Barnes has signed a new four-year Leicester contract. “I’ve been here for so many years now, it feels like home. For me, it was a no-brainer,” he tooted.
And in big kit news, Napoli have unveiled swanky new shirts designed by Armani. Meanwhile, Manchester City’s new third kit, part of an ill-advised set of new Puma designs, is a bit more Sergio Giorgini.
STILL WANT MORE?
“Being with my back against the wall is something that I experienced since my youngest age,” said Chelsea’s new recruit Romelu Lukaku, as he got his chat on with Jacob Steinberg.
Italy cleaned up at the Euros and Olympics, but high-profile departures have hit Serie A over the summer. Can the league bounce back, ponders Nicky Bandini.
Was the late Gerd Müller the greatest of all time? The prolific goal poacher features in this week’s YouTube roundup, so that tells you something.
In something of a niche shout-out, Big Website wants to hear from Wrexham fans.
Catch up with the latest moves in our women’s and men’s transfer interactives.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
